Heavenly (32 page)

"Zoe, for heaven’s sake." I bit my lip at the irony of his statement, and looked up at Matthias.

Dad sighed into the phone. "After our talk the other night, you can imagine how worried your mother and I were

when you didn't come home."

"It wasn't on purpose, I promise. I'm really sorry. Just know that I'm okay and I'll be there soon."

"Are you here? In Pleasant Grove?"

"Yes. I'm..." I glanced at Matthias who gave me a nod. "With a friend."

"I want an explanation when you get here."

"Of course. Be there soon." I flipped my phone closed. "Wow. He was scared."

"He loves you."

Whenever Matthias said
love,
the word melted the air.

"I know." I threw my legs over the side of the bed, stood and wobbled.

Matthias set his hands on my shoulders, steadying me, and captured my gaze. His tender touch drew the protected

feelings of my heart out into the open. Gratitude—so immense words were insignificant, filled my soul.

I wrapped my hands around his wrists and closed my eyes against tears. "I..."
I
told you I loved you yesterday. My
heart... it hurt... you didn't say anything. Why? It hurt so much... I thought I would die.

His gentle finger stroked my cheek, wiping away tears. I opened my eyes, searching the endless blue depths of his for

the answers I sought.

"It's impossible, isn't it?" I whispered. "You. Me. I can see it in your eyes. I heard it in your voice yesterday when you said my name. I heard hopelessness."

More tears slipped down the sides of my cheeks. I squeezed the warm flesh and delicate bones of his wrists.
Flesh.

Bone.
I held him in my hands—yet he was out of my reach.

The sapphire flecks in his eyes sharpened. His aura whooshed through my system—a warm reassurance as peaceful

as sleep. Every cell tingled and felt ready to burst with sweet contentment.

"I know how you feel." He lowered his head, closed his eyes a moment. His dark lashes fluttered against his alabaster skin. How I wanted to touch his face, feel his skin, trace his lips.

He opened his eyes.

You think I don't have feelings, Zoe. You're wrong.

A
knot formed in my throat. What was he saying?

I'm saying that just because I am a guardian does not mean that I'm void of the emotions mortals have. I've been

mortal. I've felt everything you feel. My feelings are like yours, Zoe.
He stepped closer. I caught his sunlit scent. Felt the warmth of his body.
Only the love I feel for you is magnified.

Love?

"I know you love me. You're here to protect me. That's what you do."

"No, Zoe. I'm
in
love with you."

His words wrapped joy around my bones.
What does that mean?

I should think that was clear.

"No, I mean, are you going to die now for saying that to me? Are you in trouble?"

His smiled, and reached out, his fingers lightly skimming my cheek his touch so electric, I was certain I would burst

with joy.

Only that I love you.

The force in his eyes left no room for doubt. The universe, as I knew it, wasn't capable of holding the magnitude of

Matthias' feelings. Whatever sphere he dwelt in, wherever Heaven was, my mortal brain couldn't grasp the extent of his love.


TWENTY


Matthias walked with me out into the bone-chilling morning air, through the motel parking lot. I was perched in the

heavens somewhere; the word
love
floating in my mind like a cloudy spot blocks vision, only this delightful cloud blocked my mind. I couldn't think straight. I stared at him. And stared. His smile submerged me. His aura engulfed me.

Love.

I let out a content sigh.

We stopped at my silver bug, parked under a tall light post. The sight of my car was a reminder of what had happened

the night before, and I took my first good look around at the run down freeway motel the boys had brought me to.

I met Matthias' hard gaze with my own look of astonishment.

Thank you. Again.

You're welcome.

Matthias had somehow gotten my car to the motel. He wouldn't say how, he just grinned.

"You mean my car zipped through the streets of Pleasant Grove without a driver?" I chided, unlocking the door.

He wagged his brows at me over the roof of the car, then dipped into the passenger seat, shutting the door behind

him.

"Freaky." I started the engine.

"Jakey is more like it." He stretched out his legs and reclined the seat. "A nifty ride. And the most extraordinary thing—the seats move."

