Read November Online

Authors: David Mamet

November

 

ACCLAIM FOR DAVID MAMET’S
November

 

“Hilarious.… the poetry of Mamet’s pugnacity—with all its half notes of contempt, rage, and terror—really swings.… [President] Smith … brings oxygen to Mamet’s rhetorical brilliance.… Mamet has dealt an ace.”

—The New Yorker

“Breezy … punch-line-packed.”


USA Today

“A raucous comedy.”


The Times
(London)

ALSO BY DAVID MAMET

PLAYS

Romance

The Voysey Inheritance

(adaptation)

Faustus

Boston Marriage

The Old Neighborhood

The Cryptogram

Oleanna

Speed-the-Plow

Bobby Gould in Hell

The Woods

The Shawl
and
Prairie du Chien

Reunion
and
Dark Pony
and

The Sanctity of Marriage

The Poet and the Rent

Lakeboat

Glengarry Glen Ross

The Frog Prince

The Water Engine
and
Mr. Happiness

Edmond

American Buffalo

A Life in the Theater

Sexual Perversity in Chicago
and

The Duck Variations

 

FICTION

The Village

The Old Religion

Wilson

 

NONFICTION

Jafsie and John Henry

True and False

The Cabin

On Directing Film

Some Freaks

Make-Believe Town

Writing in Restaurants

Three Uses of the Knife

South of the Northeast Kingdom

Five Cities of Refuge
(with Rabbi

Lawrence Kushner)

Bambi vs. Godzilla

The Wicked Son

 

SCREENPLAYS

Oleanna

Glengarry Glen Ross

We’re No Angels

Things Change
(with Shel Silverstein)

Hoffa

The Untouchables

The Postman Always Rings Twice

The Verdict

House of Games

Homicide

Wag the Dog

The Edge

The Spanish Prisoner

The Winslow Boy

State and Main

Heist

Spartan

Redbelt

DAVID MAMET
November

David Mamet is a dramatist, director, novelist, poet, and essayist. He has written the screenplays for more than twenty films, including
Heist, Spartan, House of Games, The Spanish Prisoner, The Winslow Boy, Wag the Dog
, and
The Verdict
. His more than twenty plays include
Oleanna, The Cryptogram, Speed-the-Plow, American Buffalo, Sexual Perversity in Chicago
, and the Pulitzer Prize–winning
Glengarry Glen Ross
. Born in Chicago in 1947, Mamet has taught at the Yale School of Drama, New York University, and Goddard College, and he lectures at the Atlantic Theater Company, of which he is a founding member.

A VINTAGE ORIGINAL, JUNE 2008

Copyright © 2008 by David Mamet

All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Vintage and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

CAUTION:
This play is protected in whole, in part, or in any form under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America, the British Empire, including the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union, and are subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, radio, television, and public reading, are strictly reserved. All inquiries concerning performance rights should be addressed to the author’s agent: Ron Gwiazda, Abrams Artists Agency, 275 Seventh Avenue, 26th Floor,
New York, NY 10001.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Mamet, David.
November : a play / by David Mamet.
New York : Vintage Books, 2008.
p. cm.
“A Vintage original”—T.p. verso.
1. Presidents—United States—Drama.
PS3563.A4345 N68 2008
812′.54—dc22
2008004925

eISBN: 978-0-307-79374-4

www.vintagebooks.com

v3.1

This play is dedicated to Jeffrey Richards

Contents

 

I have not bowed to current academic nostrums about nomenclature or accepted the flyblown philacteries of Political Correctness. So I do not acknowledge the existence of hyphenated Americans, or Native Americans or any other qualified kind. They are all Americans to me: black, white, red, brown, yellow, thrown together by fate in that swirling maelstrom of history which has produced the most remarkable people the world has ever seen. I love them and salute them, and this is their story.

—Paul M. Johnson,
A History of the American People

 

PRODUCTION NOTES

November
received its world premiere on January 17, 2008, at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre, New York.

