Heavenly (27 page)

I killed the engine and our eyes met. Time drifted. The sound of laughter tickled the air when the door to Starbucks

opened. Would I ever know about his connection to me?

I opened my mouth to ask, and was startled by a light tapping on my window. I turned. Chase stood smiling behind

his round glasses. He shot me a quick wave and then he smiled at Matthias. I whipped my head around, looked at Matthias

who returned the wave back.

"He sees you," I croaked.

"Yes." Matthias nodded, still smiling at Chase. "Is this your friend you spoke of earlier? The one who's seen

guardians?"

"Yes."

"A chipper fellow, isn't he? Perhaps you should open the door."

I rolled down the window. "Hi."

"Hey, you coming in?" Chase's curious gaze flicked from me to Matthias.

"In a minute. Did you just get here?"

"I've been waiting inside. I saw you pull up."

Chase couldn't take his eyes off Matthias. The vibe between them bounced and jumped like the current of a taser gun.

"I'll be right in. Can you get us a table?"

"You're Matthias, aren't you?"

Uh-oh. Was there some divine law we were breaking by having a conversation with Chase? Matthias appeared his

usual calm self, so I assumed none of us was going to turn into dust for the interaction. Still, it freaked me out a little that Chase could see my guardian. An odd possessiveness flushed through me.

Matthias nodded at Chase. "I am."

Chase blew out an excited breath and nearly jumped up and down. "I knew it! I knew it! This is beyond cool." Chase's smile was huge. "You know, when I saw you pull up, I had a feeling that was him." Chase slapped the top of my car with his hand. "Wow. This is really awesome." He shifted feet with the enthusiasm of a two-year-old on his birthday. "So what are you guys doing? Was Zoe in danger?" He popped his head up over the car, looked around. "Is something going to happen?

Did something happen?"

I'd had enough. I turned to Matthias. I didn't want him to go, but Chase made continuing our talk impossible. "I'm

going inside now."

"Very good."

I don't want to. I really don't want you to leave. Can’t you stay?

Matthias' eyes remained with mine, as if he was listening to my silent plea. A look of understanding passed over his

face and the thought came to me that he would see me again, not to worry.

Matthias leaned so he could say goodbye to Chase and his energy whooshed through me like a strong breath. Every

muscle drew tight and locked into place, my fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

"Grand meeting you. Chase."

"Oh, it was very grand meeting you, Matthias. And don't you worry. I'll take good care of our girl. She's safe with

me."

When Matthias moved back so he was sitting against the door, my body eased, my heart steadied, and my breath

whispered out.
You almost knocked me out. Do you do that on purpose?
I looked at him. His brow barely lifted over a teasing smirk.

I shot a twisted grin at Chase. "Our girl?" I got out of the car and he took a step back, his eyes wide.

"It was just a figure of speech," he sputtered.

"Mm-hm." Satisfied I'd made my point, I leaned down into the open door to say goodbye to Matthias.

The car was empty.


SIXTEEN


"You're in love with him," Chase said, his voice quiet.

My heart pounded. I stared at him across the small table we shared inside Starbucks. Between my palms, my hot

chocolate seemed to boil.

"It would be easy to do, fall in love with your guardian," he murmured.

"Don't interpret my silence as admittance."

"Kind of a Stockholm Syndrome," he observed.

"Nothing like Stockholm Syndrome," I retorted, sipping from my hot chocolate.

"You have this...
being who
looks out for you... like a bodyguard only totally amped. It's bound to happen."

"Nothing has happened. Did anything happen to you?"

"I was a child when I saw the lady in the forest. You... you're a woman."

A strain of butterflies danced through my stomach. A woman. I was flattered that he used the term. Is that how

Matthias saw me?

Chase's face was taut with underlying frustration I couldn't decipher. "So I'm a woman."

“He s a man.”

I leaned across the table. "He's also a
dead
man."

"Not dead. You've touched him."

I swallowed a knot.

Chase fell back in his chair, scraped his fingers down his face. "What? So? You touched your guardians."

