Imperfectly Real (A Series of Imperfections) (12 page)

“Hey,” I spoke softly as I put my hand under her chin. “We don’t have to have all the answers now, right? No labels. I’m fine with this,” I lied. “I will be whatever you want me to be, Liz, as long as I get to be with you. Right now, I’ll take whatever I can get. I don’t know what this is, but I know it’s something worth hoping for.” That was the truth.

“I was afraid you’d say that too,” she sighed. “You deserve better than this. You deserve someone that can give you all the attention and love you need. I want to be that person, Tyler, but …”

“This …” I paused contemplating just the right words to let her know how I was feeling. “This is better than nothing. What I feel for you right now is more real than anything I’ve felt before. I might not get the best parts of you, and I know you’re just as confused as I am, but I know we can figure this out … together.”

“But it’s not just about us, Tyler.”

“It can be.”

She sighed. “No, it can’t. Our actions affect so many people …”

“It isn’t their life, Liz.”

“But it is Emily’s,” she argued. “What I do … it shapes her life.”

I could see where this was going. She wanted me to say that I had no problem raising her kid. But I couldn’t. In fact, the thought of it scared the shit out of me. I love Felix to death, but not sure if I’m cut out to be a parent myself …
ever
. Instead of giving her what she was looking for, I pushed upwards to kiss her cheek.

She forced a smile.

I knew I should have stuck up for myself and said something … anything. I should’ve put my foot down about the situation. I mean she couldn’t have her cake
and
eat it, but I was just so happy making her happy that my own happiness didn’t matter at all. I think I was finally starting to understand where Shane had been coming from when working through his feelings for Emma. Rob and I had practically watched him self-destruct. But I was stronger than that. Yeah. Totally stronger. I could handle this.

I finished packing and she walked me to my car, both of us surrounded by uncomfortable silence. We hadn’t made any plans, but that was okay. I’d meant it when I’d said she was in the driver’s seat. She was the one who decided what happened next. I wouldn’t be the one to pressure her, no matter what I was feeling. I would not be that guy. There would be no ultimatum from me … at least for now.

“I’ll see you soon,” I promised, throwing my duffel bag into the back seat of my car. I felt my heart break into little pieces as I looked at her standing there, all sorts of sad. She looked so broken as she fought back tears. “Liz, please, don’t cry. This is already hard enough on me.”

My plea did nothing but open the floodgates. The tears started falling freely from her eyes but she wiped them away just as quickly. “I just don’t want to go home,” she sobbed. I pulled her into my chest, and her tiny frame was lost in my arms. “I’m so miserable there, I just don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You can call me anytime,” I offered. “Whenever you get lonely, and you forget what it’s like to be happy, call me. I’ll tell you a stupid joke and we’ll laugh and you’ll remember that you
can
be happy.”

We spent our last few moments together kissing. We were better at communicating through actions, rather than words. I’d already realized that and although I didn’t know if that was particularly a good thing, damn, it felt good.

Once we separated, she walked away to her car. It pained me to watch as she kept looking over her shoulder at me. I stood there, waving, as she drove past me back to her unhappy home. And just like that she was gone again, leaving me more confused this time than the last.

After pulling myself somewhat together, I eventually slid into the front seat of my car and pounded my hands against the steering wheel. “FUCK!” I yelled. It took a few more moments, but finally I turned over the ignition for my long journey home. At least I had plenty of time to think things through. My relationship with Elizabeth had been a whirlwind up to this point, and I was just as confused as I had been the night she whispered in my ear at the club.

I started driving and grabbed my cell from my pocket. I considered leaving it off, but curiosity finally got the better of me. I turned it on and was immediately bombarded with text alerts—all from Rob—each of them spewing some sort of insult.

Tyler Johnston—Man-whore Extraordinaire

Did she at least pay you?

Is this some sort of Band-Aid for your mommy issues?

