Jericho (A Redemption Novel) (22 page)

CHAPTER 22

“M
ama?” Abby came up to Georgia as she weeded in the garden.

“Yes, my love?” She slipped off her gloves and lifted Abby into her lap. Abby wrapped her tiny arms around her neck and squeezed. A sweet giggle escaped her as Georgia squeezed her back. “Are you happy, baby?”

Abby babbled something and then pulled away, toddling off to study a newly planted patch of daisies.

Georgia looked at her baby in her brand-new dress and little pink sandals that Christian had dressed her in this morning. Abby was happy. Georgia had never thought she’d been unhappy in their old life. But maybe she had been. Maybe Abby didn’t know what happiness really was.

She had her mama all day now. All of her mama. Not the overtired, always worrying woman who took care of her. And she had her daddy, too, now. Her daddy, who took her to the park and fed her breakfast and spoiled her silly. She had a daddy who loved her. Georgia saw the difference in Abby. Her baby was much happier than she had ever been.

She heard the screen door shut behind her and she looked up to see Christian make his way toward her. Her heart lifted slightly at the sight of her husband. She was with him most of the day. They ate together and slept together. Sometimes they just sat together quietly, and every time she was near him she felt those butterflies in her belly.

But when she looked at him, especially these past few days, she knew he wasn’t happy. After that tense meeting at his father’s company Christian seemed to slip further away from her. Even at night in bed, where she used to feel the closest to him. He hadn’t made love to her in days. He hadn’t even tried, and he seemed oblivious to her attempts to bring him closer to her. She was losing him. She could feel him slipping through her fingers and she didn’t know how to stop it.

She rose to her feet, brushing herself off as he approached her. She didn’t wait for him to speak before she reached for him and settled her lips on his. He wrapped his arms around and kissed her back, before he buried his face in her neck.

He wants to go back.

He hadn’t told her, but she knew. She could feel it and it scared the hell out of her. She could ask him to stay. She could demand it and he probably would stay. But she knew he would be miserable if she asked that of him. She should just let him go, but she knew that wasn’t going to fix whatever it was he was going through. He wouldn’t be any happier ten thousand miles away from his family. He would be doing what he always did. Running away from those who loved him. Running away from his misguided guilt. She couldn’t let him do that.

“Talk to me, Christian.”

“I’m going to go get Tobias soon for our fishing trip. Is there anything I can bring back for you?”

“Just yourself,” she said, feeling disappointed. She looked up into his face. He was sad. She could feel it; his heaviness weighed her down. Maybe it was this place. She loved this house and her garden and Charleston, but maybe it was too much for him; maybe the memories were overwhelming.

She couldn’t blame him for being uncomfortable here. She hadn’t been back to Oakdale since she’d first left. She hadn’t visited her grandmother’s grave. How could she expect him to face his past when she wasn’t willing to do so herself?

“I was thinking maybe we could go away for a few days, if that’s okay with you? Somewhere fun. I’ve never been on a vacation before. We could call it our honeymoon.”

“Of course.” He absently brushed a kiss across her forehead. “Wherever you want to go.”

“I don’t know where I want to go. But you’ve been so many places. Maybe you should pick. Take me to where you felt the happiest.”

He frowned at her for a moment. They had talked about this briefly the day they’d gone to the city market. The same day the little boy had called him a monster and wept in fear. He hadn’t been the same since that day. She knew he was sensitive about his battle scars. She knew he looked drastically different than he had before the blast, but he was beautiful. She loved his face.

“If I were to take you where I was the happiest then we wouldn’t have to go anywhere. Because I’m here with you right now.”

She smiled up at him even though her heart didn’t feel her smile. “I wish I could believe you.”

“You should. I’m glad I have you and Abby.”

“But you don’t just have us, you know.”

“I know. The general is there for me and his wife. We have your sister and her husband.”

“And we have the people at Howard and Helga’s. Mara gave me her phone number. She doesn’t live far away and she wants us to bring the baby for brunch. She wants to get to know you again.”

