"Danny, relax. You're just the dad. You won't have to do nothing. Dads never do."
"Hey! Our dad did." He paused. "I mean, before he went crazy and turned on you and…Look, there are good dads out there."
"You just don't have to be one of them. Seriously, Danny, you can go back to New York and never even see the baby."
Danny stopped pacing to stare at Jay-Tee. "What kind of a lame-ass loser do you think I am? My own sister! If it's my kid—
my
kid— of course I'll help out with that. Of course I wanna see it. Know it. Be its dad. Oh my God!
Be
its dad! I'm gonna be a dad. Man. Man! I am
way
too young to be a father."
"Dad was only nineteen," Jay-Tee pointed out. "That's only a year older than you. And they didn't have any money at all hardly. You're loaded."
"
We're
loaded. It's your money too, Jay-Tee, remember? Dad did some of his magic hoodoo stuff and now money grows on trees. Anyway, that was the olden days. Back then,
everyone
was having babies while they were still babies."
Jay-Tee laughed. "What? And no one you were at school with had babies? You
did
go to the same high school as me, didn'tcha?"
"You are
so
not helping."
"I will, though. We'll both help with the baby." If it didn't turn out so scary-magic that Danny couldn't even see it, like Raul Cansino. Which would mean
she
couldn't see it either. "You'll go to Georgetown and be the best point guard in their entire history. I bet there are other basketball stars who've had babies. In college even."
There was a tap at the window; they both looked up to see Tom.
Jay-Tee waved at him to come in. He climbed through the window and dropped to the kitchen floor, his eyes wide.
"Wow, Danny, right? What are you doing here?"
Jay-Tee looked at the two of them looking at each other and wondered how she was going to tell Danny that Tom was her boyfriend.
28
Magic or Madness?
Tom sat down next to
Jay-Tee, his eyes still on Danny.
"So, um," he said. "This is a surprise."
"Isn't it?" Jay-Tee said, beaming. Tom felt a tiny pang. How come he didn't make her as happy as her brother did? She hadn't grinned like that when he'd showed her the blue silk shell.
"When did you get here?" Tom asked.
"Just now."
"Huh. Long flight, eh?"
"Yup," Danny said.
The doorbell rang, and Tom almost jumped up to get it. Anything to get away from Danny-who'd-gotten-Reason-pregnant. But he paused. If he answered the door, would it look like he lived here, like he'd
spent the night
with Jay-Tee just yesterday? Even though they'd just kissed (a lot), how would Danny feel about that?
Jay-Tee stood up. "I guess I'll get that." She darted off. He wasn't thrilled at being left alone with Mr Thousands-of-girlfriends, Mr Breaker-of-hearts, whose sister was Tom's secret girlfriend. For one thing, Danny was a lot bigger than Tom remembered.
"You going to stay long?" he asked.
"I'm not sure."
"Right," Tom said, because he didn't think it would be a great idea to tell Danny that he looked
really
tired and that maybe now was a good time for a nap. Tom had come over to hang with Jay-Tee and get back to where they'd left off. Not likely with her insanely huge big brother hanging around.
Danny didn't say anything. He wasn't much of a talker. Tom wondered what Reason saw in him, other than him being tall, kind of okay looking, and wearing decent clothes. His shirt was made up of parts of three different shirts that had been sectioned and then sewn together with the seams showing. A Frankenstein shirt. Pretty cool, for a guy obsessed with sport.
"So are you cured too?" Danny asked.
"Am I
what
?" Tom wondered what on earth he was talking about.
"Did Reason cure you of magic?" Danny asked, as if he were asking if Tom had had a wart removed or something.
Tom's jaw dropped open. "No way! Why would she do that? I'm not dying!"
"But you will, though, won't you? Reason said you people don't live very long."
You people!
What did he mean, "you people"? "Esmeralda's forty-five. That's heaps long."
"Isn't she about to die? Forty-five's not that old."
"Esmeralda is
not
about to die."
"Whatever." Danny shrugged in the exact same way that Jay-Tee did. "But Reason seemed to think you'd be lucky if you made it into your thirties."
"Reason said that?" Tom swallowed. "That's still heaps of time, but. And, you know, maybe then she can cure me. Right before I'm about to die."
"I guess."
"That's if Reason's still around to cure you," Jay-Tee said, coming in and sitting back down beside Tom. He reached under the table to briefly squeeze her knee. He was pretty sure Danny didn't notice.
"Who was it?" Tom asked.
"Mormons."
"You got those here too?" Danny said. "Huh."
"Reason might not be around that long," Jay-Tee continued.
"Of course she will be," Tom said. "She's got the super-duper, live-forever magic."
"Sure, but Esmeralda said she's changing so fast she might not be with us much longer."
"Huh? But you just said— "
"Not dying, Tom,
changing
. Becoming less human. Like the weird old guy. Remember him? That's where her magic came from."
Actually, Tom
didn't
remember Raul Cansino. He'd been on the floor unconscious when the old guy had made his little visit to Sydney.
"He was freaky as hell, and now Reason's turning freaky too. Who knows what she'll be by the time we see her again— forget about fifteen years from now when your magic's almost gone."
"Twenty-five years from now!"
"Does that matter?" Danny asked. "I think my sister's saying that Reason won't be around to cure you when you're thirty and dying."
Jay-Tee nodded. "If she comes back, this may be it."
"Wait?" Tom said. "
If
Reason comes back?!"
