“Hell no. As a matter of fact, I forgot I had the books until I cleaned off my desk yesterday. Now I can't put it down,” Nellie says, turning the pages in fascination.
“Well, what does it say about getting a man to understand why second isn't best?” I say, ready to get out of the car and start dinner for Mama. She already told me what to do this morning because she had to get her nails done this afternoon. She's been after Netta to get a manicurist, but knows Netta likes being the only hen in the henhouse.
“I'm telling you, girl, you have to read this for yourself. But like I said, stick to your guns, Jayd. If you're not comfortable with the idea of him dating both you and Trish out in the open then say something,” Nellie says, bringing up a good pointâand I know Mickey caught that.
“Yeah Jayd, you have to ask yourself why it was okay to be with him when he was exclusive with Trish, but now that he's opened the playing field up to include you in it, you're retreating,” Mickey says. Leave it to her to give me counseling using a game analogy.
“Well, first of all I was never cool about being the chick on the side,” I say, putting my backpack on my back, ready to push Nellie's seat forward and exit the classic vehicle. Mary J. is softly playing in the background, but the bass is still strong enough to shake her trunk. “And, second of all, he's not opening up anything. He's just having his cake and eating it too, all while advertising it.”
“She's right, Mickey,” Nellie says, not looking up from her studies, but still chiming in on our conversation. “If Rah really wanted Jayd, he'd break up with Trish completely and wouldn't want to see anyone but Jayd. Now that's a compliment. Making her the honorary second wifey isn't.” Damn, she said it so much better than I could have.
“Was that in the book?” I say, teasing my homegirl while pushing her seat forward as she opens the passenger door. “I've got to pick up a copy of that one.”
“Yeah girl, you do,” she says, showing me the front cover. “
Why Men Love Bitches
is only the first one. Tania was on the second,
Why Men Marry Bitches,
when she snagged her hubby. And look at her now.”
“Yeah, she's the biggest bitch out there,” Mickey says. “She should get some sort of royalties on these books.”
“She may be, but you can't front. The girl's a survivor. Not a nice one, but a survivor nonetheless. I don't know about y'all, but if I'm going to be a bitch, that's the kind I want to be,” Nellie says as she closes her door. While I wave goodbye to my girls, my phone sings “Ghetto Story,” signaling a call from Rah. I'm still not ready to talk to him. I love him so much most of the time, but he works my nerves like no other boy ever has. When will this love thing get easy?
9
A Thin Line
“It's a thin line between love and hate/ I didn't think my woman could do something like this to me.”
âTHE PERSUADERS
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fter a long day of testing and turning in crap, I'm ready to go to my mom's house and chill. I have to admit, I'm excited to see Rah today. He texted me at lunch to let me know he'd be about twenty minutes late. I'm sure it has something to do with Trish. And that thought alone makes me not want to see him. I never know how to feel about being one of Rah's girls. I'm going to tell him I think we're better off as friends for real this time.
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“Did you have a nice week, Jayd?” Mrs. Bennett asks, catching me off guard as she strolls past my locker toward the main office. She gives me the creeps.
“I did,” I say, not wanting to engage her in conversation, but I don't want to give her anything else to hold against me either.
“I'm sorry that your relationship with Jeremy failed,” she says, pausing for a second to let her words sink in. This bitch better not ever catch herself around me off campus. “Maybe next time you'll try listening to your elders,” she says, repeating Esmeralda's words almost verbatim. Mama says there are no coincidences and the hairs standing on the back of my neck says this is no exception.
“What did you just say to me?” I turn completely around, slam my locker door shut and step up closer to her. She smells like coffee and cat hair. I've never noticed how blue her eyes are until now.
“Now, now Jayd. This abrasive attitude of yours is just what got you in trouble last time and the reason why Jeremy lost interest in you so soon, or so I hear.” Just then, Rah walks into the hall, momentarily distracting me from this witch's words.
“It's been real,” I say, walking past her toward Rah, who is waiting by the main office. As usual, his timing is impeccable. One minute more and I may not have been able to hold my tongue. Mrs. Bennett's got her nerve talking to me like that. She's always up in my business.
“Well, you move on rather quickly don't you, Jayd? I knew you were fast, but I never took you for easy.” I stop in my tracks, smile at Rah, who knows it's not for him but gives me a look back indicating he's got my vibe, and turn around to look Mrs. Bennett dead in her cold aqua eyes. I know I could take her if I had to. We're about the same height and weight. It would be a fair fight if she weren't my elder. But I'll never give her the satisfaction of having me arrested for harassing a teacher, no matter how wicked she is.