What a jerk! I was beyond annoyed, so, I took the phone and threw it over my shoulder into the backseat … yes, again. I didn’t need him rubbing salt in the wound—I could do that on my own. I knew carrying on with Elizabeth was stupid. I was being dumb and selfish. I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that, Clearly I wasn’t thinking, but I just couldn’t think straight when it came to Elizabeth.

I enjoyed the hours of driving in silence. I cherished every moment, trying to not think about the situation I had put myself in. But no matter what I did, images of Elizabeth kept creeping into my head. They weren’t all recent memories either. I was taking a trip down memory lane, hoping for some sort of clarification on it all. My feelings … her feelings … anything. I just wanted to understand
something
.

“Hey, Half-Pint,” I waved as I started to stalk past the couch where she was sitting, but for some reason she looked particularly sad. I paused before heading up the stairs and looked at her. “Everything okay?” I asked, knowing that I might be the only person to notice.

She shrugged in response and continued to flick through the television stations. I sighed and turned around to join her on the couch. It was my duty, Elizabeth was the kid sister I never had but always wanted, and I wanted to make sure she was okay—it was the least I could do. She slid over to make room for me. I plopped down and the leather immediately stuck to me as the August humidity dampened my skin. “What’s up kiddo?” I asked, as I knocked my knee against hers.

She sighed. “You guys are leaving me.”

“No, we’re not. We’ll be back to visit,” I promised as she played with the elastics attached to her braces. “You make it sound like we’re moving to the end of the world, Half-Pint. It’s just New York.”

“Yeah I know,” she sighed. “But I know you guys wont be back, and I’ll be stuck here forever.”

Without thinking I reached over and patted her leg. “You’ll be out of here before you know it, Half-Pint. You can do anything you want to. Heck, you could even join us in a few years.” Realizing I may have crossed a line I removed my hand. I knew Elizabeth had a soft spot for me, and I didn’t want to encourage her and her puppy dog adoration. “If that’s what you wanted to do,” I added quickly.

“Without you, Shane, and Em, I’m going to lose myself in this place, Tyler. I just know it.”

I stood up. Shane and Emma were upstairs and I knew they wouldn’t wait much longer to start the movie I had been dying to see. “Don’t let it happen, Half-Pint. Fight like hell for yourself.”

Over time, I’d forgotten all about that moment. She had known, even back then, at the ripe old age of thirteen that she was doomed to follow the path that Mrs. Sloan had planned for her. That was the last time I saw her until she accompanied her parents to the city for our graduation, but by then she was too far-gone. She was only seventeen but I could tell how different she was. Based on the stories Talon had told me, something had happened to her in the four years after we’d left. Elizabeth Sloan had turned into a cold hard bitch, and I wasn’t sure why.

I pulled into my rented parking spot and sighed. Somehow I felt responsible for putting Elizabeth in this situation. It was ludicrous, I know. What if I’d stayed in contact with her? Maybe she’d just needed a little more support. Shane, Emma and I had completely cut her off when we left for New York. Of course she felt abandoned—she’d followed us around for years. We’d been her only friends.

I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Using the last of my strength, I pushed the door open to reveal my friends sat around the kitchen table, just like always. I felt a pang as I realized I was surrounded by people that truly loved me, but I couldn’t confide in them. I couldn’t ask them to help me through this. None of them knew what was going on with me—well, except for Rob, and I would wait for hell to freeze over before I admitted anything to him. I was completely and utterly alone … again.

“Hey!” Em jumped up and hugged me. She leaned back and looked up at me, her arms still wrapped around my waist. “You look terrible. Mrs. Johnston hit the bottle hard while you were there?” she questioned, knowing my mother well enough to know how the Johnston household ran. Whenever I was around my Mom drank twice her normal amount. She didn’t think I noticed, but I did. I knew why she did it—I reminded her of my father. She reminded me of that every time she hit the bottle. I didn’t think it was such a bad thing. My dad had been a good man—a lot like Mr. Sloan. But Mother found it painful to be around me. I was a constant reminder of what she had lost, and that included Dad’s bountiful paychecks. He had plenty of life insurance money, and that had taken care of the house, but the money was starting to run out and that made for a grumpy mother.

