“It was about you running from the law or some shit. It could've been about me, but I felt like you were the one in trouble.” Rah has never called me about a dream like this before. “Are you sure you're okay?” He sounds very concerned and I think it's about more than his dream.
“What else is going on?” I ask, dashing through the cold hall and into the dark bathroom, closing the door behind me. I quickly plug the electric heater into the wall and sit on the toilet seat directly in front of it, waiting for the orange glow to appear and warm my damp body.
“I think you may have been right about Trish,” he says, giving me the full confession. “She told her brother that I got another girl, and he's not feeling his sister being unhappy, know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I know,” I say, propping the phone against my shoulder and hugging myself to get more warmth. I hate cold mornings. “Well, I'll be honest too,” I say, stretching my hands out to nearly touch the small heater with my fingertips. “I've been working on something to help you get away from Trish.” Unlike with Misty, I'm going to be honest in my approach with him. Rah's my real friend and deserves to know the truth about my efforts.
“Something like what, Jayd?” he says. I can tell from his tone that he's already not feeling me. But he seems willing to listen and that's a good start.
“Well, you know Mama makes charms to help influence people's destinies, right?” I say, realizing that I'm not making this sound very good. Now I see why Mama said we must have a client's permission or request to do work on his or her behalf. If you don't, the conversation starts off like this one.
“Right. What does that have to do with me? I didn't ask her for anything,” he says.
“I know, baby. But I did some work on your behalf, or I was planning on it, that is, if you don't mind. Do you mind?” I ask, sounding like the twelve-year-old girl he fell in love with.
“Hell yeah I mind, Jayd,” he says, yelling into the phone. I didn't think he'd be this upset. But he is and it's all my fault. “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking I would try to help your ass get out of this mess with Trish. Forgive me for caring,” I say. Even if he is right, his attitude puts me on the defense.
“I don't mind you wanting to help, Jayd. What I mind is you doing some shit behind my back. And who gave you permission to wear your grandmother's apron?” he says, referring to Mama's crown as queen of the kitchenâspecial recipes included. “Does she know you're going around putting spells on people and shit?”
“You're taking this a little too far, don't you think?” I say. “You have a right to be mad, but don't get crazy with it.”
“Jayd, this is serious. I don't want to start having dreams and getting headaches and shit like you do. That scares the hell out of me, girl, on the real,” he says. And for the first time, I get it. Rah accepts my spiritual lineage just as much as any outsider of the religion can. But he's as afraid of it as anyone else, too.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you,” I say, eyeing my things sitting on the overfilled clothes hamper. It always smells like feet and ass in here. “I can't stand to see people hurting, Rah, you included. If I can do something within my powers to help, I will. But you're right. I should've never done it without your permission,” I say. His silence worries me, but I'm not hanging up until I know we're okay. As my dream predicted, Rah is my one true ally in our circle who will always be there for me, no matter what. And I can't afford to lose him now, even if that means having to deal with Trish in his life for a little while longer.
“What were you going to do?” he says, sounding more curious than angry.
“I was making you a gris-gris similar to the one hanging on my backpack with the word âlisten' written on the side.”
“Are you sure you don't have some dolls with pins sticking out of them or some shit like that?” Rah says, making light of our heritage. But it's okay. I think he'll learn to be more comfortable with it in time.
“No, not this time. Just a little herb sack, if you will.” I hear the door to my grandfather's room open and know I've woken someone up. I better get off this phone and get ready for school before that someone knocks on the door.
“There's never anything wrong with an herb sack,” he says, easing up a bit. I'm glad he wasn't unappeasable on the subject. He must really trust me to forgive me so quickly for invading his privacy. “For real though, Jayd. Baby, I know you've got skills that the rest of us don't have. And everyone knows that Mama is nice with her talents too,” he says. I love that he has so much affection for Mama. “But you can't pull nothing like this again. I need to have a choice in the matter, always, understand?”
“I hear you, Rah I hear you.” Before we hang up, I turn on the shower to let it run for a while. Sometimes it can take up to five minutes for the hot water to work. “So, do I have your permission?” I say, not giving up on my mission. What kind of queen in training would I be if I retreated at the first sign of trouble?
“It can't be too frightening if it's herb bags, I guess,” he says, bending to my will. I guess that sweetness lesson is finally kicking in, too. “But I want to see you make it,” he says.
