At times?
From what Tanner had seen, this was pretty much standard operation procedure for their family. Thankfully, the elementary school came into view, making Tanner want to weep with relief.
Ricky pointed to an empty slot. “Park over there and I’ll walk them inside”
“Don’t they know their own way?”
“Sure, but Alex has a tendency to wander if I don’t make sure he gets to his classroom. Last time he flew solo, he ended up wrapping himself up in construction paper from the art department.”
Alex shot off a gaped-toothed smile, showing off how proud he was of that fact. Tanner shook his head in awe, but did pull into the spot and put the car into park.
“Give me a second and I’ll be right back.” Ricky undid his seatbelt and opened the door.
“Are you sure you’re up to walking them in there?” Tanner asked.
Ricky gifted him with a smile so sexy, it made Tanner’s heart stutter. “After that huge breakfast you made, I’ll be fine.”
After herding all the younger kids out, Ricky slammed the door and made for the school, leaving Tanner alone with Carla and Jess.
Carla moved forward and sat in the passenger seat, while Jess took the seat right behind Tanner. An uneasy feeling went through Tanner as he realized that he was about to be ganged up on.
“So, you’re just helping Ricky out of the goodness of your heart?” Carla asked.
“Are you this friendly with all your co-workers?” Jess added.
“No, just Ricky and we knew each other long before I started working at St. Anthony’s.”
Jess leaned around the seat so he could give Tanner an assessing glance. “Yeah, that’s right. You were the hot-as-hell medic who made him have a constant hard-on.”
Tanner jerked around in his seat. “He told you that?”
“No, I overheard him talking to Ben about you.” Jess flicked another glance over Tanner. “I actually don’t see what all the excitement is about.”
That was the second time in the span of an hour that one of Ricky’s family members had insulted Tanner’s looks. He didn’t know whether to get offended or to develop a complex.
“Hey, that’s not cool,” Tanner defended, knowing how lame he probably sounded.
“Sorry, you’re just not my type. I like my guys to have a little more muscle on them.”
“You’re fifteen, stop talking like that. Does Ricky know that you’re…” Tanner waved a hand, too flustered to continue.
Jess cocked a brow. “Gay? Yeah, he knows. It’s also why I owe him everything.”
“For what,” Tanner asked, wondering what he was missing.
Carla cleared her throat. “When Ricky came out five years ago, things didn’t go very well. While our mom was great about it, our dad was a real asshole.”
“How so?” Tanner’s mouth grew dry as his stomach clenched. Just the mere thought of Ricky having to go through the same kind of heartache that Tanner had suffered made him want to be sick.
“He punched Ricky. Really, it wasn’t more than a slap, but it still drew blood,” Jess replied, hollowly.
“Mom packed up our things and she left him that very night.” Carla shook her head. “No, let me rephrase that,
we
left him.”
“If Dad refused Ricky, then as far as we were concerned, he was refusing all of us,” Jess said.
“And now that you realize that you’re gay, you admire him for breaking the ground for you, so to speak,” Tanner concluded.
Jess gave a sad smile. “He’s my hero, which is why we don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“Why are you telling me all this? We just met this morning,” Tanner pointed out.
Carla gave a soft laugh. “Because we know how much he likes you.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No, but you’re the first boyfriend that he ever brought home,” Carla confided.
“Plus, he talks about you a lot. Not like he does with Ben, but he’s always saying how nice and funny you are,” Jess said, once again seeming to finish Carla’s statement. Tanner wondered if it was just them or some kind of funky twin bond.
Carla reached out and put a hand on Tanner’s arm. “Let me ask you something. When you said you weren’t invited to your sister’s wedding, was it because you’re gay?”
“Yes.” Hurt sliced through Tanner as he thought about that slight. “When I came out to them, they cut me off. I haven’t spoken to them since I was eighteen.”
“How long ago was that?” Carla asked, tears forming in her eyes
“Eight years.”
“That’s a lot of time to be alone.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Damn if that wasn’t the truth, too. While he had some terrific friends, Tanner still longed to have a family to call his own. To know that there was some place where he’d be loved and wanted, no matter what.
