He heard a little chuckle and looked up. “What’s amusing you?”
Kei’s eyes were bright with laughter. “You. So intent, so serious—like you’re proposing to pay for me by the ounce and are worried you’re being cheated.”
“I could never afford to buy you, and no money would be enough to persuade me to give you up. We were talking of compensation. What do you want of me?”
“Hmmm...I think I want...a bath.”
Arman felt his mouth pursing into a pout and stopped himself. Generals didn’t pout—it was unbecoming. “If you want,” he agreed, trying not to show his disappointment.
Kei got up immediately and held out his hand. “Then come on—if your fantasy is to play with my hair, mine has been to have a decent Darshianese bath with you, and I’m determined to have my way.”
~~~~~~~~
Kei sighed in absolute contentment. What more could he want than to be in a proper bath—only his second in over a month, and the first to be at the right temperature—and to have the man he loved in his arms. “Now do you understand?” he said, resting his head on Arman’s shoulder. “There
are
some things better than sex, strange as it seems.”
Arman tilted his head for a kiss. “I think it’s unfair I have to make a judgment based on such limited experience, but I’ll allow this is very nice. I thought so before when I was alone, but with you...yes, acceptable, I grant that.”
“Acceptable, you Prijian barbarian? If your people had such things, they would never go to war.”
“That may be true. I’ll be sure to suggest it to the senators when I next meet them.”
Kei looked at Arman’s solemn expression. “Will you convince them?” he asked quietly, and he didn’t mean about the bath.
“I don’t know what alternative they’ll have, but my fear is they won’t agree and the Darshianese will find themselves forced to police Kuprij for generations. The answer has to be that the Prij see the solution as beneficial and honourable. We don’t take defeat well, as you can imagine.”
“No.” Kei fell quiet. Always this war between them, even here. He hated it and he wished never to see another soldier again as long as he lived—at least, not one that wasn’t carrying out the normal defence and civil policing he and his fellow Darshianese saw as their army’s main role.
“This morning...when did it start to trouble you, our conversation, I mean?”
Arman’s hand took his as he asked the question. Now, after hours of peace and rest, Kei could answer calmly. It was being taken by surprise that always hurt him. “When you were talking about the fighting and the weapons—this is getting worse for me in some ways, being ambushed by my memories.”
“Your fellow hostages, will they be the same? Or is it just you, do you think?”
“I think all—it’s not my gift that is affected. It’s just...the violence we experienced and the horror—and months of terror and anxiety. It wears a body down.”
Arman’s fingers tightened around his. “I won’t keep saying I’m sorry, but I am. Does talking about it help or make it worse?”
“Both, I think. This is new to me. I lived a very quiet life before, we all did. We knew nothing of war or violent death.”
“Hmmm,” Arman murmured in sympathy, pulled him a little closer. “In the Prijian army,” he said quietly, “we had a few men who’d seen bomb attacks on their comrades, lose all their nerve and become unable to face the enemy again. Even brutally punishing them for cowardice made no difference. That was cruel, I now see.” Kei could only nod, and feel pity for those poor shattered men and their broken lives, whatever the cause. “Will you do something for me? Will you speak to Master Bikel again and take his advice? It may be the academy will have answers, and it will give them some time to prepare.”
“All right,” Kei said, but he was dubious Bikel could help. The man was a powerful mind-speaker and a learned master, but his experience of violence was surely as limited as Kei’s own. He put his hand between Arman’s thighs, over his softened cock. “But I don’t want to talk about Master Bikel now,” he said in a deliberately inviting tone.
The cock under his hand immediately showed a little life, even despite the hot water which made it difficult to get, let alone sustain an erection. “Ah...then you wish to have sex here?” Arman asked somewhat hesitantly. Kei could almost hear the gears in his mind turning as he tried to work out the logistics.
“Actually, having sex in a communal bath is considered extremely rude,” Kei assured him solemnly, and smiled at the mixture of relief and disappointment he sensed from his lover. “But,” he said, moving around to face Arman, “touching is encouraged.”