“No problem. You know you're the only friend of mine Mama will let in her backhouse.” She's very finicky about who she lets into the spirit room, clients included. “I won't make a move without your consent, I promise. Talk to you later.”
“All right then. And Jayd, thanks for telling me the truth,” he says, hanging up on the conversation. I'm glad we got that out, but it still doesn't explain why he had a dream about me running while I was having a similar one. That'll be first on my agenda when I talk to Mama this afternoon. I still have to get through school first and I better go if I want to get there on time.
“Jayd, get out of the bathroom. I hear you in there talking on the phone. I gotta go, now girl. Come on,” Jay says, interrupting my flow.
“You'll have to wait until I'm out of the shower,” I say, stepping into the steaming water and officially starting my day. There's nothing like a nice hot shower to make me feel good first thing in the morning.
“Whatever. I'll go outside,” he says, going out into the cold morning to handle his business and leaving me to mine. I'm glad Rah and I were able to resolve our issue instead of letting it fester until it was out of control. I'm also grateful he gave me permission to help him, although I hope there are no repercussions from making Misty's bag without her knowledge. Even if there are, it'll be worth it as long as she gets her mojo back. The gris-gris Netta gave me is sitting on the shrine until Mama finishes her work. I will pay closer attention to Misty today to see if I can tell any difference in her spirit.
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It was an unusually quiet bus ride this morning. Now that Misty seems to be back in her routine with KJ, she's no longer on the bus, invading what I consider to be my space, especially when she's at my stop in the morning. It's enough having to see her at school all day. I don't need to see her first thing in the morning.
Instead of speeding up the hill to campus like I normally do every morning, I decide to take it slow and enjoy the view of nicely manicured lawns and dream about having a luxury car like the various ones parked in the driveways of the mini mansions I stroll by. What's the rush? I don't want to catch up on the gossip nor do I want to run into any of my friends. After last night's dream and Rah's call this morning, I'm in need of some serious me time.
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“Hey Jayd. Can I holla at you for a minute?” Jeremy says, pulling up next to me and ruining my silent vibe. “Get in.”
“I'm flying solo this morning, Jeremy, but thank you for the offer,” I say, not changing my steady pace. My legs are used to the walk now and it's not as much of a challenge for me anymore. It actually feels good, and I see the muscles building in my thighs. If I could afford it, I'd get a new skirt or two and show them off.
“Come on,” he says, cruising alongside me while the other cars angrily pass him. “You're stopping traffic, Lady J.”
“No, you're stopping traffic. I'm walking to school,” I say, not giving in to his charming smile. “Shouldn't you be surfing or something?”
“Come on, girl. Why are you being so difficult? I just want to talk, see how you're doing.” Why am I giving him such a hard time? I really can't answer that, but I know it has a lot to do with Rah. My mom used to say two men cannot occupy the same space at the same time, especially if one of them is a black man, and I know she's right. After what happened between Mickey and Nigel on Friday, I never want to go out with two dudes at the same time again.
“Jeremy, we can catch up in class,” I say, trying to brush him off gently. But he's not taking the hint. He finally pulls over and gets out of his car, really pissing off the other students driving toward campus. It's a tight street and there's no room for cars parked on the side. “What are you doing?” I say, stopping short as he steps in front of me.
“Look, Jayd, I made a mistake. A huge, terrible mistake and I want us to try again,” he says. I admit, I have daydreamed of this moment, but I never thought it would actually come true, especially not like this. Too bad this type of thing only works in the movies.
“Jeremy,” I say, reacting slowly to his revelation. I don't want to argue with him and I'm not telling him about Rah either. “Have you conveniently forgotten that your family's a tad bit on the racist side?” I say, folding my arms across my chest and looking him straight in the eyes. He towers over me, and I have to stretch my neck up to look at him.
“Not me, Jayd. I'm not racist and I'm the only one you need to worry about from now on. Jayd, I meant it when I said that I love you. Why can't we start over?”
“Because we're too different and our family values are on opposite sides of existence, that's why.” I step past him and try to continue my trek, but Jeremy takes hold of my hand and spins me around to face him. Why is he making this so difficult?
“We don't have to let our families separate us, Jayd. Come on. We had a good thing going before all of that mess with Tania started,” he says, ignoring the facts completely. It's convenient for him to live in his own reality. I, on the other hand, have to live in the real world and dating a man whose family doesn't like strong black women, like the women I come from and the woman I am growing into, won't cut it.
