Heavenly (35 page)

I could hardly breathe.

"You're happy." His voice was mellow.

"Yes. I am."

"I'm pleased for you, Zoe. Your heart has always been good. You've accepted Abria for who she is, and your love for

Luke has overcome your frustration."

My heart thrummed with truth. "Yes. It's... a miracle." I glanced at him. His blue eyes were bright patches of sky in the dark car. The image of him standing in a mist of fluffy white clouds against a sea of azure blue heaven came into my

mind. His hand reaching out—for me.

I swallowed a knot of discomfort. God didn't waste time. Neither did Matthias. His visits had a purpose or he

wouldn't be here.

"Don't be afraid." His eyes held mine in unblinking significance.

Up ahead, headlights from an oncoming car shone through the rain. I stopped at the crest of the hill, ready to turn left

onto my street, and waited for the car to pass. Above the battering drops I heard the roar of the speeding engine. My heart

throbbed.
Oh no.
I saw the flash of bright yellow and black—the wasp truck— racing through the downpour, heading toward me. I gripped the wheel.

Steel crashed into steel. A furious thrust. Windshield shattered. Screeching rubber. The car spun. I opened my mouth

to scream. Nothing. Rain hit my skin. Stinging. Burning. Pain raked my limbs. The car whirled round, round, round, the

screeching so loud it was as if the heavens screamed through the rain.

Black.


TWENTY-THREE


A soft beep jumps through the haze in my head. Continuous. Comforting, in a neutral, melodic way. Where is it

coming from? I open my eyes to search for it.

White ceiling. With black dots. Voices. Soft voices. Muddled. Pain. Everywhere. My face—fire and ice. My limbs—

heavy. Please take the pain away. I can't think. My head hurts too much. Like a million knives thrust into it.

"Zoe?" Mom's voice. Terrified.

Panic fights through my dulled system, pricking my nerves along the journey to my heart. I struggle to open my

mouth and speak, but can't.
Why can't I talk? What happened?

A warm hand on my arm, the touch familiar. Mom's whisper.

"Zoe." A sob.

Don't cry Mom. I'm here. I'm here.

Another hand. Strong fingers squeeze my fingers.
Dad.
Tears—One. Two. Drops on my arm.
Dad, don't. I'm okay.

I'm going to be fine. Matthias told. me so.

Matthias.
Where are you?

Rest, Zoe.
His voice, serene and settling, falls over me, and my pain vanishes.

My eyes open. Black dotted ceiling. White walls. Beeping tone still there, like a ticking clock. "She's awake."
Luke.

“Zoe?”

“Zoe!”

My body aches, but I feel hands touching me, soft caresses of comfort that press pain more deeply into my body. I

groan. My head still throbs. I blink, hoping my fuzzy vision will clear, but it looks like a coating of Vaseline covers my eyes.

I look for the faces of my family through the haze and see Moms beautiful blue eyes. Her dark hair. She holds a tissue

at her trembling lips. "Mom."

She tightens her grip around my arm. More pain. I close my eyes. But I have to see Dad. "Dad?"

Movement. Dad and Luke are there then, standing next to Mom. It's so good to see them—for our eyes to meet. I

hope they can see how overjoyed I am seeing them, having them there. I want to reach out and put my arms around them, but

nothing happens. I don't move. Too tired. Too much pain throbbing through my limbs.

"Abria?" My voice rasps, but I'm so happy to be able to communicate.

"She's at home, honey."

Home.
Home flashes in my head: countless family dinners, laughing, talking, sharing each other. I can't wait to go

home again. Abria smiling, running through the halls like a bird longing for freedom. My heart aches for her silly laughter. "I want to see her."

Mom weeps. Her squeeze on my arm intensifies. I hear Luke choke and look at him. He's sobbing, and turns away.

Aw, bud. Don't cry.
I want to put my arms around him. Wish I could move. Too tired.

"Hang on, Zoe." Dad's voice tries to cut through my aches with hope, but there's too much pain. I want to let go.

Where's Matthias?

