"Yeah," Tom said. "What are the odds of them not noticing?"
"Not good. I don't remember doing that. Do you?"
"Nope. I think we were maybe preoccupied."
"I guess," Jay-Tee said, but she didn't giggle or smile or anything. Did that mean it really
hadn't
meant anything to her? "Should we start with the carpet?" she asked.
Tom nodded and took the corner closest to him, pulling it into place, while she took the other side. "So what did you talk to Esmeralda about?" he asked. He didn't really care. He wanted to talk about what happened last night. Or not talk about it, exactly, but he wanted…Tom wasn't sure what he wanted. Well, yes, he was. He wanted to kiss her again. And dance. And all of that. Like last night. And he wanted Jay-Tee to want that too.
"Stuff." Jay-Tee still wasn't looking at him. Was it because she was religious? Did she think she was going to go to hell for kissing him?
"Like what?" He smoothed out a bump in the carpet with his foot.
"Table next?" she asked.
Tom grabbed the end nearest him. It was huge and made of solid wood. They moved it only a few centimetres before resting.
"So, Esmeralda?" Tom prompted.
"Oh," she said. "Well, I wanted to ask her about something. Something I've been wondering about."
"What?" Tom said.
"Well…" She trailed off, still not looking at him.
"What?!"
"Okay," Jay-Tee said. "You know how Reason's been acting weird? I don't mean her old-man-magic weirdness. She's been weird about Danny too. Whenever he's mentioned, she's all…I don't know, weird. And, well, it just got me thinking."
"Thinking what?" Tom asked. Why were they talking about this? Why weren't they talking about them?
"Also, yesterday morning, you know, when you were off drinking with your sister— "
"I only had a few glasses. And I didn't even like it. Not to mention that I didn't drink a whole bottle like some people."
"Whatever," Jay-Tee said. "Anyway, the three of us— me, Mere, and Reason— were talking about Reason's morning sickness. But Mere said that it couldn't be morning sickness, 'cause that doesn't start until you've been pregnant for months. She was trying to figure out how long Reason had been pregnant. Don't you think that's odd?"
"Huh?" What was odd was that Jay-Tee still hadn't looked him in the eye.
"Why would Mere have to think about how long it'd been when we all know it was the old man who got her pregnant, doing magic on her? Anyway, all of that got me thinking. And I was wondering, you know? So I asked Esmeralda…" She trailed off again. "Should we finish the table?"
"Asked her what?"
"Table first." They lifted it again, grunting, stepping, grunting, stepping, and finally got it back into position.
"Damn, that's heavy!"
"Yup," Tom said, leaning forward and panting more. "Chairs are easier, but. And you can tell me what you asked Esmeralda while we put them back."
"I don't want you getting weird or mad or anything, okay?"
"Why would I?"
"Well, you like Reason, don't you?"
"Sure. Don't you?" Tom said, putting the last chair in place.
"Not like that, I don't."
"Oh," Tom said. "Well, yeah, I did, a bit, but, not like, you know, not like, um." He stopped. He couldn't go there, not without knowing what Jay-Tee thought. "I don't like her that way anymore. I'm not sure I did before, you know? Not really. It was just kind of, ah, um, and anyway, because, er…" Tom didn't want to be the first to mention last night. He was embarrassed. He was nervous. He didn't know if she still felt what she'd felt last night. He was starting to be pretty sure that she didn't.
"You sure?"
"Uh-huh."
"Okay, then, Danny and Reason did the nasty. Danny's the father of Reason's baby. I asked Mere. She said it's true."
"
Danny
? And Reason? Whoa." He felt sick, but also not. The thought of it split him in half. Part of him was grossed out, but the other part was just puzzled and maybe concerned. Other things worried him more. A lot more. Like, did Jay-Tee like him? Was Reason going to find her mother? Were they going to be okay? Another thought struck him. "Hey," he said, "that means it's a normal baby. Not a freaky scary child of a monster. That's great news!"
"Great news! Are you kidding? Danny's going to ignite! A baby? Do you know how many girlfriends my brother has? And he doesn't give a damn about any of them. All he cares about is basketball. A baby? Are you nuts? It's a disaster. Oh my God, he's going to break her heart! It's going to be
horrible
!"
"I guess."
"You guess!"
Tom flopped down onto the couch. It was strange, how calm he was. When he'd first thought about the possibility of Reason and Danny together, he'd thought his brain was going to explode. Now, not really. All he felt was relief. Because Reason being pregnant to Danny was a
million
times better than her being pregnant to her creepy ancestor.
And, besides, he didn't want to be with Reason anymore. Did it only take getting with another girl to take your mind off the first? How shallow was that? Especially when he wasn't at all sure how the new girl felt about him.
Jay-Tee sat at the other end of the couch, pulling her legs up underneath her. Tom wondered if she was making sure they wouldn't accidentally touch.
"Sorry," Tom said. "I don't know why we didn't figure it out earlier. It definitely stands to reason. Occam's razor."
"Occam's what?"
"Razor. It's something Da says. The most obvious explanation is usually the right one."
"Yeah, well, Danny and Reason doing it might be Occam's razor, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Do you know Danny's never, ever been dumped? Not once. And if he was, he wouldn't care. And he's never dumped anyone either. He just stops calling them, stops returning their calls. And if he runs into a girl who thinks they're still going out, he's all, 'Baby, how you doing? Haven't seen you in ages.' He's the worst. He hates confrontations. You know, unless it's on a basketball court. Basketball, that's it for Danny. The beginning and the end. Poor Reason."
"Well, yeah, but it's still better than her being up the duff to someone who's
hundreds
of years old."
