Maldeamores (Lovesick) (Heightsbound #0.5) (3 page)

Chapter 5

O
ne Saturday morning, Mami asks me to go downstairs to get a screwdriver from Titi. The curtain rod fell down last night and the screw needs to be tightened. She’s been using a butter knife but it doesn’t seem to cut it.

I’m working on my math flash cards and I tell Mami to call her.

“Your titi spent the night at Eduardo’s, but Luc should be there. “

I jump up so quickly that I knock my chair over behind me. My eyes dart to Mami and she shakes her head at me.

“It’s okay to be best friends,
cari
ñ
o
, but you need to stop crushing on your cousin.”

“I’m not!” I holler defensively and my hands find their way to my hips. “I think he’s disgusting. His feet stink and he’s gross when he talks about girls.”

“Okay. I just don’t want you to get your heart hurt.”

“Gosh, Mom, shut up!” I say, jamming my feet into my house slippers. I run down the two flights of stairs and bang on the door of his apartment. I wonder if I’ll be shy around him because of what Mami says. If she can tell, probably everyone knows I’m crushing. I can feel my face turning red.

Luc opens the door in just his underwear and blinks sleepy eyes at me.

“Oh, hey Bey,” he says, turning back toward the bedroom without even asking me how I am or why I came down here. He has his hand stuck in his boxers, scratching, as he slowly pads away from me.

“Luciano, I need a screwdriver,” I say speaking to his back.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” he says, turning to face me. His hair is sticking up all over the place. His chest looks so warm and inviting. “Put the coffee on, would you? I’ll find it in a second.”

I get to work in the kitchen boiling the water in the
olla
to make him some
café bustelo.
Titi still makes it on the stovetop, not in a drip coffee maker like Mami got at the discount store.

I hum a little as I measure three tablespoons out of the can and add them to the water. Then I hear voices and my hand stops midair and so does my heart.

Luc has a girl over and they are in the bathroom. Even though the water’s running I can hear them speaking in hushed tones to one another.

I look down and stir the coffee, trying to squeeze out the tears and wipe them away before anyone notices. I know he has girlfriends. I know he’s probably even having sex. But my chest is constricting in a painful way and it’s hard to breathe.

When they come out, I look up and then quickly resume looking at the pot. I recognize her from school; she’s one of the popular girls. Maybe even the prettiest one, with a nice body and pretty hair and good style with her clothes. She’s wearing a halter top that Mami wouldn’t be caught dead letting me leave the house in. It’s a top meant for Friday night parties, not Saturday mornings.

She smiles at me and waves but her smile looks fake. She kisses Luc on the lips and I can’t tear my eyes away. Their mouths are moving and wide open; Luc’s hand moves to her butt. I look back at the coffee and swallow past a giant lump in my throat.

I’ll have to get used to it, because this is how it will be. All of the girls like Luc and none of the boys even notice me.

She has gum in her mouth and she snaps it when they pull apart. “See ya,” she says, and I’m not sure if it’s directed at me or Luciano. He slams the door behind her and comes into the kitchen wearing jeans, no shirt on, both of his hands shoved in his back pockets.

“Done yet?” he asks, peeping over my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I say. “Do you want milk and sugar?”

“I’ll get the screwdriver,” he says, and kneels down and starts to rummage under the sink.

“Is that your girlfriend?” I ask, trying to sound casual while adding milk to his coffee.

“Fuck, I had too much to drink,” he says, grasping his head in his hands. “Screwdrivers, too.” He stays crouched down, cradling his face. I want to run my hand through his hair like Mami does for me whenever I have a headache.

“Thanks,” he says, taking the coffee from me and falling into a chair at the kitchen table. He takes a long sip and closes his eyes.

I’m shaking all over. I set my mug down for fear of spilling it.

“No, she’s not my girlfriend. Just a chick from the party,” he says, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand.

