Authors: Tracy Cottingham
Cassie was irritated. Half of the frames she’d spent years and time
collecting had been broken when she carelessly tossed them into the box, and
some of the documents were torn. She didn’t remember ripping anything,
but then again, she didn’t remember much in those first few days. She
pulled out the broken glass and meticulously organized everything into little
piles. She had made a pact to remain disconnected and to act as if it were
someone else’s life she was storing instead of her own, but that went out the
window when she pulled out Ben’s pilot’s license. Like Gunnar’s its place
in the house had been front and center, a place of prominence in the middle of
the wall. It wasn’t bound by expensive leather though, just a simple
black rimmed frame. Thank goodness it had been one of the first things to come
down off the wall. For some reason she had gotten more destructive as she
went along, and most of the things on the top had been either broken or
partially ruined. The only thing that was out of place was the missing
picture of the two of them and Abby in front of the new stunt plane they bought
just months before the crash. She found it under some other photos of the
plane itself as she pulled the last of the things from the box. Cassie
stared at the picture, fighting against the gamut of emotions that threatened
to pull her in. It started small, a ticking at the back of her mind,
picking away at the corners of her heart, like a bomb waiting to explode.
Her breathing was quick, shallow, and tears that had been shed and dried only
moments ago were already falling again. She didn’t want to lose herself
to this, but the picture drew her in, and she lost her resolve to stay
unaffected.
In the picture Ben’s smile was filled with pride and his affections were split
straight down the middle as one hand rested on the plane while the other
cradled his family. She blinked, and the plane which looked so innocent
sitting there fell from the sky like it did the day she watched her husband
die. It fell and hit and just like a song stuck on repeat it fell and hit over
and over again until a sob broke from her throat and she lashed
out. All of the boxes she’d so carefully packed went flying as
months of pent up frustrations came pouring out. She looked down at the
extra pictures of the plane, bent forward, and began ripping and tearing until
they were so unrecognizable they couldn’t possibly be a threat to her emotional
well-being anymore. She dropped to her knees, fighting to catch her
breath, and picked up the picture of them together. “What was so wrong with
forever?” She raged at the picture of her husband. “You promised me
forever!” She pulled the picture to her breast, curled up into a ball, and wept
aloud. Deep sobs wracked her body and tears blinded her eyes. “Now
I don’t have you,” she yelled into the house, to all of the memories and all of
the things associated with her husband. “And because of that I am too
broken to be with Gunnar either.”
A warm hand touched her shoulder and she startled. She looked up through
the hair that covered her face at a pair of warm brown eyes.
“Cassandra,” Gunnar moved around behind her, sat her upright, and wrapped his
legs and his body tightly around hers. His arms enveloped her, and he sat
still, nestling his chin at the side of her neck. “It’s okay, honey,” he
spoke softly, nourishing her with the closeness of his body and the soothing
tones of his words. He gently pulled her hair away from her shoulder, and he
began to rock with her, continuing to re-assure and bolster her, waiting until
she stopped shaking before letting even an inch of space come between them.
Cassie honed in on his presence, letting him work his magic and pull her back
from a dark place that frightened her more than she wanted to ever admit.
A place where sorrow and bitter resentment attacked her at her weakest moments
and threatened to take everything she still had. But then there was the
sound of Gunnar’s voice and the feel of his body surrounding hers, breaking
through. He was everything that was still alive, with his hot breath
blowing against her cheek, and the sweet melody of his words filling her
ears. “Why are you here?” She asked but was afraid her question
would break the spell, the only comfort and security she’d known for days, but
she didn’t trust in those feelings either. They always seemed to fade or turn
ugly when she relied on them, or expected them to break her fall.
There
is no such thing as forever…
“I’m here for you,” his voice was thick, steady.
“Don’t tease me,” Cassie closed her eyes against a surge of hope. “I
can’t take it, not now anyway.”
He left her then, moving around to face her, scooping up the remains of the
torn pictures and placing them back into the box. “May I?” He
reached out, slowly prying the picture from her hands, and looked at it briefly
before putting it back into the box as well. Without any trace of the raw
surge of protectiveness he felt, he gently moved the box that had caused her so
much pain aside, pushing it as far away from them as possible. At the
insistence of his finger beneath her chin, he brought her eyes up to meet his.
“I came for you,” he repeated.
“But nothing’s changed,” she broke free, ignoring the chill that went through
her the moment contact was lost. “If I thought I could do it Gunnar, I
would. But I’m so broken from this, I just can’t heal fast enough to make
promises about the pain…or the fear that always comes with it.” His voice died
down and she felt herself slipping back to where she didn’t want to be.
