I Don't Want to Lose You (10 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

              I was getting tired of high school and all that was involved in being there.  I was even tired of my friends and hearing about the things that they wanted to do once they graduated and went off to college.  I was tired of being nominated for awards or scholarships and having to go to ceremonies to get a “thanks for your time, but you're not the winning recipient” certificate.  I already had a scholarship to cover me for my first year at California State University of Long Beach.  I was done with talking about it or hearing about it.  I was ready to be about it.

             
At one of these ceremonies my family came to support me.  Theo was really eager to meet them.  I introduced them before the ceremony started.  It's funny how one moment could mean something completely different to the people involved.  Theo saw it as an opportunity to make a good first impression on his future in-laws, giving both of my parents a firm handshake.  To my family, though, it was simply meeting a classmate of their daughter.  For the longest time I dwelt upon what that moment was to me.  I was conflicted and didn't honestly know. 

             
My parents knew Nathaniel and his family and considered them to be friends.  My parents did not know, however, the many issues that Nathaniel and I had and how many times we weren't together while everyone thought we were.  He was always saying or doing something stupid or selfish that would make me have enough of his immaturity and say that I needed a break from him.  He would say the right words of admission of his errors and I would accept the apology and him back into my life once again.  It became a ridiculous repetition of soap opera drama that was becoming annoying.  Not realizing it then, I just didn't want to be alone, but dealing with Nathaniel made that feeling exist within me almost everyday.  Everyday that didn't have Theo in it, that is. He made me feel appreciated and worthy.  The last pomp and circumstance awards ceremony I was willing to attend senior year showed that to me.

             
I told my family that they didn't need to come to this one because I knew that I wasn't going to win.  I was up against some very intelligent young women, but the scholarship award was going to go to Brittany Taylor.  She deserved it and there was no way the city was going to hand it over to me.  Not with the answers that I gave them during the interview.  That particular day I was exhausted, my pumps were squeezing my feet and I just wanted to go home and watch the Designing Women marathon on Lifetime. For me to have won would have meant that the panel of interviewers were smoking some seriously good weed before I walked in to make what came out of my mouth be acceptable responses.  I was literally full of attitude.

             
I showed up wearing a black pencil skirt with a green, blue and black blouse and my hair in a French roll with curls dangling down.  I walked in to the meeting hall to see Theo standing at the door looking extremely handsome in a navy blue suit.

             
“I almost thought that you weren't going to come,” he said. “You look beautiful.”  I always did when I took some time to throw on some makeup.

             
I smiled, knowing that I was blushing.  “Thank you.  You look quite handsome yourself.”

             
“I do, don't I?” He gave a GQ pose.   “Thanks.  Come here.  I want you to meet my family.”  I walked with him over to where family was allowed to sit.  There was a section for all of the nominees, which was next to all the buffet tables and near the stage, and the rest was for their guests. 

             
“Papa y Mama.  I want you to meet Monica,” he said.

             
I shook their hands and said it was nice to meet them.

             
“And this is my little brother, Manuel, but we call him Manny.” 

             
I looked at this stocky, little boy with bright, brown eyes and black hair, sharing the same olive complexion of his older brother. He was cute.

             
“Hi.”  I put my hand out to shake his.  “It's so nice to meet you.  Theo didn't tell me that you were so cute.”

             
“You're cute, too,” Manny said.

             
“Thank you.  You know something, Manny.  I think you can tell a lot about a little boy by looking at his knees.  Can I see your knees?”

             
He looked at me like I was crazy but he rose up his pant leg and showed me.  I sweetly responded while staring Theo dead in his eyes, “Oh, don't you have nice knees.  That means you're a good little boy.”

              “Yep,” said Manny.

             
“We're going to go to our seats.  I'll see you guys later,” Theo said.

             
“It was nice meeting you all,” I said before walking away.  I shot Theo a look that told him to not ever call our knees ugly again, which brought a smirk to his lips.

             
He showed me to a table where he had already saved a seat for me.  He was sitting at the head of the long, rectangular table and I was to his right.  He pulled the chair out for me to sit in.  That almost blew me away.  I couldn't recall Nathaniel ever pulling a chair out for me. 

             
We talked to each other and those seated at the table with us until an announcement was made that the nominees could go to the buffet area to get their food.  He allowed me to go in front of him in the line and we went back to the table.  I noticed that the majority of the seniors in attendance were at another table.  I suddenly realized that we were sitting with underclassmen and I was the only female at the table.

