In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (4 page)

What the hell is he doing here? What am I going to do? I
have no clue! Michelle hands the phone back to me, completely oblivious to my
anxiety level increasing by the second. Without breaking eye contact with
Connor, I take the phone and put it up to my ear. “Alrighty sweet cheeks. Your
evil twin says that she’s keeping you this weekend, but I’m off the weekend
after next, and I’m coming out for a visit. Don’t miss me too much. Love you!”
Sly tells me.

“Love you too.” I quickly mumble and hang up the phone. I
still haven’t torn my eyes away from Connor. He just keeps standing there. His
head is cocked to the side like he’s trying to figure something out.

Michelle notices my distraction and looks in the direction
that has captivated my attention. “Oh.” Is all she says. And I still haven’t
stopped looking at him.

A slow grin forms on Connor’s lips and he makes his way
across the street to us. He doesn’t even look for traffic. He just starts
walking even when a car leans on the horn as he walks directly in front of it.
Suddenly he is standing directly in front of me looking down. “Sweetness.” He
says and reaches his index finger to the corner of my mouth to wipe off some
excess icing, then traces my bottom lip. Connor brings his finger up to his
mouth and licks the icing off.

Oh! Sweet! Lord! It may be possible for someone to
spontaneously combust. I feel like I could burst into flames at this very
moment. I sit there gaping at him. I still haven’t uttered a single word.

Connor pulls the chair out from under the table beside us
and flips it around straddling it. His jeans stretch across his thighs and he
folds his tan forearms over the back. I see part of a tattoo sleeve peeking out
from under his green t-shirt. The color really brings out his eyes and makes
them stand out all the more. “If you aren’t going to finish that, I’ll be happy
to help you out.” He smirks and pinches off a piece of my cinnamon bun.

Michelle looks between the two of us. I’ve never seen her
speechless before. The look on her face is priceless. She looks just as
confused as I do. Why is he sitting here, taking my food? He should be running
down the street as far away from me as possible. “I’m going to run inside for a
minute and get some more coffee. I’ll leave you two alone to, uh, chat.” She
hops out of her seat quickly and is through the doors before I have a chance to
object.

Damnit! She left me. She left me alone with him. “Hi.” I
mumble and look down at my lap. I can’t look into his eyes when he is this
close to me.

“What happened to you last night, Lynae?” Connor takes his
hand and tilts my chin up so I’m forced to look at him again. “You looked
positively terrified.”

I don’t know what to say to that. I was terrified, but it
really wasn’t him that I was frightened of. He did nothing wrong. I still don’t
understand why I feel safe with him near me. Sure, I’m scared shitless right
now because I’m worried that my heart will literally beat out of my chest, but
I have this general sense of calm and being protected with his hands on me.
“About that, I’m sorry.” Is all I can say.

Connor keeps my chin held between his thumb and fingers. He
won’t let me look away. Those emerald pools are staring into me like they can
see right into my soul. I almost feel like he can see my secret. “You have
nothing to apologize for.” And I’m not sure if he’s talking about just last
night, or if he senses that I carry guilt for what happed in my past.

My entire body is buzzing. “What are you doing here?” I ask
and quickly add, “I mean, why did you stop to talk to me?” I hate that I sound
completely rude, but I need to know why he came over to our table, and I don’t
want to talk about last night. Hopefully he will take the hint. Does he feel
the same connection that I do? My heart is hoping that he does, but my head is
telling me to be wary.

I still can’t explain why I feel so safe around him. Usually,
anytime somebody other than Daddy or Sly gets that close to me, I have an
instinct to pull away. With Connor, I find my body being drawn closer to him.
“Help yourself, why don’t you?” I say when he releases my chin and reaches
forward to pinch off some more of my cinnamon bun.

“She does have a bite to her.” Connor chuckles.

I look at him and smile, then lean forward to pick up my
plate off the table. Leaning back in my chair I say “Never come between me and
my sweet treats. You will lose a finger.” I don’t know where this flirty
confidence is coming from, but I decide to go with it. I pinch off another bite
for myself and put it in my mouth.

