I Don't Want to Lose You (7 page)

             
I looked at the negatives and could see the progress in his photography since the last time I had seen his work.   “These are nice.  You're getting better at this.”

             
“You think?”

             
“I know.”  I broke down different aspects of the pictures that I liked and told him my recommendations.  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

             
“Those were the ones I was thinking about using,” he answered.

             
“I guess you have good taste then,” I said as I winked at him.  “I have to get back to class.”  I knew if I had stayed any longer that I might get myself into trouble.  After all, I was fully aware of where I was and the stories I had heard and my reputation was too important to me to have it be mixed up with all of that.  I opened the curtain.

             
He quickly closed the curtain and pouted.  “You don't want to help me develop my film?”

             
I got a tad nervous by us being in such a confined space closed off from prying eyes.  I kept my cool when responding.  “I have a newspaper to get out.  Besides, you're a big boy.  I think you can do it by yourself.  You've done okay so far.” 

             
“Would you mind at least being my model for my next assignment?” he asked with a smile.

             
I didn't think of myself as one a photographer would willingly choose to photograph.  While I was flattered, I was hesitant.  “I'll get back to you on that.”  He took my hand and kissed it.  When he let it go, I rubbed the hair on his chin.  “I'll see you later.” 

             
I walked out back into daylight letting out a sigh of relief that I didn’t lose my self respect but gained a slight boost to my ego.

CHAPTER TEN

              It was after school and I had told a classmate that I would walk home with her because she had seemed down earlier that day and wanted someone to talk to.  We hadn't had a chance to talk for a while but I wanted her to know that she could always count on me despite how busy I might have seemed.  She had a club meeting for an organization that I was no part of, but I told her that I would be sitting on the stairs that she'd have to come down after leaving the class the meeting was in.

             
I was going to use the time to do some homework since it got quieter by the minute but I quickly discovered that it was a good spot to do some people watching.  No one walking by would have expected for someone to be where I was because of the walls on either side of the stairs.  I heard conversations that I probably shouldn't have been privy to.  I saw couples and their public displays of affection.  And then I saw Theo walking by talking to a girl that I didn't know. 

             
I think the best word to describe how the sight made me feel was jealous.  Only a little.  It wasn't as intense as the last time.  I gave myself a quick lecture on maintaining my composure, unlike the locker slamming incident the year before.  Before my feelings got the best of me, I decided to test out where she stood with him. 

             
“Hey, Theo,” I shouted and waved when he looked up.

             
He saw me sitting there alone and nodded.  He turned his attention back to the girl and my heart skipped a beat until he started coming up the stairs and she was walking away after giving me a nasty look.  He sat down next to me.

             
“Who was that?” I asked.

             
He waved her off.  “A girl from the M.E.S.A. Club.”

             
“Oh,” was all I could say.

             
He looked at me.  “Monica, are you-”

             
“No,” I said quickly interrupting him not wanting to hear him say that ugly word.

             
He started, “It's nothing.  She just-”

             
I put my hand up to stop him and interrupt him. “Stop!  You don't have to explain anything. You are under no obligation to, so don't.  You can talk to whomever you want.”

             
After a few moments in silence, he asked why I was sitting there and I told him.  He then asked me if I was going to go to the school's talent show Saturday night.

             
“Yeah, I'll be there,” I answered.

             
“Are you performing?”

             
“Oh no.  I don't have any talent.  I'm covering it for the school paper.”

             
“I'm sure you have some talent.  Everybody can do something.”

             
“Yes, I can applaud loudly.  That's my talent.  Are you going to be in it with your band?”

             
“Yeah.   Green Jalapenos will be performing.”

             
I chuckled.  “That's the name you guys decided on?  It sounds similar to Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

             
“Since that name was taken we went with the next best thing to reflect our background,” he answered.

             
“Well, I guess that’s better than a name like Cheesy Enchiladas or Footlong Churros,” I responded sarcastically, which made him laugh.  I suddenly lost all enthusiasm and felt like a dark cloud was over me. “Oh no, the curse,” I said in earnest.

             
He calmed down and had a partially concerned look on his face.  “What curse?” he asked. 

             
“Don't you remember when I went to your tennis match and I cheered for you and what happened after that?  You choked.  I don't want my presence to throw you off and make you stink,” I said sincerely.             

             
“Don't worry about it.  I'm just stoked that you'll be there.  Are you sure that you don't have any talent?  I'd love to see you do something.”

             
I thought for a second and then I bit my lower lip.

             
“What is it?” he asked.  “You're blushing.”

             
“I don't know if I want to tell you because you might try to make me do it.”

             
“What is it?”

             
“You know how men can make their pecs pop?  I can make my boobs pop.”  I quickly covered my eyes so that I would not have to see his face.

             
He laughed and asked, “Are you serious?”  He removed my hands from my face.  “If you are, I have to see this.”

             
“Stop laughing at me.  I'm not going to be able to concentrate to do it if you're laughing.”

             
He was looking at Holly and Dolly.  “They're so-”

             
I filled in the blank.  “Big.”

             
“Yeah. How can you do that?”

             
“It’s funny what you can do when you put your mind to it.”  I sighed. “Okay, you only get one show.  So do you want me to pop them back and forth real fast?  Or do you want me to move them to 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' or 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?'”

             
His eyes widened.  “You've trained them to dance to songs?”

             
“These are my girls and we work together.”

             
“'Mary Had a Little Lamb,'” he answered.

             
I took a deep breath as I prepared for him to stare at my breasts and watch them go up and down as I sang the first verse of the song. I had to control myself to wait until I was done before laughing at how wide his eyes were. 

             
“Oh my goodness!” he exclaimed when I was done.  “I can't even do that and I don't have any weight on my chest. How much do those things weigh?”

             
I put one hand under each one to try to make a guess.  “I'd say about four pounds each, maybe more.  I'm just guessing.  I really don't know.  It's not like I can plop them on a scale to weigh them.”

             
He reached his hand toward me.  “Let me see if I can guess.”

             
I smacked his hand.  “I don't think so.  I don't have a ring on my finger from you.  You can look, but you can't touch.”

             
“It's like that?”

             
“I'm like that, so yes.”

             
“That's cool.  My time will come.”

             
“Oh really?”

      “
I told you that I can see into the future.  Yes really.  All I can say is that is a true talent if I had ever seen one.”

             
I laughed.  “Then you have lived a very sheltered life, my dear.  Don't tell anyone about this.  This is just between me and you.”

             
“You've never shared this with anyone?” he asked. 

     
I shook my head. 

      “
Not even Nathaniel?” 

             
I made a face and shook my head. 

             
“Just me?” 

             
I nodded. 

             
“I feel special.”

             
“You are special.”

             
He scooted a little closer to me and stared at my face.  With the way he was looking at me I was sure he was going to try to kiss me.  His Adam's apple bobbled, but he lost his nerve.  He reached for my hand and kissed it. 

             
“So, I'll see you tomorrow,” I said to break the awkwardness since I heard the students of the club coming out.  “Should I cheer for you?”

             
“You better,” he said as he got up.  “That way I'll know you're there.”

             
The next night I came with my notebook to take notes on the different performances.  When Green Jalapenos performed, I screamed like a groupie for Theo.  They sounded good and came in third place.  First place went to a group of hip hop dancers, second to a singing group.  After the winners were announced, I found where the band was and gave them all, except Theo, a congratulatory hug and then I made my way over to Theo.