Dalia: We R staying @ the Ramada Inn 10th floor. Ryan said U can come over 4 a couple of hours. Did U guys get a room?
Tara: Ya, Holiday Inn :-( We should have asked U B4 we booked. Rn’t U going to wait 4 the results 2 B posted?
Dalia: No, Ryan wants 2 leave. He’s pissed @ that landing.
Tara: We’ll wait 4 them & then come right over so U can rest 4 tomorrow.
I looked up from my phone.
“Are you done?” he asked.
I turned it off and threw it in the side pocket of my skating bag, “Ya, I can text my parents when we get back to our room.”
He took my bag and slung it over his shoulder with his own, and held my free hand while we walked to the car together. It was getting cold and dark outside when we left the arena. He opened the doors to his car and once we were inside he pressed the button for the engine to turn over and cranked the heat.
He looked so disappointed in himself, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. I placed my hand over his and said to him softly, “We’ve got this.” We drove back in silence and I noticed he never removed his hand from mine.
I pulled my phone from my bag when we got into the room and it was flashing blue. There was a text from Tara:
Tara: U got 2nd! C U soon, leaving now!
I handed Ryan my phone for him to read.
“We still have a chance,” I encouraged. “Tomorrow we’ll kick ass!” His mood seemed a little brighter after that. I took the phone book out from our little maple desk and looked up pizza places. Tara, Sierra, and Jeremy arrived when our food did.
We gave each other big hugs in the hallway, and I said, “I’m so happy you guys came! Are you staying for the long programs?”
Tara was still in my arms when she answered, “We wouldn’t miss it!”
The smell of scrumptious pizza filled our hotel room while everyone hung their jackets up so we had more room to sit. Tara and I sat on my bed, Ryan was on his own and Jeremy and Sierra took the chairs.
I tore open the paper bag and laid the drinks we ordered on one side of our dresser, the rest of it was taken up by the pizza’s.
“What made you guys decide to come and why didn’t tell us?” I asked.
Tara grinned, “It was Jer’s idea, we wanted to surprise you!”
“I’m glad you did,” I gushed.
Ryan looked at Jeremy, “Nice text ass wipe!”
“The banging one? You let her READ it?”
“What text?” Tara asked.
“Oh, Jer asked Ryan if he ‘banged me’ yet,” I explained.
Sierra’s jaw dropped and she gaped at Jeremy, “You didn’t!”
Tara looked at me curiously, “Did he,’bang’ you?”
“No! Of course not!” I answered.
“What do you mean of course not?” Ryan asked indignantly. “Don’t you want to?”
“Of course I do!”
Tara smirked, “She so does!”
I answered cautiously, “Eventually.”
Tara clarified, “Like, not right now but sometime in the near future.”
“How near is near?” Ryan asked, “Why can’t it be sooner rather than later?”
“With us here?” Sierra teased. Nobody acknowledged her joke.
“The equation Ryan, it’s not in our equation right now,” I explained.
“Damn it, stop regurgitating my line back at me,” Ryan said angrily.
“I’m not! I just think we should wait. We have to keep our priorities straight and right now it’s competitions. Everything else is on hold.” I looked at Tara, “He’s in love with me!” We squealed all giddy and everyone was looking at us. Sierra was unusually quiet.
Jeremy looked disgustedly at Ryan, “Dude! You told her? Take your nuts out of her skating bag!”
“They’re not in it!” Sierra said overemotionally. Her eyes were unmistakably fixed on Ryan.
I looked at Tara after Sierra’s reaction, “What’s up with her?”
Tara looked at Sierra, “She has something to tell you.”
We all turned to her, Jeremy got up abruptly and said, “I left something in the car.”
He deserted her, us, in the hotel room while Sierra broke her news to me and Ryan, “I’m pregnant,” she blurted.
“Is it Jer’s,” Ryan asked. I glanced at him surprised by his question. Did he think Sierra was promiscuous?
“Of course it’s his,” Tara snapped defensively.
“Does your mother know?” I asked Sierra.
Sierra was tearing up, “Not yet. We haven’t decided what we’re going to do about it.”
“You have to keep it,” I advocated. “We’ll all help you. What does Jeremy say?”
