My Once and Future Love (17 page)

Mom was loved by everyone who knew her, a
proverbial ray of sunshine. She made friends easily, was still
beautiful at nearly fifty, and had a fantastic eye for art. I could
tell her anything when I was growing up and her intuition was
usually spot-on. Originally a small-town girl, she loved shopping
in L.A.

We strolled the paint aisle in an art supply
store. She was looking at the watercolors.

“You’ve been quiet today,” she said.

“Have I?”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nothing to tell.” I walked to the brushes to
feel the bristles.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Really, Mom.”

“Hm.” She held up two colors of blue,
comparing. “Did you know Mrs. Lindsey is coming back today?”

“Did she call?” Oh-my-god, what did she
say?

“E-mail.” She put the one in her left hand in
her basket and returned the other to the shelf. “I thought she
might have told you, too, since you’ve become close.”

“I haven’t been on the computer today.” I
swirled a Taklon brush in my palm. At least that wasn’t a lie.

“Oh. I thought you might be hoping Jacob is
coming with her,” she teased.

“Mom…” I put the brush back. “You’re the big
deal in my life right now.”

She sighed. “Let’s go find some stickers to
label your college stuff,” she said, and left the aisle.

Way to remind her about the Big C,
dumbass.

I found her with stickers in hand in the
scrapbooking aisle. She chattered on about needing to mark my stuff
with my name so people would know their boundaries.

“And for anything you take to the shower,
nail polish stays on really well. Do you like these colors of blue?
I know it’s your favorite color.”

“The stickers are fine, Mom. Just no
sparkles.”

“No sparkles. Check. Ooo, the acid-free paper
is on sale…”

I saw the need for a cart coming soon. This
was going to be a long trip.

Once Mom got on the
thinking-about-my-dorm-room kick, we hit a department store for
furnishing my future living space. You’d think I was getting an
apartment by everything she said I needed.

“Mom, I get a bed and a desk. There’s no room
for a beanbag chair.”

“Aww, but they’re fun. Is it a raised
bed?”

“I think so, but my regular stuff has to go
under there, like clothes.”

“Oh! You’ll need cubbies.” She detoured for
the storage containers. “And a mini-fridge!”

I cringed, thinking about her showing Dad the
bill when we got home, and I had nowhere to put this stuff for
weeks.

Then, she went home by going down Jacob’s
street. “Mom, you turned too soon.”

“No, I didn’t. I’m seeing if Vivian is
home.”

Oh, hell… “If she is, you should let her
rest. The jetlag, you know…the eight hour time difference is
harsh.”

“You’re right. She’ll be ready for bed!”

“Yep. Call tomorrow.” I sighed in relief when
Mom turned the corner to go to our house. She and Jacob would not
be in the same room together until he swore to behave.

Must have jinxed myself, for he was sitting
on our porch swing. Contrary bastard.

“Why, Jacob, so nice to see you!” Mom said
when she got out of the car.

I groaned. He was going to eat up her
sweetness.

“Afternoon, Mrs. Lawson. My mother is sorry
she isn’t up to saying hello.”

“That’s alright, dear. I’ll catch her
tomorrow. How is London, with your studies, and the band?”

“Well, it’s not as much fun without Bethie in
the audience, but I make do. Have you been to England, Mrs.
Lawson?”

“No, unfortunately. But for the most part,
I’m more of a homebody. Would you like to come in? I have
fresh-squeezed orange juice.”

“I’m sure Jacob has a
lot
to do, Mom,
with all the packing and cleaning.”

“Oh, I could do with some refreshment. Not
used to this heat, now, you know.”

I glared at him. He grinned, and took the
shopping bags from my mother once she was near so she could unlock
the front door.

He’d been outside long enough to break a
sweat, and lifted the hem of his tee to wipe his face when her back
was turned, exposing his glistening abs. I stuck my nose in the air
and went back to the car to retrieve more bags. He was there to
take them from me, his cologne blooming in the heat.

“I don’t need help.”

“Just bein’ neighborly, baby.”

“Go home.”

“But that would be rude to your mother.”