Connor continues to stare at me. It’s like he’s trying to
decipher some mystery that he sees inside me. “I will remember that for
tonight.” His eyes dart towards my mouth.

 
“Huh? What about
tonight?”

“Tonight. You. Me. Dinner before our show at Silver.” Connor
says matter of factly.

Ok. So I guess this is his way of asking me out. Well, more
like telling me instead of asking. “I don’t date.” I tell him looking down at
my lap. I’ve only ever gone out as a group a handful of times in high school
and college, and those times were always uncomfortable for me. My anxiety
levels are starting to rise.

“You are going to dinner with me, then you are going to
Silver with me. Your friends can meet us at Silver if you want. I’ll leave word
at the door that they be allowed in cover free.” Connor’s deep voice is like a
balm for my nerves. His take control attitude is having the opposite effect of
what I would have expected.

Michelle picks this exact moment to make her presence known.
I wonder how long she was watching and listening to us, because I know it
doesn’t take that long to go in and get more coffee. “Hell yeah! She’ll be happy
to go tonight! Gabbi and I have been dying to check Silver out! It’s impossible
to get in!” she exclaims and puts her hands on my shoulders.

“Good. Just go to the front of the line. Tell them that
you’re with me.” Connor tells Michelle then picks up my cell phone from the
table and starts typing. I hear his phone buzz in his pocket, then he hands my
phone back to me.

I look down at the screen.

Me:
Of course I’d love to go out tonight! I will be ready
at 7! Nae-Nae
 

That’s the text he sent to himself from my phone. He even
programmed his number into my contacts.

My head snaps up and I cut my eyes at him. “If you don’t
stop calling me Nae-Nae, I will seriously have your ass!” Oh shit! I can see by
the look on his face that my feistiness is something he seems to enjoy.

“Babe, you can have my ass any time you want. All you have
to do is ask.” Connor smirks getting out of his chair. He leans down placing
his hands on the arm rails on both sides of my body. “What’s your address?”
Connor is so close. If I lean forward just a few inches I could kiss him if I
wanted to. I can feel his warm breath on my skin. I can smell the cinnamon on
his breath. That and the scent of his cologne is enough to make my head spin.

“Archdale Commons. Apartment 5507.” Are the only words I can
formulate at this moment. My senses are overwhelmed. He is all I can see, smell
and hear.

Connor closes the distance between us and places a small
kiss to the tip of my nose then whispers “Seven o’clock. Be ready.” In my ear,
then stands up and walks down the street without looking back.

I release the breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and
sag back into my chair.

“Holy shit!” Michelle squeals bouncing around me to sit in
the seat that Connor just vacated. “Come on bitch! We have to get you ready for
tonight!”

What did I just agree to? I haven’t been out on a date with
a man alone since that night. It’s just dinner. I won’t allow myself to be put
in that situation again. That night was my fault. It was in a secluded parking
lot with someone much bigger than me. I won’t let myself be taken advantage of
again. I’m older now and smarter. It’s time I learn to be the woman that I know
I can be.

Fingers snapping in front of my face pull me out of my daze.
“Hello! Earth to Nae-Nae!” Michelle is waving her hands at me. “I know you’re
nervous. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you go out on a real date in all the
years that I’ve known you. It will be fine.” She looks at me and she can sense
my apprehension. “You can always just call me if you need me to come rescue
you. I don’t think you would have agreed to go with him if you didn’t trust
Connor. You have good instincts girlie.”

Yeah, I thought I had good instincts too. That didn’t turn
out to be the truth. But, that was eight years ago. I’ve grown since then, and
my heart is telling me that Connor is a good guy.
 
“Fine, lets go. I need a manicure desperately. My treat!” I tell
her.

Michelle lets out her annoying girly squeal and hops up
dragging me away from the table. I throw some cash down by our plates and let
her lead me away. It looks like she gets to play dress up again.

The clock on the microwave reads 6:45 pm. I’m pacing the
kitchen. Michelle left a little over an hour ago so she could pick up Gabbi for
their “dinner date” before meeting Connor and I at Silver. I’ve had two cups of
coffee in the last little bit. That probably wasn’t the brightest idea. I don’t
need the caffeine in my system when my nerves are already high.

Despite Michelle’s insistence, I settled on wearing an outfit
that I would be most comfortable in. I have on my favorite pair of dark indigo
boot cut jeans and a turquoise sleeveless top. The top is one of those
“mock-wrap” style shirts that pull in at the waist, but the only downside to
that is with my bountiful blessings in the cleavage department, the neckline is
quite low cut. Michelle made me take off the camisole I wanted to wear under
it. I matched this with a pair of leopard print ballet flats. I was not going
to another club in heels. I wanted to be able to walk without stumbling into
Connor again, although, my mind thinks that stumbling and being caught by him
may not be such a bad thing.

A knock on my door stops me in my tracks. I take a deep
breath and make my way to the door.
You can do this Lynae.

I open the door, and just like when I saw him this morning,
Connor takes my breath away. He is dressed in dark jeans and a light blue
button down shirt that he left untucked. The sleeves are rolled up just above
his elbows, and I can see part of the tattoo on his right arm again. Looking at
this man makes my stomach flip. I can’t remember the last time I felt like
this.

“Sweetness, you’re looking absolutely edible tonight.”
Connor purrs as he walks into the apartment looking around at the space I call
home.

The foyer of my apartment opens up into a spacious living
room with the kitchen off to the side. I’ve decorated it with a “comfy” feel to
it. An oversized couch and loveseat combo with lots of throw pillows in all
different colors and a zebra print rug add a bit of whimsy to it. At least
that’s what I think it looks like. I have lots of photos of Michelle and Gabbi
at work, and hanging out here. I also have several photos of Sly and I ranging
from when we first met to present.

Connor picks up one of the pictures of Sly and I from the
bookshelf next to the loveseat. “Who is this? I saw a pic of you two as your
wallpaper on your phone.” He’s holding one of my favorite pictures of us. Sly
was carrying me piggyback in front of the big pineapple fountain at Waterfront
Park and Michelle was going crazy snapping pictures of everything with her new
camera. It was one of his first visits here when I started college. My head is
tipped back and I’m laughing. Sly is looking back at me over his shoulder
laughing and smiling as well. It’s times like that, when I’m just hanging out
with Sly and Michelle that I feel totally free and open. “Should I be worried
of a jealous boyfriend?”

I smile wistfully and shake my head. “Not at all. That’s
just Sly. He’s like the older brother that I never had. We’ve known each other
for years. Sly is my best friend.” I notice a flash of emotion cross Connor’s
face at the words “older brother” as he puts the frame back down, then begins
walking around looking at more pictures. He picks up a picture of me, Daddy and
Momma that was taken shortly before she died, and I see a similar expression
cloud his eyes briefly. I can’t put my finger on exactly what that emotion may
have been. Surprisingly, I feel at ease having Connor in my space, it feels like
he belongs here with me.

I hear chuckling when Connor stops at my coffee table. “What
on earth is this? Who needs this much candy?” he asks pointing to my candy
bowl. It has probably about two pounds worth of gummy bears in it. Like I said,
I’m seriously addicted to them.

“What does it look like? That is only the best candy ever
invented! Besides, if Gabbi and Michelle hadn’t brought those to me at work
yesterday to bribe me, I wouldn’t have been at the club, which means you
wouldn’t be here. So, don’t judge!” I cross my arms over my chest, which is a
bad move on my part. When you are as busty as I am, crossing your arms only
makes your chest rise and stick out more, and Connor obviously notices this.

With his attention no longer on my large supply of candy and
now only focused on me, mostly on the girls, he stalks across the living room
towards me. “Ah, Lynae, is this what makes you so sweet? Bribing you with
sugar? It seems the most words I get out of your mouth are when I’m insulting
your sweet tooth or trying to steal your dessert?”

How can he make my name sound so much different than when
others say it. They way my name rolls off his tongue makes me feel like I could
melt. “I’m far from sweet. Now, are you going to feed me? After all, you sort
of told me you were taking me to dinner instead of asking.” I try to sound
forceful, but I’m sure he can hear my voice shaking.

