Making the Connection: Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships (Collection) (16 page)

Monica:   “I would like to propose that we go ahead with this deal.”

Jessica:   “What? Like the proposal with that disastrous Birmingham deal a couple of years ago?”

Monica:   “Well, let’s put that behind us. Just like we have your hopeless firm outing last year.”

Jessica:   “OK, where are your figures for this deal? Not that we will believe them!”

Monica:   “There seems no point in discussing this.”

Jessica:   “How right you are. I would keep quiet if I were you.”

Boss:      “Now, Monica and Jessica, I think you both need to calm down. This is not reflecting well on either of you.”

Avoid arguments where possible

Workplaces can be intense places to be. Stress levels can run high and it’s easy to lose your temper or get into an argument you later regret. Follow Golden Rule 2: is this argument really important? Is this the time and place for the argument?

Perhaps there is someone in your firm you find you are constantly arguing with. Avoid them! Or try to make sure projects you’re involved with don’t include them. Or better still, try to meet with them so you can reconcile your relationship and be on a more equal footing.

Be an encourager and praiser. Being positive in the workplace will make it easier for you if there are things that need changing. People will also listen to your complaints if they know that generally you are on their side and supportive of them.

The time and place

We looked into this issue when we discussed Golden Rule 2. But the questions you should ask yourself are especially important here. In particular:

• Is this an argument best had at a meeting, or privately?

• If a private meeting is better, do you want someone with you or will it work best one to one?

• Is this matter best addressed on paper or face to face? If face to face, will it help to send an email first, setting out your concerns?

• Can you imagine a better time to have the argument? For example, Friday afternoon at 4 p.m. might be best avoided.

If you are a junior employee or new to the firm it might be best to check that this is a good time to raise your concern:

“I do have a couple of questions about this proposal. Is this a good time to raise them?”

Be seen to put the business first

Many companies are full of people with considerable egos. Sometimes competitiveness between co-workers is encouraged. But you should at least be seen to put the business first. Put your arguments in terms of what will work best for the company, not what will work best for you. By putting your arguments in terms of what will help the company you can draw in support from other workers. You can also start to find some common ground. Hopefully everyone will agree with you that promoting the company will be best. Indeed, if you can
present the person you are arguing with as putting their own interests before the company’s you are well on your way to winning your argument.

Also, check why it is you are raising this issue and creating an argument. Is it just an attempt to look good? Or make someone look bad? Or is it a really important issue for the company? Be a bit suspicious about your motivations. There can be serious fallout from arguments with bad motivations. Avoid them.

Pick your arguments carefully

In business life there is plenty to argue about. There are lots of things that you probably think could be done better. But if you gain a reputation for being the kind of person who argues about everything then your points will lose their strength. Leave that argument about the coffee-maker for others, and wait for the important ones. The person who speaks little is often listened to very carefully when they do have something to say. The person who is arguing all the time is easily greeted with “here we go again.”

Encourage discussion

If you are in a management position there can be a tendency to discourage discussion or arguments. That’s not always a good idea. The more people voice their ideas and concerns the better, at least on major issues. You want concerns and issues raised and dealt with now, rather than when the proposal is well developed. It’s especially tempting when chairing meetings to push material through. But while speed is important, it’s even more important to make the correct decisions. Resentfulness can easily build up among a workforce if it’s felt inappropriate for them to say what they think. Having people on board who are secretly opposed to your plan is unlikely to be productive. Similarly, if a tradition of aggressiveness at meetings where there is disagreement develops, this will deter people voicing their views. Encourage a respectful listening to all views.
This is why terms such as “brainstorming” can be useful. The understanding is that all kinds of ideas will be thrown around, without the impression that this is an argument that people should get worked up about.

Get others on your side

If you’re planning a meeting or confrontation, get others on your side. Discuss the issue with colleagues in advance. You might find out who is likely to oppose you and why, but more importantly it will strengthen your position to know you have supporters with you in the meeting. If, after your presentation, there are immediately people lining up to say they agree, this will strengthen your position. You may find for someone there is a particular issue that concerns them and you can win them over by making a fairly small concession. This is much easier to do in advance of the meeting than it is during a meeting.

Never, ever, lose your temper

Losing your temper at work is disastrous. It will appear unprofessional and uncontrolled. If you are prone to lose your temper use all your skills to avoid this. See Golden Rule 3. If you’re heading for a stressful meeting and you can foresee yourself getting angry (perhaps there is a particular person who always gets your goat) then imagine yourself being provoked but keeping calm. Thinking through situations in advance and controlling your temper is extremely important. Your reasoned arguments will be heard if they are presented calmly and professionally. Losing your temper will most likely lose you the argument.