“No, Jeremy. It started when your dad decided that black women were to be seen and not heard, screwed but not reproduced with.” Jeremy, looking overwhelmed but not defeated, holds my hand even tighter before bringing it up to his lips for a gentle kiss.
“I'm not giving up on you. Never,” he says, playing with the heavy gold bangle hanging from my wrist.
“What if I told you that you got out of jail partially because of something I did?” I say, ready to test out this whole honesty philosophy on Jeremy. If he really loves me, he'll accept my beliefs whether he believes in God or not.
“What do you mean? Are you talking about your prayers or something like that?” he says, already mocking my faith.
“Something like that,” I say, going for the full confession. “Remember the cupcakes I made for you the day before your hearing?” I say, reliving our first kiss, which came after he devoured the tasty treats.
“Yeah. Those were the best-tasting cupcakes I've ever had. But don't tell my mom,” he says, making light of the situation. I hope he finds the humor in what I'm about to reveal.
“They were more than good, Jeremy. They were, shall we say, very special cupcakes with a little something in them to help you get out of going to jail.” Looking at me in disbelief, Jeremy laughs hysterically, unable to control himself.
“Are you serious?” he says. “You really think that you baked a dessert that could help the charges against me get dropped? If that's the case, then why did we hire a lawyer?” Watching him get a kick out of my admission, I pull away from him and continue my stride.
“Never mind I said anything. I knew you wouldn't understand,” I say as the first bell rings. Now I'm going to be late and our little talk wasn't even worth it. I'm glad Rah was more receptive than Jeremy. How can he make jokes about something so serious to me? Mama's right, some people are ungrateful no matter what you do for them. Good intentions definitely pave the road to hell and, after my last dream, I have a feeling I'm on my way there now.
14
Devil in a White Tee
“Don't ask my neighbors, come to me/ Don't be afraid of what you see.”
âTHE EMOTIONS
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hen I finally reach the main hall, I see a crowd of folks in the attendance office. I wonder what's going on? But I don't have time to be nosey and I don't want anyone noticing my all-white ensemble yet. Maybe it won't seem so strange. After all, I did wear all black yesterday, right down to my boots. I've got less than two minutes to get to first period and I need to stop by my locker first to get my books. I guess me being late is better than showing up on time without my materials.
“Jayd,” Nigel says from the double doors leading into the main hall. “I have to talk to you.”
“Not now, Nigel. I've got to get to class.” The hall's almost empty, except for Misty and her crew at my locker. And, by the look of it, they're not there to help me carry my books. Oh shit, she knows. How did she find out?
“Jayd, listen to me,” Nigel says, falling into step with me as I charge toward my fate. Mama told me to be strong in who I am and that's just what I'm going to do. “Misty's been waiting for you all morning. She's started some sort of witch hunt against you and you need to come with me now, Jayd. Rah's on his way to get you as we speak. Don't worry about the absence; I'll get Mr. Donald to cover for us. Jayd, did you hear a word I just said?”
“Yes, Nigel, and I already know what's going on,” I say, stopping to face my friend. Nigel's known me for longer than any of these people up here and even his fear has gotten the best of him. “Do you believe that I'm a witch?” I don't know what Rah's told him, but I know he's had his suspicions about my dreams and my grandmother since junior high.
“It doesn't matter what I believe, Jayd. This isn't about me,” he says, avoiding the question. But I want to know his answer.
“You're not going to hurt my feelings, Nigel. Just tell me the truth. Do you believe I'm a witch?”
“No, girl, of course not. But, y'all do be doing some strange stuff up in that house of yours,” he says, looking me up and down. “And why are you wearing all white? Still want to be nurse Coffy?” he says, making fun of my Halloween costume. Before I can offer him an explanation, Misty looks in my direction and points me out to her crowd.
“There she is!” Misty marches toward me with KJ, Shae, and the rest of South Central right behind her. Just as my dream predicted, they look hungry for blood, and mine is the only type on the menu. Nellie and Mickey enter from the side entrance, watching the procession of angry students head my way. They look confused, like they want to help but are unsure of what to do.
“Jayd, let's go back in the main hall,” Nigel says, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me away. But I'm not afraid of them at all, especially not Misty. Her family's just as involved in voodoo as mine, and she's got no right to throw stones at me.
