Authors: Victoria Sinclair
By Tuesday morning Emily could no longer deny that she was unwell. When she turned off her alarm at seven o’clock, she groaned as waves of fatigue and nausea washed over her. Her nose was blocked, her head spun as she tried to sit up, and swallowing was an agony. She winced and picked up the glass of water sitting beside her bed and took a couple of gulps of the clear refreshing liquid. She gingerly got out of bed and put on her dressing gown, before walking down the hall and knocking on her sister’s door.
‘Verri! Are you awake?’ she croaked uncomfortably. A mumble come from the other side of the door, and her sister responded in the affirmative.
‘I won’t be going to work today,’ she said as her sister’s face appeared through a crack in the doorway.
‘You look bad,’ Veronica said. ‘Get back in bed. Steve and I will be fine without you. Don’t worry. Did you want me to call the office for you?’
‘No, I’ll call. It’ll be OK, Mark will understand,’ she said, but wondered whether a certain university lecturer would be just as understanding. She didn’t want him to think that he’d intimidated her into avoiding him, especially after Monday’s lecture.
She made a hurried phone call to her boss, struggling foolishly to remember the work number, although she gave it to people by rote several times a day!
As usual, Mark was very understanding, demanding she spend as much time as she needed in recuperation. He also promised to tell Nicholas where Emily was and why she wasn’t at uni. Hopefully he would be half as understanding as Mark had been. But if not, that was his problem, she decided firmly. And with everything sorted out, she took a cold and flu tablet, climbed back into bed and slept the rest of the day in peace.
Emily remained at home for the rest of the week, feeling more like herself when Monday rolled around again. Even knowing that she’d be seeing Nicholas didn’t perturb her as much as it had the week before.
As she sat down for her afternoon lecture, Emily waited for Nicholas to give her a hard time about missing the previous week’s classes. But he didn’t say a thing. He didn’t even glare at her balefully as he’d been known to do. He was so pleasant, in fact, that she decided to approach him after class to ask about the work she’d missed. She had to face him some time, and the sooner she got it out of the way, the better.
Nicholas glanced at her questioningly as she approached his desk at the front of the room. Her heart thudded so loudly in her chest she was sure he’d be able to hear it, but all he did was give her a bland smile as he spoke.
‘What can I do for you, Emily? I trust you’re feeling better?’ His tone was neutral, as if she were just any of his students, and not someone whom he had made passionate love to just weeks earlier.
‘I was wondering if there was some way I could get the lecture notes I missed,’ she said, forcing her tone to remain light, as neutral and devoid of emotion as his own had been.
‘Never say I’m not accommodating. I have a transcript of all the lectures I’ve made in my briefcase. If I give you a copy of the notes to photocopy can you get them back to me by tomorrow morning?’
‘No problem,’ she replied. She watched him closely, trying to detect the subtlest hint that he hadn’t forgotten what they’d shared. But there was nothing. ‘Thank you.’ She took the notes from his hand, and for a second their fingers brushed, and she felt as though she’d been struck by a bolt of lightning. She looked into his face, and suddenly it was as open as her own, with all the emotions he’d been suppressing there for her to see. She opened her mouth to speak, but his eyes narrowed in warning.
‘Come and see me in my office after five this afternoon if you have any more questions to ask,’ he said blandly, and Emily became aware of the other students still in the room. She nodded, smiling shakily, and walked out, her heart palpitating in her chest.
After photocopying the notes, she sat down in the library to wait for five o’clock. She selected a couple of texts to look through to pass the time. Unfortunately, no matter how riveting Nicholas made the study of business economics, the textbooks were as dry and boring as ever. She yawned, re-reading a paragraph that her mind had wandered from before giving it up as a lost cause. She closed her eyes for a moment and rested her head on the desk, and without realising, drifted asleep.