“Georgia...”

“What?” She shook her head. “And then there’s Mr. Chin. He loves you, Christian. I can tell just by the way he looks at you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” He pulled away from her.

“Why not? Why is it so wrong to talk about your past, about the people who loved you? Who still love you after all this time?”

His face grew dark. His eyes shuttered. She was going to lose him. He was shutting down on her. “My military service was not a mistake. It’s something I’ll never regret, and I refuse to let Cliff make me feel that way.”

“Of course it wasn’t a mistake. How could it be? If it hadn’t been for the marines you would have never been blown up and you would have never met me. And we both know I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”

He was taken aback by her words, but he grinned at her. A real smile. One she hadn’t seen for weeks. She could sunbathe in the warmth of that smile. She hugged him close, not wanting to lose that moment. Not wanting him to slip back into his shell.

Abby screamed out and immediately they jumped apart. She was sitting on the grass not three feet behind them, but she was crying. Her tiny face twisted in pain. Christian rushed to her before Georgia even had the chance to move.

“What happened, baby?” Abby held up her hand. There was a bumblebee squished in her palm. “Damn it, Georgia. She’s been stung.”

“My poor baby.” Georgia reached for Abby, but Christian didn’t let her go.

“It’s swelling. Just let me take care of this. She shouldn’t be out here if there are going to be so many bees around.” He walked away from her, back into the house. With her baby. Leaving her to feel as if she’d failed her own child.

She stood there for a moment. Almost stunned that he’d scolded her.

“Hello, neighbor.” She turned at the sound of a man’s voice. She forced herself to smile even though it was the last thing she felt like doing.

She had never seen this man before. He reminded her of her brother Gideon, only older. He was slender and tall, with skin the color of baked bread. Handsome. He wore a suit with no tie. The top few buttons of his shirt was open.

“Oh. Hello.” She walked to the fence where he was standing. He held a briefcase. “I’m Georgia.”

“Tim.” He extended his hand. “I’ve been away for the past six weeks on business. The kid who mows my grass told me he saw a beautiful woman working in the garden. I almost didn’t believe him. This house has been vacant for the five years I’ve lived here. I was starting to think I was never going to get a neighbor. I hope you like it here.”

“I do. Everybody here is very nice,” she said, not really sure what else to say. Conversation with the opposite sex was never something that came easily. She blamed her father, who was so busy keeping her away from boys her own age she felt like a misfit. The only man she was ever easy around was her husband. It was ironic because he seemed to be the only person who wouldn’t talk to her.

“Where are you from? You don’t seem like a Charleston girl.”

“I’m from Oakdale originally.”

“Oakdale, South Carolina?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I know Oakdale. Had a friend from college who lived there. His father was a pastor. You know an Abel Williams?”

She nodded as a ball settled in her stomach. “He was my brother.”

“Ah.” He looked uncomfortable for a moment. “I forgot that he passed away. This is one of those moments where I wish I could go back in time and change the direction of this conversation.”

He paused for a moment, then continued, “I should have complimented you on the color of your eyes, or have told you that the dusting of freckles across your face is probably one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen, but I can’t do that just now, because it would make me sound like a world-class creep and quite insensitive to boot. So I’ll save those compliments for another day and just apologize. I’m sorry, Miss Georgia, about your brother. He was a good man.”

“That’s all right. I understand,” Georgia said.

“I would like to make it up to you by being neighborly and offering to make you dinner, but since I don’t cook and am not sure how to turn my oven on, I would offer to order you dinner from any of the fine takeout establishments in the area. And we could enjoy our fine takeout on my porch over wine and talk about how you’re liking Charleston.”

“That would be very nice,” she said, feeling very flattered. “But would it be okay if my husband and daughter tagged along?” She lifted her hand to show Tim the small gold band on her finger.

