Regina finally let out a jubilant laugh. “You are crazy, Alexis.”
“I didn't used to be. But living this life makes you some type of way.”
“Yet you like it. What? His dick all that?”
“Good dick is hard to find . . . until you are lucky enough to come across a better dick. But, sure, the sex is one factor, but it's not just that. We have stronger ties and it's so much more that I can't tell it all. But part of it is the fantasy. And my admitting this makes me sound so very pathetic, but when I'm with my man for the few hours he gives me, and the things we do together, and not just the sex, but the very important moments we get to share, I am able to live out my dream of us being meant to be. Him giving me undivided attention. Him buying me nice stuff not just to make up for his absence, but simply because he loves me.”
“I see that nice whip you got. Your man got you that?”
“Hell, naw. Rashad ain't stacking that type of paper. He's doing pretty good, but he's not there just yet.”
“Oh, that his name? Rashad?”
Alexis tried not to look as disturbed as she felt. “Do me a favor. Pretend you didn't hear that.”
“Who would I tell? I don't even care. He ain't my husband.” Regina thoughtfully studied Alexis, almost envying the woman. Alexis acted as if she didn't give a damn that she was cheating with a married man. And Regina couldn't understand it. She wondered why the woman couldn't do any better. Alexis was so darned pretty she was difficult to look at. Regina had never met anyone like her. From her sense of fashion to her the-hell-with-it attitude, she could still detect vulnerability underneath the charade. Even though Regina didn't know Rashad, she could guess why he would want Alexis in his life.
“Why do they do it?” Regina asked. “I mean, why wouldn't my boyfriend just tell me he was married?”
“Hello? His goal is to tippity tap tap tap that ass.”
“Some niggas ain't shit.”
“But women help men not be shit, don't we? We are cosigning. And whatever you sign up for is what you get. Yet if all us women stuck together and said fuck it, this shit is wack, it's over, and if we stop spreading our legs for men that are already taken, if we ignore their phone calls, delete their texts, stop listening to their charming asses, the world would be a much better place, wouldn't it, Regina?”
“Hell, yeah!”
“But . . . as good as it sounds . . . it'll never happen.”
Â
Alexis gave Regina her contact info and the two women went their separate ways. She hopped back in her Mercedes and decided to take a long spin to Fort Bend County. She decided to shop at a new signature Kroger store located on Highway 6, north of Fresno. It had high ceilings, was well lit and filled with fresh produce and meats. A lot of shoppers were crammed in the store on this particular day.
When she walked inside the front entrance, she began pushing a large, bulky basket.
“Hello, beautiful!” A well-dressed man smiled at her as soon as she entered the bakery department. She was distracted by all the bakery goods displayed on a big table.
“Hey,” the man said again, this time with more attitude.
Alexis was preoccupied with viewing the pecan pies.
“I said âhello,' lady; are you deaf?”
When she still failed to acknowledge him, he spat at her. “Stuck-up bitch.”
“Hold up, what did you say?”
“So now you ready to talk? I gotta call you the bitch that you are before you act like you got good sense?”
“Excuse me, sir. You don't wanna go there. I didn't speak to you because . . .” She glanced at his left hand. “Because of your man tan.”
He thrust his hand in his pocket and walked away.
“That wasn't very nice of him. Are you okay, miss?” A man with kind eyes stood near Alexis. He wore a simple pair of jeans and a maroon TAMU jacket. She glanced at his left hand. No man tan.
“I'm good. Thanks.”
“Gotta be careful these days. Some men get real violent when a young lady doesn't holler back even though she owes him nothing.”
“I-I know. That man rubbed me the wrong way. Butâoh well.”
“You get what you put out. And some guys don't realize that respecting a woman and approaching her correctly goes a long way.”
“Story of my life, sir.”
“You
can
write you own story, you know.” His voice was firm but kind.
“I suppose.”
“Anyway, as long as you're all right now and feel safe, I will let you continue with your shopping. Have a good rest of the day.”
The man's presence and insight actually soothed her. He reminded her of her father. Alexis wished the stranger would notice her, really look at her, and discern that she could use a good friend. She wanted to hear his kind, slow-talking Southern drawl again, but he shyly smiled at Alexis, then walked away pushing his empty cart.
Alexis felt the familiar sting of rejection; it made her heart heavy with depression but she told herself she wouldn't be caught dead crying in a grocery store. She decided to suck it up and began to stroll through the produce and poultry sections. Alexis selected a few items and placed them in the basket. Next on her list was Raisin Bran. She decided to make a right down the cereal aisle.
As she guided her basket, Alexis felt herself growing calmer. But that feeling came to a grinding halt when she came upon a handsome older man leading a woman by her elbow. Alexis could tell they were married. He looked so protective of the lady. And the chick was no Halle Berry. She was more like Fred Berry on
What's Happening!!
She was squat and round. He was tall and chiseled. But at least she had him. And their toddler was sitting in a basket happily playing with his stuffed animal. In their place she imagined herself, with her baby girl, and Rashad next to her. An achy lump formed in her throat. When Alexis couldn't bear to watch them any longer, she turned her cart in the opposite direction and ended up in the frozen food section.
“Shrimp. I want some good breaded jumbo shrimp.” She searched until she found what she was looking for. And when she grabbed two boxes of the seafood, she twirled around. Her eyes rested on a man whose oval-shaped head she knew like the back of her hand.
He wasn't facing her and didn't see her. He was farther down the aisle closer to the frozen veggies. A little boy stood next to him, lost in his own little world, making helicopter noises and jabbering away like self-absorbed kids do.
She watched her boss bark orders. And she witnessed her lover quickly obeying. Alexis hadn't heard from Rashad since the previous Thursday. He'd skipped last Sunday's trip to Glynis's. So she went alone.