“I’ll make an excuse,” I said through gritted
teeth.

“Can’t stay mad forever, Beth,” he said, and
sauntered into my house. Damn perfect ass.

I really needed a girl friend I could rant
about boys to
.

Mom picked his ear about the last two years
of his life and kept refilling his glass. I remembered thinking
once that she thought of him as her third child. Shaking my head, I
went back outside to get the rest of the crap we bought. Wasn’t
gonna get done just sitting in the car. At least the mini-fridge
had to be ordered, so I didn’t have to try carrying
that
.

I came back inside to hear:

“…So I’d like to take her out tonight, to
catch up--”

“I’m busy,” I said.

“Elizabeth, it’s rude to interrupt.”

“Sorry, Mom. But I am. Busy. All the stuff we
got has to be prepped and organized.”

“You’re not moving into the dorm tomorrow,
honey. It can wait.”

“Yeah, Bethie. It can wait a day.”

“I’d rather not,” I insisted.
“Procrastination just leads to more bad habits.”

“Spoken like your father.” She sighed, and
shrugged. “Sorry, Jacob.”

“Yep.
Sorry
, Jacob.”

The look he gave me said
this isn’t
over
.

“Give my regards to your mother, dear, and I
hope she’s feeling better in the morning,” Mom said.

“Will do, Mrs. Lawson. Later, Bethie.”

I waved half-heartedly, pulling my new sheets
out for the wash.

“Elizabeth, where are your manners today?
Walk your friend home.”

“
Mom…
I’m in the middle of something
here, and he’s only around the corner.”

She shook her head, frowning, left the room,
and came back with a packaging tape dispenser. “This will make
sealing boxes nice and quick.” She handed it to me.

I handed it to him. “See ya.” I didn’t care
if she chewed me out once he left.

He winked at me and opened the front door. I
went to my room just to make sure he didn’t go around and try the
same trick from this morning.

Today was really giving me a headache.

I locked my window shut that night. The
curtains over my windows were closed, too.

What happened to the sweet boyfriend of
Saturday morning? Did he think he could take me whenever he wanted?
I was starting to regret ever sleeping with him in the first
place.

Chapter Fourteen

Mom walked over to the Lindsey’s Monday
morning with muffins. I took the advantage to go to the college.
Couldn’t be found easily on a campus that large, haha. When I got
home in the evening, I played Scrabble with Dad.

That night was another of wary, but
uninterrupted, sleep. Had I won?

By afternoon, I got curious and peeked
through the holes in the decorative blocks at the top of the fence.
Jacob came out a minute later carrying a box labeled “Goodwill” on
the side. He set it down on the patio, revealing he was working
without a shirt. Stretching his arms above his head, he walked back
inside, leaving the sliding door open.

It was just vanity. He didn’t want to get his
shirts dirty
.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?”

I spun around, clutching my chest. “Nothing.”
I walked back into the house.

“Elizabeth, if you still like the boy, just
tell him.”

Heh…oh, Mom… “I’m not
pining
. Trust
me.”

“Then why were you spying on his house?” She
started making iced tea.

“It’s…we’re having a fight.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “From
London?”

“Kind of. He’s just…really annoying right
now. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, honey. You know I’m here if you want
to talk, right?”

“Yep. But I’ve got this one.”

She smiled and touched my cheek. “You’re so
grown up.”

I blushed. “Mom…” If she started getting
sentimental, then she’d get teary, then I’d get teary, and nobody
needed to see that.

She was a little weird all day. I learned why
when Dad came home.

The surgery was Thursday.

“Short notice,” I said to Mom.

Busy hospital, blah, blah; take the slot when
we could get it, blah, blah… Yes, I absolutely wanted it out of
her, but I also wanted to
prepare
. I spent most of yesterday
in the UCLA library, once I found it, looking up what we’d been
told so far. I just…

I didn’t know how she wasn’t panicking

****

The stars were visible tonight. No marine
layer or haze blocking their twinkling lights. True, only the
brightest shone through the city lights bouncing off the
atmosphere, but I was glad for something to stare at while I lay on
the deck chair in my backyard.