Charles Smith
Nathan Lane
Archer Brown
Dylan Baker
A Representative of the
National Association of
Turkey and Turkey
By-Products Manufacturers
Ethan Phillips
Clarice Bernstein
Laurie Metcalf
Dwight Grackle
Michael Nichols
Director
Joe Mantello
Scenic Design
Scott Pask
Costume Design
Laura Bauer
Lighting Design
Paul Gallo
Production Stage Manager
Jill Cordle

 

THE SETTING

AN OFFICE

THE CHARACTERS

CHARLES SMITH
,
a man in suit

ARCHER BROWN
,
a man in suit

A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF TURKEY AND TURKEY BY-PRODUCTS MANUFACTURERS
,
a man in suit

CLARICE BERNSTEIN
,
a lesbian

DWIGHT GRACKLE
,
a Native American

ACT ONE
Morning

ACT TWO
Evening

ACT THREE
Morning

ACT ONE

 

At rise
,
CHARLES SMITH
and
ARCHER BROWN
in an office
.

CHARLES:
(
Reading a list
) What is this? What is this? One spot in Cleveland One in Cincinnati … Why?

ARCHER:
You see the polls?

CHARLES:
What happened to never say die?

ARCHER:
I saw the polls.

CHARLES:
You saw the polls, how bad can my numbers be?

ARCHER:
You broke the machine.

(
ARCHER
hands
CHARLES
a sheet of paper
.)

CHARLES:
Can these numbers be right? These numbers can’t be right.

ARCHER:
They’re right.

CHARLES:
Why? Why? We won the first time, Archie. Four scant years. Why have they turned against me now?

ARCHER:
Because you’ve fucked up everything you’ve touched.

CHARLES:
We’re a forgiving people.

ARCHER:
Time to cash out, Chucky. Sell a couple pardons, call it a day.

CHARLES:
Nobody’s spending any money on me. That’s the problem, Archie. They dint cut me off, I’d be beating the other guy into Marshmallow Fluff. All I need, I need, some
money

ARCHER:
And an issue.

CHARLES:
How about “continuity.”

ARCHER:
You’ve screwed the country into a cocked hat.

CHARLES:
Yes, but at least I’ve done
something
. What has the other fella done? Have you thought of that?
That’s
the basis of an ad! Get me the committee.

ARCHER:
They’ll let you keep what you got, put it in your pocket, but they ain’t buying any more air.

CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Get me the committee.

ARCHER:
You’re done, Chuck … (
The phone rings. To phone
) Hello.

CHARLES:
Gimme that. (
Takes phone
) Barry … Cathy. Hi. Hon? Hon, can I … Cathy, I can’t talk now … (
To
ARCHER
) Can my wife take the couch? (
To phone
) Take, take the couch where, hon?… Why do you assume we’re going home … (
To
ARCHER
) ’Cause she hasn’t seen any ads on TV. And can she take the couch?

ARCHER:
No, she can’t take the couch.

CHARLES:
No, you can’t take the couch, hon. (
To
ARCHER
) She had it re-covered.

ARCHER:
It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money.

CHARLES:
It was re-covered with taxpayers’ money, Cath. (
To
ARCHER
) Can she reimburse the taxpayers? And does she get a discount because the couch has been used … Cath? (
To
ARCHER
) Get me out of here …

ARCHER:
(
Loudly
) Mr. President, Iran has launched a nuclear strike.

CHARLES:
What?

ARCHER:
Iran has launched a nuclear …

CHARLES:
Ca … Cath? Iran has launched a nuclear strike … (
To
ARCHER
) Or could she
uncover
the couch and take the unupholstered couch …

ARCHER:
She can’t take the couch. (A
second phone rings
.
ARCHER
answers
.) Hello. Barry, one moment.

CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Cath, I have to, Cath, I’ll have to call you back. I’m not being cheap, Cath … I’m … I’m, yes, I’m trying to save money, ’cause WE’RE GOING HOME BROKE, Cath, and we’re being bombed by Iran, so I have to hang up. (
ARCHER
hangs up
.)

ARCHER:
Why is the couch so important to her?

CHARLES:
She wants it for the Library.

ARCHER:
The Library?

CHARLES:
My Presidential Library. (
Pause
) What are you telling me? (
Pause
) I gotta have a library. Archie? Don’t I have, like, a, uh, a Library, uh, an Exploratory, uh …

ARCHER:
No.