She felt breathless and hurt. Alexis decided to cut this shopping trip short. Just when she was maneuvering her basket to get away, Kiara walked up to Alexis.
“Hey, admin. I didn't know you lived on this side of town.”
“I-I don't.”
“Rashad, look who we ran into today.”
“Hello. Long time no see,” he said with a nervous look on his face.
“Oh, it hasn't been that long,” Alexis said.
“Huh?” Rashad asked. He had a pleading look in his eyes; like he was begging a woman with a loaded gun not to pull the trigger.
“I see him all the time.”
“Oh, really? Where do you see him?”
“She sees me driving around the city in my van. That's what she's talking about,” Rashad interjected.
“Men are a trip.” Alexis smiled.
Myles began whining for popsicles. Kiara went over to console her son.
“I don't think she heard me,” Alexis said to Rashad in a low voice. “Stop looking like you're about to shit on yourself.”
He made a gesture like he'd call her.
She shrugged and turned around to look up into the kind face of the man she ran into earlier.
“Hey, it's you again. The nice guy. It's so rare to meet decent guys these days.” She laughed and glanced back at Rashad, who was staring like he couldn't believe she knew any other man besides him. His arrogance is what annoyed her most about him, but it was also what drew her to him.
“Thanks for the compliment,” the man told her.
“Do you live in this area?” she asked.
“No, I just like shopping in this Kroger. But if I'm blessed, one day I plan to own a home out here. It's so peaceful by the lakes. And there's some good fishing out this way.”
“Oh, really?”
When the man took a couple minutes to talk to her, she could feel Rashad's eyes boring a hole on the side of her face.
“My name is Varnell Brown, by the way. Good to meet you.”
“I'm Alexis McNeil. Good to meet you, too.” She found herself blushing as she tried to concentrate on everything he was saying.
Alexis gave Varnell her number when he asked. She let him type his info in her iPhone. Rashad shot her a stony look but she didn't care.
All she cared about was making sure Rashad saw her. She hoped he was seeing her for the very first time.
After she got home from shopping it took no time to put away the few groceries she bought. She had nothing else to do so she went upstairs to her bedroom and turned on the television. She then went to stand in the doorway of her walk-in closet. Alexis owned one hundred fifty pairs of shoes and dozens of suits, dresses, slacks, and blouses. Most of the items she had purchased with money that a previous lover gave her.
Alexis dug out some of her favorite designer bags and spread them on the bed. She admired them for a few minutes, thinking about how good she looked whenever she wore them. Then she crawled in bed and lay down next to them. She wrapped her arms around a couple of her thousand-dollar satchels. A large lump formed in her throat. She began crying uncontrollably.
“God, please help me. Show me a sign that you care about me.” When nothing noticeable happened, Alexis wept so violently her entire body pulsated. She gasped and whimpered until she eventually gave into sleep. She lay on her side with her purses pressed against her bosom.
An hour later, her doorbell rang. She went downstairs to open the door.
When she saw it was Rashad, she looked surprised.
“I'm spending the night tonight.”
“Really?” her voice crackled.
“Yes.”
“How'd you manage that?”
“I made up an excuse. And now I'm here.”
She walked barefoot outside and saw his white van with the ladder rack parked in her driveway. Rashad held a backpack in his hand.
“You should have called first. You never know. I could have made other plans.”
“I am your plans. And don't you forget it.”
Once Alexis realized that Rashad was serious and he was hers for the night, she became a different person.
“You are a sonofabitch and you got a lot of nerve doing the shit you do.”
“I love you, too.”
She invited him in and offered to cook. But he said, “No. that's all right, sweetie. Let's order delivery.” And they did. He bought forty dollars' worth of Asian grub. To Alexis, it felt like Christmas, even though she knew he was doing it for another reason.
“I know your birthday is this Saturday. But I'm booked solid.”
“What else is new?”
“That's why I got you this.”
He reached inside the backpack and pulled out a tiny black box.
Alexis offered him a delighted smile. “Hmm, what are you up to, Rashad?” She snapped open the box and pulled out a dainty sterling silver charm bracelet. It was outlined by sparkling diamonds.
“Babe, you gotta be joking! Didn't this cost a grip?”
“Don't worry about it.”
“How were you able to buy this and get away with it?” He'd told her how he got busted with the lunch receipt and had to be more careful.
“I went to the library and ordered it off craigslist. I met the seller outside a Home Depot with a contractor of mine. Everything went smooth.”
“I just feel so . . . how can I accept this when . . .”
“It's okay. You're my homie. I care about you. I don't think you know that.”
“I don't like being called your homie, but it's good to know that you care.”
Rashad slid the bracelet on her wrist, hugged her and kissed her. “Happy birthday with your old ass.”
“I'm only turning twenty-three. That's not that old.” She hesitated. “I hope this isn't a substitute for you. 'Cause I'd rather have time with you than the stuff you give me. It's nice but it's just stuff.”
“Then give it back.”
“You must be out your mind.” She lovingly caressed her new jewelry. “I will treasure it always. You did good. I love you, babe.”
“Enough of that. I'm starving. Can you go make me some lemonade?” Rashad asked her.
She complied and went downstairs to make a fresh gallon. She added ice cubes to his glass and brought it up to him.
“You're bae today,” he told her.
Then together they opened each little carton of food and had a feast.
He was stuffing his mouth with a forkful of grub. “What good new movies do you have?”
She went to the oak cabinet, opened the door, and he pored over her collection of films. Alexis liked romance, adventure, and horror films.
“All this shit is old. Why don't we stream some movies? Let's watch the latest
Hunger Games
movie.”
“That's what's up,” she told him.
While he was still chewing on his food, he grabbed his glass of lemonade and started gulping it. Soon he began gasping.