Love Resisted (Entwined Hearts #2) (5 page)

When he came near me, I stupidly leaned in and attacked his lips. It was awful, the worst first kiss…ever. He didn’t even move his mouth. He was obviously mortified and gently pushed me backward until I was sitting on my bum and had confusion floating around inside my head.

“Sorry Soph, I can’t do this,” he said, then got up and left.

On Monday, Ellie had told everyone how she had met up with Saul on Friday night and they had kissed. I didn’t wait around to see if anything else had happened between them. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter anymore. He’d left me and sought her out, of all people. That was the first piece of ice that Saul had pierced my heart with.

“Come on,” I say grabbing her hand.

“What?” she asks, smiling as she can see I’m leading her toward the stage. Getting up I lean into the DJ’s ear telling him what to play and drag her on stage. I whisper in Pea’s ear telling her the song. It was one I was only reminiscing about today. En Vogue – ‘Don’t Let Go (Love).’ The music starts and she knows what the song is and what it means. She remembers the words are from my soul to his.
Direct transfer.
My feelings straight into his body. This song says it all. We sing, well mainly Pea sings and I use the small stage to move my body like I’ve done a million times before. Like I’ve been doing recently but haven’t told anyone about yet. I let loose knowing Saul has left. Knowing he won’t ever be able to see my pain.

When it’s over, I look up and almost as if my senses are tuned into his, my eyes spot him across the room. He’s staring straight at me. Heat and sadness are both in his eyes. We just stare at each other for what feels like ages. Then he breaks the contact, grabs blondie, who’s still next to him and places his arm around her shoulders leading her out the bar and into the night. Clenching my fist to my chest I feel my icy heart finally shatter.

“Ughhh,” I groan and roll over…and then fall out of bed. I open one eye and look up to see white walls with blue anchors scattered across them, and realise I’m at Dane’s again. Not only that, but I’ve now fallen out of this bed, twice. I simultaneously rub my head and my bum.

There’s a tap on the door followed by, “Tink, you okay?”

“Yeah, you can come in Dane.”

My door creaks open and I see Dane like I’ve never seen him before. His deep brown eyes are half closed from sleep. His dark hair is ruffled like a pair of hands have just run through it. His face is soft as are his eyes. I haven’t seen him like this because the Dane I always see, has a certain look about him, even when he’s trying to be soft there’s still an edge to him. A shrewdness, like he’s calculating and constantly attempting to work you out. Now it’s gone, there are no walls up.

I can see into his soul.

And it’s beautiful.

He has pyjama bottoms low slung on his hips exposing a broad, smooth chest and showing a perfect physique, as well as beautiful natural tan. His broad shoulders are on display, and his arms, although hanging limp at his sides, still show their definition. Dane’s abdomen is sexy and tapered leading into the waistband of his bottoms.

He
is beautiful.

And yet he just reminds me of Saul.

My stupid, stupid heart and brain. Yeah, I’m blaming you this time brain. You could wade in here and function, but no instead, you decide to just skip happily holding hands with that little fucker heart, and we know what a truly fucked up sadist my heart really is!
Ugh!

“Tink?” Dane says and his eyes dance with amusement.

“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” I say rubbing my head again, but this time wishing I could make it fall in line and listen to me.

“It’s okay, I should be getting up anyway,” he replies and my eyebrow shoots up questioningly.

“I go for a run most mornings, it clears my head.”

“Oh, okay.” I never pictured Dane as a runner, but looking at him I totally get it.

“Should I be concerned that you’re staring,” he asks with a wink.

“Oh, sorry,” I reply shaking my head. “I was just thinking…or trying to think.” I point to my head. “My brain is still half asleep.” I smile and he replies with a smile of his own, but it’s tinged with sadness.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon,” he says as he spins around to leave. I sit on the floor listening to his movements, and then finally hearing the front door shut as he goes out for his jog.

Slowly standing up and going to use the bathroom, I’m surprised to find a brand new toothbrush still in its case on the bathroom cabinet, along with a washcloth, bar of soap, shower gel and some shampoo. They are all laid out with a note.

