Authors: Tracy Cottingham
Cassie tucked the remains of her
royal blue cap and gown in the trunk of her car and breathed a huge sigh of
relief.
I did it
, she gave herself a mental pat on the back.
Look out life, ‘cause here I come.”
“You can’t stay here daydreaming all day, we’ve got big plans tonight.”
Cassie jumped at the sound of Jake Larson’s voice, and melted into his arms
when he wrapped them around her. She couldn’t believe how well her on
again off again on again relationship had been going since she and Gunnar
stopped hanging out. At first it had been next to impossible to let his calls
go to voicemail, and avoid all of their usual hang outs, but she knew she had
to get used to life without him. She had hugged Wesley and put him on the
road just as soon as they threw their caps into the air, and her eyes were
already puffy and swollen at having to say goodbye. No matter how many times
they both swore to keep in touch, she knew it would never be the same.
“You are a million miles away,” Jake gave her a quick squeeze. “I bet I
can fix that,” his lips found hers and his kiss was urgent, demanding. “Mmm,”
he groaned. “You taste so good,” he kissed her again, and his hands
roamed freely across her backside. “Don’t forget to change into the bra
and panties I got for you,” he whispered into her ear. “I’ll be by to pick you
up in about an hour.”
Cassie blushed at his words, and nodded her agreement. She bit her lower
lip as he walked away, hoping she wasn’t making a big mistake. Things has
been so good lately and he had been so much nicer about her fears to take their
relationship to the next level. He stopped pushing like he was and although
they didn’t have anywhere near the type of connection or friendship she had
with Gunnar, he had really been there for her. When he suggested they
make graduation night their special night she didn’t exactly agree, but she
didn’t say no either. She was trying it on, you know, seeing how the idea
felt, and although she was nervous, she was also ready. Ready to grow up
and become a woman in every way before going to college. It was time, she
reasoned, to let go of the past and look to the future, maybe.
“Cassie.”
She had been so busy daydreaming she hadn’t even noticed that Gunnar had been
standing there.
“Hey,” she hoped they had been apart long enough that he couldn’t tell what she
had been thinking about.
“Don’t do it.”
You have got to be kidding me.
“Don’t do what, Gunnar, I don’t
have time for this,” she tried to brush passed him so she could pick up the
rest of her things and go but he stepped directly in front of her.
“Don’t let him be the one, he’s not worth it.”
The tears in his eyes unnerved her. She had never seen Gunnar cry, or
even come anywhere close for that matter.
“Please, stop.” Cassie didn’t know what to do. “This is so
unfair. He’s my boyfriend, an-”
“I know who he is, Cass, and he’s not worthy of you.”
“Oh my God, are you hearing yourself?” She tried to go around him but he just
kept moving in front of her until she stopped again.
“I miss you,” he reached for her hand but she moved it back. “So much
sometimes I think I’m going crazy. I can’t think, I can’t eat, I just…I
miss us, Cass please.”
She covered her face with her hands and used every amount of strength she had
not to fling herself into his arms and tell him how hard it had been to stay
away, how much it hurt. But she couldn’t go backwards, and there
was no way she could just jump off a cliff and go with him. She was too
afraid to follow her heart and uproot everything that was familiar. She didn’t
want to cut him out of her life but if she didn’t go cold turkey shed never be
able to get over him. “I have to go,” she faked right and moved back around him
on the left but he caught her hand and held it steady.
“Don’t leave again.” He held her hand to his chest. “I know how afraid
you are and I know you don’t think you have it in you but you can trust me.” He
stepped closer and pulled her other hand to his lips to kiss. “I know I’m
asking a lot, but you know you could move and still get the degree you want. I have
one shot for mine, and it just happens to be in North Dakota.” He was talking
faster, hoping to melt the wall she’d put up. “It wouldn’t be forever, we
could come back here. Hell, I don’t care where we go as long as your
there.”
