Lessons in Love (14 page)

The rest of the week passed in a depressing blur. She threw herself into her studies with a vengeance, hoping that her focus would rid her of her internal demons. The ones who shouted at her for a fool ten times over. But it wasn’t until Friday that she realised something else was wrong. Something she never could have imagined, but which shouldn’t have been so completely unexpected that it left her stunned.

Her period was late. Very late. She’d been as regular as clockwork for as long as she could remember, and three weeks had passed – three weeks! – and she hadn’t even noticed. How could she have been so blind? How could she have been such an idiot! At first she’d been so careful to insist he used protection. But one time…just one time…in his office, they had not. And it hadn’t even entered her mind! Not then, and not once since then had she even considered the risk she’d taken. She was not some naïve little schoolgirl who didn’t understand the birds and the bees! She was an intelligent, responsible, mature twenty-four year old woman, who had just made one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

If she’d thought her situation was bad before, this was a thousand times worse. She drove to the pharmacy in a daze – choosing one where she wasn’t a regular patron, so they wouldn’t recognise her – and bought a home pregnancy kit.

When she arrived home, Veronica immediately cornered her, demanding to know where she’d been, and why she’d rushed off so suddenly. Emily, flustered, stammered out something about having to visit a friend, but knew as she said the words how foolish they sounded. But she couldn’t tell her sister the truth! How could she explain her potential pregnancy to either of her siblings? She would seem like the worst kind of hypocrite. Which, she had to admit to herself, was unfortunately true.

‘What’s really going on, Emily?’ Veronica asked, her small face frowning in concern.

‘Nothing to worry you, poppet,’ she said softly, stroking her sister on the head. ‘It was just Mark. He…he needed to discuss work.’

‘I thought you said you were visiting a friend?’ Immediately suspicious, Veronica missed nothing. Sometimes she seemed older and more mature than her twelve years.

‘Mark is a friend,’ she said lightly. ‘You know he’s been having troubles with his business.’ She left it at that. ‘It’s getting late. Are you ready for bed?’

‘It’s Friday night, Em. And it’s only eight o’clock.’

‘So it is,’ she said, and sighed. ‘Well, I might turn in early. I’ve had a long, difficult week.’

That was true, she thought as she sat on the toilet seat in her
en suite
bathroom, pondering the step she was about to take. There was really no doubt in her mind that she was pregnant. She had to be. She was never three weeks late for her period. Never. But somehow doing the test would confirm it irrevocably, and she was almost paralysed by not wanting it confirmed, by wanting to go about her daily business for awhile longer without having to face this. But face it she did.

She followed the test instructions to the letter, and within five minutes knew the horrible truth. She looked at the two pink lines on the indicator stick in a vague, disbelieving daze, before clicking back into reality. Trembling, she staggered into the bedroom, falling down on to the bed in a pathetic, worried heap. Why…
Why…
WHY had this happened to her? Was she really such a bad person? She’d been a fool. A pathetic, stupid little fool, but this? Now?

All her life Emily had been the sensible one. She’d studied hard at school, determined to make something of herself. And then BANG in the middle of her final year of high school her mother was diagnosed with leukaemia, and her world was thrown into turmoil. All her future plans had been put on hold as she took on responsibility for her much younger brother and sister. She’d worked hard, damn hard. She hadn’t partied her nights away like her friends. She hadn’t had careless one night stands with men she didn’t know. She hadn’t become so drunk she passed out…or threw up in the gutter. She’d worked. She’d been sensible.

Now, at the apparently mature age of twenty-four, she’d gone against every sensible, logical bone in her body, and had made love to an extremely virile man without any form of contraception. It was inexcusable! And she was paying the price. Dear God, was she paying the price!

During the night she tossed and turned, unable to sleep for more than brief periods at a time. While awake, her mind went over the possibilities open to her, but there were few. She didn’t believe in abortion except in extreme circumstances, and she knew without a doubt that however much she was not ready for a baby, she could never put her child up for adoption. So her choices now were this: she could tell Nicholas, or she could not tell Nicholas. She debated between the two, going over the pros and cons of each in her mind until she felt dizzy, but it was only on Saturday morning that she came to her resolution.

