NEVER GOODBYE (An Albany Boys Novel) (22 page)

              The lights are bright and I’m awake enough to understand I’m in the hospital. The nurse says I’m in the Northwest Medical Center and she is trying to be really nice, but I’m way too exhausted to care. I feel her prodding me with a needle and then, for some ungodly reason, she is attacking the other arm and I open my eyes to see why. Apparently I’m too dehydrated for her to get a vein in the first time. Great, so even my veins are thirsty. I completely understand their pain.

              I don’t know how long I’m there, how long the nurse is there, but the next time I open my eyes I actually feel so much better. I look at the near empty bag connected to my arm, the same arm as I had my chemo in, and I smile. Whatever is in it is a blessing.

              “They gave you Zofran to stop the nausea,” April says. She sounds tired. Dad’s up out of his chair and over my bed, smiling.

              “Hey,” he sighs.

              “Hey, Dad. When can we go home?”

              He strokes my forehead and I swear I get goosebumps. It’s the first touch like that he’s given me in over a year and I smile. I really smile.

              “That’s your second bag. They said that once the second bag was finished and you woke up we could go. We were just waiting for you.”

              “Well, I need to pee and then hopefully I’ll be done and we can go.” I’m actually excited. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still tired, but it’s more body than mind.

              April laughs, “Want me to get you a potty?”

              I give her a stern look and she coos before putting her hands up in surrender. “Just help me up, will ya? As soon as we’re done here I have to call Vaun.”

              Dad is untangling the IV line from the blankets as I get up and I can’t help but keep watching him. I haven’t seen him like this in so long.

              “He called home a few times before we came here,” Dad says indifferently and both April and I freeze until Dad senses something is wrong. “What?”

              I rush, “What did you tell him?”

              “That you were asleep and had a rough night. That you’d call when you were awake. Unfortunately, we ended up here. ”

              I grab April’s wrist and look at her watch. It’s 12:53 pm. Shit. As much as I want to call him I really, really need to pee or I’m going to burst.

Vaun

              Mister Mackenzie would have to be the worst history teacher of all time. His voice drones endlessly in my ear and if I wasn’t so worried about Blue I probably would’ve fallen asleep by now. My hand has a mind of its own, aimlessly doodling on my page. Whenever my imagination turns to what’s happening to Blue, my pen goes through the first layer of paper to the next page.

              I can’t help thinking she has changed her mind about us, that I took things too far for her. She was a virgin and, like the bastard I am, took that from her the first chance she gave. I should have been stronger and waited. It’s just that our feelings are uncontrollable, in or out of the presence of each other. Does this make us a freight train destined for wreckage?

              My pen goes through my page again and my cell’s buzzing in my pocket.

              Shit. I can’t get my hand in my jeans pocket. I almost fall off the side of my chair getting it. Hopefully Mister Mackenzie will keep scribbling on the board so I can look at the caller ID. It says ‘
Blue’.

              I don’t give a frack if I get a detention or ten detentions. I answer that call, rising from my seat so that the chair falls with a loud clash and I pace out the door. This is my second abrupt exit in two days. I’m sure I will be getting a call to the principal’s office. Again, I don’t care. “Are you okay?” I ask, pushing the class door open as Mister Mackenzie yells at my back.

              I know I should say ‘hi’ first, and ‘I miss you’, and all that, but I just need to know if she’s okay. If she is, everything else will be okay.

              “I’m more than okay.”

              I sigh into a locker and roll so my forehead feels the cool steel. “Good … Hi.”

              She chuckles and it’s sings to my soul. “Hi.”

              “So, what’s happening? Why aren’t you here by my side making sure I stay out of trouble?”

              She laughs hard this time and I smile. She says, “I doubt anyone could keep you from meeting with trouble if you set your mind to it. In fact, I think you might get
me
into all kinds of trouble if I let you.”

              I don’t know if that is true, but I like that she’s playing with me. I actually think that I would do anything she wanted, be who she wanted, if it means she is with me. Yet one of the things I love about her is her acceptance of
me
.

              “I want to see you,” I tell her, not hiding my desperation.