             
“Theo, why are we at this table with them? There are seats over there with the other seniors.”

             
“Babe,” he started. 
Babe?
  He had never called me
babe
before.  “Were you planning to go on stage?”

             
“No. I just came for the free dinner.”

             
“And here it is right next to you,” he pointed to the buffet tables we were sitting next to by using his hand like a game show model pointing out the features of a prize.

             
I nodded.  “Did you want something more to drink?”

             
“Yes, I could use some more punch.”

             
I got up to refill our cups while saying hello to people that I knew there.  When I came back, one of the boys at the table asked me, “So when are you guys getting married?”

             
I don't ever recall my neck being able to move my head that quickly as I turned to look at Theo. “Are you corrupting the minds of these young men? What have you been sitting here telling them?”  I didn’t know what had happened.
              He had a serious look on his face.  “Not at all.  I was just telling them that after I graduate from UC Berkeley, we'll be seeing about getting married.”

             
“I thought that was going to be after you became a councilman.”

             
“I changed my mind.  I decided that I need you right by my side from the start.”  He looked at the boys who were staring at us with what was either amazement or bewilderment in their eyes.  “You boys better hope you can find a woman as good as this one to be by your side.  You don't want her behind you.  She should be your equal and always by your side.  Support her and she will support you.”

             
The boys nodded as though they were really paying attention to heed his advice.  I looked around for a minute at the ceiling and in the corners of the walls and, after not being able to find cameras to possibly prove my internal theory that I was either being pranked or on an updated version of the Twilight Zone, I conceded.  Granted, his comment made me think that someone raised him right.  The boys asked us both questions to find out more about us.  Three of them admitted that they voted for me to be President of the National Honor Society.

             
“Babe, I'm going to get some more cake.  Would you like anything?” Theo asked.

             
What was with this
babe
thing?  I shook my head no while trying to grasp this new level of possessiveness that had taken over him and wondered how he came up with his pet name for me.

             
During the program I noticed that he had moved his chair a little closer to mine.  After we had applauded somebody winning something, I put my hands in my lap and felt an additional hand on my left knee.  With where we were sitting no one could tell, especially with the length of the tablecloth.  I turned and looked at him but he refused to look at me, as though he was enthralled with the current speaker. Once the speaker finished and everyone clapped, as the applause started to wane, I looked at him to see if he would have the nerve to put his hand on my knee again.  I could see him take a hard swallow and that Adam's apple bobble up and down.  He put his hand back under the table until he found mine.  He opened my hand enough to allow his long fingers to gently go between mine before resting our clasped hands on my thigh.  He finally looked at me tenderly.  I gave him a quick smile to assure him that I wasn't going to bite his head off and we turned our attention back to the ceremony.  We were done applauding for anyone else for the rest of it.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

             
It was near graduation and it was time to take our senior panoramic picture.  With the number of graduates, I knew it was going to be chaotic.  It was a gorgeous, sunny morning.  Everyone came wearing green gowns with the exception of the valedictorian and salutatorian, who happened to be Guillermo, my freshman crush that suddenly had the confidence to talk to girls after being scared away by me.  Sonya, Brenda and I decided we would like to try to stay together for the picture, but as we climbed each step of the bleachers we were starting to doubt the possibility.  We hadn't known each other well despite going to school together for the past six years, but we got to be really close as seniors and I wanted to be by their sides. 

             
Sonya and Brenda were ahead of me climbing up when Theo grabbed my arm and said, “Come stand by me.”

             
I tried to call Sonya and Brenda but they couldn't hear me above all the busy sounds of people talking, laughing and stomping on the bleachers. 

             
“Theo, I'm supposed to be with Sonya and Brenda in the picture,” I said nervously.  I didn't want them to think that I just ditched them.

             
He took me to the spot he had saved.  “Stay here and tell others these spots are taken.  Ralph and I will get them, okay?”

             
“How are you going to find them with all of these people?”

             
“I found you, didn't I?  I'll bring them to you. Don't worry.”  They walked away on what I thought would be mission impossible. 

             
I was flattered that he was concerned about who I wanted to take a picture with as well.  As I waited for Theo and Ralph to come back, I couldn’t help but to think of how different it would have been if Nathaniel was there.  As long as he had around him who he wanted to take a picture with, he wouldn’t have walked away to find the two people who were important to me.  It would have been me surrounded by the football team and their girlfriends, none of which were my friends.