"I know, but... don't you see? You can't help it. You were bound to have feelings for him. First, he's this knight in

shining armor protecting your handicapped sister—an innocent. You look at him and see this perfect protector. Then you find

out he's your guardian, too?" He sat forward, urgency building in his tone. "He touches you and bam! That thing happens.

That thing that fills up your soul and blows you into another stratosphere. You can't stop thinking about him because he's

there, he cares about you, would do anything to protect you—
does
anything to protect you. There's no one else on earth who can do that for you. How can you not love him?"

He was right. I stared at him, stunned that the words were in the air. Truth. Not just a thought in my head that I'd

pondered in secret moments. Words. Real words.

"You've thought a lot about this. Chase."

"Like you, I can't stop thinking about guardians. But unlike you, I don't have a relationship with one."

I squirmed. "We don't have a relationship. He's an angel!" I glanced around to make sure my voice hadn't carried. "I'm a mortal with a life to live. He's dead."

"Well, we both know how insignificant that is, don't we." He blew out a breath. "He's got flesh and bone just like you and I. He's a man—with feelings."

"Are you suggesting Matthias has feelings
for me!"
The tilt of his head told me that was exactly what he was suggesting. My heart fluttered.
No. Never. Not happening. Impossible.
Not only impossible but so wrong. Big time sin. I shook my head. "No way. You're wrong, Chase. Wrong, wrong, wrong." My hand shook when I lifted the cup to my lips.

"Then why is your face red?" He leaned across the table. "Why are your hands shaking?"

I gulped more of my drink and kept the cup near my lips. The thought of Matthias and I as anything more than what

we were—protector and protected—sent a jumble of dice through my nerves. Uncertainty. Wonder. Risk. Where would the

dice stop?
No.
I closed my eyes but that didn't serve to keep Matthias' angelic image out of my head. His smile drifted tauntingly, his laugh echoed through my system and his touch... I shuddered.
No.
I
won't allow myself to think like this.

I plunked down my cup, opened my eyes. "You're making me think things that aren't true."

"I'm only pointing out reality."

"What reality?" I hissed, crushing the cup between my hands. "He's not even
in
reality."

I stood, jittery as a caged cat. "I better go."

Chase jumped to his feet. "But we were just getting somewhere."

"We're not getting anywhere. I'm getting... this is wrong to talk about him like this. I can't do it. I won't."

"Okay, I'm sorry." He touched my elbow. I looked at where his fingers connected to me. Nothing. No buzz, no

whoosh of energy. Just a human touch.

My eyes lifted to his. "Look, Chase, I'm sorry. Maybe tonight's just not a good night. I've had a ton happen today and

I'm tired. Give me some time to catch up. It's the weekend, right? So, hey, maybe we can meet up later."

"Oh." His hand slipped to his side. "Sure. No problem."

“So Iĺl see ya. “

"Okay. See ya." I headed to the door, the dice rolling.

- - -

My cell phone vibrated during the drive home. Brady.
Brady?

partee at westons 2morrow nite come?

Why was Brady inviting me to a party? Was Britt going to be there? She was mad at me. I doubted she wanted me at

Westonś. On the other hand, maybe this was a sign that all things were back in place. Maybe Britt was too proud to invite

me herself, but wanted an even playing field—in her book that meant a party— so we could make up.

I texted him back:
maybe
then tossed my phone on the seat next to me. Matthias had sat there. A smile filled my lips, followed by a warm rush underneath my skin—a rush I got whenever I thought of him.

Which reminded me of Chase. I frowned. Chase was trying to make me feel guilty for liking Matthias. What was I

supposed to do, resent him? Hate him?
Impossible.
My feelings for Matthias were close to my heart, I could admit that. But Chase said I was in love. I took a deep breath.
In love.

In my heart's heart, that was true. The love seed had been planted back when Matthias had looked me in the eye and

told me he and I were connected... and then conveniently not finished the sentence! I was glad Matthias wasn't there when

Chase and I had talked. If he'd heard those thoughts—I would rather dissolve into nothingness. But how stupid and irrational

was I falling for a guy who didn't exist?
Of course he exists, he's just not alive. He's alive, but he's not mortal. Not real. Not
available.

