Matty stepped up, wiping his mouth and tossing the napkin onto his chair. “Yeah, why don’t we take you back to the hotel, Ma? They should really be alone for a while.”
“But we didn’t even get to exchange gifts, and…”
“We can do the presents some other time.”
“Are we going then?” Oriana pouted as Matty reached for her elbow to guide her from her seat. “But it’s just getting interesting.”
“Is it mine?”
Too stunned to reply, my eyes closed as the pain of those three little words lanced through me.
“You watch your mouth.” My mom stopped on her way to retrieve her coat to point a finger at Adam. “I raised my daughter better than that.”
“It’s fine, Mom. It’s a valid question, Adam travels a lot, and apparently he has some self esteem issues,” I retorted, finding my voice. “Should I bother to answer that, or will you not believe me anyway?” My anger burned brightly, no doubt fueled by a good dose of hormones and the realization that I wasn’t the bad guy in this picture. Why did I have to defend anything?
“Oh, it is Adamiel’s child,” Oriana interjected helpfully. “Its light is blinding to behold, can you not see it?”
“Come here,” Adam rose from the table, stalking towards me, his face intent and I admit, for an instant I was afraid of what he might do.
“Adam, I…”
“Don’t you dare lay a hand on her!” my mother cried, and I saw real terror on her face. I flashed back to seeing that same look on her face time and again when I was too small to do anything about it. This was different though, I knew Adam wouldn’t ever harm me physically.
“Mom, it’s alright, he’s not going to hurt me.”
Adam blinked, his brows drawing together in confusion. “Hurt you…? No, I just need to know.” Pulling me out of my chair, he backed me against the wall, his hand laying flat against my abdomen. All at once I felt his Grace touch mine, and the tiny flare of something else… something new. His eyes went wide with wonder before clouding with pain and what might be worry or regret, I couldn’t tell.
“Adam, I tried to tell you, really I did.”
“This can’t be happening, not again,” he murmured, eyes closing as he pressed his forehead to mine.
“It won’t be, I mean it’s not. I’m not her, you know that. You can’t think the same thing will happen as before.”
“I can’t…” he backed off, eyes darting around like a caged animal.
“Adam please, let’s talk this through, just you and me.”
“Come on, Mom, we’re going.” Matty hustled them towards the door, and I flashed him a grateful look. In the space it took me to look away, Adam was already going for the rear slider.
“Adam wait… don’t go. We need to figure out what to do about this. I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay. I need you to tell me you still love me.” I already knew he loved me, and I thought that might shake him out of the unreasoning panic with the realization that I needed him, but the helpless look he shot me was still charged with a terrible fear.
“That’s the problem, I do love you. And it’ll never be okay as long as I do.” His eyes told me he believed every single word he said.
“Don’t you dare run away from this. I need you,” I dashed after him, but he was faster, through the door and vaulting over the balcony railing. “Adam!” I howled into the night sky as the wind whipped my hair into a frenzy.
It couldn’t be happening again.
Not after all the promises never to leave me again, the life we talked about building together. The future he spun for us seemed impossibly out of reach when he panicked and ran at the first sign of danger, even if he did think it was to protect me.
I don’t know how long I stood out there in the freezing cold, staring into the dark skies for some flicker of movement I could recognize, that would tell me Adam was on his way back to me. All I know, is when I felt Daphne try to usher me back into the living room again, my hands ached from gripping the railing so tightly for so long.
“Toss me that blanket,” she gestured to Sam, bringing my hands up to her mouth to blow on them, the heat hurting more than the numb of cold. I let them bundle me up in the blanket, not paying much attention as they talked about how best to warm me up.
The hot mug almost fell when they wrapped my hands around it, I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to. The pins and needles that came with the return of warmth didn’t penetrate my heart, which stayed numb for my protection.
“Mercy?”
I realized they required a response, and I blinked, having no idea what had been asked.
“What?”
“What happened? Why were you out there all alone in the cold like that?”
“Adam left.”