He slides the screwdriver over to me and his fingers brush mine. The tiny touch sets off a swarming buzz of feelings. I choke down the sob in my chest. I want to gag or maybe scream, anything to vomit out this awful feeling inside of me. It’s jealousy. It’s ugly and it’s twisting up everything inside me.

“Wait a minute, Belén, what’s wrong? Are you going to cry?”

“I’m going to tell Titi you had a girl over and that you kissed her goodbye.” I was doing my very best to hold them in but now the tears are freely falling.

“What the fuck, Bey? I thought we were on the same team. Why the fuck do you want to tell on me?”

“That girl is a slut and I don’t even want to know what she was doing in your bedroom!” I stand and grab the screwdriver. I’m so angry it feels like a weapon in my shaking hand.

“Wait, Belén, are you jealous?” As he says it he stands.

I raise the screwdriver and brandish it like I need to defend myself from him.

“Put that down,
loca
,” he says, his hands up in the air, waiting on the offense.

I hadn’t thought of hurting him, but suddenly I want him to feel the pain that I’m feeling. I charge at him with the screwdriver and he catches both of my hands by the wrist. He’s so much stronger than me that I almost feel like I should give up and start laughing. But I’m way too saturated with emotion, so I push him back as hard as I can. He pins both my wrists to the refrigerator door right beside my face. The silver of the screwdriver is visible in my peripheral vision. I can see the confusion in Luciano’s brow as his eyes search my face trying to assess how serious I am. I push my arm forward, the one that’s holding the screwdriver, with all of my might. He shakes my wrist forcefully, only once, and the tool clanks to the linoleum tiles. I sniff because I don’t want the snot to run out of my nose. I can’t wipe my face because he’s got both of my arms. The tears won’t stop coming and Luciano is staring at me looking like he’s lost all the fog of his hangover. He’s squeezing my wrists hard and it’s going to leave marks.

I try to say something to him but all that comes out is a sob. I push forward again, trying to escape the cage that he’s made. He shoves me back harder and pushes a knee between my legs, using his body weight to pin me completely. His focus is on my lips and the look on his face is one of complete wonder. I look at his lips too and sob again remembering how passionately he kissed her. I’ve never been kissed. Never wanted to be until this very minute.

I shove against him again, this time using my hips. He pushes me back and now we’re even closer. His pelvis against mine, our heads slightly angled to keep our faces from touching.

“Belén?” he asks quietly.

“What?” I ask, still unable to control the crying.

I look him in the eye and I see a flash of anger and frustration. I can physically feel his hesitation. I push forward with my hips and he pulls one arm down, leaving the other still pinned next to my head. I can’t help but stare at his lips—the top one as full as the bottom. Lips that I know have the perfect arch, the outrageously cute smile, and the syrupy, guilty pull of desire.

I lick my lips and I know my expression is pained. He pushes his hips forward again and I make a sound that’s not a cry but something more related to pleasure—something else has overtaken the pain.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asks in a husky whisper.

I can’t say anything. I continue to push my hips forward, seeking the heat that it’s bringing me.

His eyes are on mine as he ducks his head and places his mouth against mine. I groan deeply inside but the sound that leaves my body is pleading and needy. His lips feel like a soft salve that cuts the sharp burn of desire. He barely uses his tongue, his mouth works so gently against mine. He’s coaxing me, he’s guiding me and I’m more than eager to learn. Then his tongue darts out to taste me and it plays hesitantly along my lips. I open my mouth to him and he slips his tongue inside and finally, I taste him.

My whole body is on fire. Heat runs through me, igniting every single inch of me. The surface of my skin is electrified, alive in a way that it’s never been. Red-hot handprints must be left behind on every place he’s touching me. The ache in my heart is replaced slowly but surely with an unbearable ache between my legs. I squeeze them together around his leg and push my hips further into his. The friction makes me whimper into our kiss.