Cassie rested her head against his chest and breathed in the smell of
him. Everything about him was like home for her. She missed his
smile, the way he said her name, the way he always believed in her even when
she didn’t believe in herself. “Oh Gunnar, you know how I am,” she looked
up into his eyes. “You know this would never work.”
“I know nothing works when you’re not around,” he grabbed her face between his
hands and stared into her eyes, never breaking the contact as he kissed her,
molding his body to hers as he moved his lips to her cheek and her neck and the
hungrily back to her lips.
Cassie was so confused she couldn’t think. Her body was on fire everywhere he
touched and she had never felt so alive. She was humming when a voice
sliced through the air.
“Get a room,” someone yelled out the window of a moving car, bringing Cassie
out of her trance and back to reality.
She stepped back and put her hand out to stop him when he tried to close the
distance again. “No Gunnar,” she said more forcefully than she meant to.
“I can’t do this with you right now. I have plans, and I’m supposed to be
somewhere, and I need to go.” She went the other way and was almost back to her
car when she heard him.
“Jake Larson made bet with Brandon that he could nail you on Grad night.”
Cassie’s stomach lurched. “Oh, of course, I almost forgot.” Cassie
couldn’t believe what lengths he would go to, to change her mind. “I am
so un- loveable and unattractive to anyone but you, a guy would have to be
making a bet to want to be with me right?”
“No, not right. Any guy with half a brain would want to be with you, but
this guy is no good, Cass. You can’t go through with this, you’ll just end up
being one of many.”
Cassie unlocked her door and sat down inside. She tried to close the door
so she didn’t have to hear any more, but he stopped her before she could shut
him out. “You don’t know him like I do,” she started to cry and hated
herself for being so weak. “He wouldn’t do that and for you to say so is
mean, Gunnar.”
“I’m sorry Cassie but it’s the truth.”
“You’re just jealous!” she started her car and tried to get him to step back, but
he didn’t move.
“You’re damn right I’m jealous!” his face was inches from hers. “I have
had to watch you for the last two months kiss him and sit there while he put
his hands all over you, and I hated it. But you made your choice and I did
my best to leave you alone but then I heard about the bet and I knew I had to
see you and tell you how I felt. I had to tell you. Please don’t
let him touch you.”
Cassie put the car in gear and began to back up, forcing him to back off.
“We’re done here Gunnar, I have to go, and there’s nothing you can say that’s
going to change my mind.” She said the words and almost stopped when she
saw the tears that were streaming down his face.
“Fine, you really want to do this after everything I’ve said to you, then
go! But don’t come crying to me when it’s all over, ‘cause I will never
forgive you for this. Ever!”
Cassie pulled the door closed and sped off leaving him standing in the middle
of the road.
*********
Later that night Cassie came out of
the bathroom in time to hear Jake talking on the phone with Brandon. She went
numb when she heard it, the confirmation as he had put it, and then watched in horror
as he took a picture of the blood that was still fresh on the sheets.
“I thought you said it was a lie?” she whispered, and clutched the sheet
tighter around her. “Something Gunnar had just made up ‘cause he didn’t
want me to be with you.”
Jake dropped the phone when he heard her voice, picked it up from the floor to
shove it into his pants pocket, and sat up slowly. “It was just me and
Brandon having some fun that’s all, it’s not what you think.”
“Oh that’s a relief,” Cassie was trying hard not to lose it. “Since I was
thinking that you didn’t care about me at all and just tricked me into being
with you so you could win a bet.” She walked over to him and waited, for
something, anything. Instead he just started to put his pants on like
nothing that important really just happened.
“I told you it’s not a big deal,” he zipped up his pants and finished putting
his shoes on and headed for the door. “I’m hungry. You want
anything?”
“Umm, nope.”
“Okay then.” He opened the door and looked back at her. “I’m supposed to
meet Brandon and the guys so we can head over to the park and celebrate grad
night together, I’ll give you a call.”