“You don’t have time to help her,” Ryan interrupted sounding irritated at my offer.
“First he asked me if it was his and when I told him it was, he said staying together wasn’t the answer. I broke up with him for a reason, and a baby can’t be our ‘glue’”.
Tara looked at me explaining for Sierra,“He doesn’t love her anymore, he thinks the baby is going to ruin both of their lives. He says they’re too young, and he’s been pushing her to have an abortion. Ryan, you have to talk to him.”
“Jeremy made it clear to me that SHE broke up with HIM. I’m not getting involved, this should be between Jeremy and Sierra.”
Sierra’s phone chirped. She looked at her screen for quite sometime before looking up, “He’s mad Tara, he said we shouldn’t have said anything until their competition is over. He’s waiting for us in the car.”
“You better go,” I said. “We’ll talk later.” We hugged good-bye and I gave her a reassuring pat on the back before she left Ryan and myself alone.
I stripped out of my competition dress and hung it up right away so it wouldn’t wrinkle. Then I removed my nylons and underwear before looking at my reflection. I saw Ryan looking back at me.
“Shy?” he teased.
Eyeing him flirtatiously I answered, “No more than you are!” I slipped a nightgown on not bothering with underwear before sliding in-between my sheets. He folded his pillow in half and joined me on my bed leaning against it. Ryan started texting his mother while I texted mine:
Dalia: Mom, we came in 2nd going in2 the long program.
Mom: How did U skate?
Dalia: We did really well except Ryan over-rotated his triple toe, so it wasn’t a perfect program.
Mom: U better skate well tomorrow. Only the top 2 can go on. Get some rest.
Dalia: I will. Tara & Sierra showed up.
Mom: That’s nice dear! Don’t let them stay U need 2 sleep if U’re going 2 skate well 2morrow.
Dalia: I will. Love U & dad.
Mom: We Love U 2. I’ll tell him.
I wanted to text Tara to see if everything was okay before going to bed:
Dalia: R U @ the hotel now?
Tara: Ya
Dalia: What happened after U left?
Tara: He complained all the way back to the hotel about how their dirty laundry was being aired in public and that the decision is theirs to make and nobody else.
Dalia: He has a point.
Tara: Ya, I guess. But we R her friends. She’s lying next 2 me crying right now.
Dalia: That’s so sad:-( Does she want 2 keep the baby?
Tara: She isn’t sure. She wants to tell her mom 1st B4 she decides.
Dalia: She should tell her asap.
Tara: When we get back.
Dalia: Does she want us with her?
Tara: I’ll ask her when she calms down a bit.
Dalia: Give her a hug 4 me.
Tara: Will do. Good luck 2morrow!
Dalia: Thx! Will I C U after the competition?
Tara: I think we R leaving right away. C. U. Monday @ school.
Dalia: Cool! xoxo
Tara: xoxo
The next day we skated a perfect program placing us respectably in second position allowing us to continue through to the next competition.
The Only Choice
We couldn’t talk her out of it and her mother was on Jeremy’s side as far as abortion was concerned. Now Sierra was insisting that she wasn’t ready to have a baby much less HIS baby, and was refusing to carry to term. She claimed that she hated Jeremy for the way he treated her after finding out that she was pregnant.
Tara and I googled abortions and advised Sierra that a clinic was the way to go. We found out that she didn’t even need a referral from a physician or a parents consent. She did have the consent part though. The clinic ensured her privacy. Luckily for Sierra abortions were covered by OHIP.
The lines of communication deadened between Sierra and Jeremy with the exception of one text telling him she decided to terminate the pregnancy but not telling him when or where. The clinic we contacted was able to accommodate her immediately.
I feigned being sick to Ryan and Coach Hicks so I could take the day off skating and support Sierra in her time of need, after all, Jeremy encouraged her to do this in the first place.
Tara picked me up first, and then Sierra. We pulled into a local park and called in absences for each other to the school pretending to be our parents so we could have the day off without the school calling us.
Once our calls were finished, we turned our phones off and drove in silence to the clinic.
That was our biggest mistake.
We never should have turned our phones off, it gave us away.