I thought you might be back, so I got you some bits. I have no idea what you need, but hopefully these will do. Dane.

“Holy shit.” I breathe out. I can’t believe he did this for me and within twenty-four hours. I shake my head, unsure of what to think about it, hoping that it’s something nice he’s done as a friend, but also not kidding myself about his feelings. I know we had something once, something that may have scared him, or maybe it was something he didn’t want at the time. Now with all the hints and the way he’s been lately, even though he hasn’t said anything outright, it’s obvious that he likes me and may want to take things further.

But I can’t.

There is no
if, but or maybe
about it. I know how I feel, and I have to sit down and talk to him. I’m not the kind of woman that likes to lead a man around by his balls. I’ve seen models in this industry, day in and day out, using their looks to get what they want. Enjoying men
and women
falling at their feet, lapping up every bit of attention they can.

I used to lap up attention but never pretended to be anything that I wasn’t. I sure as hell never led a decent man to believe he was going to get somewhere with me. Especially when I knew he wasn’t, just because I wanted attention or gifts. And yes, I have seen that happen many times. I’m sure as hell not going to lead Dane on, a man who deserves someone decent, someone beautiful inside and out, and someone emotionally available.

Someone who isn’t me.

Taking a quick shower and tying my wet hair up in a bun, I make my way downstairs.

“Hey Tink,” I hear as I walk into the kitchen.

“Fuck!” I jump when Dane greets me, not expecting him to be back already.

He chuckles. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

I frown at him and sit at the kitchen table. “Good run?” I ask although it seems strained, even from my own ears.

I wonder if he can tell that I’m making small talk, unsure about how to broach the subject?
I have to clear the air. I have to have my friend. No strings.

“It was okay. No different to every day. I’m just going to hit the shower. I’ll be back in a few,” he says and strides off not even giving me the chance to say, thank you for the toiletries, he’d left me. I look around the kitchen remembering how uncomfortable I felt yesterday morning, rushing through my coffee. It’s strange, but today I feel calm, and centred being here.
Maybe it’s because Dane is here today?

I decide to make some breakfast. I’m very aware my cooking skills leave a lot to be desired. However, I can cook, much to Pea’s disagreement. It’s just that my idea of cooking is to do the same foods over and over, so I know I won’t ruin them. It’s only when I get a wild idea to try something new that it all goes to shit.

Today, I’ll make an omelette.

I hope Dane likes them
. Oh well, at least I’m making an effort.

Opening his fridge and finding eggs
– well that’s a good start, at least he likes eggs!

It always amazes me that I can make a perfect omelette, but can’t for the life of me make pancakes. It’s like the little fuckers know I’m craving them so they just repeatedly crash and burn. I set one on fire once. Yeah, I’m
that
kind of cook.

Managing to find everything needed I start mixing the omelette. I add ham and peppers as they’re in the fridge, sprinkle some salt and pepper and pop the mixture in the heated pan. I just finish serving the second one onto a plate when Dane walks in still using a small towel to dry his hair. He has dark jeans on with a fitted grey top and bare feet.

“You made breakfast?” he asks wide-eyed.

“I’ll have you know, Dane Matthews, that there are some meals I
can
make!” I state with a nod.

“Weren’t you the one who set fire to a pancake?” he asks.

Looking at the floor I smirk. “Maybe.”

He chuckles.

“In my defence though, I’m pretty sure pancakes are out to get me.”

I look back up to him and he’s wearing a shit-eating grin.

Yeah, he’s going to make someone very happy one day.

“Anyway, tuck in,” I say and he sits at the table and picks up a fork, cutting away a piece of the omelette. He looks at me and tentatively pops it in his mouth with a fake smile. He then proceeds to chew with caution. He looks back at his plate then up to me.

“Fuck, that’s good, Tink!”

“Don’t be too surprised! I told you I can make
some
foods!”

His lips twitch and then nods to my plate. “Stop being grumpy and eat your food before it goes cold.”