"She probably will," Jay-Tee said. "I mean, she'll want to say goodbye, won't she? And then she'll fix you. You won't have to worry about how much magic you use. You won't have to die. Not having magic, Tom, it's not so bad."
"You're not serious!" Tom didn't believe she really wanted this. "Turn my magic off?" No magic? Why would anyone
want
to live without it?
"I like my magic, Jay-Tee. It makes me happy. Plus I'm
not
dying."
"Not
now
you're not. But you will be."
He didn't know what to say. It meant a lot to Jay-Tee for him to be "saved," but he
didn't
want that. Not the religious kind of saved, and
definitely
not the losing-all-his-magic kind. No making clothes? No dreaming up new designs and making them real? No going through the door?
"She's right, man, what about your future? You might think making it to thirty or forty is a big deal. But it isn't. What if you have kids? You'll be dead before they're hardly grown up. That's what happened to us, you know. We're orphans now. I don't even remember our mom."
Tom stared at Danny. It was the most he'd ever heard him say. He couldn't help thinking the advice about having a family was a bit much, what with Danny just having gotten a fifteen-year-old girl pregnant. But he could hardly say that after Danny had mentioned the orphan thing. Danny looked completely knackered. Why didn't he bugger off to bed?
"Tom?" Jay-Tee said. "I know it doesn't seem that way now. There's all the good magic stuff, like dancing and running and— " She broke off, her eyes red. "But it's not that bad. You get to live…."
Tom shook his head. He could see perfectly well that Jay-Tee was heartbroken that her magic was gone. Why would she want him to suffer too? It didn't make any sense. "I'll get to live
with
magic."
"There's your mom too. You want her saved, don't you?"
"Of course." They'd tried so hard, Tom and his da, to explain that if she just used a little bit of magic, she'd stop being crazy. But she hadn't understood. She kept screaming at them that they were mad. When he'd tried to convince her by demonstrating his own magic, she'd gone completely off. The staff at Kalder Park had to restrain her, strengthen her meds. And would taking her magic away really make her sane? She'd been mad for so long….
"You're lucky you've got parents who are still alive," Danny said.
"You already said that," Tom said. "I get it."
Danny gave him a look that would have frozen him on the spot if it'd come from Jay-Tee. "I don't think you do," he said. "You should be thinking about them, not yourself. How do you think they'll feel knowing you're going to die before they do? That's harsh."
"I dunno," Tom said. "It's about as harsh as finding out that your fifteen-year-old daughter's up the duff to some random bloke she only just met. I wonder how Reason's mum will feel about that? I mean, aren't you like ten years older than her?"
"Tom!" Jay-Tee said. "He's only eighteen!"
Danny flushed and looked down. "You got me."
"But we're talking about you, Tom, and your mom. Danny's right. If Reason saves her, how's she going to feel knowing you're not saved?"
Tom decided not to argue about whether or not turning someone's magic off meant that they were
saved
. "I want my mum back. But that doesn't mean I have to stop being myself. I've been pretty sparing. I reckon I'll make it to forty."
"I wouldn't be so sure. You've used way more magic than Mere had when she was your age. I bet she never broke anyone's fingers with magic."
"You did that?" Danny said, turning to stare at him. "That's brutal."
"You had to be there," Tom mumbled. "Look, Jay-Tee, until I met Esmeralda I'd barely used any magic at all. So little by little, I was starting to go mad. Like my mum. Think of all the amazing clothes I can make by the time I'm forty. Think what a career I'll have by then. There'll be movie stars wearing my clothes— "
"Doubt it," Jay-Tee said. "Most of them have pukey taste."
Danny laughed and Tom had an urge to smack him. But Danny was a
lot
bigger than him. He wondered again how Danny was going to react when he found out about him and Jay-Tee. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Reason being preggers.
"You know what I mean. All I've ever wanted is to design beautiful clothes. You're telling me to give that up. Danny, you're a really good basketballer, right? Would you give it up if it meant you'd live longer?"
"Basketball player," Danny said. "Not basketballer."
"That's not a fair question," Jay-Tee said. "Playing basketball doesn't mean he's going to live a shorter life."
"Actually," Danny said, "my high school coach told us once that a pro ball career takes years off your life."
"See? And have you stopped wanting to be a basketballer?"
"Basketball
player
," Danny said. "And no, but it's not the same. Lots of players live into their seventies and eighties. It's not a sure thing.
You're
guaranteed to die before you see forty."
"But you wouldn't give it up. See, Jay-Tee? You wouldn't ask him to either, would you? But you're asking me to give up something just as important to me. Without my magic, without the clothes I make— "
"You'll still be able to do that. Magic isn't why you do that.
You
are why you can do that. I can still run fast."
"And you can still dance, but it's not the same, is it?" Tom said.
She winced.
"Magic is how I see the shapes, how I pull the threads together, how the ideas form, become real. My magic gets into every strand of fabric. Without it I might still be able to design clothes, but there'll be nothing special about them. They'll be completely av.
I'll
be completely av."
"Av?"
"Average. Ordinary. Not much chop. Nothing special. Lame."
"No, you won't, Tom. Magic's not the only thing that's cool about y— "
"How do you know? You don't know me any way but
with
magic. Magic's who I am. Without it I won't be anything. I might as well be dead."
"I don't have magic anymore! Is that what you think I am?" she shouted, her face turning red. "Nothing? Do you think I should be dead?"