In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (6 page)

“Holy fuck! You three are nurses? You have those little
outfits you can wear for us?” Seth asks wiggling his eyebrows. “I wanna play
doctor!”

Marcus, who has been quietly observing the interaction,
leans into Michelle whispering “You went and did it now, he’ll be talking about
this all night.”

I noticed Michelle shiver a little, then calm herself,
looking at Seth she quips, “You can’t handle this, so don’t even bother drummer
boy.”

It seems that my girls and his guys are going to get along
fine. I know this is only our first time really hanging out, but I can already
tell that I definitely want to spend more time with Connor, and I think he
feels the same way. He doesn’t move more than a few feet away from me when he’s
in my vicinity.

I look down at my watch, it’s already past midnight.
“Listen, I hate to sound lame, but I have an early start tomorrow. Connor if
you want to hang, I’m sure I can catch a cab or get a ride with Michelle or
Gabbi.”

“Absolutely not! I’ll be the one taking you home, Sweetness.
If you’re ready to leave, we’ll leave now.” Connor grabs my hand pulling me
against his side.

My stomach knots at the idea of what Connor may expect when
he takes me home. I have been letting him paw on me all night since we got to
Silver, and I seem to melt into him every single time his lips touch mine. I
hope he doesn’t expect anything from me. As much as I can feel my body craving
more of his touch, I know that I certainly am not ready to go there, or if I
ever will be. “Yes, I’m ready to go.” I murmur shyly.

Gabbi skips over to wrap me in a hug from behind, resting
her head on my shoulders. “I fucking love you, Nae-Nae!” she squeals in my ear
then smacks a loud kiss on my cheek. “I’m gonna hang with Wade for a while, you
let Mr. Sex On A Stick take you home!”

Wade is grinning from ear to ear. Seth is still leering at
Michelle, who seems intent on ignoring him. Marcus is watching Connor and I
with an interesting look on his face.

“Night y’all. It was great meeting you guys.” I say to the
rest of Shameful Regret, then turn my face to Gabbi, “Be careful, text me in
the morning. Love you!” I kiss her back on the cheek.

Michelle comes over to whisper in my ear “Call me if you
need me. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. I love you, and I will kick
his ass if you want me to!” then gives me a hug and a smack on the ass.

Marcus walks up, grabbing Connor’s arm. “A word, bro.” He
says pulling Connor off to the side. Marcus starts talking to Connor quietly,
and I see Connor’s posture stiffen. Connor looks irritated for some reason,
glancing at me then back to Marcus.

“Do you think I don’t fucking know that?” He bellows. “I
know she’s different!” Then Connor stalks back to me, takes my hand, dragging
me away. “Let’s go.”

What the hell was that all about? My guard immediately goes
up. I’m not sure I want to be with Connor while he’s pissed off. He’s much
larger than me, and I am already nervous about what he may expect when we get
back to my apartment, but I follow behind him because he has a death grip on my
hand.

I struggle to keep up as we leave the back corridor into the
alleyway we entered Silver through. My foot catches on a crack in the sidewalk,
sending me stumbling behind Connor. I land on my knees with a weak cry. “Ow!”

Connor stops immediately then crouches down to pick me up.
“Shit! I’m so sorry, baby! Are you ok?” He tries to grab me to pull me up, but
I bat his hands away.

That really hurt. My right knee landed on a piece of broken
glass, ripping my favorite jeans. I lean back on my heels looking up at him.
“I’m fine. Just give me a minute.” I take a few deep breaths. “What the hell is
wrong with you? Did I do something to upset you?” That has to be the only
explanation for Connor leaving so pissed off. Marcus must have said something
about me, and Connor can’t wait to get rid of me.

His eyes look deeply hurt. “What? Lynae, what would give you
that idea? You haven’t done a damn thing other than drive me insane wanting to
kiss those sweet lips of yours!” Connor sighs, “I’m sorry, let me help you up.”
He reaches out for me again, this time I let him assist me to a standing
position. Connor looks down at my knees, noticing the rip and the blood
dripping down the front. “Damnit! Are you ok to walk? I can pull the car
around.”