Sierra wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything for several hours before the abortion and since Sierra assumed it was early on in her pregnancy, she was able to have the least invasive procedure.
The clinic was easy to find, located in an old office building. Tara parked her car and we walked up together. Sierra registered like a normal doctor’s like anyone would attending a doctor’s appointment. She handed the receptionist her OHIP card and filled out information on a clipboard and handed it back to the lady before rejoining us.
Her name was called shortly after and Sierra requested to have us come into the room with her. The lady nodded and the three of us proceeded to follow her into a small examining room with ultrasound equipment, an examining table, two chairs and a box of kleenex. With a heavy heart the reality of what Sierra was being encouraged to do struck me as entered the room. I turned to her and mouthed, “You don’t have to do this.”
The lady who escorted us into the room said, “Sierra, please put this gown on with the opening on your back. The doctor and nurse will be with you shortly.” When the lady closed the door behind her Sierra immediately stripped out of her clothes and put on the gown she was given before taking a seat on the table leaving the chairs open for Tara and myself.
The doctor and nurse that attended to Sierra were both female. They asked her questions and discussed future methods of birth control before proceeding with determining the gestation period through ultrasound. Once that was done, they were able to confirm that she could have the least invasive procedure and chose the safest method for Sierra.
The procedure only took minutes before Sierra was brought into another room to recover.
Her pregnancy was terminated.
We left the clinic and parked across the street was Ryan’s black Mercedes.
Ryan and Jeremy were watching us.
“Oh.My.God, they found us,” Tara said after spotting them. They got out of their car and started crossing the street, walking towards us.
“Did either of you tell them?” Sierra whispered to us frantically.
“No!” We said in unison.
When they reached where we were standing, Jeremy studied Sierra, “We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” she whimpered weakly.
“We’re taking her home,” Tara informed him coldly. “She needs to rest.”
We started walking towards Tara’s car when Ryan called out, “Where do you think you’re going?” to me.
I cleared my throat, “Home with Sierra and Tara,” I said lightly.
“Like hell you are,” Ryan seethed. “You’re coming with me.” He grabbed my wrist and literally dragged me back to his car. “Get in!” he ordered. He was scary but hot at the same time. I got in without fussing knowing from experience I didn’t have the strength to pull away from him, outrun him.. I was willing to take whatever was coming my way because I liked ALPHA male and I knew I was naughty by not being honest with him and telling him what I was really up to.
He pressed the button to start his car, and pulled out of the spot before I even had my seatbelt on. “Do you want to explain to my why you lied about being sick?”
“Sierra needed me.”
“For what?” he asked angrily.
“Support.” He slammed on his breaks, “She didn’t!”
“Of course she did. Jeremy encouraged it.” He pulled out his phone and texted Jeremy right in front of me:
Ryan: She terminated the pregnancy. Sorry Jer.
“He changed his fucking mind. We were on our way to tell her!”
“He shouldn’t have let her get that far, nothing would have happened if he wasn’t such an asshole to begin with.”
“He was upset. He needed time to come to terms with it.”
“Well, now he has tons of time,” I sad spitefully. “She killed their baby because that’s what he wanted and she couldn’t do parenthood alone. Now take me back to Sierra’s, because my friend needs me.”
Merry Christmas
In only our first year of skating together, Ryan and I were still in contention for making it to the Olympics. Never in Canadian pairs history had a pair that only skated together one year ever achieved this! Word of us was spreading like wildfire in the skating community and we were now making headlines in local papers with each win.
We had a one week break during Christmas and New Years before we competed two more times, each competition three weeks apart. If we survived both, then we made it. Our dreams of skating on Olympic ice would become a reality.
Mom was singing Christmas carols in the kitchen while making her usual Christmas dinner. The smell of turkey and cranberry sauce was permeating through the air. Dad was glued to his new 90 inch LED television mom had delivered for him while he was at work. I was exploring my brand new Apple Air that had every bell and whistle I could think of. Suffice it to say, we were all content.
It had been ages since I checked FB so I decided to divert a potential social media withdrawal and check out what was going on. Ryan was requesting to add me as a friend so I accepted. I started scrolling down the wall when an instant message popped up from Adam: