Love Survives (46 page)

I don’t know how I expected her to react when she first set eyes on the place. A part of me wished I could have hired a crew to come in and just empty the place out. It certainly would have been better than it was. “I’ve been cleaning since I got here. I didn’t want you to see it like this.”

Kat covered her mouth as she walked from room to room, noting the damage.

When she was ready to open her bedroom door I pushed myself in the way. “Kat, let’s get you settled first.”

“What is it? What did he do?” She was already in tears, brought on by the shock of it all. I couldn’t begin to imagine how betrayed she felt.

“You need to remember that this is just a house. Everything in here can be replaced.”

“The fumes are still bad,” I said before she could walk in and see the worst for herself.

“What has he done?”

“I already bagged the bedding and the fire extinguisher. I’m assuming this was all some sick message, considering he’d been prepared to put the fire out before it got out of hand. Like I said before, we can replace all of this. I can buy us a new bed tomorrow. With a couple cans of paint and some fresh carpet we can get the smell out of here and you’ll never even be able to tell it ever happened.”

She stood there, shocked, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it? This is all my fault. Everything! He did all of this because of what I did to him - what we did to him.”

I tried to grab her shoulder, but she shoved me away. “Please, Kat, you’re not thinking clearly.”

“My husband is dead because I broke his damn heart. We did this to him. It didn’t have to be like this, Brooks. Stop acting like we’re just going to be happy and move forward. There is no moving forward. I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t even begin to think about it.”

My mother was in the other room with B, probably wondering what the hell was going on and all I could do was stand there watching my life turn to shit. Fear struck me as I began to contemplate what this detour meant for our relationship.

“Kat, don’t make me leave. Please talk to me.”

She closed her eyes when she spoke. “I won’t ask you to leave. Your mother and our daughter are here.”

“You just need time. That’s what this is, right? We’ll get through this?”

“Maybe. It’s too much right now, Brooks. I’m not trying to hurt you and this isn’t about our love. There will never be anyone but you. I know that. I need to sort things out in my head before I can do anything.”

I hated it. I hated the idea of getting her back only to be shoved aside while she sorted things out. Why couldn’t we do it all together? “So what am I supposed to do? Do I come here every day and pretend that it’s okay to not be able to touch you? Do I avoid eye contact because looking at you is like shards of glass being driven into my eyes? I’ve waited for you, Kat. I’ve been so God damn patient. If I could take the pain away from you I would. I’d do anything to keep you from hurting, but I can’t accept that we can’t be together. I won’t let you push me away this time. Do you hear me?”

I grabbed both of her arms, forcing her to give me her full attention. “Look at me, Kat. Look me in the eyes and swear to me that we’re going to get through this.”

“What if we don’t?” I couldn’t believe she was saying it. Her tears meant nothing to me because she was brutally damaging all hope we’d work this out. With each word I felt like a wall was being shoved up between us.

I started shaking her, trying to get her to snap out of it. She couldn’t possibly think we were better off being separated. “Don’t do this, again.”

“Brooks, what if I can’t move forward? Look at my house. A man is dead. Our love is like poison and everyone around us ends up getting hurt. How much more has to happen before you see that?”

That was it. I couldn’t hear anymore of it. I had to walk away. I refused to let her see me upset. I didn’t say goodbye to my mother, or even little B. I simply rushed out into the dark yard, jumped in my truck and drove away.

For a while I coasted down the side roads, blaring the music to hide my  sadness. I was so close to having it all, only for it to be taken away from me again. What was it about our love that made things so difficult for us? Why couldn’t we ever find a common ground and settle into it?

I didn’t understand.

The longer I was away the more I missed her. I drove by the house several times seeing that the lights were still on. It killed me that she wasn’t calling. She was angry, but so was I. Maybe it was best if I gave her time to calm down, even if it killed me to do it.

It was one in the morning before I pulled back into her driveway and parked my vehicle. I didn’t get out, but instead crouched down and planned on sleeping it out. Just because she hadn’t asked me to come back didn’t mean I was going to give up. Not this time. I couldn’t handle it. I refused to let Bobby’s death ruin our chances at being a family. We had too much to be thankful for.

An hour later my cell phone started to ring. I jumped before seeing that it was her number calling me. “Kat, is that you?” I had to ask because it could have been my mother.

I could hear her sobbing on the other end of the call. “Yes. It’s me.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t sleep. All I keep thinking about is being without you. I feel so sick over it. My head is all over the place. I feel like everything is my fault, but I also know that there’s no possible way I could ever give up on us. I just feel so lost, Brooks.”

This was such a relief to me. I couldn’t bear it either.

“Babe, I’m not going anywhere. I promised you that no matter what happened I’d stick around, and I meant it. You’ve got a lot going on, but in time you’re going to see the big picture. You’re going to know without a doubt that we should be together. I know I get hardheaded about you. It’s only because I’ve waited so long to start our life together. Now we’ve got a little girl to raise. As much as I hate that you’ve got baggage, it doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Nobody is going to come my way and take your place. You have my heart, Kat. You always have. Please calm down. I hate it when you’re so upset.”

“I know I love you and I know I’m supposed to be with you. That’s never been my problem.”

“Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?” It was music to my ears.

“Do you want to see me?”

“Of course.” My stomach started turning with excitement. Our time apart had helped her calm down.

I got out of the truck and walked up to the side door, opening it while I spoke. “How about now?”