She would tell him.

He may not have been the man she’d imagined him to be, but he deserved to know the truth. She’d lied to herself, but she wouldn’t lie to him. That would only add to the guilt she felt about the situation she’d found herself in.

But how could she tell him? After their discussion on Monday he hadn’t wanted to know her, and she couldn’t blame him a bit. She had to admit that there was something to what he’d said about taking over Mark’s business. It made perfect, logical sense. Mark would avoid bankruptcy, most of his employees would keep their jobs, and Nicholas would find some way to profit from it. She grimaced. That was what it really came down to, wasn’t it? Profit.

Her eyes filled with tears as she considered her future. What would become of her now? And more importantly, what would become of her child? She’d never be able to finish her university education, at least not as soon as she’d hoped, and although she’d always derived a certain amount of satisfaction in her secretarial work, she knew she wouldn’t feel that way about it forever, but what choice did she have? As a single mother her child would have to come first, and she’d have to find some way of supporting him or her. She smiled sadly as she placed a hand on her tummy, trying to imagine the small life growing in her womb.

‘I will look after you, I promise,’ she whispered as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

The sound of the television permeated through her bedroom walls and she wiped her eyes quickly, walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She couldn’t tell her brother and sister yet. She just couldn’t. Besides, the first person who had a right to know was the baby’s father, and although she loathed the thought of talking to him, she would.

Emily drove along unfamiliar streets to Wendy’s house, where Nicholas was currently living. She finally saw his car parked in the driveway of a nice, but nondescript home. She sucked in a deep breath as the butterflies in her stomach went out of control. She considered turning back, but forced herself to pull up. She would not back out now. She had been a coward in the past, but the time for that was gone. She had a new responsibility now, and so did Nicholas.

She pressed the white doorbell, hoping against hope that nobody would be home, but knowing she wouldn’t be that lucky. She couldn’t avoid the inevitable. The beautiful redhead Wendy answered the door.

‘Hello,’ she said quizzically. ‘You must be Emily.’

‘Yes, I am. You’re Wendy,’ she replied inadequately.

‘Come in. Nicholas is in the shower. I assume you came to see him.’

‘Yes.’

‘Sit down. Make yourself at home. Can I get you a drink? Tea or Coffee?’ Emily nodded absently and answered in the affirmative.

‘Coffee. Please.’ Her mother had told her never to refuse someone’s hospitality when they offered a drink. And although the last thing she wanted to do now was relax with a cup of coffee, she needed to hang on to some of her life’s past sanity.

‘Emily?’ The tone of Nicholas’s voice when he saw her was one of pure concern, and all her efforts to relax failed as she burst into pitiful tears. He rushed to her side and wrapped his arms around her lovingly, only serving to make her cry harder. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ he pleaded desperately. ‘Did something happen? Are your brother and sister OK?’ She sniffed loudly and nodded.

‘They’re…they’re fine. But, oh, Nicholas. I’ve been so stupid!’

‘Why Emily? What did you do?’ Emily saw Wendy standing in the doorway, and seeing Emily’s face, Nicholas shooed his cousin away.

‘It’s what I
didn’t
do Nicholas. In your office. I…I never even thought!”

‘What?’ His face was etched with desperation, and she bit her lip in anguish.

‘We didn’t use a condom, Nicholas,’ she whispered. ‘We’re going to have a baby!’ He couldn’t have looked more shocked if she’d slapped him across the face. Momentarily, he pulled away from her and she shrank back against the side of the sofa.

‘A baby?’ he questioned her. ‘Are you sure?’ She nodded. There was no doubt about it. ‘Oh Emily.’ And then he pulled her hard against him, and stroked her back comfortingly. ‘I…I don’t know what to say. It’s not just your fault Emily. I’m equally to blame.’

