"There was something. It's all over your face."
He shrugged and then cleared his throat, tearing at another leaf. "It's a bit weird."
"I don't mind."
"You won't laugh?"
Jay-Tee shook her head, smiled at him.
"Okay. When Reason was all changed like that— so changed she was hardly human anymore— well, then how could she still have been one of God's children? I mean, don't you believe that we're made in God's image? That's in the Bible, isn't it?"
"Huh?" Jay-Tee asked. It wasn't exactly what she'd been expecting him to say, and she didn't want to confess that she wasn't that strong on the Bible. She'd looked at bits. Well, sort of. The bits they read in church. But she was kind of foggy on most of it.
"Doesn't that mean she was turning into a devil or something?" he continued. "I mean, you said that magic being real means that God is too, but doesn't that also mean that devils are real? Don't you think that's what the strange old man was? And what Reason almost became?"
"I thought you didn't believe in God," Jay-Tee said, stalling. She
had
thought that Raul Cansino might be a devil, but not Reason.
"I don't. I'm just trying to figure out how you think about it. Isn't magic what witches and devils use? Don't you think a magic-wielder is automatically one of the bad guys?"
"No," Jay-Tee said, but it wasn't true. When she was little, she'd worried that she was going to hell because of the magic, despite what her dad told her. "Okay, maybe. I used to think I was cursed, that my family was. That we were a demon family. Don't laugh!"
"I'm not laughing."
"Better not. Anyway, Dad said that was crazy, that being magic made us closer to God, not further away."
"Then why did you want me to give up my magic?"
"Because…" Jay-Tee paused, trying to figure it out. He was right. If it made her closer to God and now she'd lost her magic…She felt different since her magic had gone, not just because the world was dimmer, but because her thoughts and feelings had changed. But she didn't feel further away from God.
The idea of it, of the change, had been at the edge of her brain, but it was hard making the thoughts come together. Not having magic made her feel less…She didn't have a word for it. Since changing, she was thinking about herself less and about Tom and Danny and Reason and Mere more.
"Reason kept saying magic was evil. You heard her, right?" Tom asked.
Jay-Tee nodded. "I'm not sure
evil
is the right word."
"What is, then?"
"Um." Jay-Tee tried to figure it out. The magic going away had made her less selfish. But Tom wasn't selfish. Maybe it wasn't just the magic being gone. All the stuff that had happened since she first met Reason…Maybe all of that had made her— she hated to think it, 'cause it was the kind of thing her dad would have said before he became so horrible— but she was a bit more grown-up, more considerate or something. "I think not having magic makes you…kinder."
"Kinder?"
"It's probably the wrong word. I don't really know what I mean. Magic changes us. Makes us less, well,
good
? No, that's not it. Whatever it is, it gets worse as you get older. I think my dad was maybe wrong. Magic might bring you closer to God. But only if you use it right. And most people don't. It makes them less good. It's like…it's like if you get rich. Money makes lots of people not good people. They get greedy and worry about losing their money and how to make more and they go all evil. I think magic's like that.
"And I don't want that happening to you. I hate the idea of you dying young, but it would be even worse to see you turning into someone like Jason Blake."
"I would never!"
Jay-Tee didn't say anything. But she could imagine it. When he was a bit older and his dying closer. Mere had said she'd give anything for a few more weeks, a few days…even if it meant stealing magic from someone else. One day Tom might be like that too.
"Does this mean you don't want to be my girlfriend anymore?" he asked.
Jay-Tee laughed. "Hell, no! I just have to make sure you see the light and don't stray into the path of evil."
Tom laughed, but Jay-Tee was deadly serious. She wasn't going to let him go over to the dark side.
"Shall we start by cleaning up the mess downstairs?" Tom asked.
Jay-Tee rolled her eyes. "Doofus, I was talking big evil! Not lame housework."
* * *
It wasn't too bad. They mostly just picked up all the broken magic stuff and threw it into garbage bags. The Cansinos sure had collected a lot of it over the years: antiques and pieces of wood— even the stones were all in pieces now.
Their magic was over. Finished. Done.
It made Jay-Tee feel less bad about her own missing magic. She bet the magic schoolhouse next door looked like a bomb had hit it.
The house was almost spotless before Jay-Tee realized what the other thing bugging her was.
"Where did Jason Blake go?"
"Oh, yeah," Tom said. "Good ol' Jason Blake. I bet he did a runner. You didn't want him to hang around, did you?"
"Are you kidding?" Jay-Tee would live happy if she never saw him again for the rest of her life.
"Do you reckon anything valuable's missing?" Tom asked.
Jay-Tee looked at the full garbage bags. "How would we tell?"
"Too true."
Jay-Tee wasn't sure how she felt. "I wish he'd been punished."
"Did you see that black eye Danny gave him?"
"That's not enough."
"Jay-Tee, he
was
punished," Tom said. "He's got no magic."
"That means
I'm
punished too."
"No," Tom said. "You were
saved
, remember?"
"Very funny." But she was starting to believe that she had been saved. She certainly didn't
feel
punished. Running and dancing weren't the same, but she had the feeling she'd get to like the non-magic version of them too. She was a whole new person. A kinder, less selfish one. But maybe that had already started back when Reason stumbled through the door into a New York blizzard.
One thing was certain: Jay-Tee was starting to like this new person. She was looking forward to seeing how she was going to turn out.
