“I wasn’t,” Reji said quietly, stroking his hair. “That man thinks the suns shines out of your arse. He’d do anything for you. Even walk away from you, if he thought it was the best thing. As I would.”
“You don’t need to walk away. I want you to stay. I
need
you.” This was nice. He felt Reji’s love, without it exerting any pressure on him at all. Arman wouldn’t object. If he did, he wouldn’t be the man Kei knew him to be. “But is Lord Meki right? Am I forcing Arman to accept a future that’s wrong for him? Do I have a right to keep him in the village when he’s probably going to be hated there, and when he really belongs working with the rulers?”
“I take it talking to him is out of the question,” Reji said dryly.
Kei lifted his head and gave his friend a narrow-eyed look of irritation. “I
will
talk to him later. I’m talking to
you
now, you idiot. I want your opinion. Just because I’m not sleeping with you doesn’t mean I don’t still value your ideas. Have you forgotten why you started calling me ‘little brother’?”
Reji laughed, and tugged his braid a little. “No, I haven’t forgotten. Never knew a child with so many questions. All right—if you want
my
opinion, I think you don’t owe Meki a damn thing. Or Darshek. They did nothing to rescue you. You got out of Utuk on your own. So basically, the Rulers can all go and sit on a thurl’s nest. As for Arman, I think he can only be happy if you are. That’s not to say going home is going to be easy. Fedor isn’t going to like it, and you know it. People like Meis and Rin...well, if they get a chance to talk to the man, they might change their minds. If he can convince Misek he’s no demon, then he must be pretty persuasive.” Kei grinned at that. “If you want my opinion on the rest of it, I think coming back to Darshek at some distant point might be good for both of you, if only for a short while. But it has to be something you both
want
and not something you do because pissing Lord Meki tried to bully you into it. The damn nerve of the man!”
“He’s not so bad,” Kei felt compelled to say, now he was calmer and Reji had been able to expose things to the light of common sense. “He’s thinking of the whole picture, and I’m just too...worn out...to care about it. Just the idea of thinking about it makes me tired.”
“Yes, and he should have had more sense,” Reji said firmly. “Arman will kill him, truly, if I don’t kick his bony arse first.”
“You won’t say a damn thing to him!”
“Calm down, Keichichi, I’m just expressing a preference. His lordship’s behind is safe—for now at least.” Reji touched the lump on his head. “How’s this?’
“Better, but my headache’s worse again. Did I make an awful mess in the room at the inn?”
“Yes,” Reji said with a grin. “Puke everywhere. Mil had hysterics at the blood and mess.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m sure you arranged to fall off the beast deliberately, so I’ll be sure to hold a grudge over this until the day I die. You can be a real idiot sometimes,” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “You should lie down—give it a chance to heal.”
This was true. “Do you have to go?”
“If you’re going to bed....”
“I’m going to lie down. I won’t sleep until Arman comes back. Can you sit with me? On the bed or on a chair, I don’t mind.”
Reji looked dubious. “Won’t the general throw a fit?”
“Because you’re sitting with me? He’s not like that,” Kei said in exasperation. “And damn it, I can decide who does or does not talk to me whether I’m upright or on my back without my keeper’s permission.”
Reji held up his hands in surrender, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Look, it’s between you, but you’ve not been lovers more than a day and I’d rather not have a fist fight with him over this.”
“Another one, you mean.”
Reji gave him a hurt look. “I shook him a little. I never hit him.”
“And you’d better not—and he’d better not ever hit you,” Kei said, scowling. “I’ve had a gutful of violence.”
“I can imagine. If you want me to stay, I’d like to. Go and get comfortable. I want to have a piss and then I’ll come sit with you. A cold cloth? Would that help?”
“Yes, it would,” Kei said gratefully. “I’m so damn sick of this headache.”
“Then remember that next time you take a dive from the back of an urs beast.”
Kei shook his head ruefully. There was no point looking for gratuitous sympathy from Reji. It was one of the many reasons Kei liked him so well.