Tim’s eyes widened, but he wasn’t staring at her hand, he was looking behind her. At Christian. She felt his presence, the warmth his big body exuded, even before she turned around. She hadn’t heard him come out. She hadn’t heard his footsteps behind her.

“I’m guessing that’s him.”

“Yes.”

His face was hard, nasty almost. He seemed bigger than he was, as though his wide body was taking up much more space. He looked ready to kill. When he looked like that she understood why people were afraid of him, why his men never dared to disobey him. Even she would think he was frightening. But she knew him. This wasn’t him.

“Hi, neighbor. I’m Tim.” Tim didn’t look afraid, and for some reason Georgia respected him for that. He just calmly extended his hand to her husband.

“Christian.” He ignored the handshake. “Stay the hell away from my wife.”

“Christian!”

“Listen—” Tim raised his hands in surrender “—I had no idea she was married. I would have never asked her out if I did.”

“You didn’t bother to ask her if she was married, either. Just stay on your side of the fence and away from my wife.”

“Gotcha.” He shook his head and turned away.

“I’m so sorry, Tim,” she called after him. And as soon as he entered his house she turned to her husband. “I cannot believe you just behaved like that. He’s our neighbor. We are going to live next door to him for a very long time and you just went out of your way to be the rudest, meanest, most insufferable person on the planet. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.”

“You were embarrassed? Embarrassed that your monster husband showed up and stopped your flirtation with the pretty-boy neighbor?”

Georgia froze. The hairs on the back of her neck rose. “What did you just say to me?”

“You were flirting with him!”

“What is wrong with you? I told him I was married. I wasn’t flirting. I don’t even know how, and even if I was, even if I was the world’s biggest flirt, you should trust me, Christian. You should know that I would never go out with another man, let alone think about it. You should know me well enough by now.”

“Know you? I know if you really had your choice you never would have married me. I know you would rather be with a pretty boy like him. Someone not so damn ruined. You only married me because it was convenient for you. I’m not keeping you here, Georgia. You can go. If you find somebody else to make you happy, you can go.”

Her hand cracked across his face. She had never hit another soul in her life, but she hit him as hard as she could manage.

“Ruined? You are ruined, but it has nothing to do with your scars and everything to do with who you are inside. I’m not leaving you. I never will, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing if I didn’t have to see you for a while.”

She walked away from him this time. Into the house, right to her sleepy baby. For the first time since she’d married him, she couldn’t stand to be in his presence.

CHAPTER 23

“W
e haven’t caught a damn thing,” Tobias complained.

“Nope,” the general agreed. They all sat in the boat Christian had rented on Capshaw Lake, a little man-made lake not far from Tobias’s home. “Two days of fishing, not a single bite.”

“I can’t see his face, but I bet Captain Howard scared all the fish away. I bet he’s been looking real mean these past couple of days.”

“One big nasty-looking son of a bitch,” the general said, not taking his eyes off the lake.

“He ain’t even talking. Sometimes I don’t know if he’s even sitting there. I know he must be there because a man his size can’t jump out of a boat and swim to shore without making a lot of noise.”

Christian snapped out of his daze and looked at his friends. “Shut up,” he said without heat. “I thought you wanted this. The quiet.” He looked around the secluded lake. There wasn’t another boat in sight. It was why he’d chosen this lake. Tobias needed to get away from the women in his life. “I thought all the female attention was driving you crazy. This is what happens when you hang out with men. You don’t get a lot of useless words.”

“Yes, son,” the general said to Christian. “But there’s a difference in being quiet and being downright moody. What’s crawled up your ass and died?”

“I would say it’s women problems, but I have a hard time believing that, because somebody married to a lady as sweet as Miss Georgia can’t have no women problems,” Tobias said.

“I screwed up with her,” he admitted. He had replayed their argument over and over in his mind. It was his fault. He had started it. He had accused her of something he knew she wasn’t capable of, but he had been feeling angry. He’d been angry all week at himself and Georgia and the marines and his parents and the world. And when he’d heard that man flirting with Georgia, when he’d seen her smile at him and speak to him it had all boiled over. “I shouldn’t have married her.”