Connor shakes his head and reaches out for my hand. I don’t
flinch or pull away. I let him take my hand willingly. It feels right. His hands
are large and rough, and I feel jolts of electricity race up my arm much like
last night when he grasped my shoulders to keep me from falling. “Let’s go,
Sweetness, I don’t want to get on your bad side. I recall you saying something
about having my ass earlier.” He says as he leads me back towards the front
door. And there go the flutters in my heart again.

I grab my keys and purse on the way out. He still hasn’t let
go of my hand. We walk down the hallway towards the elevator, and it is then
that I really see how big he is. Connor must be at least a foot taller than me.
I guess I didn’t notice the height difference with my heels on last night, even
though I knew he was tall. He looks down at me and smiles a heart-stopping
smile. “I was thinking we could go out for sushi if that’s ok with you. There’s
this great place not far from Silver and we could just park and walk straight
there.”

“Sure, that sounds like a plan.” I nod my head as we make
our way to the elevator. I have got to get my heart to stop pounding like it
is. I’m sure he can see it beating through my shirt. He’s only holding my hand
and I feel as if my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.

Luckily, there are a few other people on the elevator when
the doors open, so I’m not trapped in the enclosed space by myself with Connor
for the ride down the five floors. One of the couples riding with us is the
Richardsons. I’ve taken care of Mr. Richardson a few times at the hospital.
He’s one of my “frequent flyers.” “Hey there sugar, how’s my favorite nurse
doing tonight?” he asks me coming in for a hug.

I smile, letting go of Connor and let Mr. Richardson engulf
me in one of his signature bear hugs, “I’m great, Mr. Richardson. You doing
alright?” I hug him back just as tightly

He still has his arm around my shoulders when he scolds me
for calling him Mr. Richardson. I know he prefers me to just call him Bill or
Pops, I like hearing him get ruffled. “I know, Pops.” My parents taught me
manners are very important, so I do as my elders ask of me. Mrs. Richardson
gives me a hug as well before leaving the elevator in front of us, and Connor
takes my hand again to escort me out to his car.

I’m not really a car person, but I have to say, I love
Connor’s car! It is a 1987 black t-top Camero that looks to be in excellent
condition. Show me anything from the eighties and I’m in heaven. I’m often told
that I was born several years too late for some of my tastes. Connor opens my
door and helps me inside before walking around the front to the driver’s side.
I’m surprised his long legs can fit under the steering wheel, but he is so
graceful getting in.

“So, a nurse, huh? Think you could take care of me in my
time of need?” he asks me when we pull onto the main drive winking at me.

I turn my head to the side to look at him. He’s shaved his
stubble that he was sporting earlier. While I like the clean-shaven look, there
was something about him with a day’s worth of growth that made him look edgy
and sexy. “Yeah, I’ve been a nurse for three years now. Take care of you?
Sorry, but I’m off duty.” I say with a flirty wink.

Connor lets out a deep chuckle and the sound just glides
over my ears. I could listen to his voice and laugh all night, then I remember
that he is going to be singing again later tonight at Silver, and a chill runs
down my spine just thinking about it. “Oh, really? We’ll just have to see about
getting you back
on
duty tonight.” He replies then reaches over to turn
the radio on for some background noise.

Take My Breath Away
by Berlin is on, and I start quietly
singing along. I can’t help myself. If a song that I know is playing anywhere
around me, I just start singing to myself or humming. Connor places his hand on
my thigh and I immediately tense a little and stop singing. He is very
touchy-feely with me.

“Don’t stop singing on my account, Sweetness. You have a
beautiful voice.” Connor purrs and squeezes my leg. He notices my stiff posture
and asks, “Are you alright? You seem to be a bit jumpy sometimes.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. I’m just not really used to
this, you know. Like I said, I don’t date.” I’m suddenly feeling a little
embarrassed and self-conscious. I can feel my cheeks getting warm and red so I
duck my head down and study my hands in my lap.

