Authors: Amy Johnson
“EEYEEW!” Megan shrieked and her father yelled, “Keep it down, it’s Double Jeopardy.”
“O
K
,
so maybe she’s not there to chaperone me, but she can’t stay. It’s not safe. I’m in grave danger.” Her mother rolled her eyes. “I’m serious mom, people are after me. They could show up anytime.”
“I believe they’re already there. Mrs. Everett called before you got here and she said you were kissing your friend on the back porch.”
“Not Jack! Drug dealers. They could be coming to kill me. I’d hate for Granny to be shot in the cross fire.” Her mother threw her another sheet. God, how many sheets could one person have?
“Drug dealers,” her mother said
.
“You should have just stuck to the sex story. At least that I could believe.”
Sex with Jack. Megan shivered and felt her hormones kick back up. “I’m serious
,
Mom. Ted owes the Madrino brothers a hundred thousand dollars and they said if he doesn’t pay they’ll hurt me. They could hurt Granny. You have to go get her.”
Her mother was laughing so hard she had to sit down. “The Madrino brothers? I’m supposed to believe that?” Megan banged her head on the door frame. “Those yahoos can’t spell gun much less shoot one. Don’t worry Meg, Granny can take them both. She’ll protect you. Go home to Granny
,
Megan. Better hurry before she convinces Jack to play Twister in the buff.”
“Mother!” Megan yelled
.
H
er father yelled “Put a sock in it, will you?” Megan slammed the door and turned back to her mother who was shaking her head and snickering.
“Go home, Meg. You and Granny have a lot in common; boys, booze, and bad behavior. Monday morning I’ll collect her things from the nursing home and see if I can find another one that’ll take her but for now she’s all yours. Have fun.” Megan opened her mouth to protest but her mother opened the door and pushed past her
,
laughing. Megan gave up and went to plead with her father. She was Daddy’s princess. He never told her no. Course Jeopardy was on so it’d be a miracle if he even paid attention to her.
“Daddy, you have to help me,” she said plunking down on the couch.
“What is the Louisiana Purchase?” her father said eyes glued to the tube.
“You have to tell mom to go get Granny. She’s driving me crazy.”
“Who is Aaron Burr,” her father said to the T.V. then to Megan he said, “No.”
No? Daddy never sa
id
, No. Was everyone nuts today or just Megan. “Dad, are you even listening to me? I have real problems. I need help.”
“What is General Electric,” her father said then to Megan, “That’s nice, dear.”
O
K
, to hell with niceties. “Daddy I just came by to tell you that I am really a nude dancer and my stage name is Nikki Nipples. I’m madly in love with a circus midget and we plan on going on the road and making and marketing sex tapes for the vertically challenged all the while setting up my portable pole and G-string in nursing homes across the country in hopes of giving old men heart attacks to save the country the growing expense of Medicare to take care of the old farts.” Jeopardy went to commercial and her father muted the sound. He replaced the remote control carefully and looked at Megan with that stern Dad look.
“Final Jeopardy starts in less than two minutes Ms. Nipples. Make it quick.”
Megan smiled. He’d heard every word she said. “Tell mom to go get Granny.”
“No.”
“Why not?” Megan asked frustrated, throwing her hands in the air.
“Because she doesn’t want to. Plus
,
she’s happy. She’s been whistling all day.”
Mom get lucky? “I noticed that
.
Why is she so happy and…relaxed
?
” Final Jeopardy came back on and after the question was read, her father answered.
“What is Prozac?” Megan read the question and said
,
“No Daddy the answer is ‘Who is Olivia Newton John’
.
”
“Zoloft,” he repeated, “That’s why you’re mother is so happy. She saw the crazy doctor today. Leave her alone.”
“Mom takes Zoloft?” She frowned. She’d actually driven her mother crazy. Damn. “When did this happen?”