I sputtered out a laugh. "Yes, I know."

The morning was bright, the skies blue, with billowing white clouds. The perfect image of Heaven, I thought, pulling

onto the road.

Enraptured as I was from his declaration, it took a moment for me to clear my thoughts. The motel was miles from

home, next to the freeway in an industrial section of town. When I thought about what would have happened to me if

Matthias hadn't stepped in, a cold shiver raced over my skin.

I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror and gasped. Mascara smeared beneath my eyes. Blush was gone. No lip

gloss. And my hair was all over the place.
I
look terrible.

You're the cat's meow.

I glanced at him—and longed for him to be mine. Mortal. Alive. Someone I could spend the rest of my life loving.

What was our connection? And what good was love if you couldn't live with it?

I sighed.

"You know, this machine is quite dandy. The round design is especially nifty."

I figured he was trying to change the subject and get my mind off of him. "Bugs are popular cars because they're

cute."

"Bugs?"

"Nice try, Matthias." I held his gaze as long as traffic permitted.

"I'm not here to hurt you, Zoe."

"I know."

We drove in silence for a while.
Am I in danger? Is that why you're still with me?

His blue gaze was unblinking.
No.

I walked into the house smiling. Floating... out of this world—caught somewhere between Matthias' Heaven and my

earth.

He loved me. As impossible as that was, it was true. A truth I couldn't deny or ignore simply because he was there

and I was here.

I savored the knowledge.

Mom came running. Dad was right behind her. I heard Abria chattering in the kitchen. Luke followed Dad. Worry

wracked their faces.

"Zoe!" Mom wrapped around me.

Dad buzzed like an angry bee. Luke hung back.

"What happened?" Dad asked.

"Nothing. I'm okay. Really."

Mom eased back, keeping my shoulders in her hands. Her concerned gaze swept me from head to toe. Thankfully, my

jacket hid the tear in my shirt.

"I'm glad you're okay, Zoe. But I want an explanation," Dad said.

"I went to a party last night. At Weston's."

"Larson?" Luke asked.

"Later, I fell asleep at a friend's place."

Mom and Dad weren't buying my story. Both looked like I'd just told them that I'd eloped, was pregnant, and was

going to work as a pole dancer for the rest of my life. I bit my lip. "And I didn't drink an ounce of liquor, I promise. I had a soda."

A long silence stretched in the air. "We just talked about this," Dad said.

"I know, and that's why I want you to trust me. I didn't drink. That's not part of my partying anymore, it's not."

"You should have come home," Dad scrubbed his jaw.

"Like I said, I fell asleep. I really am sorry to have worried you. I should have called at least."

"Look at it from our point of view," Mom said. "You're gone overnight without a word? As much as we want to trust you again, Zoe, the circumstances don't look good."

I nodded, sorrier than ever that I'd walked into the stupid party; put myself at risk even after Matthias' warning and I

hadn't thought ahead about what the ramifications of my choice would look like to my parents. "I really am sorry."

Mom and Dad exchanged glances. I searched their countenances for forgiveness, swearing inside I would never do

anything to endanger precious trust again.

Abria's laughter drew our attention to the kitchen, and we followed Mom in that direction. Abria stood on the table,

reaching for the chandelier overhead.

"Abria, no!" Mom raced over and whisked Abria into her arms, then set her feet on the floor. "No chandelier."

"Chan!" Abria reached for it again. "Chan!"

Saved by Abria—at least temporarily. It was good to be home. Yesterdays baked bread smells, the pattering sounds

of Abria. Family faces shot love straight to my heart: Dad. Mom. Luke. I smiled at Luke, who hadn't stopped staring at me.

Dad studied me, deciphering. What could I say? That a guardian angel had swooped down from Heaven and saved

me?

"I'm gonna go get cleaned up." I said, backing toward the stairway. All eyes stayed with mine. "We've got church in—what—an hour?" I glanced at my watch, kept walking, and crossed my fingers that the mention of church was enough for

a subject shift. I was glad nobody followed me with more questions.

