Love Resisted (Entwined Hearts #2) (6 page)

I don’t say anything. It’s nice that he thinks that, but he doesn’t know. He hasn’t been there over the years when I’ve had knockback after knockback from him.

“Hey,” I puffed, out of breath from running. “Has Miss Lune got you running around the whole field again?” Saul asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Where have you come from?” I looked around but saw that he was on his own.

“I just came down here for a run myself, didn’t realise that the girls were playing hockey. Well, all of them, except you.” He smirked at me.

“Yeah, she’s a right bitch. I just think she needs to get laid. Then again, I’m pretty sure that ship has probably sailed,” I said looking across the pitch at the teacher. Saul laughed and I continued, “I bet she has cobwebs between her legs.” I’d barely gotten my sentence out when Jason Marden ran by and slapped my arse. “Oi!” I shouted and then Saul whipped out, “Fucker!” Before chasing after him.

They ran across the pitch and Saul grabbed him, spinning him around and placing him into a headlock before Miss Lune started flapping and marched over to pull them apart. She turned to me and shouted something that I couldn’t quite decipher. I figured she either wanted me to go over to her or carry on running, and as I was actively trying to avoid the old bat I ran. While running I thought about Saul’s reaction. He must have felt something for me to react that way? At least that’s what it seemed like. So, I decided it was time to talk to him. To lay my heart out.

Later that day we were walking home. Con and Pea liked each other, although neither of them had said anything. It was evident to the rest of us, but they seemed determined not to do anything about it. Not me though. I was being brave. I needed to be brave. It’s all I had. Through everything…I was always brave.

“Saul,” I said grabbing his bag as he walked a few steps in front of me. He paused momentarily and then continued walking with me.

“What’s up?” he said. I looked in front of me at Con and Pea, as they walked together chatting and smiling, they were oblivious to Saul and me. “Do you like Stacy or Ellie?” I asked him and he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Why?” he asked stiffly.

I didn’t know why. My brain couldn’t think of one reason why I’d asked such a stupid question. “I was just wondering if you wanted one of them as your girlfriend,” I said this out loud while inwardly groaning. I didn’t know why I was behaving like this. I wanted to punch myself in the face.

Saul pursed his lips. “I don’t want a girlfriend, Soph. You know that. Is there a reason you’re asking me these questions?” he answered, but his tone was clipped.

Be brave.

“I like you.”

“I like you too, Soph.”

“Saul, stop!” I said and stopped walking.

Saul took another step and realised I wasn’t next to him. He spun around and stared at me. I stepped right up to him, we were now firmly in each other’s personal space.

“I like you,” I whispered. His eyes widened and he clenched his teeth. “Saul?” I was worried now.

“Can’t do this, Soph. Sorry,” he told me taking a step backward. Still staring at me for a second he then spun around and walked off.

I didn’t move for a minute, unsure of what had happened and how I’d managed to get things so wrong.

I was jerked out of my trance when I heard Con shout, “Saul, bro, where are you going?”

And Saul replied, “Later Con.” He flicked his wrist while walking away. All, without as much as a backward glance. Saul texted me later while I sat in my bedroom trying to be quiet and invisible because my mother had company.

Saul: Sorry about today.

I didn’t reply and a few minutes later he texted me again.

Saul: I’ll always be your friend Soph. That’s all I can offer.

That was just one of the times I’d been brushed off by Saul. There have been many. Because I was a glutton for punishment.

I look over at Dane wishing I could love someone other than Saul. My life would be so much easier if I could get over him. But it’s been over ten years and I still love him. The closest I’ve ever come to getting past it was with Dane. I don’t know if I would have fallen in love with Dane if we’d been together in a more formal way. What I do know is that there is no chance of that happening now. That ship has sailed and, to be honest, I like how things are between the two of us now. Dane is a friend and knowing he’s both Pea and Saul’s brother, I think friends is the safe option.

“What are you thinking, Tink?” he asks.

“Just that you’re right.” I sigh resting my elbows on the table and propping my head in my hands. “I love him, I always have. You’re wrong about one thing though. He doesn’t love me. He never has.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him by continuing, “Look Dane, I’m willing to accept that there may be a small chance that he does like me. But it doesn’t matter because if that’s true, then it just means he’s determined to do everything in his power to avoid and bury those feelings. Either way it’s never going to happen.”

“Then he’s a fucking idiot,” Dane states.

A few hours later and I feel more relaxed. I’m laying across the sofa in the family room and Dane has the television on. We’ve been watching films, but in truth I’ve just been thinking about things, the television being more like white noise in the background.

“Dane.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering, how you knew about my feelings?”

He sits up and rubs his chin. “I didn’t…well, what I mean is, I’ve always suspected that you had strong feelings for Saul. I never really understood why you two hadn’t got together. But with the way our relationship has been over the years, and never really knowing those guys, it never seemed appropriate to ask.”