“Dumb Ass,” her father said to the bucktoothed dweeb who’d missed the Final Jeopardy question. He changed the channel and turned to Megan, “Mom says your divorcing Ted and kissing some tough guy. Mrs. Everett has us on speed dial. Close your curtains, use that duct tape you’ve got to tape your Granny’s mouth shut, hit her moonshine bottle and you and your tough guy have a little fun. Not too much fun though. I’d hate to have to kill him while there’s a game on.” He frowned at the T.V. and checked his watch. “Monday we’ll take care of Granny, and you can have your house back to yourself. Go home honey, the ball game is coming on.” And with one click of the remote the T.V. was blaring and her father was back in his ball game trance. Megan stood and brushed the knees of her pants.
“Daddy,” she tried on last time giving him her best pitiful puppy dog look.
“No,” he growled, then thought to add, “Be careful going home. Don’t knock yourself out.” Megan grimaced, gave her mother one last pleading look
,
and walked home thoughts of Granny, Jack, and moonshine dancing in her mind.
Back at Megan’s things appeared to be quiet. Too quiet. The dogs weren’t outside which either meant Jack or Granny had let them in, they’d been kidnapped by the Madrino brothers
,
or they’d ran away. She entered her yard through the back gate and automatically Mrs. Everett’s porch light went on. The old bat was always on alert, neighborhood watch would be proud. Megan gave the old woman her best scowl and bite me gesture and stood ear pressed against the backdoor before going in. She heard Granny hooting and hollering and figured things were probably normal or about as normal as it gets when you are housing a geriatric delinquent under your roof. While she was listening at the door a pair of headlights clicked on and a car screeched from the curb about a block from Mrs. Everett’s house.
Damn teenagers
, Megan thought.
Since it looked like rain and Megan was not fond of sleeping outside in the cold she slowly opened the door. The dogs just about knocked her over to get back outside and once the dust settled Megan saw Granny and Jack crouched against the wall, a stack of cash in a pile, and Granny rolling dice. Jack saw Megan, and rushed to her side.
“Glad you’re back, I’m down eighty bucks,” he said breathlessly.
“Well you’ve still got your shirt. That’s more than I expected,” she said kicking herself for being disappointed about the status of his shirt.
“That woman is evil,” he said
.
Granny said, “Damn right I am. Evil and eighty bucks richer.”
“She casts spells you know,” Megan said nonchalantly. “She’s been threatening to use her powers to make my dad impotent for years. ‘Course if she really wanted to piss him off, cursing the T.V. would be the way to go.”
Jack laughed and Granny yelled out, “Get your sweet little butt over here and roll the damn dice. I ain’t done with you yet.” Jack pulled the lining out of his pockets to indicate he was out of cash. Granny smiled and eyed him from head to toe. “Guess w
e’
ll just have to make this interesting.” Jack froze.
Oh, boy. “I hate interesting,” Jack said
.
Megan said, “Hey, that’s my line.”
“C’mon pretty boy, Granny needs a little action,” Granny said and Jack threw Megan a look that unmistakably said ‘help’.
“Granny, take a couple shots of shine and go to bed.”
“Already had my moon medicine,” Granny said slipping Megan a side glance. “So you talked to your mother?”
“Yep,” Megan answered.
“You stuck with me?”
“Yep.”
Granny nodded and threw the dice one last time.
“Well don’t worry Meg
,
I’ll be on my best behavior.” Her best was about equivalent to three time convicted felons. “You and Jack go have some fun,” she smiled a witchy smile at Jack, “I’ll just hit the crapper and go on to bed.”
Megan was still standing in the kitchen and she became vaguely aware of Jack’s hand caressing her back, starting at the nape of her neck
,
and lingering down to her waist. It felt…comfortable and relaxing. Her stomach did that flip flop thing again and she found herself staring into Jack’s caramel brown eyes. Their gazes locked for a long silent moment before Megan surprised them both by standing tip toed and brushing her lips against his in a gentle, inviting kiss. His hand stopped moving and he sucked in a shallow
breath
.
“Get a room,” Granny shouted, then standing up and collecting her winnings she said, “I can take a hint. I’m off to bed.” She winked at Megan then said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell your mother. I’ll wear ear plugs and keep my door shut.”