“What?”

“Are you insane?”

The general and Tobias spoke at the same moment.

“I’m having a hard time adjusting to civilian life.”

“No shit, sir. We all are. I can’t see. The general’s got no one to boss around and you have no one to lead. It’s hard. I think about the blast where I lost my eyesight. I think about it a lot, and not because it was the last day I saw things, but because I survived it when my friend Davey didn’t. You lost almost all your men. Of course you’re fucked up. It would be fucked up if you weren’t fucked up a little. It takes time. Everybody knows that.”

“I’m thinking about going back.”

“No.” Tobias shook his head. “You can think about it, but you can’t do that to her. Lord knows why Miss Georgia picked you out of all the other men who would have married her. There was that doctor at the hospital who had a thing for her. She could have married him, or me, anyone she wanted, but she married you. And she gave you her baby and you can’t walk out on her, either. My daddy walked out on me, sir. And if you go back, if you choose to go overseas, it’ll be as if you’re walking out on her even if you think the cause is good. She’ll be pissed at you, and you’ll deserve it. Miss Georgia don’t got a lot of people in her life to love her, and when you married her you signed up for that job. You can’t leave her, because trying to find your place in a world you never really fit in is hard. You’ve got to figure your shit out. You’ve got to try to harder. Going back is easy. Staying is the hard part. Letting that woman love you when you hate yourself is the hard part. You’re the bravest man I know, sir, but if you walk out on Miss Georgia, I don’t think I would feel the same way about you.”

Tobias’s words were effective. Guilt had been his constant companion for years. He hadn’t known a life without the feeling, but Tobias’s words made him feel a new kind of guilt, a much deeper one. He couldn’t change the past.

But he could shape his future.

He had a good thing. He had Georgia and he was pushing her away, just like he did with Cliff and his parents’ friends. He had been alone for so long when he didn’t have to be. He didn’t know how to handle love anymore. He never thought he deserved it.

He looked at the general. “You got anything to add to that, sir?”

“Nope.” He took a beer out of the cooler, opened it and took a long swig. “Said it better than I ever could.”

“Yeah. I’ve just been scolded by somebody who’s not even old enough to drink.” He reached over and squeezed Tobias’s shoulder. “Thank you, kid. I owe you one.”

* * *

Christian had cut their fishing trip short by a day but nobody blamed him. He hadn’t spoken to Georgia since he left. Two days and no contact with his wife. He was shit and he knew it. He had some making up to do, but he didn’t know how to make things up to her, or to anybody.

His parents were gone and he couldn’t change that, but he could stop blaming himself for something he had no control over. Miko had ended up in bad way, but he couldn’t change that, either. He wasn’t sure what had happened that night, but it wasn’t good to live his life trying to make up for a sin he didn’t commit.

But he could make up for avoiding everyone at Howard and Helga’s, avoiding the people who would have stood by him, the people who reminded him so much of his parents. It wasn’t a bad thing to be reminded of them.

The staff didn’t hate him for what had happened. He hadn’t realized it, but that was what he was afraid of. He was afraid they would judge him as being responsible for his parents’ deaths.

Christian dialed Cliff’s home number as he neared home. He had always kept it with him, even though he had never planned to call it. Maybe in the back of his mind he knew that this day would come. Maybe he always knew Cliff would be there if he really needed him.

“Hello?”

“It’s Christian.”

There was a long silence, so long that Christian was afraid the man had hung up. “Betty wants to see that baby of yours. When are you going to bring your sorry ass over here for dinner?”

Christian exhaled. “Soon. I just need to talk to my wife. I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I am, too. I should have tried harder with you, but you’re stubborn as hell. You got that from both of your parents. But you got your heart from your father. He would be proud of you. We are proud of you. You’re a hero.”

