Authors: A.S. Roberts
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Playlist
Dedication
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
Twenty Nine
Thirty
Thirty One
Thirty Two
Thirty Three
Epilogue
Follow the Author
Irrevocable
Fated
Version 1F
ISBN 978-1535258746
Copyright © A. S. Roberts
All Rights Reserved Worldwide
Any unauthorised reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the express permission of the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations and places or events are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locations is entirely coincidental.
I am an English author and write in British English.
Image copyright©2016
Edited by Karen J.
Proofreading by The fireball fillies.
Beta read by The fireball fillies.
Cover art by M A Bussiere.
Formatting by Stacey Mosteller.
All songs, song titles mentioned in this novel are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.
Playlist
As always, this is dedicated to my long-suffering husband and our fantastic boys!
Love you all xxx
This book is also dedicated to my friends, supporters and allies in this writing world. Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women, who have her back. So this is dedicated to Debi, Crystal, Jen, Sheri, Sarah, Debbie, Kirsty, Tammi, Mel, Stacey, CJ, Melody, RJ and Karen. Thank you for having my back and wanting to know Nathan and Bella’s story, even when I wasn’t quite certain of it myself.
To all of you who fell in love with Nathan and Bella in Fated.
This is for you xx
BELLA
Six months previously
T
he sight that met my eyes was only to be expected. I couldn’t remember having ever looked worse.
Well maybe only once before.
I fumbled around with my thick, long blonde hair, finally settling on just scraping it back, out of my washed-out, pasty-looking face and I secured it up with a hair tie. The red rims of my blue eyes, were only being counterbalanced by the huge dark circles that made me look like one of the walking dead, but that’s how I felt, so it was hardly surprising. I could tell myself that it was the overhead light creating this hideous ensemble, but I knew a lie when it hit me smack in the face. Gone was the Chanel-suited front I usually wore; this was the emotionally exposed me.
I really had to compose myself and go tell the beautiful man I had fallen for, we couldn't be together, not now, not ever. I was the strong one normally who always gave those who meant something to me the advice they needed, whether they wanted it or not!
I had to use that strength of character now, to walk away.
Who was I kidding? He was going to see right through me.
I knew one thing and one thing only. If I didn't do a really good job of this, he wouldn't let me go. He would come after me. With the decision I had recently made, that was the last thing we both needed.
In order to take control of my life in the future, I needed to confront my past. Hiding and running away just wasn’t working for me anymore. Nathan was always in the media spotlight, he certainly didn't need my sordid past invading his life.
So, there was the problem I was facing. How do you convince the person you could see yourself with forever, who made every hair on your body stand on end just by being in the same room, who made your very broken heart flutter like it had wings… that you felt none of these things, and never had or would, with him?
I sure as hell didn't know. The panic inside me was beginning to build. This was precisely why I hadn’t wanted to let him in. I had fought with every fibre of my being to keep him out, to just be his fuck buddy.
Fuck buddy was all I had to offer.
Nathan deserved someone who was whole. Ioan Antonescu had ruined me for anyone else and that was precisely why I needed to go back home, to confront my past. My cracked and damaged outer shell was never going to be good enough for someone like him, he warranted more and I had realised it too bloody late. The notorious playboy wanted all of me. The only problem was, I no longer had all of me to give. I had been broken into pieces and wasn’t sure I would ever be whole again.
My eyes rested once again on the image in my mirror, I inhaled a huge breath and gripped the sink unit until my knuckles went white.
‘You can do this, Bella… he deserves better than the crappy history of your life coming back to the surface.’ I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince, but it wasn't bloody well working on me.
My thoughts were broken by the image of my gorgeous bestie, Frankie, appearing in the doorway of my bathroom. ‘OK… well I’m off to Alex’s apartment, if you’re sure you don’t need me? Just come knocking or text me if and when you want me… OK?’ Her arms came around me, as she tried to squeeze some much needed strength into me. I clasped her arms tightly for a minute or two. The look on her face spoke volumes, it always conveyed her every thought, and it communicated a mixture of love and pity, along with the fact that she felt so bloody useless. We had been best friends since secondary school and we knew each other’s deepest secrets.
‘Right, I’m off.’ I spoke the words with more conviction than I felt and released the hold she had on me, moving away quickly.
The worst moment of my life had arrived. I had thought that I would never say that again, after what had happened when I was fifteen, but here it was… something worse. The heady realisation hit me.
Wasn’t that just a turn up for the books?
I wiped my sweaty hands down the front of my leggings and knocked hesitantly on Nathan’s door.
The heavy door swung quickly open, almost as though he had been waiting there for me all night. The spicy sandalwood smell of him invaded my nostrils, with an immediate and devastating effect. The pounding rock music he had obviously been listening to permeated my soul, I felt his pain right there in the music.
‘Darlin,’ his deep voice cracked slightly, like he was dehydrated. I watched his finger press the button on his remote, reducing the volume of the music so we could talk.
I couldn't meet his gaze and kept my eyes firmly downwards, looking at his bare feet and old faded blue jeans. Nathan’s hand moved in an open gesture, indicating that I should enter his apartment. I brushed past him trying to make as little contact as possible. It had been deliberate on his part, creating such a small gap, and it left me little choice but for our bodies to make a connection in some way. That brief touch, and the reverberation of every nerve in my body as it sung with the meeting, caused my eyes to sting with the pressure of my withheld emotions. I became more aware of the shuddering breaths I was beginning to take.
My heart pounded strongly as I made my way over to my favourite place in his apartment, the large picture windows of the penthouse. The views of Central Park were simply amazing and I cast my eyes down to the city below, just trying to steady my already spiralling emotions.
‘Drink?’ I heard from just behind me. I shook my head. I could laugh at his flawless manners, even in this extremely fucked up scenario, but I was sure my laughs would turn to hysteria, so I didn’t dare.
Nathan had obviously moved nearer to me now; I could sense him there. I lifted my gaze and found his deep hazel eyes staring back at me in the reflection of the window, and I really didn't like what I saw. Never before had I seen such pain fill those normally dancing flirtatious eyes, and knowing I was the cause of it was literally tearing me up from the inside out.