I hear her sigh as she replies, “Me too. I’m home now, April will be heading home very soon and Dad had to go to work since he had this morning off, so I thought maybe you would like to come have dinner with Benny and me.”

I push from the locker with a new energy, heading for my truck. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

“We could order some pizza or I can cook?”

“No. I’ll pick up Ben for you, go to the Hy-Vee and grab some stuff. Ben and I will cook dinner. How does that sound?”

She laughs like the Blue I know and I feel like everything is fine again.

“Okay. Not until he finishes school though. Or you.”

Damn. I stop in my tracks, my sneakers squeaking against the over buffed, tired linoleum that is our halls. “I’m just heading to the nursery to make sure Ed and Winnie are fine with closing and I’ll move the delivery in. If I do it now I have tonight free.”

“Okay. I’ll see you both about four-ish?”

“Can’t wait.” And that’s the truth.

“Me either.”

I don’t want to end the call and I don’t want to be one of those chumps who say ‘you hang up first’. But I’m close.             

“Love you, Vaun Campbell.”

“I loved you first.” Thank frack she lets me off.

She laughs, hangs up and I stand at my locker with a big grin on my face because she loves me and she lets me love her.

***

I’m almost too late to grab Ben before he’s on the bus. One of the parents glance at me like I’m going to kidnap him so I tell him to hurry before she alerts a teacher and I’m denied from picking him up. I’m pretty sure there’s a policy thing in place and I don’t need that kind of trouble or time delay.

Ben’s excited, but edgy and I don’t know if it’s because his sister’s boyfriend is taking him to the grocer or what. I probe a little in the car, but he’s like a closed book just like his sister. What in hell is going on with this family?

Shaking it off, Ben spills a tale about a boy in school who’s a bit of a douche and keeps picking on a little red haired girl named Cassidy. He’s so cute as he tries to hide his young crush and I try to hold the smirk back and nod because he’s being serious. Benny’s mirroring my posture, elbow on the sill as he man-talks with me. I kinda get the feeling he wouldn’t talk about this girl to Blue unless he was desperate and I feel a kind of pride that he’s confiding in me. I never had someone who looked up to me like that before and it’s cute. He’s a little version of his big sister.

We pull into the Hy-Vee and both sigh as we hit the air-conditioning inside.

“What are we making?” Ben asks, looking in all directions with his face scrunched, making me chuckle.

“What’s her favorite?”

“No. I hate her favorite.”

I nod, laughing at his wide eyes. “Okay, okay. What’s her favorite anyway? For future reference.”

“Sushi. She eats raw Nemo or Nemo’s friends. She does it right in front of me and I want to scream and throw up.” He pokes his tongue out and is pretending to choke, making me laugh harder. Yep, just like his sister.

“I totally understand, bro. I don’t like the thought of eating Nemo and his friends either. So … what else does she like that we can actually eat?”

“She loves mashed potato. I know when she’s sad she makes mashed potato. Actually, I think Dad called it her comfort food. When they have a bad day, they share a bowl.”

I can picture Blue and her dad at a table in silence over a bowl of steaming, creamy mashed potatoes and bank the information for later.

I realize we are blocking the entry and pull Ben to the side before Lois Wheeler bowls him over. It’s not that she’s mean, she’s just blinder than a mole rat. The woman is dangerous on the road, no joke. The town gets off the road when they see her old Buick coming toward them. The sheriff has taken her license from her; he’s berated her, fined her and even tried to arrest her. He says it’s not worth the paperwork anymore and we all just get on with life with a wary eye out.

“
Whoa
. Are they glasses or binoculars?” Ben whispers.

“Whatever they are, they aren’t enough. Stay clear and you’ll be right.” I pat him on the back, grab a basket and walk toward the fresh veg. “How about we grill out? I feel like some big fat Albany steaks.”

Ben rubs his stomach enthusiastically and nods. “Yeah,” he sings. “And Pizza. Pizza on the grill is the bomb.”

“Pizza? On the grill?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. We can try it.”

“Desert?” Ben nods enthusiastically.

“Oh yeah. Pie,” I say.