“Adam was here?” Daphne traded looks with Sam, and I
knew
, she knew.
“You told her.” It wasn’t an accusation, more like a statement. I was still too numb to be angry.
“I am sorry, I know I promised,” Sam hung his head in shame.
“It’s my fault, Mercy. I wormed it out of him, especially after I knew the secret was about you. I was worried, I’m sorry,” she gave me her most winsome smile, but even that didn’t penetrate the fog of despair I found myself wrapped in.
“It doesn’t matter,” I shook my head. “He’s gone.”
“He’ll be back though…”
“I don’t… I don’t know if he will or not. You should have seen his face,” I shook my head.
“Yeah, but he loves you, he… OMG, is that what I think it is?” Daphne suddenly grabbed my hand, the diamond flashing as she turned it first one way and then the other to get a good look at the ring. “You really have been holding out on me, when did this happen?”
I’d almost forgotten about the engagement ring. Did it still count? “This morning. He surprised me this morning, with pancakes and a proposal.” My lips curved at the memory and I swallowed back the urge to cry. “That was before though, now…”
“He’s just surprised, I’m sure he’ll be back, won’t he Sam?”
“He has never been able to stay away overly long in the past,” Sam allowed, his head canting to one side as he thought it over. “Though he has not always chosen to reveal himself.”
“But you knew how to find him, didn’t you? I mean apart from that one time he went to Midian to hammer out the details of his deal with Raum, you’ve always been able to find him before, right?” My eyes lit upon Sam, a speculative gleam coming into them.
“I have always found Adam in the past, yes.”
“You can find him for me then. Talk to him. Tell him it’s not the end of the world. You can bring him back for me,” I pleaded with him, nearly knocking over the mug in my haste to catch hold of his hand, demanding his compliance.
“Mercy, I think it best if you let him come back in his own time.”
“When? After the baby’s born? Sam, I need him with me now, I can’t do this alone.”
“Oh honey, you’re not alone,” Daphne wrapped an arm around me.
“I know, and trust me, I’ll be counting on you plenty, but that isn’t what I meant. I can’t help but feel like he’s not out there processing things, Adam is really gone, gone. You have to find him for me, Sam.” My eyes pleaded with him, drawing upon every thread that bound him to me in friendship.
“I will find him,” he agreed with a nod. “But I can’t guarantee I can bring him back.”
“Tell him…” I hardly knew what to say to get through to him in the state he was likely to be in. “Tell him I love him, and I need him, and his child needs him too.”
“I will,” Sam rose to his feet and Daphne followed after him.
“You’re going now?”
Sam’s eyes flicked to mine and I let him off the hook, I didn’t want to steal him away just yet. “You don’t have to leave right away. You’re probably right, he needs some time to cool off, think things over a little. There’s no reason to ruin your Christmas on my account.”
“It will be more difficult to track him the longer I wait,” he shook his head. “I will return to you as soon as I can.” He touched Daphne lightly on the cheek and I looked away, not wanting to intrude on their private moment. Instead, I gathered the blanket around me and shuffled to the kitchen to reheat my tea.
Daphne settled on a barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar a few minutes later. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t talk about it, not until after I figured out what to do.” I left out the part where I’d gone to see Luz, I couldn’t really explain why I hadn’t wanted to involve anyone I was close to at the time.
“Did you figure it out then? Are you keeping the baby?”
It had never occurred to me not to keep the baby, not once. Not that I didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose, but it wasn’t ever an option to consider. It was Adam’s child, his and mine, a symbol of our love. If Luz was to be believed, things happened for a reason. Even if I couldn’t understand the reasons why, it comforted me to believe that too.
“That’s the easy part. The hard part will be convincing Adam I’m not about to be butchered by the Angel of Death just because I’m carrying his child.”
“Are you sure about that? Raziel won’t be trapped in Midian for that much longer, what if he comes to pay you a visit in his official capacity when he gets out?”
A sharp protectiveness swept through me, and I knew I’d defend my unborn child with my dying breath. The shining sword came with the barest of thoughts, its deadly weight a comfort in my hand. “Then I’ll be ready for him.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
With less than two weeks until the wedding, we were hard pressed to get everything done in time to make it as magical as the bride and groom wanted it to be. The fact that Oriana didn’t have much concept of what anything cost, or what was even possible in the real world made it a bit of a struggle, but finally we had the details hammered out to everyone’s satisfaction.
No one had seen or heard from Ben in the past few weeks. Not like he was missing and I was a suspect, or at least Detective Santiago hadn’t turned up on my doorstep again. I’d locked myself away with Sam’s books for hours, and I hadn’t been able to find any other ways to purify his soul without killing him, but I also didn’t hear anything about any acts of evil in the works either. Wherever he was, Ben was content to bide his time, and I was glad for the respite.
Neither had I heard a single word from Adam since Christmas night. Daphne spent most nights hanging out at the club or my place if I wasn’t working, just as gloomy as I was without Sam around. I felt bad for her love life suffering on the count of mine sucking, but I gathered that Sam at least called her on a daily basis. Me, he didn’t call at all, relying on Daphne to pass on his lack of success in finding Adam.
It was only a matter of time before Daphne let something slip around Parker, and then it seemed like everyone knew I was pregnant. Half the club believed my story about a fiancé who traveled a lot, which was helped by the sparkly ring I still wore, but the other half whispered Parker might be the father. It probably should have bothered me, but I couldn’t make myself care. Mostly I tried to slip back into my regular routine, albeit somewhat modified since I had a bun in the oven.
I held the small engagement party for Matty and Oriana at my place. It was cheaper that way, even though Parker generously offered to host it at the club. Oriana still wasn’t good with large crowds and the music there might have easily overwhelmed the sensitive girl. There were only a few people there I didn’t know, friends of Matty’s I’d never met, other than that it was the usual crowd I called family. Parker brought Luz, and I was glad to see them still together.
My mom was still holed up in The Edgewater, there was no rush to hurry back to California in her jobless state. After Adam’s disappearance, I’d called the hotel to inquire into her bill, knowing I’d be in serious debt if she stayed too much longer, but I was informed that all the arrangements had been made for her indefinite stay. I could practically hear Adam telling me not to worry my pretty little head about it, so I didn’t.
I expected she’d go home at some point, but with the baby coming, she’d been dropping more and more hints about being there for me when the time came. I was of two minds about that. Part of me was grateful for the offer of help. No matter how flaky she was in other parts of her life, she had given birth to the two of us, and raised us through infancy without any major mishaps, and I was glad for that experience. At the same time, I knew I’d have to endure the endless litany of advice whether I asked for it or not over every facet of my existence. The jury was still out over whether or not it was worth the trouble.
For the time being, my mom filled most of her days worrying about the upcoming wedding though, and the engagement party was less of a party than a last minute strategy session to try and get my brother and his fiancé to go with her choices whenever possible. I stayed out of it as much as possible, keeping to the mundane details of keeping the bowls of chips full and the drinks coming.
Still, the night wasn’t without its entertainments. I was in the middle of eavesdropping on Matty explaining to Oriana (with exquisite patience) why there was no moral obligation to pick angel food cake over devil’s food cake, when I saw Daphne’s face light up with happiness. That could only mean one thing.
Sam.
I let them have their joy-filled reunion without intruding, smiling openly as Daphne tackled him with a big hug. Instead of freezing as he might have done only a few months ago, Sam wrapped his arms around Daphne, lifting her into the air with a spin, both of them laughing like fools. A lump rose in my throat, but I did my best to keep smiling, happy for them at least.
After a few minutes, Sam made his way back to me in the kitchen, his smile fading to a much more somber nod of greeting.
“Did you find him? Have you talked to him?” Even before I asked the questions I knew the answer wouldn’t be good, or he’d have had a dazzling smile for me too.
“I’m sorry, Mercy. Adam doesn’t want to be found.”