I nod at him and he continues, “When I came into this group, I could see how much stronger your feelings for Saul actually are, just by watching you two interact. You may choose not to believe me, but I’m a guy and even though I don’t know Saul very well, he does have some of my DNA running through him. So trust me when I say, he has feelings for you too. I can’t know how strong they are or what is holding him back, but something is definitely stopping him from claiming you.”

“Claiming me?” I say raising my eyebrows at him.

“Calm down, bra burner!” he chuckles. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.” He smirks at me then his face turns serious. “But Soph, just to say, you have to know that you want a man like Saul? Then you have to be prepared to be claimed.”

“So, is that what you will do?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” he replies.

“You know, when you find
the one
,” I explain making air quotes.

He stands up and rubs the back of his neck. “I already found her Soph…just never claimed her.”

“What? Why not?” Now I’m confused.

“Because I was a stupid young punk shit, who thought he was doing the right thing, but ended up losing what was important.”

“You’re not making sense.” I sit up straighter now. Dane doesn’t talk about his past. Ever. This is important.

“You know how they say you don’t realise what you’ve got till it’s gone?”

I nod.

“Yeah, well, I get that statement through to my bones,” he whispers.

“What happened to her?” I whisper back.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know,” then he gets up and walks out of the room. I follow him. He needs to release this. I know because I keep things inside and it terrifies me that one day my issues may swallow me whole. I don’t want that for him.

He walks into the lounge. My legs take me into the dark room after him. All the curtains are closed and without the lights on, it’s like a different room from when I’ve been in there before. My eyes adjust as they focus on Dane. He's standing in the corner with his back to me. He hangs his head and is leaning forward supporting himself on the window ledge. He holds a photo frame in one hand. I can’t make out who’s in it, but I can guess it’s her.
Whoever she is.

"I left her…I just walked away. I knew she needed me. I left her anyway." He doesn't say anything more and neither do I. For a minute, we both just stand there in the quiet room, our breathing the only thing creating atmosphere.

"What happened?" I finally ask.

He sighs and places the frame face down on the window ledge. "I was a selfish arsehole. That's what happened."

"Dane," I say letting it hang in the air. Making my way over to him I place my hand on his shoulder. He flinches at the touch.

"Come…come and sit with me. Let's talk."

He doesn't reply, but he does turn around and walk toward the door. Following him silently, I hope he will tell me his secrets, and let some of the pain out. Believing that maybe I can help my friend somehow.

He leads us through the house to a beautiful conservatory. My eyes widen as I look around the space, all light, comfort and warmth. I’ve had a few surprises with his house, thinking it would be modern, edgy, and maybe even cold. I guess basically, I just expected it to be a bachelor pad.

Instead, everything I’ve seen so far has been soft, warm and beautiful. It’s a home.

"Surprised?" he asks while sinking into the cream corner sofa and patting the spot next to him.

I sit down replying, "Why do you say that?"

"Your face, you look shocked."

"Oh," I reply slightly embarrassed. "It's just that I expected it to be a bachelor pad, but this…" My words dry in my throat.

"Yeah, it’s nice, huh?" His lips tip up just a touch at the ends and I nod.

"I wanted to create a space that was comforting so that women wouldn't want to run out of here screaming." He now smirks at me. "Somewhere that was inviting and homely, not that I bring any women here…not really." Gazing out of the window he murmurs, "I’ve just never had a home before."

My heart breaks for him, and in that second I see a vulnerable child. Someone who just wants to be loved and cared for. Just like all the other kids.

“What happened to her?” I ask before the mood changes and Dane decides not to share.

“Last night, when you were up on that stage strutting your stuff…” he pauses as I roll my eyes at him. “When you spotted Saul and watched him leave with that women,” he stops as my breath catches in my throat remembering last night. He grabs my hand. “Your face said everything. It told me you were shocked to see that he was still there. It told me you were still in love with him…and it told me that when he walked out with her, it broke you. That face, the one you had last night? That was the last look I saw from Elizabeth. I broke her.” He drops my hand, but I don’t let him lose the connection instead grabbing his hand in mine.

“Dane…he didn’t break me. You can’t break a girl who’s already broken,” I whisper.

He stares at me while working his jaw and squeezes my hand. I don’t want this to become about me, so I speak quickly.

“Tell me about her,” I command in as soft a voice as possible.

Dane closes his eyes and swallows a couple of times and I want to wrap him in a hug, but sensing he needs to compose himself to continue, I give him a minute.

“I was a foster kid,” he starts, his eyes still closed. “And so was she…Elizabeth.” His eyes open and then glaze over while he stares straight ahead. He relays the story to me almost in a trance.

“When I was fourteen, I was moved into my seventh new foster home. It was a shithole. I mean to the outside world it wasn’t. Outwardly it was run by a loving couple who were a middle-income family in a middle-class neighbourhood and who had been fostering for years. For me…from the inside, it wasn’t great. The dad, Kurtis, was a lazy shit. He didn’t work, instead relying on the income he made from fostering and from his wife, Shelly, who worked as a cleaner.”

