Inevitable (11 page)

‘YOU CAN FUCKING STOP THAT. I will help you when it’s necessary… you got that?’ I heard him shout over the grumble of the passing traffic. I let out a small sigh that only succeeded in slightly fogging up the inside of my visor.

It was with a huge sense of relief that I felt the weight of the helmet lift off my head. I closed my eyes, allowed my head to lean back slightly and shook out my blonde hair. It felt so good to be unconfined and to feel the cool breeze on my skin.

I heard the hiss leave his parted lips as he took in the sight of me, at the same time his mouth collided with mine. The tongue that would have previously licked and nipped at the seal of my lips, until I gave it permission to enter, probed and pushed forward. It forced its way into my mouth, making me gasp into his. Which only fuelled his sudden invasion as he took without asking, exactly what he wanted. I was about to attempt to show my absolute disgust at his intrusion, by clouting the tops of his arms, when I felt one of his hands press into the small of my back and pull me into his hard muscular body. His other hand came just as rapidly up and in one well-practised move, he wrapped the length of my long hair around his fist and held my head in the exact position he required. It was all I could do to remain standing. I felt my knees start to buckle as my conspirator’s body literally dissolved in his arms and automatically the hands that were just moments ago going to cause untold pain to his tri-ceps, came around his neck and I clung onto him for all I was worth, almost for dear life.

The sound of a horn coming from passing traffic was all it took to bring me back to my senses and I tore my traitorous mouth away from his and swallowed a cleansing breath. Nathan released his hold on my hair but not his command over my body. Both of his hands came up and held my head tightly in his large hands, his fingers linked together at the back of my neck, burning the skin where they touched. His calloused thumbs brushed over my jaw bone and he held me tight, breathing his permanently minty breath over my face.

‘You say you don’t fucking want me… you say it’s too late. But, darlin your body continually fucking tells me otherwise.’

I watched as the corners of his mouth lifted into the start of his lopsided smile and his dimples came out in all their glorious splendour. For a few brief moments his eyes sparkled back to life and it was wholly mesmerising. I started to close my eyes as I watched his mouth come back to me, in anticipation of feeling our connection again. My eyes flew open in surprise when I felt him gently kiss the tip of my nose, and then he relaxed his hold on me.

I felt bereft as he took the one step backwards to the bike and turned. I watched his back flex as he lifted his helmet up, readying himself by running his free hand through his mussed hair.

‘What the hell was that for?’ I shouted over the roar of the vehicles speeding past our illegal stopping point.

‘You needed a distraction, Bella… a distraction from the thoughts obviously fucking entering your head after the conversation we had with Edwards… and, darlin I was one happy sonofabitch to help you out.’

‘You’re back with Candy,’ I almost screamed in my frustration, ‘do you have no sense of loyalty?’ I watched as his body tensed in front of my eyes and he spun powerfully back to face me. ‘I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate you trying to fuck every female you come in to contact with.’

‘One time and one time only. I AM NOT WITH HER.’ He inhaled a deep breath and allowed his head to hang whilst he composed himself. When his eyes came up to meet mine again I could read the anger in them, as easily as reading a child’s picture book. ‘I have never BEEN with Candy… sure I’ve fucked her… but I have never “been” with her.’

I crossed my arms over my chest and allowed my head to lean to one side. I offered Nathan my “yeah, sure” look.

‘Right, OK, you’re back fucking her again. Let’s get one thing straight, I don’t have anyone’s sloppy seconds.’ I lifted my arms and forcibly placed my helmet on top of my head once again. Closing my eyes as it came back down, I squeezed all of the claustrophobic feelings and memories it conjured up out of my mind. I was strong and I would deal with all of this crap in my life. Assuredly, I took a step forward and remounted the bike in front of me that was already being expertly straddled by the man I loved and hated in equal measure.

His voice came over the speaker.

‘Talking of sloppy… I can’t feel the heat of your cunt, darlin… shift forward, you’re not close enough.’ His cocky laughter filled my head. He was right though, that one kiss had completely soaked my knickers.

NATHAN

R
iding a bike with a rock hard dick, was not to be fucking recommended!

What the fuck?

I knew I deserved it, but now I was back on the bike I couldn’t adjust myself to make it more comfortable, not without informing everyone and his wife that drove past that I was good to ride more than the machine I was now straddling. I managed to swallow down the laugh that was threatening to rise up from deep within me. I could feel her behind me wiggling, trying to shift herself further forward.

I just couldn’t fucking help myself, could I?

I knew she couldn’t really get any closer, but it sure was as hot as hell to feel her trying. With that thought my dick pulsed and flexed again, straining and pushing himself up to the waistband of my boxers. I let out a deep sigh.

In short, I knew I was fucking with her, but I couldn’t help myself. I was trying to get us back to where we once were.

If that was even possible? It was probably the worst fucking way to do it, but what the hell did I know?

I had always steered clear of relationships, even those within my own family. My childhood had done a fucking good job of convincing me that relationships, of any kind, weren’t for me. It had taken me a few fucked up years of releasing my anger on the world, through my addiction to racing, frequenting a few BDSM clubs and some other more harmful addictions, before I had reached back out to my siblings. Luckily for me, they had accepted me back with open arms.