Get issues resolved

The temptation with arguments is to find a compromise and push ahead. Sometimes that can work. But be careful. A compromise may gloss over fundamental differences in approach between two factions in the firm. They may both sign on the
dotted line of the project, but have in mind fundamentally different visions. It’s important to resolve these differences if at all possible. However, it may be that there is no resolution and one course has to be taken. Then do all you can to keep everyone on board. Make sure they at least feel they have been listened to. Acknowledge what they said and say how listening to all the arguments has helped produce the best decision. Where possible indicate their concerns, and show how you have taken them into account. Find positive things for them in the deal.

Be honest

If you are desperate to see your project promoted or your view taken on by the company there can be a temptation to massage the figures or disguise potential problems. Never lie. If you are found out it can be the end of your career. You may never be trusted again. It’s not worth the risk.

Healing after an argument

If you have had an argument at work it is best to try to resolve it quickly. If you have behaved improperly then apologize and seek to reassure the other person that it won’t happen again. This is particularly important if you have been rude to your boss! Being honest and professional with your boss will stand you in the best place to keep your job.

If you have had an argument at work and you are the boss, you still need to mend any relationships that might have broken down because of the argument. If you don’t, factions will unite against you and you’ll find it more difficult to exercise authority as the boss. Restoring harmony in the office is important, so do your best to smooth over differences and move forward. If you have behaved badly, apologize for the behavior. Apologies are not a sign of weakness. It takes a strong person to apologize. You will be more respected by your employees if you hold yourself accountable for your actions.

Getting it right

Monica:    “I would like to propose that we go ahead with this deal.”

Jessica:    “I think it’s important we think about this very carefully. It might be really good for the firm, but we have made mistakes in the past and have to be really careful.”

Monica:    “Yes, I remember your hopeless firm outing last year.”

Jessica:    “Monica, I think we need to focus on the issue at hand. You have set out very helpfully the benefits of the deal. But we need to consider the dangers.”

Monica:    “OK, how should we do that?“

Jessica:    “Well, there are two ‘nightmare’ scenarios that we need to think about ...”

Summary

Choose your arguments in the workplace carefully. Where possible make sure there are others on your side. This is especially useful in meetings. Make your points clearly and respectfully, with the focus being on the well-being of the company.

In practice

Spend a meeting just watching what others say and do. Which interventions are useful and which are not? How do people get their proposals passed? What sorts of arguments sway the management in your company? If you’re a manager, you might ask if you’re getting a good range of opinions from your workforce.

Chapter 14. How to complain

It has happened to us all. The product looked excellent in the store but fell apart when we got it home. The electrician who seemed so reliable when we first met him has failed to complete the job even though he has been paid. The vacation we bought based on the brochure was not at all what we got when we arrived. In all these situations, if we are to get our money back an argument seems inevitable (although, if truth be told, I’m sure there are times when we have felt not up to it and have written down the loss to experience). But if we do choose to argue, it can be hard to get our point across even though we are in the right. This chapter will show how complaining about faulty goods or bad services need not be stressful.

Getting it wrong

Jonathan:   “Hello, is that Clogs? I bought a pair of shoes from you yesterday and they fell apart as soon as I got home. I’m outraged. This is appalling service. In fact, never in all my life have I seen such shoddy merchandise.”

Tina:         “Good morning sir, can I ask how the accident ...”

Jonathan:   “Are you saying that I broke the shoes? That’s just typical. It’s your shoes that are faulty, not me!”

Tina:         “I just need to know when you bought the shoes.”

Jonathan:   “Right, I’m fed up. If I have to fill in some lengthy questionnaire just to get back my money I’m not going to. I want to speak to the manager. Now!”

Tina:         “Well, I’m afraid the manager is busy just now, but ...”

Jonathan:   “Liar! You know he’s not and I know he’s not. Can’t you treat me like an intelligent human being?”

Tina:         “Sir, I’m trying to help you...”

Jonathan:   “Yeah, right.”

                  (Jonathan slams down the phone)

Fairly obviously, Jonathan has gotten nowhere with this complaint. Applying our golden rules is important in this sort of situation.

Avoid the argument, where possible

Remember Golden Rule 2. With many consumer problems the best solution is avoidance. Buying products that are well-known brands from reputable shops should decrease the likelihood of goods not working. There are plenty of websites and publications that can give advice on the reliability of certain products.

With regard to employing workpeople to do tasks, nothing beats a personal recommendation. If a plumber has done a good, reliable job for a fair price for your friend then they’ll probably do the same for you. Even then, it pays to play safe, especially with larger jobs. Here are some top tips:

• Always have a contract. Agree in advance precisely what job will be done and when payment will be made.

• Never pay the final installment until the job is completed. If the builder refuses to agree to such an arrangement, be very suspicious. Keep enough money back so that you could pay someone to complete the job.

• Avoid paying large sums up front. It may, however, be reasonable for you to pay for some materials up front.

• In the case of larger projects, such as additions, build in a sum to pay for “tidying up” work. This would be a fund available for any snags that may arise in, say, the six months after the job is complete. If there are any problems with the building it will be paid for from that fund. If there are none, the builder can keep it. That should provide an incentive for the builder to get everything right the first time, and ensure they can have no objection to resolving any issues that arise.