(
Pause
)

CHARLES:
What is it about me people don’t like?

ARCHER:
That you’re still here.

CHARLES:
Wait—doesn’t everybody get a library?

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
It’s not in the Constitution?

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
Like a lovely parting gift?

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
(
Pause
) Cathy’s gonna kill me.

ARCHER:
(
Re second phone line
) It’s the committee …

CHARLES:
(
To phone
) Hel … Hello, Barry … Where do you find me …? I’m at the White House, Barry. Where are you? “Nantucket.” How are
things
out there …?

ARCHER:
(
Sotto voce
) He’s screwed you on the election. He’s holding back funds. Tell him to disgorge the funds.

CHARLES:
(
Pause
) Barry, look, you’ve screwed me on the election, I need you to disgorge the funds you’re holding for my library. (
To
ARCHER
) What do I mean, “he’s screwed me …? (
To phone
) What do I mean, Barry? I’m looking at the time buys …(
Pause
) Well, whose decision was that, Barry? “The committee?” Yeah, no, yes, that’s peachy, Barry. With the possible exception, YOU ARE THE COMMITTEE. Barry? You … (
Pause
) Well, who the fuck is the Committee, if not you? (
ARCHER
hands
CHARLES
a list
.) Three spots in Cleveland, two in Minneap … FOR THE WEEK? FOR THE WHOLE FUCKEN WWWW … WHY DON’T I JUST GO OUT AND GET CLOWN SHOES, ’N’ PUT A RED RUBBER
BALL ON MY NOSE, BE … be … because I want to: Fuck that, Barry, because I’m gonna tell you, no I’m gonna tell you why, and you can jolly well sit there. BECAUSE MY FUCKEN QUESTION TO YOU IS A SPEECH THAT YOU, and your fucken shooting party made to me out hunting quail in Bavaria, when someone turned to me and he said, “Chucky, have you read
The Three Musk
…” Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re … No, it doesn’t sound like you remember, Barry, when someone asked me: “All for one and one for all.” You remember that? And all your tame Krauts, and lifting the import tariffs, and “This is our man,” and all that happy horseshit … I DON’T
WANT
a … I DON’T … WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A TIME-SHARE IN
ASPEN
? I want to be president … (
Pause. To
ARCHER
) “The hat is empty, there are no more rabbits in it.” (
To phone
) Is this the man I knew? In the snow? In New Hampshire? BARRY, who ruined his fucken shoes going from door to door? Is this the same man? (
Pause
) Well, in what way is he different? (
Pause
) What does that mean? What does that mean? “A good one to lose”? You know who thinks that way? Losers. (
Pause
) Let’s move on. Tell me about the library. Well: Oh, okay. Good. “We have a fund.” How much money do we have in my library fund … (
Pause
) Million. (
Pause
) Thousand? (
Pause
) Four thousand dollars? (
Pause
) I CAN’T GO HOME WITHOUT A LIBRARY FOR CATHY … You know that … I should of thought of that when I invaded where? When
I
invaded where? Barr …? Barry, that was your idea … The fuck it was. The fuck it was. The fuck it was, Bar, YES I FUCKEN MIND IF
YOU PUT ME ON HOLD… ! I am the President of the United States! (
To
ARCHER
) Where is he? In Nantucket? (
To phone
) Where are you, on Nantucket? HOW ABOUT I GIVE AWAY half of the island to the Micmacs to build their hotel casino. Yes, I can. Yes, I … Yes, I can, Barry. Well, what are you going to do to me? (
Pause
) That record was expunged, (
Pause
) That record was expunged, and the statute of limitations … (Pause) Well, who’s to say what’s perjury? (
Pause. To
ARCHER
) His friend the special prosecutor. (
Pause. To phone
) Yeah. All r … yeah. All r … All right … Barry. (
Pause
) And give my best to Ginny. (
Pause; hangs up
)

ARCHER:
“Life goes on”?

CHARLES:
(
Pause
) He was gonna put me on “hold.”

ARCHER:
Everybody goes home sometime, Chucky … (
Pause
.)

CHARLES:
Couldn’t we make it rain or something, just to keep the other guys from voting? The other guys stop voting the incumbent wins, isn’ that the rule? Can’t we oh, you know, just make it rain …?