Carla gave him a wavering smile. “Well, I’ll promise you something. Someday, when I get married, you are so invited. Of course that may be awhile. I vowed that I wouldn’t get married until it’s legal for Ricky to do so. And Jess, too, of course.”
Tanner found himself growing to like her more with each passing moment. “Does Ricky know how smart you are?”
“Who do you think I got it from?” She hooked a thumb toward Jess. “It certainly wasn’t from that lunkhead.”
“Brat,” Jess shot off.
“Dork,” Carla tossed back.
Their grins showed that neither of them truly meant the cut downs. Carla looked out the window. “Here comes Ricky.”
She slid to the backseat just as Ricky opened the door and climbed in. He eyed the twins suspiciously, but ignored them as he pulled on his seatbelt.
“Did you get them to class okay?” Tanner asked as he put the van in gear.
“Yeah, Alex tried to fake an asthma attack on the way in, but I didn’t buy it.”
“Let me guess, his acting skills aren’t that good.”
“No, he does fine there. He just forgot that he doesn’t have asthma.”
The twins snorted with laughter while Tanner just rolled his eyes. God help him, but he was really getting to like the crazy family.
They dropped Carla and Jess off at the high school, then ran by Tanner’s so he could grab a change of clothes before going back to the house. Once they got there, they went to different bathrooms to shower.
Once he was dressed, Tanner went to the other bedroom door and tapped on it. “Did you take your insulin?”
“Yes, do you want to see the boo-boo the needle left behind?” came Ricky’s muffled reply.
“No, but if you want, I’ll kiss it better.”
There was a long pause before a single word finally drifted through the door. “Really?”
If Ricky only knew how much his naivety was a turn on for Tanner, then they’d both be in trouble.
“Are we crashing on the couch?” Tanner asked.
Ricky opened the door, looking way too delectable in a faded red Pac-man shirt and blue sweat pants. His hair was wet and slicked back, a few droplets sticking to some random stands.
“I was thinking we could stretch out on my bed. It’s the one I had as a kid, so it’s only a full-sized, but it’s still pretty comfortable.”
“You want to snuggle in bed with me?” Tanner asked as he reached out to catch a droplet of water that was running down Ricky’s check.
Ricky’s oh-too-kissable lips parted in a gasp, as his eyes grew wide. Tanner braced himself, knowing those were the signs that a ramble would be coming his way.
“Yeah, I thought that would be nice…well, more than nice. Who am I kidding? It would be fan-fucking-tastic because it would be with you. For snuggling that is. I wasn’t trying to proposition you, or anything. I’m not a slut or anything. Although, I wouldn’t be
opposed
to having sex with you. In fact, that’s my favorite jackoff fantasy.”
As soon as that last little bit came out, Ricky blushed and squeezed his eyes shut. “Ah, shit! Can you forget I even said that last part?”
“No, because I happen to think it’s hotter than hell.” Tanner brushed a soft kiss over Ricky’s lips.
“So, it didn’t make me sound lame?”
“Babe, there is nothing lame about you. When I look at you I see a cute, quirky, sexy, caring man who I would like to get to know a whole lot better.”
“Are you serious?”
“Why does that surprise you so much?”
“
Hello!
Have you ever looked at me? I’m too skinny. I’m always making an ass out of myself somehow. I’m about as un-smooth as the entire cast of
Revenge of the Nerds
combined. Let’s not forget the diabetes, either, can’t leave that little sexy trait out. You, on the other hand, are perfect.”
Tanner gave Ricky another kiss, all the while struggling with what to say that would convince Ricky of just how truly desirable he was. In the end, Tanner decided to go with the simplest explanation, “If you could only see yourself through my eyes. For nearly a year, it’s been the highlight of my day when I got to go to St. Anthony’s and see you. Chauncey used to tease me, because I was always looking for excuses to walk by radiology, just so I could bump into you.”
“Oh,” Ricky gasped. “I think that’s the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me.”
“And I mean every word of it, too. So, now that that’s settled, let’s go to bed. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”
“Okay, that sounds great.”
Ricky grabbed Tanner’s hand and led the way over to a full-sized bed. The black bedspread was pulled back to reveal sheets that had the solar system on them. The theme seemed to be all over the room. There were several posters on the wall that depicted pictures of planets or moons, and there was a few action figures on the dresser that Tanner suspected were from Ricky’s favorite show.
