I remembered those emotions; I should be feeling them now. She was killing herself by rejecting the magic I offered. But the Cansino magic blunted my pain. There were no tears left in me. No laughter either.
"This is Thailand?" I asked.
"Yes, darling. Bangkok, Thailand: 9,290 K from Sydney."
"Huh."
We'd always meant to come here— not crowded Bangkok, but Thailand. Once I was old enough for Esmeralda to have no claim on me, we were going to leave Australia and travel the world. She'd always told me about Angkor Wat in Cambodia, which wasn't so very far from here. Not compared to how far it was from Australia.
And here we were, overseas together. I watched Sarafina's lips moving, her hands too. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, rearranging her skirt around her. She had never been a still person, except when the doctors in Kalder Park had drugged her.
"You must listen. I'm telling you something very important, Reason. I was confessing. When I said insanity was preferable to magic, I was wrong. I didn't know there were other kinds of magic." She waved her hand and made a butterfly appear. It was bigger than any butterfly I'd ever seen before, with bands of red, green, and gold. Sarafina's light became so dim she was barely there.
"Sarafina!"
"Isn't it gorgeous? Almost as big as the largest butterfly in the world. See the wingspan? That's about thirty centimetres. Isn't that incredible? What's better— I made it. I'm pretty sure it's a whole new species. Or if it's not new, then it's so rare no one knows about it, surely almost extinct. Perhaps I should make a few more?"
"No! That's mad! You don't have enough— "
"I know." She jumped up and spun, her skirt swirling out around her. She snapped her fingers. "But it doesn't matter. Esmeralda's version of magic was so grim. No fun. It was all dour survival and trying so hard never to steal it from anyone— though she did from me, and didn't that eat her up? What I want is my childhood back. I want the fun of magic. I want the play."
"We played all the time.
Without
magic."
"We did, didn't we?
Mostly
without magic. And I loved it, Reason, I did. You are the most wonderful thing I have ever done in my life. I don't have words for how glad I am that I made you. That I taught you. That we had so many years together. And we'll have many more too. I love you, Reason. More than I've ever loved anyone else."
I wondered if she'd ever loved anyone but me. I didn't think so. Back when we'd lived together, Sarafina had seemed capable of anything. But now all I could see were her limits. How she'd never connected to anyone but me. I knew I loved her, but the feeling was remote. It was like the memory of a feeling. I knew I should feel sad about her dying. But the most I could summon up was a vague sense of guilt.
"I love you too, Sarafina," I said.
"I'm not going to worry about my mother anymore," she told me. "Not now that I've got my baby back. It's so wonderful to see you, precious Reason. So wonderful to
really
see you. Unclouded. Clear." She drew me into her arms again. I had always felt safe there, but not anymore. "I can't wait till we can go flying together. Alexander told me all about it. How wondrous!"
"Flying together?"
"Yes, after you've changed me to be like you."
Sarafina stretched out her hand, palm up, and her butterfly landed in its centre. She blew on it and the pretty insect disappeared. "There, that's about all my magic, I think. Oh, yes…" She sank to her knees, her eyes rolling up so I could see only the whites.
"Time to change me," she whispered.
27
Reunion
Jay-Tee woke to the sound
of pounding coming from downstairs. She unglued her eyes, jumped up, and threw on clothes. She and Tom had stayed up talking for hours and hours. It was light outside but very quiet. It had to be early. She was so tired she almost fell down the stairs. The pounding on the door didn't stop. She turned the handle and threw it open.
"Hell, what are you— "
It was Danny, holding a winter coat. Beside him was a large suitcase.
"Oh my God! Danny!"
Jay-Tee's brother picked her up in a huge hug and twirled her around. "You're still alive! Thank you, God." He gave her a kiss on both cheeks and then set her down to look at her. "What happened to your face? Did someone give you that bruise?"
"What? That? No. It's nothing— a magic thing. I'm totally alive," Jay-Tee said, unable to stop smiling. "Reason cured me."
"She did! How? I mean what? Cured? Why didn't she tell me?! I came all this way— she made me think you were dying."
Jay-Tee pulled him into the house. He hefted his suitcase through, and Jay-Tee shut the door.
"Wow, you look terrible!" she said. His hair was matted to his head, and big black rings shadowed both eyes.
"Thanks. You try sleeping in a chair designed for pygmies. Two flights to get here, Julieta! And one of them was a thousand hours long." He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. "And it's so hot and sticky here. I forgot about the whole summer thing. Didn't pack anything but winter clothes."
Jay-Tee laughed, though she hadn't known about the whole winter-summer thing herself until a week ago. "Moron! Come and sit down in the kitchen. Just leave your suitcase and coat here. We'll sort it later. It's this way. What the hell are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"
Danny pulled up a stool. "To surprise you. Thought it would be fun!"
"You almost scared me half to death."
"You sorry I came?"
"No! It's wonderful to see you." And Danny wasn't magic. It would be great to hang out with someone who wasn't magic for a change. Maybe she wouldn't feel like such a freak.
"Damn, I'm thirsty."
"Water do?" Jay-Tee asked, opening up the fridge.
"There any beer in there?"
"Danny! It's like eight in the morning!"
"Oh, yeah. Well, it sure don't feel like it. There any soda?"
"Just water or OJ."
Danny grimaced. "OJ, then."
She poured them both a glass and handed Danny his.
"Cured like how?" he asked.
Jay-Tee sat down opposite him. "I was dying. And now I'm not. I don't have any magic left."