ARCHER:
We don’t have that technology.

CHARLES:
In some secret, uh uh …

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
“Facility,” or something.

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
The panic level: raise the panic level!

ARCHER:
Nobody cares.

CHARLES:
They don’t care about the panic level?

ARCHER:
No.

CHARLES:
After all our work?

ARCHER:
Nobody cares. They hate you. Everybody hates you, and you’re out of cash. Go home.

CHARLES:
I would hate to think. That the people were deprived of a choice. Because one side … simply ran out of cash.

ARCHER:
That’s the American way.

CHARLES:
Well, that makes me throw up. (
ARCHER
hands him a piece of paper
.) What is this?

ARCHER:
Today’s off-the-cuff remarks.

CHARLES:
Can’t they stick that thing in my ear?

ARCHER:
The last one got stuck in your ear.

CHARLES:
(
To self
) That’s right. (
Re speech
) “We must and can and shall move forward.” I’m supposed to say this about what?

ARCHER:
Whatever they ask you.

CHARLES:
How can Bernstein write this crap?

ARCHER:
She didn’t write it.

CHARLES:
Bernstein didn’t write it?

ARCHER:
No. She’s on vacation.

CHARLES:
Aha. (
Pause
) It
almost
: were I of a paranoid
bent
, would make me
opine
. That somebody was out to get me.

ARCHER:
I don’t follow.

CHARLES:
That, one, the committee has ceased spending money on me …

ARCHER:
Yeah …

CHARLES:
At the same time. As my
speechwriter
. Has chosen to take a vacation. Why?

ARCHER:
Your ten o’clock is in the anteroom, with fifty thou …

(
ARCHER
hands him papers
.)

CHARLES:
Get Bernstein to rewrite this crap. Where is she?

ARCHER:
She’s technically still on vacation.

CHARLES:
Get her to write it on vacation.

ARCHER:
She’s already working on vacation.

CHARLES:
What’s she working on?

ARCHER:
She’s working on your concession speech.

CHARLES:
OH FUCK THIS FUCKEN LIFE AND EVERYTHING IT
STANDS
FOR. Fucken Bernstein. Sinking ship …

ARCHER:
Chuck.

CHARLES:
I don’t get a vacation …

ARCHER:
She hasn’t had a vacation in four years.

CHARLES:
Well, she lives for her work. She hasn’t got a family.

ARCHER:
She lives with that girl.

CHARLES:
Well, they haven’t got children.

ARCHER:
She went to China to pick up a kid.

(
Pause
)

CHARLES:
She went to China to pick up a kid.

ARCHER:
She went to adopt a baby …

(
Pause
)

CHARLES:
She
went
to
China
to
adopt
a baby.

ARCHER:
What’s so extraord …

CHARLES:
Aren’t we at war with China?

ARCHER:
Not yet …

CHARLES:
Well, it sounds like treason to
me
.

ARCHER:
How?

CHARLES:
She, after four years. Goes to China, to quote quote complete her
family
. To raise a child. Which she could not DO, if, if I were to serve another term. (
Pause
) Oh, I begin to see it, I begin to see it: Why does she go now. Yes. Bernstein. Why “now”?

ARCHER:
Why now what?

CHARLES:
For it is not her “quote” biological
“clock,”
as she is
buying
the child, so whence this sudden rush of wings?

ARCHER:
All right …

CHARLES:
She GOES TO CHINA,
NOW
, because, she raises the kid NOW, because I’m out of OFFICE. THAT is why it’s fucken
treason
.

ARCHER:
 … Chuck.

CHARLES:
To
China
.

ARCHER:
(
To phone
) Get Bernstein to come in.

CHARLES:
 … the only place you can get a meal on Christmas?

ARCHER:
 … Chuck.

CHARLES:
 … Chinese restaurant.

ARCHER:
 … Chuck.

CHARLES:
They’re always open. Fucken chinks. They got all the time in the world … and they don’t mind working themselves to death … Sell you the ground they walk on, sell the offspring of their wombs. Fucking Bernstein. Fly’n off to
China
, her vacation. What’d she get, a baby girl?

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