“I won’t hold my breath,” Cassie mumbled as the door clicked shut. She
bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling and looked around at the sleazy
little hotel room that Jake had booked for them. According to him it was
perfect because they could have their special night together and then take the
shuttle straight to Disneyland and still celebrate Grad Night with their
friends. Apparently that was code for him bailing and leaving her in a seedy
room in a terrible part of town so he could go party with his friends. After
all, she had lost hers. Wes was already gone and Gunnar…
She looked over at the blood red stain in the middle of the bed and started to
cry for real. First for what an idiot she’d been and then for all of the
ways she had screwed things up. This should have been one of the happiest
nights of her life. She had graduated at the top of her class and should
have been with her best friend celebrating Grad night with hundreds of other
seniors from around the country. She picked up the phone and called the only
person that would help her no matter how much of a failure she had turned out
to be.
“Can we please just go, this is a bad idea,” Cassie pulled at her sister’s
sleeve but she wouldn’t budge.
“No way.
You have had everything else taken from you tonight, and we are going into that
park to find that loser. First were going to hit some rides and have some
fun, and then we are going to get down to the business of making that weasel
pay.”
“I really just want to go home,
Lonnie.”
Her sister
stopped walking and turned around. She grabbed Cassie by the shoulders
and forced her to look up. “I know you’re mad at yourself right now, but
I am so proud of you.” When Cassie tried to pull free she held her tight.
“Listen to me. I never got the grades like you did and I sure as Hell didn’t
get a full ride scholarship to UCLA. You have worked your butt off these
last four years and you deserve to enjoy this. So you had a blind spot
where that creep was concerned. It won’t be the last time you make a
mistake Cass, but I know you and I can see whatever does happen you won’t make
that kind of mistake again so give yourself a break.”
Cassie reached up and hugged her
sister with everything she had. “I love you.”
“I love you too little sis, now
let’s go on some rides, and eat some junk food and stay up all night.
Cassie
couldn’t believe it but as the sun came up she had to admit that she’d actually
had fun after everything that had happened. They gave up trying to find
Jake and his friends, but just before they were about to leave Cassie spotted
Gunnar sitting down by himself on a bench in the middle of town square.
Lonnie nudged her from behind, urging her to go talk to him. He looked so sad
and lonely and Cassie didn’t see the bruises on his face or his swollen hands
until she got closer to him.
“Oh my God, what happened?” She rushed towards him but stopped short.
He looked up at her like she was the ugliest, most disgusting thing he’d ever
laid eyes on. “You happened.” He said, and went back to staring at the
ground in front of his feet.
“I don’t understand. Did you get into a fight?”
“Yes I did,” he nodded but refused to look at her again. “Your boyfriend
and his band of idiots were passing around a picture and laughing about a
certain girl we both know. I asked him nicely to delete what he had and move on
and he refused, so I took care of it.”
“I’m so sorry,” Cassie tried to move closer to him but he stood up so quickly
she stopped, unsure of what he was going to say or do next. He looked so
strung out and overdone and she was consumed with guilt that she had done this
to him. “Please forgive me.”
He looked at her again then, but his eyes held nothing for her, nothing at
all. “No.” he said very clearly as he pulled a crumpled bill out of his
pocket and closed the last of the distance between them. “I told you how I felt
and you threw it back in my face. I begged you not to let him touch you and instead
you...” he couldn’t finish and the boy she had never seen cry was shedding
tears because of her again. “I beat the living crap out of that sniveling
little piece of shit who had the nerve to treat you that way, and the other
one, the one who won the bet. I’ve had enough of you to last a lifetime
and this is the last thing I owe you.” He stuffed the crumpled bill into her
hands and started to walk away.
“What’s this?” Cassie knew but she
didn’t want to look at it as she unraveled what was once a crisp dollar bill.
He turned to look at her one last
time. “What you gave yourself away for, when you could have had me.”