I'm here, Zoe.
I hear his voice and something zings through my veins, deadening all pain. I look for him. He's

standing in the corner of the room. White, pure, divine.

There you are. It's about time.

I've been here all along.

How come I haven't seen you until now?

Your family needs you.

They're so sad. Mom's crying. So is Dad. And Luke. What happened, Matthias? All I remember is you and me in the

car.

You were hit by another automobile.

Shards of glassy memories glimmer in my mind.
Yes, I remember. Am I going to be okay? I want Mom and Dad to

know.

Matthias' serene blue gaze holds mine in an unblinking, silent message.
What does your heart tell you?

A steady beat of comfort reverberates in my chest.

"Zoe? Honey, Abria's here." Has time passed? I'm not sure. One moment I am talking to Matthias, the next I am

looking at Mom. Her lips quivered up in a smile. Her eyes shadow with fear, skin ashen with worry. In her arms, she holds

Abria.

My heart Hies with delight. "Hey... baby." Words work from my tongue, like pulling a sinking ship with a rope.

Abria is amazingly calm, staring down at me. I long to touch the soft curls in her hair and hold her, smell her little girl

scent. My arms are too heavy to lift, and when I manage to raise them an inch. Mom and Dad break out in shocked smiles.

Dad moves next to Mom. "Don't tire yourself, Zoe. You need all the rest you can get."

But I want to hold...
"Abria..."

"She's right here." Tears stream from Mom's eyes again. Abria reaches one hand out to me for a treasured second,

then it's gone, back at her side. She feathers her fingers against the palm of the opposite hand.

Mom clutches Abria close. "Say hello to Zoe, Abria."

"O."

"Good... girl." Words are harder to pull out, drifting as they are further out to sea.
Where is Luke?
"Luke."

Dad glances toward the door. "He's out in the hall." His pause is long, heavy. His face tight. "Do you want him?"

I close my eyes and try to nod. My head barely moves. I hear the whoosh of the door, prattling from the hall—a

moving cart, a droning voice on the intercom. Then the door whooshes again.

I open my eyes. Luke is next to the bed. Mom, clutching Abria to her chest, is behind him, hiding her sobs in Abria's

neck.

Luke's blue eyes are blotchy and red.
My little brother, crying.
His face battered by anguish. I need to hug him, tell him everything is going to be all right.

Matthias?

Yes, Zoe?

They're so upset. They can't see that everything is going to work out, that I'm fine.

"Bud..." With effort I squeeze out the word. He lays his warm hand on my arm. Less pain this time.

"Yeah?" Luke's voice hitches.

"Glad... you... re..."
here. So glad to see you again. I'm going to miss you.
I close my eyes against tears, but they spill down my cheeks.

I'm going to miss you. All.

A whirling tunnel of flashing images sucks me effortlessly toward a blinding white light. My life. Pictures both live

and still, move before my vision in a vibrant history of the last eighteen years, three months, two days and eight hours of

living. My life. Childhood. Luke, Mom, Dad. Abria. Friends, relatives, neighbors, school mates. Faces I know well, others I

haven't thought of in years, now remembered with bold clarity. Good. Bad. Secrets. Truths. Kindnesses. Cruelties. Joy. And

regret.

Mom and Dad. Weeping at the hospital. Luke. Abria.

The last moments. Ten seconds. Three.

Final breath.

My soul aches and reaches back, yearning to do something for my family.
I'm sorry for everything. Anything I ever

did that hurt or disappointed you. Please forgive me.

Forgiveness. The only thing I want.

My last wish.

Everything will be all right.

Where the words come from, I don't know, but the ache I have inside vanishes, replaced by a soothing calm more

potent than the calm I feel whenever I am with Matthias.

I know my family will be in good hands, and I let go, submitting myself into the light.

- - -

Zoe.

My heart fluttered open. I blinked, my eyes struggling to adjust to the brilliant colors surrounding me. A meadow.

Soft blades of grass tickled my bare feet. The crisp scent of greenery muted the scent of rose, carnation and lily. Flowing

against me, a silky barely-pink dress, so comforting the fabric was unlike anything I'd ever worn—the garment as much a part

of me as skin.