“Easy is as easy does,” I say, resuming my quick pace while wiping the sinister grin off of her face. The sooner I get off this campus, the better.
“What was that all about?” Rah asks, taking my backpack off of my shoulder and following me out of the buzzing hall.
“Mrs. Bennett's just hating, that's all,” I say, not wanting to talk about her anymore. All Rah and I need is another argument about Jeremy. Sometimes I wonder why it's never easy in a relationship. No matter the guy, there always seems to be drama. I thought I loved Jeremy and KJ, but they both turned out to be jerks. And what I thought was love turned out to be something else completely. And then there's Rah who, regardless of the year, always finds his way into my heart no matter how many times he breaks it. I wish I could cross that thin line from loving him to hating him, but I don't know if I could ever truly hate Rah.
“Oh, aite,” he says, pushing the office door open in front of me, allowing me to step outside. The afternoon sun feels good on my face, even in the crisp November air. I'm always hot after dancing in sixth period, so I'm grateful for the chill. “Are you hungry?” Rah says as he leads the way to his car parked down the hill, next to the curb.
“Yeah, but I don't want to stay out too late,” I say. I don't want to keep being rude to him, but Rah has to understand that I'm not that easy, no matter what Mrs. Bennett may think. “We can just go to Subway or McDonald's or something.”
“Cool. In and Out it is,” he says. “Is that cool with you, little queen?”
“Yeah, whatever. And, it's just queen to you.” Rah laughs as he opens the passenger door. After I make myself comfortable in his car, I hear screaming coming from around the corner. Is that Mickey?
“What's going on?” Rah says, stepping off the curb into the street to get a closer look. “Oh shit, it's Mickey and Nigel. What the hell?” Rah jumps in the car, starts the engine and pulls off toward the football field parking lot, where all of the drama with Mickey and her man started in the first place.
“What is it?” I ask. But Rah's mind is on getting up the hill as quickly as possible. My phone vibrates: it's a text message from Nellie. I know this can't be good.
“Girl, Mickey threw Nigel's phone into traffic and he snatched her BlackBerry, put it under his tire and drove over itâtwice! She's about to kill him. Where r u?”
“Is that Nellie?” Rah says. Sometimes I think he's the one with the gift of sight.
“Yeah.” No one else would be texting me right after school, but he doesn't have to know that. When we pull up to the scene, Nigel and Mickey are at each other's throats, giving the crowd of students a free Friday smackdownâno television needed. Rah parks the car next to Mickey's Regal and jumps out with the engine still running. His job as Nigel's best friend is to help him keep his temper in check so that we can all profit from his ass going to the NFL one day. When it comes to fightingâespecially with girlsâRah has no patience whatsoever.
“All right, that's enough,” Rah says, stepping in between the feuding lovers and pushing Nigel back into his Impala. Damn, I hope he didn't make a dent in the new green paint.
“I agree, you two. Now you're hurting the cars,” I say, stepping out of Rah's ride and joining Nellie, who's got Mickey under controlâsomewhat. Mickey can never really be under anyone's control.
“Tell your girl I thought she was smarter than she looks,” Nigel says, spitting on the ground and pacing around like a pit bull. I've never seen him or Mickey this hot before. They must really love each other to be going off like this.
“Shut that punk-ass, weak-ass, wannabe all-star from talking shit, before I do,” Mickey says, charging to Nigel's car before Nellie steps in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.
“Why don't both of you shut up,” Rah says. I agree with him. I hate when we have to show our asses in front of these white folks around here. It's embarrassing.
“How did this start?” I ask, needing the full story. And Nellie gladly obliges my request.
“Well, Nigel went over to holler at Mickey after practice and they were getting along cool, until Mickey's man started calling, and he kept calling until Mickey finally answered and lied about what she was doing, which of course set Nigel way the hell off.” Nellie stops to take a breath as Mickey glares at her, then continues. “So then Nigel decided to tell Mickey that he didn't appreciate her answering the phone while they were having a serious conversation and she went off. That's when Mickey took Nigel's phone and started calling off all of the female names in his phone book. When she wouldn't give it back, he called her a trifling bitch and she promptly threw his phone in the street, and then he got hers and, well, you know the rest.”
“Damn, y'all are too much,” I say, laughing at the ridiculous scene. “Can you two ever just have a normal conversation?”
“We were until she had to check in.” It sounds to me like Nigel's hating on my girl, but he can't have it both ways. Either they're in a relationship or they're cheating. He can't have his cake and eat it too.