~~~~~~~~
Arman opened the door quietly, expecting, as it was past midnight, Kei would have long since gone to bed. He was surprised to see the faint glow of a turned down lamp coming from the bedroom, and even more surprised to find Reji dozing upright in a chair, one hand protectively on Kei’s shoulder. Kei himself was fast asleep, still in his clothes and lying on top of the bedclothes.
Arman shook Reji gently, and then put his finger to his lips as the sleeping man came awake with a jerk. He signalled for Reji to come into the office, and closed the bedroom door behind him carefully. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you to have to sit up with him this late.”
Reji yawned and cricked his back. “S’all right, we were just talking and he fell asleep. I thought I’d stay in case he had any nightmares.”
“That was kind, thank you.”
Reji shrugged. “I’d do it anyway, ge...Arman. Got to look after my little brother.”
Arman cocked his head. “You called him that before—why?”
“Because he is. I never had one, and when I moved to Ai-Albon, this big-eyed ten-year-old boy started following me around like I was his own personal oracle. I was missing my own family so I adopted him, and his parents more or less adopted me. I guess I’m as much as part of his family as Myka is, in some ways. Of course, I was glad I wasn’t really his brother when we...uh....” He looked down. “Well, you know.”
Arman was amused. “Reji, it’s not exactly a secret you and he were lovers, is it? Not when he spent a good deal of the afternoon using you as an example to show me the finer points of lovemaking.”
Reji’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. “He what?” Arman shushed him. “Are you joking?”
“No.”
“Gods, I’ll wring his neck. I never...I’m not...gods, he’s such a brat, honestly.”
The way Reji blushed was rather endearing. “No, it wasn’t like that. Have a chair.” He took a seat himself—his leg was aching again—and set the lamp on the desk. “This must be difficult for you—one minute he’s yours, then he’s mine.”
“He was never mine. I think you’ve misunderstood what we had. It was a companionable thing, an extension of our friendship. Not what you have.”
“Yes, I know he sees it that way,” Arman said slowly. “But somehow...I think perhaps it was more for you...or perhaps it’s become more while he was gone?”
Reji stared. “Yes,” he said finally. “When I had to leave him behind...I think that’s when I realised.... But it makes no difference. The heart chooses, and there’s no arguing with it,” he said in a low voice Arman had to struggle to hear. “I’ll never even attempt to put an obstacle in your path—not that I could, I know that.”
“No, you couldn’t. But yet you could make him very unhappy, by being unhappy yourself. I can’t, never could give him up to you, not while there’s breath in my body. But you won’t find me playing the jealous fool, and feel free to remind me should I forget that. It’s important to him that I don’t, especially now. This is a dangerous time for him—for all of us. There are too many things that can hurt him on this mission, and I can’t protect him on my own.”
“You don’t have to do it on your own.”
“I know. Just...never feel you have to apologise or retreat concerning him. Kei is worried about losing his family because of me. His family includes you. Please prove him wrong.”
Reji smiled. “Gladly.” He stood and yawned again. “I still haven’t caught up with my sleep.”
“You should be able to take it easy tomorrow, and I’ll encourage Kei to stay here—he still finds other people a strain, and it’s essential he’s in good shape if he’s to travel with us. A quiet day with a close friend would be good for him.” He stood up and leaned on his stick. “Good for both of you, I think.”
“Yes, I agree. Somehow, I didn’t expect you to be a reasonable man.”
Arman smiled at the slight note of complaint in the other man’s voice. “There was no reason for you to do so. Kei has mellowed me considerably.”
Reji gave him a long look. “Perhaps. Anyway, goodnight. Tell him to send for me when he’s ready.”
Arman bowed his head in acknowledgement and Reji left, closing the door quietly behind him. Arman blew out the lamp in the office and let the dim glow from the light in the bedroom lead him into the other room. He should really get Kei under the covers—but he was much too heavy to move while he was asleep. He unlaced Kei’s shirt and pants, then shook his shoulder. “Wake up, lazy. You need to undress and get into bed.”