I twirled, the freedom to move without pain inexplicably satisfying. A weightless peace filled my soul. I smiled,

marveling. I was fresh. New.

"You're the cat's meow."

My head whipped up. Matthias stood a few feet away, surrounded by radiant daisies, wildflowers and roses—in every

color and variety. He didn't look a day older than twenty, the age at which he'd died. Young. Eager. He wore a pale shirt and ivory slacks, the luminescent shades radiating a soft white light from his being, a radiance which spread out like beams of

sunlight to me.

He reached out a hand, his long fingers extended.

I wanted him—wanted to feel his flesh and bone. To immerse in the comfort surrounding him, comfort that reached

out in invitation and promised completion.

I ran to him.

He caught me in a tight embrace that joined us from chest to toes. Warm, sweet, fusion.

I
can't believe I'm here. With you!

At last.

"Is this Heaven?"

"A place in between."

I eased back, locking my gaze with his. "What do you mean?"

His hands gently traveled from my waist to my shoulders. "It's called Paradise."

"Sounds perfect." I grinned.

"Almost. But it's not Heaven—that's perfect. This place, Zoe, is a temporary place for mortals who still hang in the

balance of life."

"So Paradise is a place to chill? Before I cross through the big golden gates."

Matthias threw back his head in laugh. "Something like that." The warmth of his hands caressed my arms as they

moved down to my hands. We linked fingers and he drew me closer.

Don't let me go.

Asking for wishes already?

"So you're going to grant me three wishes?"

"Only three? I thought a bearcat such as yourself would want a dozen— at least."

I shook my head. His body felt so strong and alive next to me, an electric current bounced between us.
I don't need

dozens of wishes fulfilled. I'm with you. There's nothing else I want.

Matthias pressed his forehead to mine. "I've been waiting for this moment." His silky voice poured into me. "I want to savor it." He lifted his fingers to my face, tracing the contours of my cheek.

So this is our connection, isn't it? No wonder you couldn't tell me.

Because I didn't know.

"You didn't?"

"I was there to watch over Abria. That was my assignment. And then I fell in love with you, Zoe."

The way he said my name turned my heart inside out.
Another wish.

Anything.

Kiss me.

With aching intensity, he lowered his face. His mouth joined mine in starlit heat, sparking thrill and joy, spreading

love through my soul in a consuming brushfire.

I locked my arms around his neck.
I love you.

Ah, Zoe.
He broke the seal of our lips, still cradling my cheeks in his hands, and he eased back in a sparkling grin. "I liked that wish," he whispered against my mouth.

Hands linked, he urged me to the sweet grass beneath our feet. The rushing urge to be one with this place caused me

to lie down, close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The temperature was comfortably warm, the grass not too prickly under my back. I lay looking skyward at die deep

blue atmosphere above. The sun appeared closer, more fiery and powerful, as if to say I'm still here providing you light, yet its heat was even.

Matthias was propped on his side next to me, his gaze pressed into the skin of my face.
You're staring.

I can't help it. You're radiant.
He brought my fingers to his mouth. I closed my eyes. My heart fluttered, waiting.

Kiss me.

Warm lips. A soft, subtle heartbeat against my fingers. Joy coursed through me with each of my breaths. I opened my

eyes, savoring the liquid highlights in his hair underneath the sun's beams. "Is that the sun?"

He nodded. "I told you. God doesn't waste anything. Each creation has infinite capabilities." He leaned close and

kissed the tip of my nose. "Including you."

I wanted to wrap around him and simply lay there in his comforting, complete embrace. He grinned. "That's a wish I

can grant." Then his arms slipped around me and he pulled me against him.

This really is paradise.

"Yes."

Just a second ago, I'd been in pain. The complete freedom I was experiencing brought the tormented faces of my

family into my mind and an old echo of my flesh sent an ache through me. "My family... it was hard leaving them."

They'll be all right, Zoe.

Surety filled the air around me. Matthias' words were true, each one settled inside of me, taking hold of my soul in