“The problem is y'all are in the gray and no one's going to be happy as long as that's the reality.” Nellie must be quoting another book because that doesn't sound like her at all. But I do agree: the gray is never a good place to be in a relationship, which is exactly where Rah put us with his renegade move with Trish. Now we have to find our way back to some color, before we go too far, like our two friends just did.
“What?” Nigel says, snapping out of his rage long enough to laugh at Nellie's rationalization. Chance would've loved to hear that one, but he's a moment too late. And the crowd has all but dispersed, continuing their regular Friday routines now that there's no possibility of bloodshed or ripped T-shirts.
“What's up, y'all,” Chance says, not realizing what went down here a minute ago. “What did I miss?” As Nellie gladly fills him in on the drama, Rah comes up to me and gives me a bear hug, sweeping me off my feet. I have missed him this week.
“Stop acting crazy, girl, and be nice to me. You see what all that heat can do to a nigga?” He does have a point. I wonder if I'm just tripping because I'm afraid of being happy with Rah. A part of it is guilt, but I think it's mostly fear.
“I'm not acting crazy,” I say as he puts me down and looks down at me, his hands still around my waist. Why does he have to be so fine and right? “I'll stop being mean to you for now, but we need to talk.”
“Nigel, Mickey, are y'all okay?” Rah says, walking toward his boy's car to check on him one last time. Mickey and Nellie have Chance to escort them home, so I'm not worried about my girls.
“Yeah man, I'm cool,” Nigel says, taking a last look at Mickey before getting in his ride and blasting Earth, Wind & Fire's “Reasons” on his stereo. That's my song for when I'm really feeling the love blues. Now I'm positive that he loves her. I'm just not so sure that Mickey feels the same away about Nigel.
“All right then, man. We gon' roll out, but holla if you need anything,” Rah says, giving Nigel dap before joining me at his vehicle. “Mickey, you good?”
“Yeah, just tell your boy he owes me a phone,” Mickey says, not missing a bitchy beat. She's a completely different type of bitch than the one they describe in Nellie's book, but a powerful survivor nonetheless.
“Mickey, didn't you destroy his phone first?” I say, not meaning to bring it up, but it is true. I don't know the whole story, but I do know Nigel, and he wouldn't take anyone's property without being provoked first. And Mickey's just the girl to push his buttons.
“That's not the point, Jayd, and whose side are you on anyway?” Mickey says as everyone waits for my response. Why is she putting me on the spot? I'm not the one who just committed a misdemeanor, even though I have done it myself a time or two.
“I'm not on anyone's side because y'all are both in the wrong as far as I can see. But you're both my friends and I don't want to see either of you hurt.” Nigel, unmoved by my speech, nods his head at Rah and Chance and screeches out of the parking lot. “Mickey, you know you were wrong for snatching his phone,” I say, opening the passenger door and sliding into the seat, ready to get my grub on. I was already starving, but this madness has made me even hungrier.
“Yeah, that was a foul move. But he shouldn't have taken your phone either. Why don't you two just call it even,” Rah says, opening his door and waiting for Mickey's reply before getting in. I can hear his stomach growling too.
“I don't remember asking for either of your comments. Please keep your opinions to yourself,” Mickey says, getting in her car. “And Nellie, you can't ride with me until you stop reading those damned self-help books,” she says, blasting Mary J. and rolling off, leaving Nellie to ride home with Chance, who I'm sure doesn't mind the inconvenience.
“That's your girl,” Nellie says, falling into Chance's arms as Rah and I settle in for the ride to Inglewood. In and Out is on the way and I know he's headed straight there.
“She was your girl first,” I say, smiling at her as we pull off and they get into Chance's Nova, ready to enjoy the rest of the afternoon. I feel bad for Mickey and Nigel. They kind of remind me of
Romeo and Juliet
, in a twisted, ghetto sort of way. I think Mickey thinks she can't leave her man because they've been together forever, and he's accepted and well-respected in her hood. Same thing with Nigel, which is what I also suspect with Rah; they can't give up their links to the uppity black club. It's tragic, really, and I don't want to be a victim of their insane worlds. I just want to eat, be merry, and live life to the fullest. What's so bad about that?
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When Rah and I pull up to my mom's apartment complex, I notice that her car isn't here. We decide to take our food upstairs and watch a movie. Rah has decided to call it a night for his clients and to chill with me for the rest of the evening. As we grab all of the bags out of the car, I feel like someone's watching us. Not like when Esmeralda had her eye on me, but like someone's really staring me down.
“Do you feel someone's eyes on you?” I ask as we cross the street to the long driveway leading to the apartments. I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes.