At noon, Penny called everyone to the picnic tables to eat
lunch. Their eyes lit up a the spread I had laid out: hamburgers seasoned with my special blend, BBQ chicken legs with sauce I’d doctored up, seasoned pork chops, a bowl of my special BBQ sauce for the chops, potato salad, all the dressings for burgers, and the makings for s’mores. I promised Penny we’d hold off on s’mores until after they ate a real lunch. While the kids went though the buffet line I'd set up for them, I had a seat on a lawn chair, tilting my head back to soak up the sun’s rays and relax a bit. It wasn't that cooking and setting up everything for the teens was hard. In fact, I realized I missed it, but I was at the lake and that necessitated a certain amount of relaxing, even without a beer in my hand.
The kids piled
onto the picnic tables and the ground around where I’d pulled up my lawn chair. They were mowing down the food I cooked, praising my skills with mouths full of chicken and pork chops. I shook my head and laughed at Marcos. It was like Christmas for him. I saw him go back for thirds and wondered, for the millionth time, how these teens had so easily made their way into my heart. Why was it so easy to love them when it took months for me to love J?
“You gonna get in the water, Elle?” Angelica asked.
“I didn’t bring a suit.” Lie. I had one in the car. I wasn’t sure about getting my scar wet. The name Crystal Lake was a bit misleading. The lake’s cleanliness was questionable at best. If I did get in the water, I’d have to wear a T-shirt to cover my scar, and to cover myself from the boys in general. I was only six years older than some of them, but once, I'd seen them check my ass out when I bent over to look in the oven at the chicken nuggets. I wasn't exactly comfortable being in a bathing suit around them, it just seemed weird, and oddly inappropriate.
After lunch, everyone helped clean up. Penny wasn’t having it any other way, which was nice because there was quite a mess. I cleaned the grill, brushed the grates clean, and left it nicer than I found it. I was headed toward the bathroom to piss and figure out my next move.
“Hey, wait up.”
Genesis came running after me, her curly ponytail swinging behind her
. She had a cute two piece bathing suit on that was black with silver stars. She sported some boy short bottoms, as she had a 'lil junk in the trunk that the boy shorts covered better. She was a curvy gal, similar to me, but on much shorter scale.
I waited for her to catch up and we walked to the bathrooms together,
her flip flops slapping against the pavement. They were wet, making a loud slapping and suctioning sound with each step she took.
When we got inside, she asked me
an out of the blue question which made me take pause. “Can I see your scar?”
Why the hell would she want to see that?
“Why do you want to see my scar?” I tried to keep my voice light, but wasn’t sure if I actually accomplished it or not.
“I dunno. It seems like it’d be cool.”
Despite my teens having some harsh realities to face, Genesis reminded me that they were still teens. Most had even been here long enough to be
American
teens more or less. I closed my eyes and lifted the edge of my shirt up, holding it just below my bra.
“Holy shit.”
I knew what it looked like. It was round, red, and nasty. There was about a two inch line running up from the circle where the bullet went in. They’d cut me open to get it out and fix my stomach.
“
Ay dios mío
!”
I opened my eyes and Angelica was standing behind Genesis.
“Can I touch it?” Genesis asked.
I rushed to put my shirt down.
“No.” I wasn’t a super bitch when I said this, but I was obviously annoyed.
“Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to—
”
I cut her off. “It’s not cool. It’s, it’s,” I struggled to find an appropriate word. “It’s,” but I gave up. “It’s fucked up is what it is. Angelica, you better take this to your grave with you. I don’t want
anyone
to know what you just saw.”
Ange
lica’s eyes were wide. Genesis’ too. Neither had seen me upset before, let alone drop the F bomb.
“Look, it’s just that this stuff isn’t a joke. I could’ve died. G
enesis, you know others could've as well. So it’s not cool. The last place either of you need to be is somewhere bullets are flying.”
“You were there when Fernie was arrested?” Angelica asked.
Crap. I wasn’t planning on sharing this story, but it seemed like I was going to have to say something. If not, who knew what stories Angelica would make up and gossip about? I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes. I decided to pass the burden, and hope for the best.
“Angelica, the less you know, the better.
Can you give me and Genesis a moment alone?”
She
nodded, but I could see she was dying for more information. Once she was gone, I pulled Genesis to the back of the restrooms.
In a hushed voice I told her, “You need to make sure your mouth stays shut. I know Ang
elica is your BFF, but there'll be a lot of people implicated if this gets out. Angelica is going to badger you for information, but you can’t tell her
anything
. It’s not just about me or Fernie. There are people out there who could mess with your life and mine if this story starts spreading. We need to let sleeping dogs lie.”
“Sleeping dogs?” Genesis looked at me
like I was crazy. I forgot some English idioms didn’t make sense to the teens. Equally for me in Spanish.
“It’s like don’t poke the bear. If a bear is asleep, are you gonna go poke it? No. It’ll freaking wake up and bite your head off. It’s the same thing. Let sleeping dogs keep on sleeping. Don’t wake them up. You telling this story to anyone is like poking the bear AND waking up the damn dogs. I’m serious. There are people out there you do not want to mess with.
People who will hurt you, your family, and me. You feel me?”
Genesis nodded with wide eyes. I think between the bear eating her head and the
people coming after her family, she got the picture. Would anyone really come after her family? I wasn’t sure. What J had told me of Burns didn’t paint a pleasant picture. I wasn’t sure how far he’d go, or if this situation was even that big of a deal to him. I think it was ME that had the most to lose if Genesis talked. I’d have to explain what happened, and so far, only the people that were present the night of the shooting knew anything. Fernie’s mom was even hazy on the details. He’d told her something because she’d been up in the hospital praying nonstop, but I had a feeling immigration was more her concern than anything else. At least that’s the impression I got from Fernie.
