“She was just nineteen,” Tanner said, his chest tight with emotion.
“True, but if I recall right, she was also a victim of a multi-car pileup, and she hadn’t been wearing her seatbelt. She had so many injuries that there was probably nothing you could have done to save her.”
“Probably
,” Tanner echoed pointedly. “See, even
you
can’t tell me for certain that I didn’t fuck it up. I know for a fact that most other nurses wouldn’t have. Chauncey would have immediately caught it.”
“Bullshit. We all miss things. We’re only human, after all. We just have to hope that it doesn’t happen again and that it makes us better nurses in the end.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have a dead teenager on your conscience,” Tanner retorted, that bitter tone creeping back into his voice.
“You can’t keep thinking that way. It’ll end up destroying both your career and life,” Ben said, sadly.
Tanner knew Ben had a point. Hell, he’d said the very same thing to himself countless times. The only problem was that Tanner didn’t know if he had what it took to forgive himself. If anything, being back at the hospital only made him doubt himself more than ever.
Chapter Three
After working under Ben’s supervision for three nights, Tanner couldn’t decide if he liked the guy or wanted to have the idiot admitted to the seventh floor for a psych evaluation.
Ben was a great nurse. Not only was he knowledgeable and efficient, but the patients all loved him. Nevertheless, it was the other part of Ben’s personality that troubled Tanner. Flat out, the guy had a dozen screws loose and was two dozen cards short of a full deck.
If the guy wasn’t playing pranks such as the time he put apple butter into the breakroom coffee pot, then he was jawing off some outlandish story. At least Tanner thought they were outlandish. He really didn’t think that Ben could have done half the crap he claimed he did during his off work hours.
Tanner was just finishing the charting for the end of their shift when Ben came up. He was holding a big mug of coffee and looked a little less rambunctious than usual. In his other hand, he held a glucometer.
“I need you to do a favor for me,” Ben said.
“I don’t know about that. The last time I agreed to do a favor for you, I found myself stuck giving Mr. Elders an enema. Since he’s a runner and a kicker, that was something I never want to experience again.”
“Oh, come on! It wasn’t
that
bad.”
“Did I mention that he’s a biter, too? I still have the bruise on my arm in the shape of his dentures.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re such a lightweight. I have full-out scars from that man’s choppers. You can relax though, because that’s not what I was going to ask you to do.”
Tanner still didn’t trust the little shit, but since Ben was technically his trainer, Tanner didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter. “Fine, what do you need?”
Ben handed him the glucometer. “Can you go to radiology and check Ricky’s blood sugar? I would go do it myself, but I have to give a report to the next shift.”
Taking it, Tanner glanced down dumbly at the device as if he’d never seen it before, which was stupid since he used the damn thing several times each shift. It was just that he’d always used it on patients, but never had he imagined having to use it for Ricky.
“I didn’t know he was diabetic,” Tanner finally said, his chest aching a bit.
“Yeah, he has been for a while now.”
“Are you worried about him or something? I mean, if he’s been diabetic for that long, he should know how to test his own sugar levels.”
Ben took a deep drink of coffee before sighing. “Ricky is great at taking care of others, but he’s shitty at making sure his own needs are attended to.”
Tanner didn’t need to hear any more. He left the nurse’s station and rushed to radiology. He found Ricky alone in the large room that served the ER department. Tanner paused for a moment, his breath catching in his throat as he drank in the image of the other man.
Ricky wore his usual maroon scrubs since that was the color scheme St. Anthony’s assigned his department. But Ricky added a dark blue hoodie, giving the look as his own twist. He sat at a small table, hunched over some files. The low light almost made his skin seem to glow, and as always, his hair was just slightly messed up.
Tanner must have made a noise because Ricky sat up with a start, one hand going to his chest.
“Shit, you scared me,” Ricky exclaimed.
“Sorry.” Tanner held up the glucometer. “Ben sent me.”
Ricky eyed the device as if it was a poisonous spider. “You can tell Ben not to worry. I’m fine.”
Tanner tilted his head to the side. “Why don’t you just let me test you? It’ll placate Ben and I
did
come all the way here after all.”
“I don’t need it.”