I nod my head. It hurts like hell, and my favorite jeans are
ruined, but I can walk. My pride has taken more of a hit than my body. I still
don’t understand what set him off like that. My mind and heart are torn. I just
want to curl up and hide. “I’ll be fine. Just take me home please.” I quietly
respond. Connor leads me away without saying anything else.

We walk the few blocks back to where Connor left his car in
silence. He opens the passenger side door for me, I get in wincing in pain as I
bend my injured leg. Connor bends down to help me turn my legs into the foot
well then closes my door to walk around to the driver’s side.

I fold my arms over my chest and stare out the window on the
way home. I’m really not up for conversation right now. My knee hurts like
hell, I’m embarrassed, and Connor’s behavior over the last little bit has me
thoroughly confused. I catch Connor peeking over at me during the drive. The
radio is turned on to a low hum of background noise, but neither of us is speaking.

Connor pulls into the parking lot of my apartment complex
then shuts the engine off, looking at me like he’s not quite sure what I’m
about to do. Part of me wants to run away into my apartment and not look back,
but the other part wants to drag him up there and see what his hard body feels
like underneath all of those clothes. Wait a minute, what did I just say I
wanted? I can feel my cheeks getting red again, so I quickly unbuckle my seat
belt and try to make my escape. I need to get away.

I only make it to the front door of the building before
Connor is behind me trying to grab my arm. “Lynae, damnit!” He looks
frustrated, “I’m messing this up. I’m sorry, at least let me walk you to your
door. I need to make sure you’re ok.”

“I told you I was fine. Look, I’m tired, my leg hurts, I’m
embarrassed and I just want to go to bed.” I snap reaching for the door handle.
“Besides, I’m a nurse, I can take care of a little cut. You don’t have to take
care of me.”
 
Then I leave him standing
there and make my way to the elevators.

When I get in the elevator, I glance up to see Connor still
standing outside the front door. He’s looking right at me. I maintain eye
contact with him until the doors close because I can’t look away. I’m sure it
is the last time I’ll see him, because after tonight, I can guarantee he won’t
want to see me again, that’s for sure. It is probably for the best. My heart
isn’t ready to let someone in again. I know that if Connor was to get in, he
would completely obliterate my heart, and leave me the moment he knew what I
allowed to happen all those years ago.

Sunday morning breakfast with my father before church is a
tradition. He always picks me up, takes me to his favorite little diner for
pancakes and eggs, then we go to church together. As usual, John Michaels
knocks on my door precisely at 7:30 AM.

I didn’t sleep well last night because I kept replaying
everything over and over in my head. One minute I was the happiest I had been
in ages, the next, I was nervous and unsure of myself again. Hopefully Daddy
won’t notice the bags under my eyes, and we can get on with our morning without
talking about it.

John Michaels is a big bear of a man. He can always make me
feel better no matter what is going on. “Come here, baby girl! What’s got you
looking so down?” Daddy asks pulling me into a huge hug lifting me off the
ground.

I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a big smacking
kiss on his cheek. “Just missed you, that’s all Daddy.”

Daddy’s laugh vibrates through my chest as he sets me back
on my feet. “Missed your old man, huh? How about you feed me now. Your turn to
pay, baby girl.”

We always say that we are going to take turns paying for
breakfast, but every time I do pay the bill, I find cash laying around my
apartment somewhere later in the day. Daddy just can’t let me try to do
anything nice for him. I’m still his “little girl” to take care of. I was
always closer to Momma growing up, but since she’s passed, I have become the
ultimate Daddy’s Girl. He spoils me rotten, and I eat up every minute of it.

After settling into the booth at the diner, he turns to
question me again. “Look, Kara Lynae, I know when something is bothering my
child. I also know that this is more than just it being what week it is too.”
Daddy reaches over the table to take my hand in his. “Talk to me, baby girl.
You know I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.”

I look up at my father, the man I trust the most in this
world. His kind eyes and warm smile instantly lift my spirits a little,
especially when he calls me by my full name. “Ok, Daddy. I went on a date last
night and…”

Daddy cuts me off. “Where is this ass, and how hard to I
have to kick it? Can’t have anyone hurting my baby girl.” He says gruffly.

“It’s not like that, Daddy. He didn’t do anything bad to me,
and I’m probably not going to see him again.”