“You could say that,” I muttered, breaking away from her as I threw my duffel bag to the floor.

“Well, we have good news,” Shane offered.

“Don’t tell me you’ve knocked Emma up again,” I said, only half joking. At this point it really wouldn’t surprise me. After Em had had Felix, she’d had her ‘womanly issues’ that had been a problem many moons ago fixed, so it was only a matter of time before they had more kids. I was sure they’d have a pack of them. Shane couldn’t keep his hands off her … ever.

“Very funny,” Emma said as she sat back down at the table.

“We’ve set a date for the wedding,” Shane added proudly.

I shared a look with Emma. “That’s just as frightening,” I laughed.

“Shut the hell up, Tyler,” Shane huffed. “It’s hard enough for me to get her on board with this shit without you adding fuel to the fire.”

Emma laughed. “Relax, Killah,” she grabbed his hand and I rolled my eyes. There was that stupid nickname again. It’d been bad enough when Shane had started calling Em ‘Killah’ but then they’d adopted it as their go-to term of endearment. It annoyed the crap out of me. ‘Killah’? Seriously they have got to be
the
strangest couple known to man. Who has ‘Killah’ as a pet name? Shane and Emma, that’s who. “I’ve already agreed to marry your sissy ass.” We all took a moment to laugh, at Shane’s expense. Most men would have been thrilled to bag a woman who
didn’t
want to get married. But here Shane was, practically forcing Emma to go through with nuptials. It was beyond hilarious.

“Alright, so when is the big day?” I asked, plopping onto the floor to play with Felix. He quickly crawled toward me with a toothy grin plastered across his face. The little shit had obviously missed me.

“June,” Emma answered, smiling contentedly.

I grinned. Obviously they would pick June—that month held a lot of meaning for them. They’d sealed their future together in the month of June. Plus, there was nothing quite as magical as Maine in the summertime. It was the perfect place to be during the sweltering hot months. If you haven’t been to Maine in the summer, you haven’t lived. The weather was just right—warm during the day, but cool at night. Lakes and bonfires, shorts and sweatshirts. It would surely be an interesting seven months of preparations. “That’ll be perfect,” I added.

“So …” Emma paused and shared a secretive look with Shane. “I was hoping you would be my Maid of Honor, but Shane pitched a fit and he won.”

I laughed. “Oh yeah—”

“Yeah,” Shane interrupted. “I was hoping you’d be my Best Man?” he asked expectantly.

I stood up and took two quick strides toward him. He stood and we shared a manly embrace. “Of course I’ll stand up there with you.” I looked to Emma as she wiped a single tear from her cheek. “I’m sorry, Em. I’d love to stand with you too, but you know how terrible I look in a dress.” We all laughed, remembering the time the guys and I had cross-dressed. Shane and Rob had pulled it off—they both had great legs—but I’d looked terrible.

“So what about Rob?” I asked.

The three of them looked at each other as a shit-eating grin spread across Rob’s face. “I’m going to marry them!”

I shook my head. Of course he was going to be the one to marry them. I bet Mrs. Sloan was having a fit over this. Rob wasn’t exactly what I would call ‘marriage officiant’ material. I hoped he’d at least be sober.

“So who’s going to stand with you, Em? You gunna call up Ginger?” I laughed at my callous joke. We all knew Emma didn’t have an abundance of female friends—hell, she didn’t really have any female acquaintances. Emma immediately shot me daggers. Seriously, if looks could kill, I’d have been dead on the spot.

“No,” she seethed. “Liz is going to stand with me.”

I cleared the lump from my throat. Of course—Elizabeth was her sister, and the closest thing to a female friend she had. Yep. This certainly was shaping up to be an interesting year.