Not wanting to get into an argument, Tanner shamelessly pulled out the guilt card. “Give a guy a break, will ya? Ben is my trainer and I would hate for him to get pissed at me.”
Ricky’s droll stare said that he didn’t buy the reasoning at all. “Nice try, but we both know that Ben doesn’t have it in him to report you for something like that. While he may be a jackass when it comes to pranks and stuff, he’s still a big softie inside.”
“Okay, then how about you do it because he’s your friend and he’s worried about you?”
“Ben is
always
worried about me,” Ricky groused.
He did toss down his pen and swivel his chair around though. Holding out a hand, palm up, he said, “Fine, let’s just get this over with.”
Not wasting the chance once he got it, Tanner rushed over and took a chair next to the desk. Opening up the case, he took out the supplies and got the machine ready. Once that was set, he snapped on a pair of gloves and grabbed Ricky’s hand.
Even through the thin layer of latex, the heat from Ricky’s body instantly made Tanner aroused. It didn’t help the situation that he was now close enough to smell the man either. Before he even realized it, Tanner leaned in closer, breathing in deep. Over the layers of hospital smells, Tanner detected the sharp bite of citrus. He wondered if it was the cologne Ricky used, or maybe his brand of shampoo.
“Is everything okay?” Ricky asked.
It was only then that Tanner realized he was hovering too close, like some kind of pervert or something. Clearing his throat, he hastily pulled back and tore open the alcohol wipe packet.
“Do you have any preference where you want me to stick it?” Tanner held up the lancet.
Ricky cocked a brow, one corner of his mouth lifting into a smile and Tanner realized just how loaded that comment was.
“I don’t know if I should tell you that,” Ricky sing-songed. “The last guy I gave that information to had to buy me dinner and a movie. Sure, it was just the dollar menu at
McDonalds
and he used a
Groupon
at the show, but hey, it counts. Although, I knew really should have held out for more once I realized he was taking me to see a Claude Van Damme flick. I didn’t even know that he made movies that didn’t go straight to video anymore.”
Tanner had to bite back a laugh. Damn, how he’d missed Ricky’s little babble fests. If he had to use one word for the man, it would be adorkable. Not that he thought Ricky was a true dork or anything, it was just his little tendencies to stammer or yammer on about mundane things was so endearing.
Ricky just kept on yapping so Tanner decided to get the show on the road. He rubbed the wipe over Ricky’s middle finger and quickly poked it with the lancet.
That stopped Ricky in midsentence. He jumped in surprise, but didn’t let out a cry of pain. Probably because he’d become long ago accustomed to being pricked. And no way in hell Tanner was going to say that last word out loud. The last thing he needed was to hear Ricky’s gutter talk over the term
prick.
Tanner quickly collected the blood on the test strip and handed Ricky a gauze pad while they waited for the reading. Tanner already knew it wouldn’t be good when Ricky began to twist his fingers.
“I was just going to get some breakfast so it may mess up the reading,” Ricky said, his voice pitched with worry.
When a bright, red fifty-five flashed across the screen, Tanner bit back a curse. Ricky leaned over and once he saw it, more excuses began to fly, “It’s no big deal. Amy called in sick today so I had to work extra hard and couldn’t get away to eat like I should. Plus, I forgot to take my insulin a few times over the past couple of days so that’s making everything wonky.”
“You’ve skipped doses?” Worry and anger clashed together and made that question come out way louder than Tanner intended.
Ricky flinched. “It’s not like I did it on purpose. I just got busy and it slipped my mind.”
Tanner didn’t know whether to shake Ricky for his recklessness or to put the guy in a bubble to protect him from his own naivety. Taking in a deep breath to calm himself, Tanner slowly let it out before saying, “Okay, let’s go.”
That suggestion earned him nothing more than a surprised look.
“Go where?” Ricky asked, still making no effort to stand.
“To the ER. We need to get those levels stabilized.”
Ricky shook his head and shrank back in his chair. “No.”
“No?”
“Do you always repeat things people say to you, or is just me?”
“I find that it’s only you, but that’s because I usually have trouble following any conversation that you’re involved in. Now, get up and get your butt to the ER.”
“I can’t”
“Why?”