- - -

Having Matthias in my life had opened windows. Windows with vista views I never dreamed I'd see, much less take a

real good look at.

I wasn't sure what the future held for me. For Matthias. But a certain serenity resided in my heart now. Whatever the

future brought, I could deal with it. No fear. Real joy. Endless hope.

After I showered, I dusted on some shadow and blush, and a little gloss. I slipped on a black skirt and fuzzy purple

sweater that made my green eyes look like emeralds. Every few minutes I'd catch myself thinking about the miracle of

Matthias' love—of what he'd done for me and where I was today because of him, and a rush of euphoria filled my system.

We drove—all of us in Dad's car— to the meeting house. I expected Mom and Dad to be pleased that we were all

together, but they were unusually quiet. Tension in their expressions carried traces of unanswered questions—no doubt for

me.

The crystal day was cold but the sky remained blue, clouds dotting the heavens in cottony white. I'd never noticed the

canvas of the sky—how in one corner, the universe was puffed with soft white hope. In another, graying clouds stretched

forth, threatening more storms.

Where are you, Matthias?
I closed my eyes, picturing his glorious being surrounded by white mists, a smile on his

lips, his blue eyes sparkling, hand reaching out. For me.

"What are you smiling about?" Luke whispered.

I opened my eyes. Heat flushed my skin, but the smile on my lips wouldn't go. "Nothing."

He eyed me. He looked amazingly clear.

"So nothing really happened last night?" Luke pressed.

Was he curious or mad? His even nature was hard for me to gauge.

"Nothing happened."

He eyed me longer. Deeper. Then he turned his attention out the window, leaving me alone for the rest of the drive.

I toyed with telling him about Matthias, but my seeing angels wasn't something I took lightly. I understood that I

needed to guard this special gift or it would be taken from me. And I would never jeopardize Matthias in any way.

I'd die first.

After Dad parked the car, we got out. Dad came around and picked Abria up in his arms. Gaze locked on Luke, he

ticked his head toward the church. "Luke, let's take Abria inside."

Uh-oh.
Mom lingered by my side and strolled slowly. "Zoe." Her heavy tone sent my defenses up.
Just take it as it
comes. She loves you; remember that,
I told myself. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" She hooked her arm in mine.

I caught a whiff of her floral perfume on the cool breeze tickling my neck.

"Mom, you don't have to worry about last night." I squeezed my hand over her arm.

"I'm... I feel like I've spent so much time focused on Abria, you and Luke have suffered. I'll never forgive myself for

that."

"That's not it at all." I'd felt my share of what I'd perceived was neglect. But, stepping out of myself, I could see that both my parents were doing more than their best with all of us. I'd only thought I was being overlooked.

"I don't want this to be a time when you turn to something else for help," she said.

How could she know that help had been Heaven sent? My eyes filled with tears at the mercy. I turned away, blinking

them back. If she saw tears, she'd think she'd caused them. "I won't. Please, don't worry about me," I said.

"I just want to make sure." She squeezed me close. "I was lucky to have you first. I couldn't have been a mother without you."

"Aw. Mom."

"No, I mean it. Abria. Luke. You're my right hand."

"You're doing a great job, Mom. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everybody looks at you and says,
wow, how does she

do it all?"

"And I tell them I have the best daughter in the world. My helper. My friend." She reached up and touched the side of my face. "I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I forget to say it."

We were close to the front doors of the church. Mom's eyes glistened. I brought her against my side for another hug.

Then my gaze lifted, searching blue and white sky in hopes of a glimpse of Heaven.


TWENTY-ONE


On Monday Pleasant Grove High School buzzed like a beehive. The strong current reverberated through my bones

the moment I walked through the glass double doors on my way to class.

Laughter to my right. Whispering left. A cluster of girls in a pow-wow so tight, my curiosity piqued. None of the

electric chit-chat was aimed at me, I was merely highly aware that something was going on. What, I didn't know.