“Do you have no sense of loyalty?” I had that question on fucking repeat, going around and around my extremely fucked up, damaged head. She couldn’t have asked a better, more fitting question to a selfish bastard like me. Instinctively I adjusted my wrist cuffs to a more comfortable place, casually brushing over the marred flesh underneath. I blinked my eyes several times, trying to erase the dark thoughts from my head.

She was wrapped around my back as tight as she could manage, her arms had come around me once again, and she was holding on to me for all she was worth. Glancing down at her hands I knew where I would’ve preferred to see her delicate, painted fingernails, and I goddamn knew exactly what I’d prefer for them to be gripped around.

I’d had a hell of a lot of sex in the six months since we’d seen each other. Call it another fucking addiction of mine. But it was as clear-cut as needing a shower every day, most days I needed the sense of release that comes with a good hard fuck. There were always willing girls hanging around the track, but I had a rule, I’d never have sex with anyone more than once. That way, there was never any fucking false hope of me giving them more than just my cock, fingers or tongue for more than the few hours that I was actually willing to loan them the fuck out. Some of the girls were clingier than others. I’d never dealt well with clinging, whining women, so when I’d had my fill of them, I’d shut the fuck down and become the heartless bastard I’d learnt very early on to be. It had become a standing joke with the guys at the track. I had a reputation, after it had been witnessed by Brock, my team manager, early one morning in my trailer, of literally building houses of cards and ignoring the girls until they finally got the fucking hint and left. Yep, I’d been the ultimate male slut. But then I met Bella, she had broken down all the walls I had fought so hard to build. I suppose the tables had been well and truly turned on their ass, she was my retribution, my punishment. As I couldn’t have her, I’d taken whatever the hell else I wanted. They didn’t come close, they didn’t come anywhere near her, not a single fucking one of them, they were just a means to an end.

I started the engine and inhaled the smell of the gas as it came to life. The revs and subsequent vibration of the bike beneath my twisting grip calmed me, gave me a sense of well-being and I could feel my tense body begin to relax into the soothing rumble. Next to fucking sitting on a bike, riding fast was the best feeling in the world. I loved the buzz the speed gave me. It gave me control over my life, a life that hadn’t always been within my jurisdiction to control.

Fuck!

I wanted her back. The awareness had hit me like a fucking freight train, the moment I had ridden away from her back in the Hamptons. Those green strips of material she called a bikini, still haunted my dreams, whether I was awake or asleep. But I only wanted her on my terms.

All or fucking nothing.

I needed her to trust me with more than her life. I wanted her to trust me with the truth. I was demanding her to trust me with whatever it was she was so damned ashamed of. I wasn’t willing to have any more lies in my life, they broke people apart, they damaged others irrevocably. They had no place in my life, but she did, it was exactly where I wanted her to be.

I’d tried ignoring her, by allowing any time I spent with her to be on my terms only, hoping that I’d get her right out of my seriously impaired system. However, the moment she’d hurt herself and attempted to tell me what the hell had once happened to her, I was back. Like I’d fucking jumped feet first back into us. The fucking second she’d told me she loved me, I knew that was it, it was like she had never left. Candy’s arrival had been so badly fucking timed; you couldn’t have made that shit up. I was screwed, but not in the way I fucking wanted to be.

I had six days left to convince her.

I watched the road ahead as the bike began to eat up the miles in front of us. We hadn’t been chatting much before the phone call, but the silence now was uncomfortable. I decided to break it with some music. I had a few choice songs already saved.

BELLA

M
y body was wrapped around his and I was as tight to him as was humanly possible. No way in hell was I going to let him demand again that I should place my pussy or cunt closer to him, the arrogant bastard. My lips were still throbbing and my heart was banging in my chest. Nate was right, him kissing me had momentarily stopped my nightmares from invading my thoughts, in that precise moment all I could think about was him and all the places on my aching body I wanted him to touch and possess.

Oh yeah, now I had him invading my thoughts instead.

Music filtered into my helmet and I felt myself relax slightly, at least we weren’t going to have to speak to each other, for a while anyway.

Hello by Adele
was playing. Listening to the words I thought how extremely apt it was. In our six months apart, I had called him many, many times. Thank God for my anal memory for numbers. I had relied on the fact that he nearly always let his phone go to his recorded message, before he decided whether to pick it up or not. That way during my lowest days, of which there were many, I could listen to the sound of his deep gravelly, mischievous voice and dream I was actually with him, alive and enjoying life. Instead, I just existed like I was dead from the inside out. Adele was singing her heart out about being sorry and I was so much more than sorry for breaking Nathan’s heart, sorrier than I thought he would ever realise. Sorry for him and so, so bloody sorry for myself.

Who knows where we could have been by now?

Slowly my body began to calm itself. Nathan had awakened it, like it was his sodding toy. However, as my body quietened, Ioan began to enter my thoughts once again. For many years I’d managed to lock him away into the compartment I had built especially for him inside my head. The compartment had been a necessity. I had spent a good few months after I had succeeded in walking away from him and his abusive family punishing myself, whilst trying to make amends with anyone I had hurt as a consequence of my selfish actions. It had become my own personal “horse hair shirt”, until finally in order to carry on I had to lock the bad memories away.