Imperfectly Real (A Series of Imperfections) (11 page)

I was a fuckin’ idiot.

The week dragged on, and I was thankful when I finally finished the Friday broadcast. After taking care of a few last minute things, I found my way to my piece of shit Honda and set off for Maine. I hadn’t been able to spring for a flight, but that was fine with me. I could use the long road trip to try and clear my head. I knew that I was doing something I shouldn’t but, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I just couldn’t stop myself. It was like watching a car wreck. It was bad but I couldn’t force myself to turn away.

My cell phone chirped just as I drove over the Maine bridge. It was already midnight but I still had another four more hours in the car ahead of me. I glanced down at the text, it was from Rob and it contained one word.

Idiot.

I scoffed and threw the phone on to the passenger seat. Seriously, what was his problem? Rob had done stupider shit than me, and I’d never given him a hard time about it. I sat back and let him live his life how he wanted to. He needed to back the fuck off before I messed up his face.

The phone lit up as it chirped again … and again. I shook my head and turned up the radio in order to drown out the sounds of the multitude of incoming texts that followed. Rob was being a dick but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a response. He loved getting emotional responses from people—hell, he thrived on it—but I wasn’t giving it to him. He’d have to go agitate someone else tonight. The phone continued to light up with each incoming message but I continued to ignore it, somehow managing to sing along with the radio until I finally pulled into the Holiday Inn. My mind immediately flashed back to the last time I’d been there, during a similar time for Shane. That poor bastard had needed a fun night, and I hadn’t even been able to give him that much. At the time I’d felt like a failure, but now I got where he’d been coming from. Emma consumed him, much like Elizabeth was consuming me now. I had a newfound respect, and sympathy, for how he had handled things back then. The dude was a freakin’ martyr.

I shook my head as I pulled up to the main entrance of the hotel. No turning back now. I quickly put the car in ‘park’ and went to go and check in. I was really going through with it, and the closer I got, the crazier it seemed. I rubbed my hands across my face, my eyes tired and heavy from the hours I had spent in the car.

“Hey!” Shocked, I spun around to see Elizabeth running through the parking lot towards me.

“Liz?” I felt a smile spread across my face, and my worries completely melted away. “What the hell are you doing here? It’s four in the morning.”

“Well, if you had read, or responded, to any of my text messages you would know.” She smiled in between rapid breaths as she slowed to join me under the awning. “I was able to pull off the ultimate deception.” She giggled but I wasn’t really sure why. Perhaps she was embarrassed at her use of words. I know I hated that she had to do anything deceitful in order to see me, but I selfishly put that aside in order to get my ‘fix’.

Before I could ask for further explanation, she wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head just below my chest. I put my arms around her shoulders and squeezed. Leaning down and kissing the top of her head, I breathed in the scent of her shampoo. God, she smelled good.

“So, what did I do to deserve this surprise?” I mumbled into her hair.

“Mason flew out to Washington for some architecture conference today, so I seized the opportunity to drive him up here myself. I told Mom and Dad I had a girl’s weekend planned afterwards, so they took Emily earlier this morning.”

“So you’ve been up here all day waiting for me to show up?” I questioned, amazed that she would put herself through such torture just to see me.

“Of course! I knew you wouldn’t get here until now but I wanted to make sure I got to spend every possible moment with you.” She leaned backwards from my chest until her eyes met mine. “Now let’s go check into our room.”

We spent the early morning hours tangled in the sheets together. And for those first few hours it was all about us. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t think, and neither did she. We were just two people who were crazy about each other. I felt like a teenager again, reveling in every moment as though it was a first. But all the while I kept wondering if it might be a last.

Once exhaustion set in, we lay there together, our clothes long since removed. My head rested on her hip while my arm was slung carelessly across her thighs. My eyes kept finding their way back to the mysterious black ink on her hipbone. “You know, your rebellious sister doesn’t even have a tattoo.” I sighed as I rolled away from her onto my back.

She turned towards me and propped herself up on her elbow. My breath hitched as I took in her beauty. “And how do you know that?” she questioned breathlessly.

I rolled my eyes and shared a look with her. It didn’t take long for her to connect the dots.

She made a clicking sound with her tongue. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering what a man-whore you are.”

“I am
not
a man-whore!” I pinched her side and she giggled and flinched away before she lay back down. I loved seeing her smile. I sighed and let my fingers wander back to the ink. “So what does it mean?” I wondered why she had decided to put it on her body too, but I’d settle for just one piece of information today.

Elizabeth looked vulnerable as her gaze shifted from me to the window. “It’s French for ‘love me for who I am.’”