Connor looks at me from the corner of his eye while he is
concentrating on driving. “Why on earth don’t you date? You’re fucking
gorgeous.” He takes his hand off my knee and lifts my chin up. “Especially when
your cheeks get all pink like that.”

This just makes my cheeks flame even more. I reach over and
turn the radio up so hopefully he will get the hint that I’m not great at small
talk.

Connor turns the radio back down. “Lynae, seriously, why do
you seem so tense sometimes?
 
You did it
last night, and you’re doing it now. Am I doing something to make you
uncomfortable?” Connor obviously doesn’t get the hint. “The last thing I want
to do is upset you, Sweetness.”

I sigh. He’s known me less than twenty-four hours and he can
already sense my unease. Maybe he’ll get sick of me and leave me alone after tonight.
I really hope he doesn’t. My heart seems to be coming alive for the first time
in a very long time. It’s time I let go of the past and move forward. “Connor,
I’m just not good in social situations. I get nervous and shy. You haven’t done
anything.” I’m great when it comes to dealing with my patients and coworkers, I
just don’t like being around incredibly sexy men that make me feel like I could
burst into flames at any given moment, and that is exactly how Connor makes me
feel.

He just nods his head and
continues driving us to the restaurant. Connor also starts singing along to the
music on the radio. His voice is truly amazing. It’s deep and rich like velvet.

~

Our dinner conversation stays on neutral subjects and the
two glasses of wine help to ease my jumbled nerves. Connor and I discuss my
nursing career at Mercy General, and his job as a mechanic while he waits on
Shameful Regret to make it big. We were seated in a corner booth; Connor slides
all the way around to sit directly beside me. His leg is constantly brushing
against mine, and I feel the same sparks running up my leg. The way he looks at
me tells me that he’s feeling it too.

The muted light and Japanese motif in the restaurant help to
ease some of my jumbled nerves. The quiet music and the sound of the waterfall
fountain at the back add a calming vibe to the atmosphere.

When we receive our entrees his eyes seem very focused on my
lips as I bring the chopsticks to my mouth, and I know I’m having a hard time
looking away from his delectable lips as well. This becomes even more of an
issue when our dessert is brought to the table. Connor ordered the caramel
cashew cheesecake.

I can’t help the little moan that comes from me as I take my
first bite of the amazing cheesecake. I lick my lips and close my eyes. It is
probably the best thing that I have ever put in my mouth. When I open my eyes,
Connor is staring at me with his fork paused midway to his mouth. “If you keep
making noises like that, Sweetness, we won’t be making it to Silver, quite possibly
not even out of this booth, and your friends are gonna wonder where you are.”
His eyes have darkened to blazing emerald pools. I can feel the heat behind his
gaze.

Oh my! “Um, I’m sorry.” I mumble, quite embarrassed,
dropping my head down to stare at my lap again. I seem to be apologizing a lot
to him.

“Do not ever apologize for making your pleasure known. I
hope to make you sound like that again very soon. Only next time, it will be me
you are tasting on your lips.” Connor whispers in my ear, his teeth grazing my
earlobe.

Our waiter picks this time to check on us and see if we need
anything else. I jump at his intrusion, I am thankful for it and hate him at
the same time. I use this interruption to excuse myself to the ladies room. I
need a minute. I hear Connor laughing as I scurry out of the booth and down the
corridor. I don’t understand how this man can make me feel completely at ease
one second, and the next has my wits thoroughly scattered.

When I come back to the table, Connor is finishing up paying
the bill and putting his wallet back in his jeans. He stands up and holds his
hand out for me to take. “Let’s get going, Sweetness, I have to help the guys
set up a little before the set.” Connor says leading me out of the restaurant.

With our fingers laced together we walk down the sidewalk
heading towards Silver. My small hand fits perfectly in his large warm hand. It
feels so natural. It is only four or five blocks away, but I’m still grateful
that I wore my flats. I don’t even want to imagine how unsteady I’d be trying
to keep up with his long strides in heels. I look down at our hands, and notice
how big his are. Connor’s hand has completely engulfed mine. I’ve never felt
tiny before, but with Connor next to me, I actually feel petite.