Then I feel it. His erection pressing into my thigh. I’m barely able to wrap my head around what’s happening or what the hardness means. I instinctually move my center, seeking out his erection with my core. I push into him further and this time it’s him who breaks our kiss with a noise of his own.

He releases his hand that had mine pinned at my side and he seeks out my butt cheeks, his free hand squeezing and kneading, all the while pulling me closer to him. He’s cradling my whole body.

“Fuck,” he whispers all throaty right into my mouth. Then “Fuck,” again as he lifts me off the ground so that his hard penis is right between my legs. I have no idea what I’m doing but I open my mouth wider and allow his tongue to do whatever it wants.

“Oh fuck,” he says again as he rubs himself against me. I know that he usually says it when something is wrong, but the breathy tone and delivery he uses now make it sound like a prayer instead of a cussword. He thrusts forward again and pushes another pleading moan out of me and right into his mouth.

That’s when the front door slams and Titi walks into the apartment.

Luciano shoves me aside with so much force that I jam my elbows catching myself on the sink to keep from slamming into the floor. He opens the refrigerator and yanks out some leftovers, setting them with a loud thud onto the counter.

“Oh, hi, Belén,” Titi says as she comes around the corner.

She then looks to Luciano and back at me and back at Luciano again.

“What’s going on?”

“Luciano had a girl over last night and I caught her leaving,” I say to take the spotlight off of us—anything to distract my aunt from what just happened between us.

“
Cochino
,” Titi shouts. “You’re just like your father! Not even fifteen and having girls spend the night already? What the hell are you thinking?”

I grab the screwdriver and lift it in the air. “See you guys at dinner,” I shout and run the hell out the kitchen. I race around the corner and when I reach the landing I stop and lean my back against the wall to slow down my whole system. My heart is racing, my breath coming short, my pulse beating so hard it feels like it might leap out of my skin. I didn’t know kissing could be like that. No, I didn’t know kissing
him
could be like jumping off into outer space and discovering a whole new universe. Like the first time I went scuba diving in Puerto Rico last spring. Sticking my head into the blue ocean and suddenly realizing how much I
didn’t
know. Another world, a simultaneous existence. Kissing Luc showed me the possibility of another kind of endless discovery.

I want more. I want to do more for him than that other girl ever could. I want to show Luciano that I’m all he needs. He can rub it on me, stick it in me. I’ll even put it in my mouth. I’ll let him do whatever he wants to my body as long as he keeps kissing me.

Dinner is ridiculous. Mami and Titi chat on and on about shopping, about cooking, about their boyfriends and about our vacation plans. Luciano eats without ever taking his eyes off me. I grow heated and shy under his gaze and jump a little every time he says something to me.

“Pass the salad, Belén,” he says, and our fingers graze as we hand off the bowl.

“Are you going to eat your meat?”

Why does everything sound sexual?

“Are you?” He stares me down, looking devious. Obviously enjoying the torment he’s causing me.

“I’m not hungry,” I whisper.

I push my rice around and around with my fork. The future is looming, dark and loud and bursting with unknowns. Will he kiss me again? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? I look up at him and he’s looking at his cell phone. His dad bought him one when he came to visit from Puerto Rico. Titi says he’s too young, but good luck getting Luc to give it up. He already loves that thing. I hope that it’s not Yari or the girl from last night. I want Luciano to only think of me that way and nobody else. Then Mami notices how I’m staring and she stops talking. She’s got a sixth sense for these things—I can’t hide anything from her.

“Who’s calling? Your girlfriend?” I ask Luciano, trying to break or at least cover the tension.

“Yari,” he says, smiling devilishly at me. All of the blood in my body rushes straight to my stomach. I feel like I might be sick. Luciano doesn’t want me. He’s just a monster who eats girls for breakfast.

“What’s wrong, Belén? You lost all of your color,” Mami says, smoothing my hair from my face.

“I’m out!” Luciano says, pushing away his plate and shoving back his chair.

I burst into tears and run into the bedroom.