“Hey.” Jacob. Sitting on top of my fence.

“Not a good time,” I said, turning my head
away.

He dropped to the ground. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t share with jerks.”

“I’m sorry.” He shoved his hands in his jeans
pockets. “I came to tell you we’re probably leaving Friday. Turns
out there’s not a whole lot to ship across the Pond.”

“Oh.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

I looked directly at him. “They’re cutting my
mother open Thursday morning. Nothing comes after until I know
she’s alright. I can’t think that far.”

He swore under his breath, sighed, and
crouched on the grass. “I can stay.”

“What about the band, and your
apartment?”

“The band is…well, it stinks. I listened to
the demo, and I know I can’t stand behind that to send to the
record companies. We fought all week and I was glad to escape
here.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Got your own burdens. I’ll land on my feet.
Always do.”

I spun to sit perpendicular on the chair.
“You’ve worked on this for two years. It’s a big deal.”

“Change is inevitable. Maybe it’s a good
thing.” Always the optimist.

“Plenty of famous solo artists.”

“Yep.” He smiled in the dark. “So I can stay.
If you want me to.”

Heart said yes; head said he’d be a
distraction. “I don’t know.” That might’ve come out bad, if I
didn’t sound so confused.

He rose and hugged me. I clung to him and
buried my face in his Obsession-scented neck. He didn’t try to turn
the embrace sexual for once, just rubbed my back and held me. I
wasn’t going to cry.

I’m not going to cry.

“I hate seeing you sad,” he said. “What do
you need?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “This is
good.”

So, we sat, until our butts started to go
numb from sitting on hard plastic, and I remembered why I loved
him.

He softly kissed me, just a brush of his
lips, and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow sometime.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He pulled
away and left, hoisting his body over the wall. I heard the soft
thud of his feet hitting the ground on the other side, and went in
the house.

****

Mom packed her bag for the hospital. I went
for a walk, then hopped on the bus to my favorite burger place to
medicate my troubles with a milkshake.
Chocolate for what ails
you
had been my motto since I was twelve.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Jacob slid into
the booth to sit across from me.

“Hey. How’d you know?”

“Your mum said you didn’t take the car. Only
a few places you’d go on foot. I know my girl.” He hailed a
waitress, waving his hand in her field of view.

“Left your mom with all the packing?”

“Nah. I’ve done most of the heavy lifting.
Loaded her car with boxes to ship before I left.”

I sipped my milkshake. “So, why’d you
come?”

With nothing else in front of his fingers, he
played with a napkin, twisting and shredding it. “Wondered if you
thought about my offer.”

“Jacob, I can’t say…that’s too big to put on
me. Have you discussed it with your mother?”

“Not yet.”

“How long is ‘could stay’, really? Until the
house sells? ‘Til school starts in London? I know you like being
spontaneous, but…”

“Okay. I get it.” He crossed his arms over
his chest and looked away, watching the staff grab plates from the
kitchen.

“Hey…” I reached across the table. “I miss
you a lot when you’re in London, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not
going to ask you to be here. You have a degree half done and an
audience that likes you
over there
, and I don’t need my hand
held so bad for you to abandon that. I’d hate myself for being that
selfish.”

“So you want me to leave.”

Ugh, he could be so stubbornly dense
sometimes! “I
want
you to do what’s best for
you
. For
your career.”

A waitress set a glass on the table, Coke
with light ice and a cherry floating on top. “Imagine my surprise
to see Jake Lindsey back in town. On vacation?” She leaned her hip
on the table, her back to me.

“Hey…” Jacob said.

“Tammy,” she filled in. “We went out junior
year. Well, summer after. Doing much while you’re in L.A.?”

Hello, was I friggin’ invisible? “Excuse me.
We were having a conversation.”

“Just bein’ friendly, honey,” she said over
her shoulder. “Didn’t know you had a kid sis,” she said to
Jacob.

Sister? Oh, not again… I stood and got in the
bitch’s face. “He doesn’t fuck his
sister
.”

She looked me up and down. “You? Honey, men
don’t go for girls built like pipe cleaners. Run along back to high
school.”