“Then what’s the problem? You’re upset, so he had to have
done something.”

“The problem is I thought he was someone I could actually
like, but my nerves got the best of me, and one of his friends said something
to him, then when he tried to apologize for making me feel bad, I told him I
was fine, and I left him standing at the front of the apartment building.” I
know what I just said doesn’t really make any sense to my father, because as I
look back on the events of last night, they don’t even make sense to me. God,
I’m a mess.

Daddy shakes his head laughing at me. “Just like your
mother. Stubborn as ever. I can tell just by listening to you, that this boy is
already inside your head.”

What on earth is he talking about? And Connor is certainly
no boy. He is all man. “Huh? I’m confused.” I tilt my head to the side.

“Exactly like your mother.” Daddy pats my hand then looks
over to the waitress that has come to take our order. He tells her what we both
want, because he knows that we will just get the same thing we always do
without even looking at the menu, then returns his gaze to me. “This was the
first time y’all went out?”

I nod my head yes. I’m getting all bent out of shape for my
first date ever in over eight years, and I’m not going to be seeing him again,
so why do I feel like I’ve lost something? I know why. It’s because for a brief
moment in time, Connor opened a part of me that had been locked away behind the
walls I built around my heart.

The waitress brings our coffee then scurries back to the
kitchen. Daddy shakes his head. “Baby girl, don’t worry about it. You’re a
smart cookie. If he doesn’t see that, it’s his damn loss. Now, let’s not worry
about any of that mess, it’s time to eat.” Our food arrives before I’ve barely
taken a few sips of my first cup of coffee.

“Thanks, Daddy. You really are the best!” I say digging into
my walnut and blueberry pancakes with way too much butter and syrup.

“I know.” He responds, and just
like that I’m feeling better, and ready to go on with our day.

~

We decide to visit the aquarium and walk along Waterfront
Park for the afternoon. I don’t think that Daddy wants to be alone. Tomorrow is
the anniversary of Momma’s death. Even though it’s been several years, it
doesn’t get any easier. We stop to sit on one of the bench swings to watch the
sunset. I can’t believe we spent the entire afternoon and evening walking
around. Daddy and I usually part ways after church, but I think he could tell
that I needed some time with him as much as he needed to spend time with his
only child.

“Sara loved being near the water. She always hated that we
were so far away from the beach back home. I offered to move back out here
quite a bit, even had a job opportunity come up the summer before you started
high school, but she didn’t want to uproot you and make you start high school
without your friends.” Daddy says as we rock back and forth.

My legs lock up instantly, halting the swing midway through
its pass. I could have left Alabama before I started my freshman year? I could
have had a fresh start here in Charleston? No Matt? That night would have never
happened?

“You alright there?” Daddy’s voice is filled with concern.
He’s looking at me, and I realize that he has no idea what this information
does to me.

I try to shake off the unease that has crept through my
body. “Yeah, of course. I can’t imagine leaving Sly sooner than I did when I
moved out here for nursing school.” I start rocking the swing again, hoping
that Daddy buys my lie. Well, it’s not totally a lie. I would have hated not
having Sly in my life longer, but to think about what my life could have been
like if I had never met
him,
that could have set my life in a much
different direction
.

Daddy pats my knee. “I still hate that he didn’t come out
here too. That man is like the son I never had. He’s a good friend for you. I’m
glad we didn’t move. He’s been good to you.”

“He misses you too, Daddy. Trust me. I’m still working on
getting him out here permanently. Michelle and I are tag teaming him next
weekend when he comes out for a visit. His schedule changed, so he’s coming out
a weekend earlier. He’s driving over Friday morning, but leaving Sunday. Maybe
he can come to breakfast with us before he heads back.” I say hopefully.

“Alright, kiddo. Let’s head on back.” Daddy stretches as he
gets out of the swing. “Oh! It’s hell getting old! This body is creaking more
and more each day!”

I don’t know who he’s calling old. Daddy will only be
turning fifty-three this year. I really wish he’d start dating again. He’s far
too young to be alone. I know, I of all people shouldn’t be saying someone
needs to date, but I have my reasons. “Come on, Old Man!” I kid as we head back
to the parking garage. It really has been a great day just hanging out with
him.