I blew out a sigh. Snow fell in light, transparent flakes sticking to the icy road, thickening the pavement to a white

sheet. I inched along busy streets with other evening travelers. Obviously, I wasn't in any danger or Matthias would be here.

Would I question my safety every time he was with me? Yet I was sure he wouldn't be with me just to hang out.

I snickered. "I wish."

Matthias had told me that nothing is wasted in Heaven. That made sense. When I thought of God, running a place like

Heaven—and even having a hand in Earth—I didn't see Him chilling. That idea collided with common sense. God and

everyone associated with Him would be cognizant of time—or whatever measuring stick they lived by.

I pictured Heaven as a serene place in the clouds. The frothy image came from years of sermons at church and my

own childhood imagination. Matthias had said Heaven was a lot like here, only supremely better. Peace from worries, rest

from cares. What a relief that would be.

Yet, unmistakable old sorrow had held in his gaze earlier when he'd told me about his father. Love is a permanent

resident in the heart. If I died suddenly, I wouldn't stop thinking about and loving the people in my life.

Driving up the hill toward home brought my thoughts to Luke. I hoped he'd left that place and was at home now.

The higher altitude meant a thicker snow fall and slicker roads. The back end of my car fish tailed as I accelerated.

My fingers gripped the steering wheel. A pair of headlights was coming toward me. Hopefully that driver was being as

careful as I was.

Sweat burst under my arms as the other car neared. I was almost at my street and would have to turn. If I stopped in

the road, I wouldn't get enough traction behind my wheels to start again. I had to keep going or I'd get stuck. I slowed so the other driver would hopefully pass by before I got to the turn.

The bright yellow and black truck—the wasp from the log cabin— flew by, sending a splash of snow and slush onto

my windshield and door, temporarily blinding me. I couldn't believe anyone would drive that fast in these treacherous

conditions.
What an idiot.

With a fast press on the gas pedal, I was able to turn onto my street. I let out a sigh, seeing home. Luke's car was out

front, and the sweat under my arms started to cool. Even with our earlier argument, I was always relieved to find him home. I parked in the driveway, got out and made a dash for the door.

Inside, the house was quiet, except for the TV—news—coming from the family room. I'd left in a huff, forgetting

that my parents now knew about my drinking. I owed them something—an apology at least—for walking out like I did.

Mom's voice came from upstairs, where I heard water running in her bathroom. She must be bathing Abria. I headed

upstairs and passed Luke's open bedroom door on my way to Mom's. He sat cross-legged on his bed, strumming his acoustic

guitar. My movement in the hall caught his attention and he looked over.

"Zoe,
"
he jerked his head, indicating he wanted me to come in. I stood in his doorway. He jerked his head again, his shaggy hair flopping.

I walked in and stood next to the bed. "Yeah?"

He set aside the guitar. "Something happened tonight," he said.

"What?"

"How did you find out about the log house?"

I shrugged, unapologetic for my actions. "I followed you."

Luke studied me, as if trying to decide if I was telling the truth. "Weird, but, whatever. That's not what this is about, anyway. When you came by, something happened."

"So you were there?"

He nodded.

"What happened? Did you get high?"

He looked at me, trying to decipher if I was going to pass judgment. An innocent, childlike look that speared through

the wall of anger I erected whenever I was around him and went straight to my heart.

"No. I went there, fully intending to, but..."

"I really am glad that you didn't," I said. I was overjoyed. Relieved. Matthias was right, Luke was learning.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to. After dinner and all, I wanted to."

I let out a chuckle. "Mom's pizza not as good as it used to be?"

His lips barely curved up. I hadn't seen him smile in so long, my heart warmed. "No, seriously," he said. "Something happened at the house. I thought you could tell me what it was."

"All I did was knock on the door and the big giant, answered. He told me you weren't there. Not surprising from a