“Yeah, pie. We gotta have pie.” Everything becomes perfect when there’s pie.

“Come on. I’m fading away just talkin’ about it.”

We grab what we need, flying down the necessary aisles and avoiding the rest. It’s when we are lining up at the checkout, trying not to cringe at the screams coming from a toddler in front of us, that I feel the tap on the shoulder.

“Vaun?”

I spin and smile, reaching over and hugging the one woman who knew exactly what my mom and I went through right to the very end. Vicky was wonderful when she nursed Mom, always kind and patient.

“Hey, Vick.” She’s in her uniform so I know she’s just finished her shift at the hospital. “How’s things?”

She winks at me. “You know, same ol’, same ol’. Although, I am getting married next year.”

“Wow! To the guy who brought Mom candy that day?”

“Yeah. I think that was the moment I knew I loved him and he was the one,” she says dreamily.

I laugh and know Mom would love to have known they ended up together. Mom would love to know a lot of things. “I got a girl like that. Actually me, and her brother here, are going to make her dinner. She had a tough night and needs some TLC.” I motion to Ben, “This is Ben Kennedy. Ben this here is the best nurse in Albany. If you ever need caring for, this is your woman.” I smile and look at Vicky, who is squinting at Ben.

“Harper Kennedy’s brother?” she asks, her head tilted.

Ben nods, but offers nothing else.

Vicky lowers her grocery basket to the floor and squats in front of Ben and I’m taken aback by her actions, especially when she places her hands on his shoulders and he stiffens. I love this woman, but I have quickly come to love this kid as a brother and I want to step in when she says something that floors me.

“Harper’s a fighter. I know it in my bones. She is going to outlive this timeframe, this disease and live a full life.” She looks up at me and I don’t know what I look like, but she shakes her head, sighing, like I have done something wrong. Then she continues, “Vaun lost his mamma to cancer, but that doesn’t mean anything for Harper. I saw her today when she left and it’s plain to see she’s a victor. I think that’s because she has you guys, your dad and her family to support her. So you keep doing that, okay.”

Ben nods and I want him to say, ‘what are you talking about? That’s not my sister.’ He doesn’t. He actually begins to tear up before using his tee to wipe his eyes. Vicky stands up and gives me that look again.

“You, Vaun Campbell,” She grabs me and hugs me so tight, but I have nothing. There is nothing. I stand there looking at Ben, who is avoiding my eyes, and I fight against the roar that’s building in my chest. “I don’t know why you would want to go through the pain again, but you are a hero. She will need all you have left, but I want you to be careful. You scared a lot of us when you lost your mamma. I don’t want you to get lost again. Got me.” she whispers in my ear.

Is she saying that she doesn’t think Harper will live? She says nothing else and nor do I as she picks up her basket and walks away. I don’t know what to do, what to say. So I do what needs doing and load the basket up, pay for our items and get to the truck.

Ben says nothing, he’s not looking at me and at some point I’m glad because the answers I need are not going to come from him. The anger I have shouldn’t be directed his way either. So it’s a tense, silent ride to Blue’s. Ben is out of the truck and running to the door before I shut the engine off, desperately wanting answers, desperately trying to calm down and desperately fighting the need to start the engine again and get the hell outta Albany.

11

I know

Harper

‘Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.’

Martin Luther King, Jr

              I’m practically jumping with excitement to see him when I hear his truck pull in the drive. A second later Ben flings open the door and gives me the dagger eyes — the look he usually reserves for April when she’s being a bitch. I have no idea why he’s looking at me like this and I don’t have time to ask as he strides straight past me, down the hall and into his room before slamming his door, shaking the couple of photos of our mother on the wall.

             
What in the hell?

              It feels like minutes that I wait by the door, too scared to look out at the truck that has started and stopped twice now. My fear is peaking to its limits as I imagine Benny accidentally spilling, but knowing deep inside he never would. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if it’s something from school, the nursery or me and when I decide to suck it up and go find out. I make it to the open doorway when Vaun is pushing past me with arms filled with grocery bags. He doesn’t look at me and I can’t breathe.