"It must be worse for him," Jay-Tee said, thinking it through out loud. "Magic was all he ever cared about. He didn't love anyone. The only thing for him was magic and now it's gone. I've got lots of things to live for. My life isn't over. Not even close."
"Course not," Tom said. "We're pretty much finished, right? Time to make out?"
Jay-Tee laughed and kissed him.
36
Reason Cansino
I passed the exam. Well,
not exactly passed. I got a hundred per cent for the maths, and a strong suggestion that I might get a history and English tutor before I started year ten.
Truth was, I barely made it through the exam. Only the maths problems kept me going. Once the magic had gone, all my emotions came rushing back. I was knocked sideways by love, anger, jealousy, hurt. It was all I could do to concentrate.
I sobbed for ten solid minutes after I put my pencil down.
After that, there was no getting out of seeing a counsellor once a week. Isabella Sanditon said to tell her everything. Hah! But I did tell her about the baby and how scared I am to be fifteen and almost a mother. Especially when I don't know how I feel about my own mother and how she brought me up, knowing so much about mathematics and science and almost nothing about anything else. How she lied to me.
Omission, we decided— the counsellor and me— is as bad as a lie.
Sarafina apologised, explained. And I didn't forgive her, and then I did, and then I didn't again, and we screamed and fought. Knowing that she was right, had always been right, in a way, helps a lot. She always knew that magic was evil.
And really, if she hadn't kept me away from Mere, would I have been able to save us? For that alone I forgive her. Today anyway.
Mere forgave me for taking the magic away. Sometimes I'm not entirely sure if I forgive myself. I can't help wondering what it would have been like: me and my baby floating in Cansino's world together— no pain ever.
What mother doesn't imagine giving
that
to her child?
Sarafina and Mere have been locked in plenty of their own fights. Hardly a day goes by that Sarafina doesn't threaten to scarper back out bush, out the window, down the drainpipe, and away. But mostly they just scream at each other.
School starting in February turned out to be a relief.
It's school for both me and Sarafina; she's trying to finish the education she barely started. I'm pretty sure she won't run away again till she's all educated.
My grandfather Alexander/Jason Blake disappeared some time between me closing my eyes to turn the magic off and Jennifer Ishii coming to the door. None of us miss him. Jay-Tee hopes he was left destitute, with no credit cards in his pocket and no explanation to the authorities as to how he wound up in Australia without his passport.
But then a package arrived for Tom. It contained three keys and four addresses, in Bangkok, Auckland, Dallas, and New York. So I suspect that my magicless grandfather is doing okay. Though why he cares about Tom I don't know, unless he just didn't want his precious doors to go to waste.
I was right about Jay-Tee and Tom. While I'd almost been swallowed whole by my great-great-great-etc.-grandfather's magic, they'd been off kissing! Unbelievable. And to top it off, they kept disappearing together, leaving me alone with my guilty, angry, loving mother and grandmother. More than enough to make
me
want to run away.
If I could have, I would have.
And no boyfriend for me. Danny hadn't ever been anything more than a magic-induced crush (well,
partly
magic-induced). When Raul had started to unravel, the Cansino magic wanted a baby, and Danny was conveniently there to be the father. I was grateful that he was decent about it. He wants to help with raising the baby, and not just with money. He wants the baby to know him, to have a father, even if he lives such a long way away.
There's so much to cope with. The coming baby and Sarafina. They both need me.
And Jay-Tee too. She couldn't stay in Sydney with Tom like she wanted. She had to go home with Danny, and while the adults sorted out her passport problems, and when she wasn't off with Tom, she spent her time crying about not getting to stay and worrying about Tom using too much of his magic.
All of which barely affected him. He didn't regret his decision. Not for a second. I don't think he believes he'll die. Who really believes that until it's too late? And once a week he makes one of us something excellent to wear. Mostly Jay-Tee, of course, but he never entirely neglects the rest of us. Tom reckons everything is roses: he has a girlfriend he loves, he's had the mother he hardly knew returned to him, and there are no more secrets or lies in his family.
I did my best to persuade him. But I don't think anything would have changed his mind. Tom doesn't believe he's anything without magic. And sometimes, when the Fibonaccis aren't cascading through my head like they should, sometimes I think he might be right.
Life was easier before I knew magic was real. Before Sarafina went mad. But I'm not sorry it changed. My life with Sarafina hadn't been the way I'd always told myself it was. Sarafina did wrong by me, keeping me from making friends, from knowing the truth. And even if that's how I ultimately saved my family from magic, it still wasn't right.
I have friends now, a family of more than just me and Sarafina. And though they all drive me insane, I wouldn't give them up.
I can't count the way I used to. The numbers don't unfurl in my head, but I'm still better at maths than most people. I've got a good shot at going to university and becoming a mathematician. Jay-Tee still runs faster than most and dances like a dervish. Sarafina can still tell direction by the stars. Mere is still one of the top actuaries in the state.
My baby's due in October. Danny's going to fly back for it, even though that's right after he starts university and joins his fancy university basketball team. Jay-Tee will be here too.
We're calling the baby Magic Galeano Cansino. And she'll be as magic-free as I am. I think she'll be the luckiest baby in the world.
Epilogue
The first time Tom ever
held a baby in his arms was when Mere handed him Magic. She was less than a day old.
He'd already pointed out that it was a stupid name. Aside from the obvious objections, what was her nickname going to be? Maggi? Like she was a soup mix or something? And Maggie and Mags weren't much better.