“Nigel, what do you think is going to happen to me?” I say, pulling my arm from his hand, as Misty gets closer. Nellie and Mickey try to walk ahead of them, but Misty's on a mission and she won't let anyone get in her way.
“Jayd, you're not invincible, no matter what you think.” As Misty advances, she throws the gris-gris at me, hitting me in the face. That didn't feel good, but at least it's not a flaming torch trying to barbeque my ass.
“Damn,” Del says. Those are my sentiments exactly. I wasn't expecting her to throw the bag at me. How did she find it? I know she's not into planting or any other outdoor activity.
“What the hell are you doing snooping around my house, Jayd?” Misty says, stepping up to me like she's going to hit me. But I know her better than that. She's all bark and no bite, even though she has a good arm. The bag did hurt a little when it hit my cheek, but that was a lucky toss.
“I was just trying to help,” I say, starting off with the truth. The final bell rings above our heads, but no one moves.
“Help, my ass. That's why you kidnapped me from school on Monday, so you could get my DNA and put it in this bag. You buried it; that means you wanted me buried so you could have KJ all to yourself,” she says. Now she's really not making any sense.
“Misty, you've been in my house before and I see you at school every day. If I wanted your DNA I could have gotten it in many other ways.” As soon as the words leave my mouth I realize they don't help my case much. Mickey and Nellie even look shocked at my confession, as the crowd circles around Misty and me, anticipating a fight. “And for the record, I didn't kidnap you. I saved your ass from KJ's harassment.”
“He wasn't harassing me, Jayd, and I don't remember asking for your help,” she says, KJ right behind her. I bet he loves this. “Thank God the cat dug up the bag and gave it to me when I got home yesterday. Otherwise, who knows where I'd be.”
“You don't remember shit, Misty. That was part of your problem. Like I said, I wanted to help. But now I know better,” I say. This broad's really got her nerve coming at me like this. “And I know you're not stupid enough to think that I want KJ's trifling ass back.”
“Don't call my man trifling,” she says, putting her hands on her wide hips and getting as far up in my face as she can. I look down at her, waiting for her next move. “You're just mad because both of your relationships ended quickly because you're weird. I told you that before and I'll say it again. You and your grandmother are witches and now I have proof,” she says, picking up the charm bag from the ground and displaying it again for everyone to see.
“Misty, you don't know what you're talking about. That bag was to help you keep your house before you get thrown out on the street, or was that supposed to be a secret?” I say, letting her business out. “I know all about your grandmother and the house and your mama and Esmeralda, too. Who, by the way, is the real witch if there ever was one,” I say, causing the mob to look around in disbelief.
“You're lying,” Misty says, tossing the bag back down on the ground in front of me. This can't be good for her luck. “My mom wouldn't have anything to do with Esmeralda if she was a witch. You and your family are the evil ones on the block, sneaking around people's houses in the dark.”
“I'm sure whatever Jayd did was for a good reason,” Nigel says, stepping in between me and Misty.
“I agree,” Jeremy says, entering the hall. He must've just got here, but I don't know why it took him so long to get up the hill. Maybe he had some business to take care of. I hope it was legal, because I'm not doing anymore work for anyone for a very long time. Rah will be my last client until I'm ready to deal with the heat that comes along with wearing this crown.
“Well, I don't,” KJ says, restoring the negative energy in the large space. “I knew something was strange about you when we were dating, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Now it all makes sense,” he says. I knew if he ever got the chance to kick me when I was down he would. That's the kind of punk he is.
“Don't call my girl strange,” Rah says, stepping up behind me, sandwiching me between him and Nigel. “You need to back off before you get hurt.” Jeremy looks completely taken aback as Rah claims his territory, which isn't officially his to declare. But now is not the time for that argument. “Jayd, let's go,” Rah says. And, with Rah and Nigel leading the way, I decide not to fight and follow them out of this mess.
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Thank goodness I had AP meetings all day, as well as rehearsal. Mrs. Bennett chose our next book to study for the AP exam, which is the play
The Crucible
. Ironically, there's a female slave in it who is accused of being a witch. When I asked more about her, Mrs. Bennett's ears perked up like satellite dishes. She's always up in the students' business. I wonder if she's already heard about Misty's accusations against me?