“Because I have to get home. My family needs me. Look, it’s really sweet that you’re worried and all, but I’m used to this. I have some fruit and juice in my backpack. I’ll nosh them down and by the time I get home, I’ll be as good as new.”
“Are you planning on driving home?” Tanner asked incredulously.
“Of course I am. My family—”
“Needs you. I know.” Tanner let out a sigh. “Can’t you get Ben to drive you?”
“No! He has a mandatory meeting this morning so he’s staying over a few hours.”
Well, that just sucked. Damn, what to do? There was no way in hell Tanner was about to let Ricky drive himself. He realized the he’d just have to intervene and offer up his help.
“I’ll drive you.”
Ricky’s eyes widened in shock before he gave a slight shake of his head. “I can’t let you do that. Plus, I need my van so I can fit all the kids.”
“All the kids?”
“You’re repeating again.”
“Sorry, I just didn’t know you had any children.”
Ricky laughed, some of the tension leaving his face. “They’re my brothers and sisters.”
“How many are there?”
“Counting me, seven.”
Tanner almost echoed the number, but held back, not wanting Ricky to accuse him of chronic repeating again. “That’s a lot.”
“Yeah, and since my mom is out of town on a business trip for the week, they’re my responsibility. So, I need to get home and get them to school.”
“Okay, we’ll take your van, but I’m still driving.”
Ricky hesitated. “Are you sure? I know it’s a lot to ask. You probably just want to go home and fall into bed.”
Only if you’re under me.
Tanner held in a moan as an image of a naked and sweaty Ricky popped into his head. With the way Ricky liked to talk, Tanner just knew the guy would be a firecracker in between the sheets.
He abruptly pushed those erotic thoughts away because scrub bottoms did a piss-poor job of hiding an erection. Tanner gathered up the glucometer supplies and stuffed them back into the case. Taking off his gloves, he tossed them into the trash.
The women for the next shift wandered in and paused at the door as they studied Tanner with unabashed curiosity. A blush came over Ricky’s face as he nervously cleared his throat, “I have to give Erica and Mandy a report, but I can be ready to leave in about five minutes.”
“Sounds good, I need to let Ben know that I’m leaving and grab my stuff. I’ll be back in a few.”
“Are you going to tell Ben how low my blood sugar is?” Ricky asked, his brow creased with worry.
“Yes, but I’m also going to tell him that you’re going to have your own personal RN for the morning.”
Even though it really wasn’t the time or place for PDA, Tanner couldn’t resist running one finger down the side of Ricky’s face. He made sure to keep it brief, but the way Ricky gasped let Tanner know the gesture didn’t go unappreciated.
Turning, he walked out. As he passed the women, one of them murmured, “You better treat him right or else you’ll be dealing with me.”
Tanner didn’t fire back a comment because he could see how they’d be so protective of Ricky. The guy had a vulnerability to him that just screamed out to Tanner. So why shouldn’t others feel it, too?
He went back to the ER and found Ben still standing behind the nurse’s station. Setting the glucometer on the shelf, Tanner said, “It was too damn low. That kid needs to take better care of himself.”
Ben frowned. “Or maybe he just needs to find somebody to take over the job of Ricky keeper.”
“You’re his best friend. Why don’t you apply for the job?”
“Because he never listens to me. No, what he needs is some big, strong guy who can spank him into submission.”
Tanner sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you ever stop?”
“Nope, so you may as well get used to it.”
Funny thing was, Tanner was getting accustomed to Ben and his antics. More so, Tanner was actually beginning to like the guy and could see them hanging out besides during work hours.
“I’m going to drive Ricky home and help him get his boatload of siblings off to school,” Tanner revealed.
Ben let out a low whistle. “Ouch, I feel for you, buddy.”
“Are they that bad?”
“No, they’re just a bit…” Ben tilted his head to the side as he seemed to be searching for the right word, “Much at times.”
“I’m sure they’re not
that
bad.”
For some reason that comment made Ben laugh like a loon. Clapping a hand on Tanner’s shoulder, Ben advised, “You may want to grab yourself a great big coffee. Hell, add a couple energy drinks to it because you’re going to need the caffeine.”