Jay-Tee sighed. "I guess."
"You guess? C'mon, Jay-Tee. It's a normal baby, not some kind of freaky— "
"It'll still be magic."
"How do you know?"
"You should've seen her skin yesterday, Tom. Freaky. And Raul Cansino did something to her belly. In the cemetery. I saw him do it. Not only is Danny the father, he's the father of a freaky supermagic baby."
"It's still better than— "
"Okay, yes, it's better than that, but not a
whole
lot better. You don't know my brother, Tom."
Tom shrugged. That was true. He didn't really
want
to know him. Tom might not be jealous about Reason anymore, but Danny still didn't sound like the nicest guy on the planet. Thousands of girlfriends? Bastard. Plus it was all his fault they were talking about this instead of them. Double bastard. "Why do you reckon she didn't tell us?"
"C'mon, Tom! Are you going to tell everyone about you and me?"
"Well…" Tom paused. Did that mean she thought there
was
a him and her, or that she didn't want anyone to know about it?
"I didn't think so."
"But," Tom stuttered, "but not because I don't want them to know. I mean. I do. Sort of. It's just that, well…" He stopped, feeling his cheeks get hot.
"What?"
"I like you."
Jay-Tee smiled, though it was a wary smile. "I think you're okay too."
What did that mean? Was she breaking up with him? Thinking someone was okay was a lot weaker than
liking
them. "Well," Tom said, taking the plunge, wondering if he'd regret it, "I think you're more than okay."
She didn't say anything.
"Um, it's not that I don't want anyone to know 'cause I'm embarrassed or anything. It's because it's all new and kind of…" He must sound like a total dropkick.
"Fragile?"
"Yes!" Tom grabbed at the word. "Fragile! That's exactly what it is. I want it to be just for you and me. I want it to stay our secret. Something special. Private. We don't have to tell anyone until we want to." He suddenly realised he was talking about him and her being a real thing, when Jay-Tee hadn't actually agreed there was any him and her. She was looking at him, but she wasn't saying anything. Tom felt sick, and not the halfway kind of sick he'd felt when he realised that Danny and Reason were into each other.
"I don't mind," Jay-Tee said at last, and Tom almost laughed out loud, he was so relieved. "Us having a secret will be fun." She reached out her hand and slid it into Tom's. He enjoyed the warmth of her fingers tangled with his.
"Are you hungry?" she asked. "Wanna get breakfast?"
"Breakfast. Oh, bugger." Tom checked his watch: twenty past ten. "Bugger! Sorry, Jay-Tee. I promised Da I'd eat with him, but I'll come straight back after."
"You promise? You're not going to disappear to New York like last time?"
"I'll be right back. I promise," he said, kissing her lips, filled with relief that there were going to be heaps more kisses.
22
Another Door
The doors closed in front
of me and the lift spun, round and round and round, until I was unable to tell what was up and what was down. I closed my eyes. Immediately the disorientation was gone. I was surrounded by little lights strung together with filaments. But each of the lights was made up of even more lights, and as I got closer, I saw that each one too was made up of still more. Infinity.
It was so beautiful. I could have stayed forever. Santiago was right. I wasn't sad. In Cansino's space, there wasn't any sadness.
But then the spinning stopped and I could see other lights beyond those of the lift-that-was-a-door. I could feel the real world pressing up around me.
I could see the lights that were Esmeralda. They were in motion. She was using magic, I was sure of it: filaments stretched out from her, groping through Cansino's space towards me. She was looking for me, I realised.
I opened my eyes. The lift doors were open again. My body felt clumsy and heavy. I was dizzy too. I stumbled out, past the doorman— a different doorman— onto the street. It was so unlike where I had just been. No scent of flowers in the air. No bright colours. Everything was closed up, shut off. I could see the dull grey-brown buildings on the other side of the street and a little further down the block, but not much else. The people who passed me disappeared into their winter coats. They moved fast, their heads down.
The ugliness of a New York winter had made me forget how beautiful the real world could be: flowers, stars, butterflies. All with their own mathematical patterns. Where Santiago and his sister lived was almost as beautiful as Cansino's world of magic and lights and mathematics.
In my peripheral Cansino vision I could see Esmeralda coming towards me. I turned and saw her in both worlds: a glittering assemblage of magic and a tired, slow-moving figure buried in coat, hat, and gloves.
"Reason," she called.
I couldn't see Sarafina or Jason Blake.
I raised my hand. My golden hand.
Esmeralda nodded. Under her wool hat, her eyes were glassy and shadowed. "I'm glad you came back. I was beginning to think you wouldn't. You've been gone a long time."
"It's good to see you," I said, surprising myself. It
was
good to see her, and not just because she looked so much like Sarafina. "Getting back turned out to be a lot harder than getting there."
She smiled but didn't meet my eyes. The goldness was still too much for her. "Are you…" She trailed off. "How do you feel?"
"Strange. Strang
er
. I didn't find Sarafina. Have you heard anything?" I asked.
She finally looked me in the eye but shook her head. "Nothing. Tom and Jay-Tee are fine, though. Better off than me. You mightn't feel the cold, but I do."
"Sorry. I'm glad Jay-Tee and Tom are okay." I just wished my mother was too. "Sarafina has to be behind the other door."
* * *
We walked. I'd expected it to take minutes, but what seemed close in Cansino vision was thirty-eight blocks away. We waded through a sea of names: Horatio, Jane, Perry, and Charles. Then the numbers returned.
Esmeralda kept looking at me, as though that would help her see what I was seeing. "Where did that lift door take you?"