Danny's mouth dropped open. "Say what? I thought that shit was with you till you died?"
Jay-Tee nodded. "Me too. But Reason broke the rules. That's how she cured me. She took all the magic away. Now I'm just like you."
"Took your magic away? So you're like me now?"
"That's right. Except I still suck at basketball."
"That's wonderful!" He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. Jay-Tee tried to believe that it was too. "I'm so happy for you. For me too."
Jay-Tee smiled. "Yeah. I'm alive. It totally beats being dead," she said. "Wow, Danny, I can't believe you're here. This is great!"
"It is, isn't it? I mean, despite the flight. I was trapped next to this guy who follows high school basketball. Would you believe it? He recognized me. So I had to listen to him ranting about pro ball and how it ain't what it used to be and how the women's game is more old-school. I had to pretend to be asleep to shut him up. I don't think I can go back to the city. Don't think I can ever face that flight again." Danny yawned, rubbed his eyes. "I could go to sleep right now. You're really not dying?"
"Cross my heart."
"Well," he said, "I'm so glad." He started stretching his arms. "Man, I'm sore. Those planes ain't designed for people as tall as me."
Jay-Tee tried to imagine her brother cooped up in a normal-person chair, unable to fling his legs every which way. It was kind of impossible. But then, she wouldn't ever have imagined Danny crying either, and there he was sitting opposite her with his eyes full of tears. He squeezed her hand again, like he wasn't convinced she was real. This was not the Danny she'd grown up with.
"It's so great."
"Isn't it?"
"I can't believe Reason lied to me. She told me you were dying. Almost gone."
"She did? Is that why you came running?"
"Running?
Flying
, you mean." He made a face. "Nah, I'd already booked the flight. Why'd she lie?"
"I don't know. It doesn't make any sense." It really didn't. Reason didn't tell lies. She was completely allergic to them. "When did you see her?"
"Yesterday, I guess."
Jay-Tee thought about it. It was Saturday morning now. "Friday, you mean?"
"Friday? Nope. Being on that plane ate up Friday. That is one long-ass flight, let me tell you. Reason showed up Thursday afternoon as I was waiting for the car." He stretched his neck again. "I half wished I was magic and could come through that door of yours."
Jay-Tee winced. That door she was never going through again. She shook her head. Thursday afternoon in the city was when here? Reason would know. Jay-Tee was pretty sure it was Friday already, yesterday. So Reason should've known that Jay-Tee was okay. Yesterday was when she'd saved her, and she hadn't gone to NYC until after that. "It doesn't make sense. She knew I wasn't dying anymore."
"She
was
being weird." Danny ducked his head. "It was awkward, you know? I had no idea what to say."
"About what?" Jay-Tee asked, and then she realized. Reason must've told him about the baby. And he hadn't taken it well, and
that
was why Reason hadn't told him about curing Jay-Tee. She'd been too mad. "Oh," she said. "
That
."
"So you know?" Danny asked.
Jay-Tee nodded. "Yeah, we all do."
Danny swore. "I can't believe she blabbed to all of you."
"Well, she didn't blab. It was Mere, her grandmother."
"She told her grandmother! I thought she hated her grandmother!"
"Look, Danny," Jay-Tee said as soothingly as she could. "It's not going to wreck anything for you. Truly. Reason has Mere and her mother…. Well, sort of. Anyway, she won't need anything from you. Her grandmother has scads of money. You won't have to have anything to do with the baby if you don't want. You'll still get to play— "
"
Baby?!
"
"Um…" That wasn't what he'd been talking about.
Oops.
"Baby? What baby?"
"She didn't tell you."
Always great to state the obvious
, she thought,
get it out there in the open
.
"She's pregnant? What's that got to do with me?"
Jay-Tee looked at her brother's open mouth. She couldn't believe he could be
that
low. "It's
your
baby. That's what it's got to do with you."
"She said that?! But there's no way it could be mine. We only just slept together. It was only a few days ago! She wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet!"
"Magic."
"What?"
"She knows because of magic. Mere saw the baby inside her."
"Jesus wept!" Danny ran a hand through his hair. "Ack. I need a shower so bad. It still don't necessarily mean it's mine!"
"It's yours."
"Her grandmother could see
that
?"
"Yes," Jay-Tee said.
"Because of
magic
?!" He rolled his eyes. "Of course, why did I ask? I s'pose the baby'll be all magic and shit too?"
"Seems like." Jay-Tee felt herself getting teary, thinking about her own lost magic. She blinked it away.
"Great. So I'm gonna have a kid who dies before I do? Wonderful. Though, wait, can't Reason fix it? She fixed you, didn't she?"
"She did," Jay-Tee said slowly, but she wasn't thinking about her unborn niece or nephew; she was thinking about Tom again. About Reason turning Tom's magic off. About Tom not dying young. About how Reason could give him a normal life like Jay-Tee, where all you had to worry about were little things like your brother getting your best friend pregnant.
"I really have a kid?" Danny looked like he was going to cry too. And not from happiness this time. "I
can't
have a kid." He stood up and started pacing the kitchen.
"Well, you're gonna." Once more on the obvious.
"Fu— "
"You did that already, Danny. Remember? Don't freak out. The baby's not going to stop you becoming the king of the NBA, okay?"
"Jesus wept! Jay-Tee, you can't tell me I'm going to be a dad and expect me not to freak. How do you know she won't come after me? This could be the end of everything. No college ball. No shot at the NBA."