He said nothing to that. He didn’t feel very heroic; he was just trying to make up for a life of being selfish. “I need your help, Cliff. I want to start up something for the guys like me.”

“I’m not sure if there are many heirs to ice-cream companies out there, Christian, but I’ll see what I can do.”

He smiled. It had been too long since he had heard one of Cliff’s bad jokes. “I wanted to start up an organization for former military. Something that can offer counseling and jobs and help, but I don’t know where to begin.”

“I was in Vietnam. Did you know that? When we came back people hated us for doing what we had to do. It was the hardest time in my life. I know what it’s like to feel lost. I will help you. I will do whatever I can.”

“Thank you. I’ll come to the office in a few days. I have to settle some things at home first.”

“Sounds good. I look forward to seeing you.”

He disconnected as he pulled into the driveway. The side door flew open as soon as he put the car in Park. Georgia rushed out. His sweet little wife didn’t look so sweet anymore. Her hair was loose and wild. Her eyes were full of fire.

He deserved everything she had to throw at him. He had so much making up to do.

He stepped out of the car and she ran to him. Jumping into his arms, she burst into tears.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry,” he said.

“Where were you? I was out of my mind with worry. I thought the worst. I—” She stopped herself and shook her head.

“God, Georgia. What the hell was going through your mind?”

“I—I didn’t know where you were. You didn’t answer your phone. You didn’t call me. It’s been two days. You left us for two days.”

“I went fishing with Tobias. I told you that. I told you we would be gone all weekend. There was no service. We were in the woods.”

She jumped down from his arms and came at him swinging. “You asshole. You big, stupid, self-centered jackass. You went off fishing with your damn friends after that huge fight we had. I thought you’d left me. I thought you’d reenlisted. I thought we were done.”

“I’m sorry.” He caught her hands but she broke free.

“You’re damn right you’re sorry. I love you.” She poked him in the chest. “I’m in love with you. I love the way you look and the way you make me feel. You’re my best friend. That’s why I married you. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in that hospital. I love you more than you love yourself. I wish I could say your scars don’t matter, but they do. They make up who you are now and that’s who I love. I can’t believe you would think otherwise.”

“I’m sorry.” He grabbed her and hauled her into his chest. “I’m sorry.” She wrapped her legs around him and he held her like that for a long time. He kissed her hair and her cheeks and her nose and every piece of skin he could reach. “I can’t explain to you what’s been going on in my mind, but I’m not going to give you up, Georgia. I need you. The only time I’ve felt anything near happy in the past twelve years is when I’m with you and Abby. I’m here forever.”

“I love you,” she said to him right before she pressed her lips to his. “I love you.”

He believed her. He had been fighting it, but he believed her. He didn’t deserve her. “I’ve got something for you.”

“I know.” She took her lips from his and slid them down his throat. “I can feel it. Take me upstairs right now and let me show you how much I missed you.”

“Georgia!” He threw his head back and laughed. “I like it when you talk to me like that and call me an asshole and try to beat me up. Although you hit hard. My jaw is still sore from where you smacked me.”

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I was so mad at you.”

“I know.” He reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out a simple diamond ring. “And you have every right to be, but I want you to wear this. I don’t want anybody thinking you’re single.”

She looked at the ring and then up at him. “You were an ass.”

“I know.”

“You should apologize.”

“I will.”

“I’ve never had something so nice before.”

“Get used to it. You’re my wife. You can have anything you want.”

“I just want you to be happy. When you aren’t, I feel as if I’m failing as a wife.”

“I’m totally fucked up, Georgia.”

“I am, too, and you’re okay with that and that’s why I love you.”

He pressed his lips to her forehead as he slid the ring on her finger. “I’m going to work on it. I promise.”

A car pulled up behind Christian’s, causing Christian to step away from his wife to see who their visitors were. An older withered-looking man stepped out of the driver’s side. He was accompanied by three younger men who he had never seen before. Carolina was the last to get out, and then it dawned on him who these people were.

Georgia’s family had come back.