I Don't Want to Lose You (14 page)

             
He put a big grin on his face.  “Okay.”

             
“What's so funny?”

             
“It's been a long time since you've gone off on me like that.  I was waiting for you to put on some Vaseline and take off your earrings. And then that neck rolling thing you do.”  He tried to do it, but failed miserably.

             
“Well, I'd like to think I've changed since then,” I said in a calmer tone.

             
“Not by much, I hope. I liked that there was some sauciness in you.”

             
We missed the sun actually setting and caught each other up.  I told him about school and work.  He told me how he moved into the dorm at Berkeley and after a few days of being there he started having chest pains.  The chest pains made them do more tests to find the cancer.  He stopped his treatments about three weeks ago and had been trying to rest.  His heart caused him to go to the hospital once in a while.

             
He sighed deeply before saying, “I’m sorry, Monica.  I should have said something to you or had someone tell you.  I guess what little pride I still have got in the way.”

              I reached out and held his hand.

             
“I miss my hair,” he continued.  “You know I loved it.  I know you loved it.  Now it's gone.  I didn't want for you to have to see me like this.”

             
“Theo, I can't tell you how to feel, but it's just hair.  It's not your nose, your ear, your hand or your foot.  It's just hair.  I will admit that I did love touching it.  But this,” I started to rub his cheek, “this is as soft as a baby's bum.”  I started to remove my hand, but he grabbed it to make it stay there. 

             
He closed his eyes and savored the moment.  “I've missed your fingers. Can I take them home?”

             
“Sorry, but I'm afraid they’re attached to my body and I need them for work.”             

             
He opened his eyes.  “Then can I take you home?”

             
I chuckled.  His question made me think of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam's song.  “Run that past your parents and then come talk to me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

              I was calling to check in on Theo about every two to three days.  I didn't want to get on his nerves or those of his parents.  One day after I got off of work I decided that I wouldn't call, I would just go over to see how he was feeling.  His mother let me in and said that he was resting since they just got back from the hospital a few hours ago.  He had to go in due to fluid building up and he was kept a couple of days for observation.  I told her that I didn't want to disturb him since he was resting, but she said he needed to see someone other than doctors and her in his face.  She walked me to his door and lightly knocked, told him he had company and excused herself.

             
Every time that I had seen him up until that moment he had his head covered.  I was momentarily taken aback to see his bald head in person, as I had already seen it on his license.  He looked a tad weak and tired.  He turned his head and opened his eyes and mustered a smile. 

             
“Hi,” I greeted him as I slowly walked over to his bed. 

             
He started trying to get himself to sit up.  I put my purse down to help him and fluff his pillows.  “I never had a nurse that dressed as nice as you.”

             
“I just came from work and wanted to check on you.  I didn't know that you were in the hospital.  When I talked to you the other day you said that you were doing fine.”  I stopped fussing over him and looked him in the eyes.  “Were you doing fine?”  He took a hard swallow and there went that bobbling Adam's apple.  “Don't do that to me.”

             
“For the record, I went to the hospital after we spoke.  I didn't want you to be worried.”

             
“I'm a big girl. I may get emotional sometimes, but I think I can handle it.  How are you feeling now?  Is there anything I can get you?”

             
“I'm tired, but I'm glad to be home.  Have a seat.”  I grabbed his desk chair and brought it over next to his bed and sat down.  “You could have sat on the bed.  I don't have cooties.”

             
“I'm trying to give you some personal space.”  I knew if I was him and had tubes and needles and stuff on me and in me, I wouldn't want anything or anyone touching me.

             
He rolled his eyes.

             
“Why don’t you have a hospital bed?  Wouldn’t that be more comfortable for you?” I asked.

             
He shook his head.  “I didn’t want one.”

             
“Really?  Why not?  I think it would be cool to play with.”

             
He grinned.  “I can play with them enough when I’m in the hospital.  There’s only so much of the hospital that I want to bring into my room.” 

             
I smiled back at him once I realized that the bed would be another reminder that he wasn’t living the life of a regular, ordinary nineteen year old male.

             
“So what do you have planned this evening?” he asked.