I should have known that it would be something cryptic. Without missing a beat, I answered her the best way I knew how. “Okay,” I smirked.

Her head spun back towards me and she rolled her eyes. “You don’t love me,” she argued.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But I do know that you’re the only thing I think about lately.”

Elizabeth smiled as she shifted next to me, pulling the covers around her tightly. She sighed and closed her eyes, obviously hoping to get some rest, but I wanted more … needed more. I couldn’t let this conversation stop there. For some reason—whatever it was—I was here to help her and I intended on doing so, no matter the cost.

“Yeah, but what’s the meaning to you?

She opened her eyes and immediately began to plead with them. I could tell she didn’t want to open up to me, but I wanted to know what made Elizabeth Sloan tick.

“It obviously means something to you, Liz, or you wouldn’t have it permanently marked on your body.”

“I … I … well it’s hard to explain really …” Her face reddened.

“Try me,” I urged, hoping to gain some insight.

“It means so much to me, I don’t even know where to begin.” She paused and carefully contemplated her words. “For starters, I guess I feel as though no one really loves me.”

“Mason loves you.” I offered, hating myself for even mentioning his name.

“No, he doesn’t,” she spat. I was shocked by the hatred in her voice. “He loves the façade that I am. He loves the mini version of my mother I have become.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I guess the tattoo just goes against everything I am, but all that I want to be. I want to be
me
… but I’m not. I want someone to love me for me … but how is that even possible when I don’t even know, or love, myself.”

Propping myself up on my elbow, I grabbed her hand in mine and looked into her eyes. “I know you.”

She forced a smile, obviously appreciating my display of solidarity. “I do feel more like myself when you’re around, that’s for sure. I don’t know, Tyler, but I think you just might be the key to helping me find myself again.”

I’m not sure if it was the fact that I hadn’t slept or if she was just being very evasive, but I still didn’t understand where she was going with this. “Tell me more,” I pleaded, kissing her neck. The more I understood her the more I knew I was done for, but I didn’t care.

“I know everyone thinks I’m a horrible person, I’m not blind to that. But I built these walls up around me for a reason.” She tried to slide away from me, but I tightened my grip around her waist and pulled her closer. She let out a sigh. “Before I say anything else you have to promise to not judge me or run away screaming.”

“It’s too late for that,” I promised as I pulled her hand up and kissed it.

“Emma always disliked me. Growing up I wanted to be just like her. I idolized her. But she never wanted me around. She pushed me onto my mother. I had no choice in the matter … I was destined to be like Mom whether I wanted to or not. I’m not as strong as Emma. I needed to belong with someone.”

Guilt washed over me knowing that I could have helped that little girl back then. Somehow along the way I could have made her mine—promised her that it would be okay. Tell her to fight to keep herself afloat. But I hadn’t. I’d left, and never looked back.

“I know that you’re thinking you could have changed things for me, and that maybe you could have helped me. But what you don’t know is that you already have, Tyler.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. Just keep breathing.

Her back is cold. She keeps telling herself it’s fine. He likes her. It will be over soon. Then she can forget this ever happened.

Put it in the vault.

Just another secret.

She woke with a start. Sweat poured off her forehead. She looked over, but he was still asleep. Thank God, it was just a dream.

But, she’d lied to herself.

She’d never forgotten … and she probably never would. She should just come to grips with that. This was her …

Whether she liked it or not.

For two whole days Elizabeth and I pretended that we were the only people in the world. We never left our hotel room. We ordered takeout when we got hungry, and only got dressed to answer the door. Our time was spent focused on each other, and with every moment that passed it became apparent to me that I was falling fast. Elizabeth Sloan was stirring emotions in me that I didn’t know I had, and I was feeling things I had never felt before.

But the fact of the matter was that our weekend of playing house was over. I could feel the sadness permeating the room as I packed my bag. I kept looking at her, solemnly perched on the end of the hotel mattress. She looked as broken as she did the first time I saw her in New York just a few months ago.

I took a break from packing and walked toward her. “It’s not like you’re never going to see me again,” I offered in an attempt to make her smile again. I knelt down in front of her, forcing those gorgeous blue eyes to meet mine. “We’ve got all this wedding shit coming up. I’m sure we can steal a few moments here and there. Maybe you could even come out to New York again?”

“Then what?” she asked, her eyes burning straight through me.

I wanted to tell her that I had all the answers. To tell her that I knew what would happen next. But I didn’t. “I don’t know, Liz, I’m following your lead on this one.”

Her gaze broke from mine as a single tear dropped from her cheek and onto her jeans. “I was afraid of that,” she choked.