Kat was smiling when our eyes met. “I thought you left?”

We both hung up our phones at the same time.

“I did. I drove around for a while and then came back, seeing as I had a feeling you were going to need me. I can see now that I was right.”

“What if I didn’t call?”

I shrugged. “I’ve slept in worse places than a truck. I would have gotten up and drove in to work. I wasn’t leaving you three girls here alone. Since you obviously needed some space, I gave it to you.”

“Your mom was nice. We talked for a bit. I told her about Bobby. I may have left out a few details, but she knows everything there is to know. I can’t tell whether she hates me or not. I think I already hate myself enough for the both of us.”

“She doesn’t hate you. Didn’t she tell you that you were her daughter, just a few days ago?”

“That was before she knew I was a lying, married, awful person.”

“Do you hear yourself?”

“It’s true.”

“You lied because I asked you to. I told you to keep it from them because I thought it would be easier. I didn’t know Bobby would show up, and if I had, we could have been prepared.”

She pointed to the living room seats. “Will you come sit with me?”

“Will you let me?” I didn’t want to overstep her boundaries.

“I’ll always let you. Stop asking such stupid questions. You never have to ask me.”

I kicked off my boots before sitting down next to her. “Come here.” I put my arm around her and pulled her down against my chest. “Try to get some rest.”

Our hands laced together as she got comfortable “Please don’t go anywhere, Brooks.”

“You are on top of me. I don’t see how I could sneak out without you noticing.”

“Will you tell me a story that I’ve never heard?”

“Let’s see. Can it be about anything?”

She nodded. It felt great to have her in my arms. This was where she belonged.

“Before I left for boot camp, I asked Branch if he planned on marrying you someday. I don’t know why I did it. I guess maybe I just needed that push to tell me that I was doing the right thing by leaving. At any rate, he told me that as long as I wanted you, he’d have you. Do you believe that cock sucker said that?”

She laughed. “Yeah. I do.”

“Anyway, that’s not the best part of the story. While he thought he’d damaged my ego, I laughed, thinking about the two times that I’d been with you that nobody knew about. Then I said the first thing that popped into my head. I asked him if he was alright with knowing that when you were with him if it bothered him that you pretended it was me.” I cackled to myself. “You don’t have to tell me if you ever did that, but it made me feel better saying it to him.”

“I’m sure it pissed him off.”

“Yeah. It didn’t matter. I left, and he got to be with you. He got to live with you and spend countless hours in your presence while I was so far away from everyone.”

“How did you get through it?” She asked.

“I thought of you. I drew pictures of you and wrote you letters that I never sent. I hooked up with other soldiers, but they weren’t anything spectacular. To be honest, I stayed busy most of the time. It wasn’t until I was in bed thinking of you that it got hard.”

“It broke my heart when you left. I felt like I was being punished.”

“My brother fooled us both. Don’t let it get to you. We’re together now, Kat.”

“Please be patient with me, Brooks. I know I said I couldn’t move forward, but I also can’t lose you. I just feel like I ended his life. I feel responsible and I’ve got to work that out on my own. You understand, don’t you?”

“You hurt me earlier. I keep letting myself fall harder for you each time. The thing is, when I do that and you push me away, it hurts worse. All I can tell you is that no matter how many times I’ve tried to not love you, it’s never happened. So you can push me away. You can tell me you don’t want to be with me, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stalk you if I have to.”

Kat giggled. “I told you where I hide the house key. You’ve been invited in.”

“Good because I was planning on having a copy made in the morning.”

“Promise?”

I peered down at her with a smile on my face. “Yes, I promise.”

The next morning I awoke to find Kat still on top of me. I tried to scoot her off without waking her, but it was impossible. Her eyes flew open. “I need to go to work.”

She grabbed my hand when I tried to step away. “Will you be back later?”

“You’ve got a hard day ahead of you. Are you sure that’s what you want?”

She nodded.

“Woman, you’re so confusing.”

“Please?”

I leaned over and kissed her. “I’ll see you later. I love you. Give B a kiss and tell her I’ll be here after work.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. No matter what happens, you’re always there to protect me. Sometimes I think my parents made you that way, like they somehow connected us so I’d never be alone.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I loved you way before they died and I promise that they didn’t put any spells on me. It happened because I wanted it to. There’s no other reason that I want to be there for you. No one makes me do it. I do it because it makes me happy. It makes me feel close to you, even when you’re not paying attention.”

I winked at her before stepping out of the room.

When I left for work, I felt better than I had the night before. We were going to get through this, no matter how many obstacles stood in the way.

Chapter 55

Since I knew
Kat was spending her whole day making arrangements for Bobby’s funeral and getting in touch with their mutual friends, I took it upon myself to work on my own little project.

With the help of my mom, who was left at the house still watching B, I was able to get the measurements for curtains, bedding, and even replacement area rugs. On my lunch hour, I went to the stores that my mother suggested and picked up replacements of all the things Bobby had ruined during his rampage.

It felt so good to pick out things for Kat. I wanted to give her the world, and this was just the beginning of it.

When I got back to base, I made a few more calls ordering a new bed. It was a special kind that I figured Kat would enjoy. I knew I certainly would.

After gathering a couple of my buddies, we headed over to the store to pick up everything else I needed, including the new mattress. Then, before we arrived, I called home to check on her.

“Hello?”

“You’re crying? What’s wrong?” I didn’t like that she was having a hard time and hadn’t reached out to me.