Kei’s arm came up and hooked him around the neck, pulling him close. “Mmmm, come to bed,” he said, giving Arman a sleepy kiss.
“I will if you get under the covers.”
Grumbling, clumsy with sleep, and with a little help from Arman, Kei got his clothes off and then crawled under the bedclothes where Arman joined him. “You woke me up. Mean,” he complained, as he snuggled close to Arman.
“Sorry, I thought a few minutes’ pain was worth a good night’s rest.”
“Don’t be logical at me in the middle of the night, you bastard.”
Arman smiled in the dark. “Apologies. Go back to sleep.”
“Hmpfh,” Kei said, managing to make the noise sound aggrieved, but in a very short time, his breathing evened out again. Arman held him, knowing he too would be asleep in a very short time. His mind turned to the discussion he’d had with Bikel. At least now there was a sliver of hope Arman’s own death would not mean the end of Kei’s life. Whether Kei would feel grateful to have that chance, Arman didn’t know. He hoped neither of them would ever need to find out.
~~~~~~~~
Arman had many opportunities to be glad of Reji’s continued presence over the next three days. If he had tried to ensure Kei’s continued stability without help, he would certainly have failed, since there was so much to do, so much he didn’t dare involve Kei in because it was to do with military drills and planning. However, Kei was hardly idle either—the Gifted constantly requested his presence when he wasn’t needed for medical planning, or discussions with Bikel over the treatment of the hostages once they returned. Arman was torn between anxiety over Kei overdoing things and exposing himself to harm, and pleasure that his request for Kei to take part in the mission had been vindicated.
In the end all he could do was ask Reji and Bikel to make sure one of them was with him at all times, and take Neka aside for a long talk before he would consent to have Kei spend much time with Reis or any of the others. The way Kei had reacted to Reis at the dinner indicated he was still very vulnerable to the emotional turmoil of others, and Arman suspected the Gifted could be more troubling than any other group. Only after Neka had solemnly assured him she would monitor Kei at all times and send for Arman if he was needed, could Arman give his blessing to Kei’s interactions with the Gifted.
However, once given, that blessing repaid itself, because it was noticeable how much more cooperative the Gifted became once Kei became part of the negotiations. Arman may have wanted to keep Kei locked in their room until he was over his concussion, and further along the path of recovery from his recent setbacks, but there was no doubt that if the mission succeeded, it would owe much to a man only still in Darshek by purest chance.
The success of the mission was in no way assured, unfortunately. Everyone knew they might be sailing to Utuk to do nothing more than to view sixty-nine fresh graves. For that reason, Lady Jilki’s messages to the community leaders and clan heads were cautiously muted in tone, merely stating a rescue was in progress, that a Prijian general was assisting them to the best of his ability, and that until they reached Utuk, nothing more could be known. Even with this caution, Arman wondered how much unrest there would be if the rescue failed. The long delay in starting a rescue had caused a good deal of ill-feeling, he’d been told, even though, in the absence of any intelligence on the location of the hostages, he understood why the Rulers had had so little choice. The hopes of an entire nation rode on a very slim possibility of success.
There was also the question of what would happen to the more than two thousand soldiers and sailors presently imprisoned some ten miles outside Darshek city. If the hostages were returned, there wasn’t a difficulty. If they were dead—or the rescue failed—things were more problematic. Kei believed the prisoners should be returned home out of simple humanity. Arman and the Rulers were more interested in the practical effect of depriving Kuprij of a substantial chunk of its military forces, and disinclined to restore that loss without considerable thought.
For the moment, the prisoners were being kept ignorant of Arman’s presence in Darshek and of the rescue, and those of his men either recently arrived or who were still travelling north would remain segregated at least until the outcome of the mission was known. Lieutenant Vikis had only recently become fit enough to travel and was still at Fort Trejk. Any Prij who knew of Arman’s betrayal or even his capture, had thus not yet had an opportunity to tell the wider group of prisoners. Arman doubted it would be possible to keep this a secret for very long, but Lord Meki insisted on this quarantine, to give the Rulers—and Arman—as many options for the future as possible.