He stops and shakes his head, still not looking at me.

“Only she wasn’t a cleaner, she was a prostitute.”

I still and wonder what he’s going to say next.

“She was out most of the time, so Kurtis looked after us.” He clenches his fists, his knuckles turning white. “I use that term loosely, it was more like he put us to work. There were three of us at that point. All boys. Mikey was younger than me by a year, and Ryan was a year older. We cleaned, and cooked. They also took in work that they could do at home. Like making hundreds of boxes. Only
they
didn’t do the work,
we
did. If we made a mistake, we got a slap, or a punch…sometimes a kick.”

I gasp and slam my hand over my mouth. Dane glances at me and smiles, but it looks more like a grimace.

“It was always in places that would never be noticed, like the ribs. He wasn’t stupid, he’d obviously been doing this for years. We could go to school and do work at home. That was pretty much my life for six months. Then, Mikey, the younger boy was adopted by his aunt. Apparently, she had been trying to get him for years. I don’t know what the issue was, I was only a kid so I didn’t pay attention. But that meant they had a gap for someone else. They had always preferred boys because they were stronger, you know, to do any work they needed to be done…at least that’s what I thought.” He stops and grinds his teeth.

“What is it?” I whisper, almost not wanting to know.

“I think the choice to have only boys came from Shelly. I don’t know what happened, but they took in a girl this time.” He furrows his brow and clicks his neck from side to side.

“Elizabeth arrived.” He shakes his head, but he’s smiling now, really smiling and his eyes sparkle.

“She blew into my life and took over. She captured me from the first moment I saw her, scrawny and messy, big blue eyes, and brown hair sticking out in every direction. I think I loved her the very moment I met her. She was so bubbly and happy and a few days shy of her fourteenth birthday and I had just turned fifteen. I’d shot up and filled out nicely and had been going to an after school club at the gym which helped. Of course, because it was a school club, Kurtis couldn’t stop me. He punished me at home though with more chores and abuse, but it was worth it for that hour long release I got three times a week. I felt all my aggression and sorrow flow out of me while I was working out. Soon, I managed to find ways to do it at home. Sit ups in my room and runs early in the morning before anyone was awake, so they didn’t realise I was missing. I remember doing chin ups on the bunk beds that Ryan and I were made to sleep in. They were too short for me, but I bent my legs at the knees and made it work. Every chin up made the bed creak like fuck and I was sure it was going to collapse.”

He smiles again. “I couldn’t stop. The best part was when another kid got a load of new equipment for Christmas one year, he gave me all his old weights. I had to sneak them in, but being able to train at the house made me feel free somehow.”

His eyes change from the sparkle he had in them a moment ago to hard and flinty, almost savage.

“As it turned out it proved a good job that I was at home more. One night while lying in my bed with Ryan snoring on the bottom bunk beneath me and Shelly out whoring herself, no doubt, I heard a noise. A kind of muffled screech, but it was so quiet. I’m surprised I didn’t miss it and I would have if it weren’t for the fact that sleeping was eluding me that night. I had no idea what was happening, just that it was Elizabeth. I don’t know how I knew, I just did. Jumping off my top bunk I ran to her room. Fuck knows how nobody heard me coming, I made enough noise. I couldn’t believe it when I flung the door open and saw Kurtis holding her face down on the bed while speaking into her ear. I pounced on him, grabbing him by his throat with my arm and wrenching him backward off her throwing him toward the wall. He spun around and punched me in the ribs. I straightened up and laughed. It was the first time I ever saw fear in his eyes. And I’ll tell you now, Soph, it was a fucking beautiful sight.”

He stops talking for a moment and looks to me. “I sound like an animal,” he says coldly.

“No, you fucking don’t. You sound like a hero,” I state firmly and grab his hand and squeeze.

“I don’t know what he had planned for her that night. I don’t want to think about it. What I do know is that I beat the shit out of him. Ryan came in and pulled me off him, I’m not sure if I would have stopped if he hadn’t have intervened.” His eyes flicker with something I can’t read.

“I didn’t even call an ambulance. I didn’t care if he lived or died. It was like my brain switched off.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s normal in extreme circumstances. Don’t beat yourself up about it. He deserved everything he got as far as I can see.”

He squeezes my hand. “I’ve never beat myself up about it,” he says in an almost feral way and I wonder what all the sides of Dane really are.

“So what happened to Elizabeth?”

“She withdrew from everything. It was like watching the most beautiful flower shrivel and die.”

“Oh my God!” I interrupt him. “She didn’t…” I don’t want to ask the question on the tip of my tongue.

Dane must sense what I was going to ask as he replies, “No! God no! Well, actually I don’t know. She was alive the last time I saw her…” he stops talking and a frown crosses his face.

He obviously hadn’t thought about the possibility that Elizabeth might be dead.

Well done, Soph. You complete twat face! Make him feel worse! Gah!

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that she might be dead. I’m sure she’s great. Somewhere nice and shiny, and fun, with happy people and unicorns?”