‘No Nicholas. I should have said something. A woman’s always supposed to look out for herself when it comes to those things.’ Nicholas shook his head vehemently.

‘That’s not true. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to make a baby. Let go of your guilt, Emily. It’s not healthy for you…or our child. The only question is, where do we go from here?’

‘I…I don’t know. I hadn’t thought that far ahead,’ she said in anguish, all her hopes and dreams crashing down around her, as she realised the inevitability of her situation.

Nicholas took a deep breath. ‘As far as I’m concerned there’s only one option!’ His voice was so forceful, so harsh, that Emily drew in a sharp intake of breath.

‘No! Not that Nicholas! Never that!’ she said, aghast. He frowned at her.

‘Would marrying me really be that bad?’ His face was uncertain, and she looked at him uncomprehendingly for a moment.

‘M…marry you?’ she forced the words out, uncertain whether she’d misheard him.

‘Of course. What did you think?’

‘I…I thought you meant you wanted me to get rid of it. And I’d never, never do that!’

‘Get rid of it! You might think me a cold, harsh and unforgiving man, Emily, but never, NEVER, would I wish you to get rid of my child.’ His voice was so firm, there was nothing she could do but believe him.

‘Thank you,’ she said gratefully. ‘I…I don’t feel quite so alone any more.’

‘Have you been to a doctor yet?’ His voice was full of concern again, and she shook her head.

‘I did one of those home pregnancy tests.’

‘Well, the first thing to do is get you an appointment with a good obstetrician. And you’re going to have to start taking things easier than you’ve been doing. I know how hard you’ve been working at uni, and how hard you work for Overington Industries.’

‘But how can I slow down? I may have to give up my studies for good, but at least I want to pass this semester.’

‘Give up? Why on earth would you want to do that? I thought getting this business degree was your dream, Emily.’

‘It was, but I don’t see how it’s possible now.’

‘Nonsense! Of course it’s possible. Better than possible. If you agree to become my wife.’ She sighed deeply, the weight of the world seemingly resting on her shoulders.

‘I…I don’t know if that would be a good idea Nicholas. I thank you for your proposal, but such a relationship would only end in bitterness and regret.’ There. She’d said it. While she sat in the protective circle of Nicholas’s loving arms, she could almost forget the man he was. Almost, but not quite. Their marriage would be a miserable one, made only for the baby. And in time, maybe even that child couldn’t hold it together.

‘If that’s the way you feel, there’s not much more for us to discuss, is there?’ He pulled away from her abruptly, leaving her bereft, longing for just another moment in his arms. But his voice was cold, hard and unforgiving once again. He’d given her a chance and she’d blown it, and he wouldn’t let her forget that easily. ‘But don’t think I won’t ask for partial custody of this child, Emily! And don’t think I won’t have some say in the way it’s raised. You can’t rob me of my rights.’

‘I…I don’t want to, Nicholas. I’d never want that. That’s why I told you,’ her voice was sincere, pleading, but he shut her out.

‘I’ll make an appointment with Dr Richmond for you. He’s reputed to be the best obstetrician in town. And now, I’ve got to get dressed and go to work. You can see yourself home?’ She nodded, biting her lip as she fought back the tears that threatened to fall. ‘I’ll call you when I’ve confirmed the appointment. And I expect you to be there!’ With that, he turned his back on her and walked out of the room. Knowing he’d dismissed her, she stood up shakily and walked out of the house, returning to her car in a fog of despair. When would the pain end?

Another day passed, and another. Emily struggled through her days at university, hating every instant she had to be in one of Nicholas’s classes. It was an agony to watch him and think about what she’d lost. After Tuesday’s lecture, she wasn’t sure she could stand it anymore. Again he’d ignored her, except for one instant when their eyes had met, and his had burned into her with a cold fire that shook her to the core, and it was all she could do not to pull away. However, the lecture ended and she escaped as quickly as she could. There were just weeks to go, but she was all too aware of how hellish they’d be.