“Touching?”
“Mmmm. Like this.” He ran his hand up Arman’s good side, and gently pinched the nipple there between his fingers. “Are you sensitive there?”
Arman’s eyes were wide in surprise. “Yes...I’ve never touched myself there at all.”
“Never? Gods, you mean you just put your hand on yourself and go for it? How much fun is that?”
“Not very much. I have rather low expectations,” he said glumly.
Kei leaned forward to give him a long kiss, continuing to carefully roll the pink nipple and enjoying the little gasps of pleasure Arman gave out as he did. “Yes. Well, we’ll have to change that.” He turned his head to nibble at the base of Arman’s long neck—everything about this man was long and well built. A wonder to behold, truly. And a delicious one too, the way he shivered at the lightest stimulation—so deprived and so eager, everything Kei did to him was new and wanted. It was a heady rush to share it with him.
He gasped himself as Arman’s fingers did a little exploring of their own. “Yes, good,” he breathed as Arman tweaked his nipples gently—the man was a
very
fast learner. He moved the hand he still had over Arman’s cock down lower and cupped his balls, playing with them carefully, something he’d already found Arman enjoyed. Not every man did so, Reji had told him. Kei did, but he could understand how it might be too intense, or how a clumsy lover would cause pain. Arman wasn’t clumsy in the least—just inexperienced. But, oh, how eager he was to learn.
This gentle fumbling and touching, the languid kissing, tasting Arman, feeling the new strange texture of his curly hair and pale skin, went on for some time, neither of them under any pressure to move things further along. It was only when Kei dared to brushed a finger below Arman’s balls, across his entrance, that Arman went stiff underneath him, anxiety flowing off him—fear of the unknown, Kei guessed. “I won’t hurt you,” he said quietly.
“I...I know nothing about this, Kei. Do...does Reji...or do you...?”
Even talking about it made Arman tense and unhappy. He hated to be incompetent. “Yes—both do and done. Fucking, if that’s what you’re referring to.”
Arman looked at him in confusion. “I have no...concept of how...does it hurt?”
“Not if you do it right, no. It’s not something Reji and I do exclusively,” he said to reassure the man he wouldn’t be an inadequate lover if he didn’t want to do this.
“I....” Arman looked down at the water, where Kei still had his hand around his genitals, but not moving them. “Would you...fuck me? Gods, I hate that word,” he spat suddenly.
“Why?” Kei shifted to put his arms around Arman’s neck.
“Mayl...it’s her idea of bedroom talk,” he said, disgust clear in his voice and in his emotions.
Kei kissed him. “Then I won’t use it. I don’t care for it either, because I think of it as making love—but it’s all making love, even this. Shall we call it ‘poking’ then?” That made Arman smile. “Or...‘tuktukking’? Yes, let’s call it that.”
“Now you’re just being silly.” But now he was grinning.
“We established that some time ago. To answer your question, I could...tuktuk you, if you want.”
“I can’t say that, it’s ridiculous,” Arman protested. “‘Poking’ is no better. ‘Have’?”
“That’s fine. Is it something you want to try? We really don’t have to, and since you’ve got healing ribs, maybe we should wait until we get back from Utuk.”
Arman looked at him gravely. “I’ve waited for you for a long time. I’m tired of waiting, and I’m tired of having low expectations. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Kei said. “You want to try it now?”
“Yes. We’ve still an hour or more before the meeting, but who knows how much time we will have to ourselves after tonight. Let’s not waste any more time.”
“No,” Kei agreed, but yet he spent a few moments more kissing Arman because he loved to do that, and it was never a waste of time.
~~~~~~~~
Once again, Kei was leading Arman into the unknown, but he’d been less afraid of going to Darshek than this, and he’d not been so ashamed of his fear either. He wished he could retract his agreement to try this, but whatever his experience, he’d never thought of himself as a coward. It terrified him to think of this, but he would never back out.
Kei had him sit on the bed, but then knelt on it next to him. “If this is upsetting you so much, it’s truly not important.”