             
“Hmm... Nothing really.  I think I'm going to eat dinner and then watch one of my favorite movies, The Wedding Singer.  I love Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler and the fact that they are in a movie together about the 80s with great music is like a big, fat gift to me.”

             
“You and your 80s.” He shook his head.  “You want to watch it with me?  You can go get it and we can watch it in here on my TV.”

             
I thought about it for a second. It would be nice to watch it with someone since my repetitive viewing of the movie had fostered hatred for it by my family and Nathaniel. Not to mention I would be giving Theo companionship and keeping his mind off of self pity.

             
I gave a smile as big as a little, rich girl who just received a pony that she'd been asking her daddy for.  “That's an awesome idea, dude.  Let me go home and change and I'll be back.  Do you want me to bring anything back?”

             
He shook his head and answered, “Just you.”

             
I went home to change and ate what my mom had sitting out for dinner.  I was so excited to watch my movie with someone that I practically inhaled my dinner.  I was back at the Cabrera residence within twenty minutes. As I entered his room, I saw that he had a couple of water and juice bottles for us to drink.  He had put a hat on and his glasses. It appeared a little tidying up had taken place.  Even more peculiar, I noticed a piece of furniture was missing.

             
“Where's the chair?” I asked.  He shrugged his shoulders and feigned a look of ignorance.  “Yeah right.”  I shook my head as he chuckled.

             
As I walked over to the television to put the movie in, I noticed that the wall adjacent to it was filled with pictures.  Most of them appeared to have been taken during our senior year.  Here were all the people who had meant something to him with only a handful being in town to be around him now.  More than anyone else, there were quite a few of me with his arms around my shoulder.  There were a few of me from when I had agreed to be his model for his assignment.  I stared at his face in one of the pictures of us on graduation day.  The zest for life that young man had and his readiness to take on the world was undeniably seen in his eyes. I even saw the pictures he developed and showed me in the dark room.   I realized I had better stop looking at the wall before I emotionally couldn't handle it.

             
I pressed play and turned around and said, “Be warned, this is a bootlegged copy to hold me until it comes out on video so excuse the extra noise.”  I looked around.  “Where am I supposed to sit?”  All he had for a comfortable seating option was the queen sized bed he was on.

             
He patted a spot next to him.  “There's plenty of room right here.”

             
I sat down next to him and reached over and took his hat off and threw it to the other side of the room.  “You don't need that.  It's just me.”  I rubbed the back of his head.  “You actually look nice bald.”

             
Suddenly the pulsating sounds of the song “You Spin Me” came on and I got my groove on from the beginning to the very end of the movie.  Manny had even stopped in a couple of times to show his moves to the songs that grabbed his attention from his room next door.

             
“How many times have you seen this movie?” he asked when it was over.  “You could do a one woman show of it.  You know every single word.”

             
I shrugged.  “I stopped counting after forty two.”  Really, I had. 

             
“I had fun watching you.”

             
“And I had fun watching it with you.  You better hope someday you can dance as well as your brother.”             

             
“I've got moves you've never seen,” he said.  “Start it over again and maybe I’ll show you.”

             
I smiled as I gently stroked his cheek.  “You don’t have to watch it again.  I don’t want to make you suffer more than you already have.”

             
He put his hand over mine, which made me hold his face in my hand.  “If you’d like to see it again, then so do I.  Go on and restart it.”

             
I gave him a look that clearly asked if he was sure, in which he responded with a nod.  I did as I was told and sat next to him to, once again, indulge in the music and fashion of a beloved decade.

             
By the time the movie was over, it was late and I needed to go home to rest for school the following morning.  After I threw the empty bottles out and got my things together I told him I would call him in a couple of days to check in on him. 

He said, “You can call me everyday if you want.  You can even come by everyday, too.”  I gave him a smile, pleased that he had enjoyed my company as much as I had enjoyed his.

             
I told him to think about a movie he would like us to watch the next week and we could do it again.  I believe it made him happy to have something else to have to think about that could occupy his mind and it gave him something to look forward to.  And he knew that I would be coming back.