I was glad to be away from the masses today, protected by my club allegiances. Misty's made it seem like I'm stalking her. That's the furthest thing from the truth and I know she knows better. I'll have to give Mama the full scoop when I get home, which means I'll also have to brace myself for her wrath. And I thought I was in trouble here! Misty's tantrum is nothing compared to what Mama's going to do to me when she finds out I went against her rules.
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The bus ride home was more tense than usual. I found myself looking over my shoulder at each stop, waiting for Misty to jump out and confront me on the street, but it never happened. I even half-expected Felicia and her crew to be waiting for me at the stop by Miracle Market, but all was clear for my walk home. No matter how many different ways I try to phrase it in my head, me making a gris-gris for Misty without her permission doesn't sound right to me, which means Mama won't buy it either. I better get it straight in my head before I tell Mama. I want her to be on my side, and that's not going to happen if I don't sound sincere in acknowledging my mistake.
“Hi Mama,” I say, walking in the backdoor and entering the kitchen. It smells good in here. Mama's making baked chicken, rice, cornbread and greens: one of my favorite dinners.
“Hi baby,” she says as I kiss her cheek before I put my bag down on the floor and wash my hands in the kitchen sink. “How was school?” she says, sifting the cornmeal and flour into the mixing bowl. I take the eggs and buttermilk out of the refrigerator and put them on the table, ready to help finish preparing the feast. Jay is in his room doing God knows what and my uncles aren't home yet. Daddy has bible study tonight, so he probably won't be home until later. Mama and Daddy still aren't talking after his latest fan dropped by, so I doubt any of this food is for him anyway.
“School was okay,” I say, not ready to talk about Misty yet. I want to get in the house good and settle down before I bring up the unpleasant subject to Mama. “How were things at home?” It's almost time for the holidays, another busy season for Mama's clientele. People are always looking for good luck charms to bring them money and lovers during the Christmas season.
“Very interesting, actually,” Mama says, cracking two eggs into the batter. She looks at the yolks' formation and then looks at me. I can tell by her eyes that she already knows what I've done. “Misty and her mom came by to visit Esmeralda today. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?” Mama says, holding the glass bowl with one hand and mixing the cornbread batter with the other. I knew she would find out, but I didn't know Misty would be the one to tell.
“Mama, I was going to tell you about the gris-gris today,” I say, trying to defuse the situation. But Mama's vigorous beating tells me she's not in the mood.
“Jayd, I've told you a million times about dealing with Misty. And it's not enough that you already know that Esmeralda's a dangerous woman, but Misty has a connection to her and you still disobeyed me. What's gotten into you, girl?”
“I was just trying to help,” I say, sounding like a five-year-old child. I hate it when Mama gets mad at me. I feel bad for working her nerves.
“I haven't died and made you queen yet, Jayd,” Mama says, stopping me in my tracks. The tears well up in my eyes as Mama glares down at me, never missing a beat with her batter. “I'm the one who makes the decisions about how our work is spread and to whom, not you. You deliberately went against the rules, Jayd, and that sounds too much like Lynn Marie for me.”
“I'm sorry, Mama,” I say. She sounds hurt in more ways than one. “I'm so sorry.”
“I know you are. Look at you. You look worn out, girl. That's what happens when you do the devil's work,” Mama says, pouring the mixture into the hot cast iron skillet glazed with butter. “You need to eat a good dinner and go to bed. No more sneaking out in the morning to put bags behind people's doors,” she says, closing the oven door and hugging me, making me cry even harder.
“I won't do it again,” I say, resting my cheek on her shoulder.
“Oh yes you will. When I make the transition to the ancestor world, you will be queen and you will definitely do this againâjust the right way, Jayd,” Mama says, wiping the tears from my face and patting my back. Her warm lavender-scented body comforts me, even though I can feel she's still vexed at me. “There's an order to everything and a reason for that order. Right now you need to concentrate on your studies. You can do things for people within your limitations, Jayd, but only if they ask and you know exactly what you're doing.”
“Okay, Mama, I get it now. Trust me, after the day I've had I won't ever go against the rules again.”
“Yes, I figured you'd had a bad day from the way Misty charged over here. She asked me what was in the bag you made for her,” Mama says, walking into the dining room and picking up the gris-gris from the dining room table, next to the open spirit book. “You need to write down what you put in it and take it to Misty, who's convinced you put some of her hair or blood in it. She's still across the way.”