“It is,” Arman snapped. “How can I call myself your lover if I can’t even do a tenth of what Reji can for you?”
Kei sat back. “Are you afraid I would leave you for him? Over
this
?” Arman nodded reluctantly. “I didn’t abandon Reji because he doesn’t have a cunt, yet I like sex with women too. Arman—holding you and tasting you and making you climax, having your hands on me...just being with you even if we never had sex again....” He picked up Arman’s hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. “This is all the guarantee you need. I love many people, but while my heart beats, it belongs to you and you alone.”
With such love shining in Kei’s beautiful eyes, how could Arman argue with that? “No more than I belong to you, Kei. But...could we try? Slowly? I wish I was braver about this...ow!” Kei had just flicked his nose. “What was that for?”
“This isn’t a battleground, you nitwit. Your arsehole isn’t somewhere to plant your standard.”
Arman bit his lip, trying not to laugh, but it was impossible with Kei’s cheeky grin. “You’re the most irreverent person I’ve ever known, you brat.”
“Didn’t you know healers are well-known for having no concept of the proprieties? Look—if you want to try this, we can. Even if you don’t, we can try again later when things are less...stressed.... But equally, I could use my mouth on you or you on me. Or we could just—”
Arman held his hand up, not sure that the idea of using his mouth was less terrifying than the original proposal. “I understand. You’re the teacher. I’ll follow your lead.”
“All right. First lesson, kiss the teacher before, after and during the lesson, and at all other times, please.”
Arman smiled and pulled Kei to him to do just that. “Too easy.”
“Mmmm, but too nice. Lesson two—take a deep breath. Good. Now another,” he said quietly. “And again...good, I feel you relaxing. Don’t undo what the bath did....” Kei’s hand rubbed his back soothingly, and with that, and his soft voice, Arman was indeed losing the tension in his body. A sure sign was that his ribs hurt less—every time he tensed up, they ached. Kei kissed him again on the forehead. “Feel better?”
“Yes. I don’t mean to be so dramatic.”
“You’re not, this is all new, I know. Lie down.” Kei pushed him back and lay against him, just holding him, and kissing him in a gentle, undemanding way. Arman relaxed even more. Holding Kei was such a source of peace for him.
“I love you,” Arman said, because it bore repeating.
“I know,” Kei said with a grin. “That’s one of the few benefits of my gift—no one can ever lie to me.” Kei kissed him again, then moved down to kiss his neck, and then a nipple. Arman shivered at the delicious touch—how could he have not known this could give such pleasure before? “Like that, don’t you?”
“Yes. Do it again.” Kei smiled and did so, his perfect white teeth tugging gently at the nub. The sensation connected directly with Arman’s cock, rather to his surprise.
Kei did this a little longer, then sat up and reached for the tub of ointment on the table. “No, don’t tense up again, I’m only going to rub a little cream in,” he said, still in the same quiet, soothing tone, one hand continuing to play with Arman’s nipple, the other scooping a little of the cream out and rubbing it between his fingers. “Bend your left knee.” He arranged it a little better, then slipped his fingers behind Arman’s balls, rubbing the skin there. “Like that?”
“Yes.” It surprised him. He’d never thought of that part of him as having anything to do with pleasure at all. Kei’s touch was gentle and assured, and his faint smile told Arman he was enjoying himself. Arman made himself relax again. Kei knew what he was doing.
Kei’s finger moved a little lower, to where he’d touched Arman in the bath, just circling carefully, his fingers slipping easily with the cream. “How does that feel?”
“Odd,” Arman confessed.
“Yes, it will do.” Kei got some more of the ointment on his fingers and put them back. “Now, this won’t hurt unless you fight it. Breathe slow for me.” He set up a slow circular motion on Arman’s stomach. “That’s it, the way I showed you when you were injured, remember?” His hand kept moving, distracting Arman from his
other
hand, so that when he remembered it, he was surprised to find Kei had inserted a finger without the slightest discomfort. It was...surprising...but not painful. Kei bent and kissed his stomach, at the same time moving his finger carefully, in, out and stretching him.