I want to be put out, but hell, he’s right. Mostly, and I’m hungry. Begrudgingly, I eat my omelette and secretly enjoy it while pouting because that’s my prerogative and I’m going to push it to the full extent. I smile at my own thoughts.

“I could never work you out,” Dane says all of a sudden.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“When you smile, it’s like you have a secret, like you’re hiding something from the world.”

My face drops when I realise he’s right. I have to talk to him, get my feelings out in the open.

“Hey, I was only playing about,” he says with concern.

I wave off his worries. “Oh yeah, I know, it’s not that Dane. It’s just that…well, I need to talk to you, and I’m not sure it’s going to be the most comfortable conversation.”

He nods his head and puts his fork down. Thankfully he has just finished his breakfast.

“Shoot,” he says, but his body is stiff.

I look down at my empty plate. “I noticed you got me some toiletries this morning.”

“Yeah,” he says pulling his eyebrows in. “Was that a problem?”

“No!...I mean, of course, it wasn’t. It’s just…”

“Come on Tink, spit it out. You’re not usually backward in coming forward,” Dane says with a grin, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can see he’s worried by what I’m about to say. Deciding to grab my lady balls and give them a squeeze – metaphorically speaking – to remind myself that I am brave, I am fierce, and that I’m not a player. I think a lot of Dane and he deserves to know that nothing is
ever
going to happen between us. He’s a good guy and I wouldn’t want to lead him on.

“Dane, I’m never going to love you…well, apart from as a friend, but that’s where it ends.”

Neither of us speaks and I’m about to babble on about anything to fill the silence, but then Dane says with a chuckle.

“Wow, shot down, twice in the space of a few months, in almost exactly the same way! At least you’re forming your sentences correctly.”

“Huh?” I question.

He shakes his head. “Nothing, just something that happened with Pea.”

I stare at him for a minute. “Does this need to be a moment where I look at you differently and say, ewww?” I ask, secretly crossing my fingers that I’m not about to be told something I can’t un-hear.

Dane laughs. Well, that’s positive. “No Tink, it’s nothing nasty, and I’m sure your mind has thought of something truly disgusting.”

“Moi?” I hold my hands to my chest.

He just cocks his eyebrow at me and smirks.

“Fucker!” I say, and he full-on laughs at me now.

“You look like a five-year-old with your arms crossed and that frown on your face, Tink. It’s pretty funny.”

“Just answer the damn question, tosspot,” I reply desperately trying not to grin at him.

He looks at the floor and bites his lip, seemingly attempting to figure something out. He must decide because the next moment he looks at me.

“She told me she could never love me as anything more than a friend because she was in love with Con. Obviously, she didn’t realise at the time that what I actually wanted to tell her was that I’m her brother. Still, it’s like history repeating itself because now you’re telling me you could never love me as more than a friend…because you’re in love with Saul.” He smiles sadly at me.

“Wait…I never said…I mean.”

He cut’s off my rambling. “You didn’t have to, it’s clear for all to see, you love him.”

I feel myself frown, immediately schooling my features. “It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t feel Dane, that isn’t what this conversation is about,” I mutter stiffly.

“Whoa, hold up,” he says while holding his palms up, then continues, “I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

I shake my head. “No, you’re right. You weren’t trying to upset me, it’s my own fucked up issues. Sorry.”

“Hey,” he says and grabs my hand. “I was your friend first and always. So we had a thing, that’s all it was and I like where we are now. I like this,” he says pointing between the two of us. “Besides, I need genuine friends, and if Saul and I are ever going to be more than casual acquaintances, stealing his girl probably isn’t the way to achieve that.” He winks at me.

“You’re wrong about that,” I tell him quietly.

“Which part? The part where you’re his girl? I think we both know that although physically you aren’t in his bed, in your heart you have always been
his
girl. Or is it the part about him being pissed if I pushed to try and get together with you?”

I jerk my head up to look at him.

“So that’s it, Tink?” he pauses and stares at me for a second then continues, “Listen to me. That boy
is
yours. Of that, I don’t have a doubt in my mind.”