“Here, you get into bed and I’ll find us something to watch. The TV is kind of small, since I already took the bigger one to my apartment, but I still have most of my DVD’s here. Is there anything special you want to watch?”
“How about
Doctor Who?
”
The blinding grin that that Tanner got in response to that suggestion made him more horny than a room full of strippers on Viagra.
“Cool, I have a ton of them. Do you have any preference?”
“How about you put on your favorite one?”
Ricky got the DVD going before he jumped into bed. As Ricky climbed up toward the pillow, he managed to head butt Tanner a few times. He muttered some apologies before finally getting situated next to Tanner.
As they settled in, Ricky became absorbed in the show. Meanwhile, Tanner studied Ricky. How the man could think that he wasn’t anything special was a mystery to Tanner. Ricky had a sweet sensuality about him that no other could even come close to matching. There was something about the man that made Tanner want to fuck him, protect him, and embrace him all at the same time.
“I missed you so much,” Tanner confessed.
Ricky turned to look at him. “I missed you, too. Can I ask you something?”
Stomach sinking, because he had a pretty good inkling what the question would be, Tanner nodded.
“What happened? Why did you drop out of sight?” Ricky prodded, gently.
Since Tanner figured he owed Ricky an explanation, he decided to just to lay the ugly truth out there. Tanner only hoped that Ricky wouldn’t think less of him once he heard everything.
Taking a deep breath, Tanner said, “I lost a patient. She was just kid, fresh out of high school and she died, because I fucked up.”
“Fucked up how?”
“She was in a car accident—a really, bad one. Usually, Chauncey is primary out in the field, but he was on vacation at the time, and I was stuck with a rookie that day.”
“So, that made you in charge,” Ricky mused.
“Yes, and I wasn’t anywhere ready for the challenge. The patient began showing signs of severe brain damage and I stupidly focused on just that.”
“Why wouldn’t you? It’s a pretty significant injury.”
“I should have been looking at the whole picture. If I had, I would have noticed that she was going into shock from internal bleeding. Instead, I missed it and she ended up dying from hypovolemia.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that. There is no way to know for certain that there’s an internal bleed out in the field. It’s not like you have ultrasound equipment on you. Plus, the head injury would have messed with her vitals, so you couldn’t have known that way either.”
“Try telling that to her family, because they lost their daughter and will never get her back.”
Ricky rolled to his side so they were facing each other. Reaching out, he cupped Tanner’s cheek. “From the sounds of it, there was nothing you could have done to save her. If shock hadn’t gotten her, then the head injury would have.”
“Maybe, but I’ll never know for sure.”
“So, instead you’ve been beating yourself up over this. Is that why you’re working at the ER instead of out in the field? Because you’re afraid of being alone and in charge, then making a mistake?”
“Yes,” Tanner admitted, harshly. “At least in the ER, I have the other staff for support.”
Even Tanner had to admit to himself that logic had some flaws to it. He could fuck up in the ER just as easily. It just gave him some sense of security to know that he could turn to somebody else, should he get in over his head. Sure, he used to have Chauncey, but Tanner had learned the hard way that his work partner may not always be able to be there.
“Now I understand why you don’t laugh as much anymore.” Ricky ran the pad of his thumb over Tanner’s skin. “I wondered why you seem so sad. I just wish there was something I could do to make it better. I miss the way you used to tease me. How you always had a smartass answer for everything. Most of all, I hate that you don’t trust yourself anymore.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever go back to the way I was,” Tanner admitted.
It killed him, too, because he also yearned for things to be as they once were. So much so, that he’d give almost anything to have one great big do-over.
Ricky leaned in and slowly began to slowly kiss Tanner, first on the lips, before pressing soft pecks down Tanner’s jaw and neck. Tingles of pleasure danced down Tanner’s body as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back on the pillow.
“Relax and let me take care of you,” Ricky all but hummed as he sucked at Tanner’s neck.
“I thought I was supposed to be playing nurse for
you
today,” Tanner protested, even as his cock gave a happy jerk of hell-yeah at Ricky’s suggestion.