She awoke with a start as she heard voices coming in her direction. Embarrassed at the thought of being caught napping, she shook her head abruptly and looked at her watch. It was five minutes to five. Steeling herself, she stood up, packed her bag and left the library, walking with firm and sure footsteps to Nicholas’s office.
She knocked loudly at the door, striving to compose herself as his voice called out, ‘Come in!’ She opened the door and gingerly entered his office. He gave a half-smile when he saw her, and her heart sank. It didn’t look as if what he had to say would be good.
She was right.
‘I owe you a big apology Emily,’ he said softly, ‘for all the wrongs I’ve done you. Now I have to do what is right. There can be nothing more between us.’ Her heart stopped dead in her chest. No! Anything but this cold dismissal. She sat down hard on the chair across from his desk. It was what she’d feared since his sudden unexplained disappearance from her life, but to hear him confirm it…
‘I’ve photocopied the notes,’ she said inadequately, refusing to look at him.
‘Emily?’
‘What?’ Her voice was bleak.
‘Look at me,’ he said tenderly. Tears blurred her eyes as she forced herself to face him, blinking hard, but to no avail. He stood up and walked around to her side of the desk, placing a hand on her shoulder.
‘No!’ she blurted. ‘Don’t touch me! Please?’
‘Emily. Wait!’ he said, as she tried to stand up. ‘Just listen to me. Hear me out! I’m not suggesting that there be nothing between us ever. We just need to wait until this semester’s over. That’s all. I’m sorry. I should have phrased myself better.’ A surge of hope filled her, and she looked up at him, trying to read his eyes.
‘You…you’re not just saying that to put me off? I couldn’t bear it if you were, Nicholas. The way you vanished overseas with not even a word to me…I deserve the truth now.’ He crouched down beside her, and suddenly all his emotions were there for her to see on his face.
‘I want you, Emily! I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I spent the next week trying to deny the feelings you aroused in me, trying to find fault with everything you did. But I couldn’t! There was no fault for me to find, and I behaved like a fool. And yet, you still forgave me. Can you forgive me again?’ His voice was filled with such caring that she could do nothing but smile at him, her own love lighting up her face.
‘Yes, of course. But…the end of the semester?’ It seemed so far away. How could she stand to wait until then? Wait until she could feel his hot, passionate kisses, until she could experience the full depth of his desire for her, and return it with a desire as passionate and powerful as his own?
‘It has to be that way. We both know it!’ And oh, she did know it. She’d always known it. But it wouldn’t be easy. She twisted her hands together in agitation, and seeing, he placed one of his strong hands over hers, clutching them hard, lovingly, stilling the trembling of her limbs. ‘Oh, Emily. If it’s hard for you, then you can magnify it a thousand times over for me. I’ve spent so many years thinking I’d never find a woman who I felt this way about. I never even imagined it could be like this.’ His voice trailed away.
‘Just…just one kiss?’ she begged, angry at herself for her weakness. He shook his head, no, but after a moment’s painful hesitation, he brought his lips to her own. At first, the kiss was soft, gentle, but when she parted her lips slightly, Nicholas moaned deep in his throat, and no force of willpower could stop him from pulling her hard against him, deepening the kiss.
Breathless with desire, Emily roved her fingers over his body, pulling his shirt from the waistband of his trousers. He made a soft sound of protest in his throat, but she pulled him harder against her, climbing off the chair to a kneeling position in front of him on the floor. Her hand dropped to feel his erection hard inside his trousers, and that was it, Nicholas was lost. He pulled his lips away from her mouth, trailing hot kisses down her throat, down to where the top of her dress skimmed her breasts, and over the soft fabric, raking his hands down her body, to cup her buttocks and pull her hard against him.
The course of their lovemaking flowed inevitably from there. Emily struggled to undo his buckle, before unbuttoning his trousers and freeing the manhood beneath. He rucked up her dress, swiftly pulling down her pantyhose, and panties, flicking his finger into the depth of her wetness, before he knelt back and she mounted him there on the floor of his office, moaning as he filled her, desperate to reach her own fulfilment, and to help Nicholas reach his own satisfaction. For this instant, she could forget the inevitability of their parting. For this moment of desperate passion, every particle of her life, her past, her present, and her future were concentrated here, now, with Nicholas and the passion they shared with each other.