“Come on. Let’s go back out there.” I led Genesis back outside. She headed for the beach and I went for the picnic area. I saw Angelica meet Genesis half way to the water. I don’t know what she asked, but Genesis just shook her head. Hopefully that meant she was keeping her mouth shut. I hated to add one more weight on her already heavy shoulders, but she had to keep quiet. Once I got to the picnic tables, I told Penny I was heading home, citing a migraine.
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, it’s just the sun, I think.”
God, if I could call bullshit on myself with all the lying I was doing, I’d be rich—er.
“Thank you soooooo much for the wonderful lunch. You better be here next year
, because I will never be able to live up to this again!” She said this while bouncing on her heels. Any minute I thought glitter might explode from her. As obnoxious as her perpetually chipper state was, I can’t say I didn’t admire her. Maybe I was a little jealous of her and her happiness.
“It was my pleasure. I’ll see you next week.”
I braced myself for the Penny hug I knew was coming. When she had her fill of hugs, I jogged to my car, anxious to get on the road. I pulled away from the beach area, but pulled over to the side before exiting the park to text Chris.
ME: yo
CHRIS: y
ep
ME: don’t feel like the club. but wouldn’t mind drinking at the house. interested?
CHRIS: yessir!
ME: i’ll be there in an hour. come over whenever.
CHRIS: k. work til 8pm tonight.
ME: bet
My conver
sation with Genesis shook me up, but I wasn’t one hundred percent why. I mean, I got it. I would’ve thought a bullet hole in someone’s body was cool as shit when I was young. Younger than her. I think by sixteen I knew that shit was no joke. But still, I hated that she had gotten caught up in Fernie’s drama. I hated that Fernie felt selling drugs was his only option. I hated that Fernie really didn’t
have
many options. Most of all, I hated these constant highs and lows that were turning into the freaking fabric of my damn life. One minute I was up, and the next I was down. One minute I was laughing with the teens, making Ramón take penalty card after penalty card in Uno, the next I was sobbing in the fetal position, unable to get out of bed. It felt like mental whiplash.
I went home and took a nap. That’s how Chris found me
when she arrived after her shift—passed out with the music on repeat.
She
squatted down by the couch, got in my face and shouted, “Are you alive?”
I bolted up, smacking my face against hers.
“What the fuck?” I asked, rubbing my forehead.
“Damn, girl. Just t
rynna make sure you ain’t dead. You didn’t have to head butt me.” She said this rubbing her own forehead. Served her right for trying to make jokes with a sleeping person.
“Whatever. I got wine and
tequila. You?”
She pulled a
bottle of Hennessey out of her magic bag, of course, and a bottle of Everclear. Yuck!
“Shit, you got a bottle marked with an X in there?” I asked.
“Nah. I left the moonshine at home,” she said, walking into my kitchen and emptying the ice into a Tupperware bowl. She placed the bowl back in the freezer and refilled the ice trays.
“You gettin’ us ready for a party
over there, ice girl?”
“I like my Everclear chilled.”
“Dude. When did you start drinking Everclear?”
“Today.” Really, Chris? I shook my head at her.
“So you’ve never had it?”
“Nope. But you seemed like
you wanted to get fucked up, and I hear this is the way to go,” she said, walking to the stereo and changing the song I had on repeat to the local hip hop radio station.
I drug myself off the couch, following Chris back into the kitchen. She poured some
Everclear into a plastic cup with a few ice cubes, shook it, and used a second cup to hold the ice back while she poured us each a shot. I had a couple cans of Modelo in the fridge that I got out to chase with. Chris wasn’t much of a beer drinker, but she didn’t protest.
“What are we toasting to?” I asked.
“Fuck. To being alive.”
“Sure,” I told her, clinking my glass with hers.
We downed our shots and both made horrific faces.
“Holy mother fucking shit. That stuff
is like gas going down my throat.”
“
Whoo. I know,” Chris agreed, doing a whole body shake that ended with her whipping her head back and forth. “Damn.” We both took a pause. I was internalizing the fact that I was pretty sure I just drank either gas or lighter fluid. Chris apparently wasn’t when she announced, “One more.”
Good lord.
“Fine.” Eh, what was one more shot of gas?
We did another shot, and I was sure I’d drank enough Everclear in those two shots to last me a lifetime.
“Puff?” Chris asked.
I nodded and she started pulling weed and a water bong out of her purse. I swear, one day I was going to empty that
bag out for real.
I forewent the wine
and kept drinking beer, while Chris busied herself filling the bong with water and packing the bowl.
“Wanna hear the conversation I had to deal with today?”
“Sure.”
I started telling Chris about my bathroom chat with Genesis and Angelica.
By the time I finished, we’d polished off the bowl and Chris had somehow talked me into another shot of the devil—AKA Everclear.
“Damn, sounds like you were a bit harsh with them,” Chris commented.
“I guess. They caught me off guard. Both of them. I get it. It’s dangerous, and dangerous is cool when you’re,” I paused and counted on my fingers. Man, that Everclear was no joke. “Well, however old they are. But really, I just don’t want my business being spread. I don’t want to answer questions. I don’t want to deal with people judging me for what I got myself into.”
“Fuck the haters, girl. I get wanting
to keep your shit to yourself, but if it were to get out, you’ve got nothin’ to apologize for. You were a mother fucking hero.” She punctuated that statement with a hiccup.