“You’re wrong,” he leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Everything’s
changed,” he ran his hand through his hair. “It was wrong of me to ever
think you could put something as horrible as your husband’s death behind you so
quickly. It’s only natural for you to be unsure and scared,” his voice
was hoarse and shaky. “I’m the coward here not you.” He moved
closer to her again, touching her, and looking down at the floor. “I was
crushed when we were younger and you refused me,” Cassie started to jump to her
defense but his finger against her lips silenced her. “And suddenly you
were here, and free and able to offer me all of the things you withheld when we
were younger and it scared the Hell out of me.” He reached for her hand
and laid it in his lap. “I’ve been such an idiot.” He traced the grooves
and lines of the inside of her palm and smiled before he finally looked up at
her.
“Is this about the baby?”
“No Cassandra. It’s about us, Abby, and our little baby.”
“I already told you I wouldn’t keep
you from our child.”
“Well I’m sorry but that’s just not good enough.”
Cassie’s head snapped up.
“I want it all this time,” his eyes showed his desperation but his tone was
firm. “I walked away from a chance to have your love before, and I will never
do that again.”
Cassie’s heart was racing along with her mind, and she sifted through all of
the reasons why it wouldn’t work. She wanted to let go of all of her
doubts and hang on to the clarity he’d found. She wanted to believe him,
but she couldn’t quite match his confidence. “I can’t go through this aga-”
Gunnar tenderly cupped her face in his hands, searching her eyes before pulling
her roughly, firmly into his arms. He brushed a delicate kiss across her
forehead, moved down to her cheeks, and then slowly covered her mouth,
devouring its softness and demanding a response.
Cassie opened to him, letting him banish the cold chill, replacing it with a
warmth that echoed through her veins.
No forever….But maybe love for
now?
Gunnar raised his mouth from hers, gazing into her eyes and still holding her
delicate face between his hands. “You’re not listening,” he admonished
playfully. “I’ve loved you all my life, and I will not waste one more
minute on what ifs.” He gestured towards her box of pictures. “I won’t
ask you to forget him, or make you feel awkward if you or Abby need to mention
his name or share a memory that doesn’t include me, even if it does make me
jealous as Hell. As long as I get dibs on the present,” his hand lowered
to touch her slightly rounding belly, “and the future, I’m all in”
Tears of renewed optimism filled the boarders of her eyes. He’d managed
to reach her somehow, and she was actually starting to believe in his
assurances. Maybe it will be okay, somewhere inside her called out.
“What about the contract, the suspension?” She threw up the last roadblocks she
could think of and held her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I signed the contract because you were right. Things are too complicated
between the three of us and we do need to keep it simple from now on,” he
laughed. “Besides, I don’t think Wes could take much more of the two of
us anyway. I will still be able to draw a salary from his side of the
business and I’ll be able to help you keep a healthy salary from your new venture.”
“I don’t understand.”
He stood up and pulled her to her feet as well. “I sold the Pitts.”
“Oh Gunnar, no.”
He silenced her with an outstretched hand. “I sold it to a collector on
the condition that I could fly it twice a year in the shows of my choice.
It was the only compromise I could come up with that gave us both more of what
we want.”
Cassie was speechless.
“Between flying for Leisure Time, and taking on a few commuter flights for Wes,
I ought to have my plate full.” He took her hands in his and waited to see what
type of reply he would get. When he spoke again his voice was low, almost a
murmur. “Of course I can’t let myself get to busy. I hear fatherhood can
be a full time job in and of itself.”
Cassie found his excitement contagious. “How did you get your license
back?”
“Well,” he winced. “It’s not a done deal yet. In fact, that’s where I’ve
been all week. I managed to track your friend John down and got him to
pen a letter to the board about the conversation he had with that bastard
Monroe. It was enough to file for an appeal based on all of the times the
man stalked me when he was told to back down, and they said they’d have a
ruling on it in a couple of weeks.
“Is there something I can do to help?”
“Yes,” his eyes sparkled as though she’d fallen way too easily into his
trap. He lowered himself down to one knee and pulled a ring from his back
pocket. “Will you marry me?” It was a question, but his eyes dared her to
deny him.
Her Gunnar was back, and she wasn’t about to let him go. She knelt down
with him, and began to nod slowly at first, and then faster. “Yes,” she
breathed, and was rewarded by the fresh rush of his lips against hers.
“Definitely yes,” she managed again between kisses, giving herself over to the
warmth and comfort of his embrace.
At last…Love.