At home that night, Emily went over the previous week’s notes and did the reading Nicholas had set for them. It was a struggle to keep her thoughts coherent – they kept returning to Nicholas’s office, and to the passionate love they’d shared. She shook her head in anguish as she remembered her wanton behaviour. It was so completely unlike her that if anyone had told her just weeks ago that she’d make love to one of her lecturers on the floor of his office, she’d have laughed. And yet, it was real. It had happened. It was no wonder she didn’t get to bed until nearly midnight. And that night, her dreams were filled with longing, desperation, desire and the loss of the man she loved.
When she awoke the next morning her cheeks were wet with tears. She hadn’t lost him, but she might as well have done. Even after making love, he’d regretfully told her that it couldn’t go on. There could be no repeat. Not for the next two months, anyway. But how could they stay apart? Nothing could slake their thirst for each other but the consummation of their love.
She wiped her face and took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling the moisture pool between her thighs. Even now she wished desperately he was here with her in bed, as ready and willing as she was to satiate her hunger.
During their next lecture, Nicholas was in remarkably good humour. But nevertheless, he paid little attention to Emily, and although she knew why, it hurt.
Unfortunately, there were several aspects of the lecture that she didn’t fully understand. She hated having to ask him for help again, but there didn’t seem any way around it. After her performance of the previous evening, he was bound to think she wanted to see him for more than just a bit of tutorial!
He looked surprised as she approached him, and raised his eyebrows slightly in question. Emily felt her face flushing, despite the innocence of her approach.
‘What’s up Emily?’ he asked, in that annoying neutral tone of voice.
‘I have some questions about today’s topic,’ she confessed. ‘Would we be able to make a time to go over them?’ He frowned slightly. She’d known he’d take her request the wrong way! ‘That’s it, honestly,’ she said softly, pleading with her eyes.
‘No problem,’ he replied blandly. ‘You’re going to work now?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded.
‘I have a meeting with Mark this afternoon at two o’clock. What time do you have lunch?’
‘Between one and two, depending on the work I have to do.’
‘I’ll meet you at the office at one, then.’
‘Great. See you then,’ she replied. He had to know that she could still be professional, regardless of her feelings towards him.
Emily bit her fingernails in agitation as the time slowly turned towards one o’clock. Nicholas had made his position clear, and she not only understood it, but was completely sympathetic to it. But she couldn’t see how they could meet and yet pretend there was nothing between them. It seemed so cold, so false, and it was an entirely unnatural way for her to act.
At five minutes to one, she went to the ladies’ room to freshen up. She looked at herself critically in the mirror. She’d lost some weight, and her face was looking pale and slightly gaunt. See what you put me through, Nicholas? she thought as she stared at her reflection. With that she shook her head quickly and walked back into the office.
To her surprise Nicholas had entered while she’d been engaged in her toiletries.
‘Hello Nicholas,’ she said. ‘I’m ready to go if you are?’
‘I certainly am.’
‘I’ll grab my bag and notebook,’ she said, reminding him that she wanted to see him for educational reasons, not personal ones.
They walked to a café a short distance away. ‘Thanks a lot for this,’ she said. ‘Helping me, I mean. I know you probably think I’m stupid for not understanding, but I’ve been away so…’ Her voice trailed off. She knew she was chattering inanely, but couldn’t find anything else to say.
‘I know, Emily. Don’t worry about it. We’ll get you sorted out.’
Thankfully the café wasn’t crowded, but wasn’t so empty that they were completely alone, either.
They chose a table near the window and ordered sandwiches and coffee. When the waitress left, Emily pulled the notes out of her bag, determined to be professional right from the start.