Jack looked at Megan
,
waiting for her to set Granny straight and when she didn’t he suddenly felt very uncomfortable. It looked like someone had pitched a tent in his Levis and after fifteen years of lusting after this woman one touch would probably do him in
,
meaning her eighty year old grandmother probably had more stamina in the sack right now than he did.
“Where are the dogs’ leashes?” he suddenly asked.
“In the pantry,” Megan answered, “Why?” Jack dropped his gaze to the arousal in his pants and Megan gulped. Oh
,
Damn. His smile was liquid fire.
“I need to take a walk,” he explained. Megan nodded. “I figured I’d take the dogs for a quick, brisk walk in the cold rain.
“I’ll get those leashes,” she said
,
grabbing his shirt at his abdomen and gently tugging it out of his pants. It didn’t help. He had an erection about the size of the Sears Tower that no amount of cotton fabric could hide. Granny’s lips curved in a knowing smile and she left the kitchen snickering. Megan found the leashes and handed them to Jack then bent down to grab Granny’s suitcases.
“I’ll get those,” Jack said as he threw the leashes over his shoulder and picked up the suitcases then followed Megan out of the kitchen to get Granny settled in. They’d just crossed the front window in the living room when the sound of glass shattering, followed by screeching tires and a loud thunk stopped them dead in their tracks. Jack dove for Megan.
Granny came running out of the bathroom, her neon pink hot pants at her ankles. The Sears Tower disappeared. “What the hell was that?” Granny asked tugging her pants up. Jack had thrown Megan to the ground and protectively plastered himself to her, balancing his weight on his elbows. “Oh,” Granny said when she took
sight
of Jack and Megan. “Don’t worry, I didn’t see a thing. Well except for that rocket in his pocket earlier.” Jack stood and extended a hand to Megan. Granny glanced at his crotch and grabbed a long candle from the mantle. Using the candle as a mock microphone she said in a mechanical voice, “Houston we have a problem. Our pocket launcher has refused to launch. All systems failed. Requesting back up…and Viagra. I repeat…”
“It’s a brick,” Jack said ignoring Granny’s analysis of his lost arousal. Crossing the room in two quick strides he retrieved the brick which had a yellow piece of paper rubber banded around it and frowned. Megan came to stand beside him and cocked her head to read the print. Granny was hitting her moonshine, excitement dancing in her eyes.
“It’s from the Madrino's,” Jack said. “Guess they saw the U-Haul parked out front and thought Ted was skipping town without settling their debt.”
“What debt?” Granny asked snatching the note from Jack. She squinted her eyes and angled the paper where she could read it.
Running is not wise Malone. We will find you.
“Who’s running? Who’s going to find him?”
“Nothing Granny,” Megan said enjoying the warmth from Jack
’
s arm around her shoulder. Funny how casual and comfortable his touch had become. “Just some drug dealers that Ted owes a hundred thousand dollars to.” Granny’s eyes grew wide and her smile was pure mischief. Megan rolled her eyes and leaned her head on Jack
’
s broad shoulder. “Granny, it’s nothing to get excited about. In fact I’m calling mom to come get you right now.”
“Uh huh, I’m staying. This is where the action’s at.” She shifted her false teeth around as she often did when in deep thought. “Think we’ll get a drive by. Or maybe one of them grenade things thrown in the window. Maybe we should stock up on some ammo. You know so we can return fire. I’ve always wanted to pump someone full of lead.” Megan went to get the phone while her grandmother rattled on. Granny really had to go now before she got online and ordered up a Sherman tank and scud missiles. Jack took the phone from Megan and stepped in the kitchen to call the police.
“Turn the lights off and stay away from the windows,” he told Megan before shutting the door. Megan sat with her back against the wall holding the brick in one hand and the note in the other. Granny was beside her
,
still mumbling on about assault weapons and bombs and Megan thought about clocking Granny with the brick to shut her up. ‘Course that would only piss her off and she’d probably cast an anti-orgasm spell on her. A couple days ago Megan would have welcomed that, but that was before she met Jack.