Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (19 page)

“Is that why you left the hockey beat? For us?”

He laughed. “Yeah. I mean, it was a good job. But the road games were too much for me. Plus, a better position at the paper opened up that didn’t require as much travel. It’s like I was meant to have it.”

“Do you miss it?”

“The paper?” He shook his head. “Not at all. I made a good choice.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I have some things in town I need to take care of. Need anything while I’m there?”

Jo shook her head. “No, Dad.”

“Okay,” he replied, and left the kitchen. Jo was left both confused and irritated by the conversation. She didn’t want to be wrong, but she was starting to think that maybe she was… if she were honest with herself. She knew she’d made the right choice marrying Cody ten years ago. She knew he was not his father. But somehow, her own fears left her uncomfortably insecure and wondering if she’d made the mistake of a lifetime leaving Cody behind in Fort Glasgow.

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

Week Thirty-Five

Jo pulled up to Darren and Val’s home, a two story monster that he’d recently renovated. It was the middle of the day, the sun reflecting off the large windows on the house. It seemed she wasn’t the first one there, judging by the number of cars in their circular driveway. She parked and stared at the steering wheel.

What was she thinking? This was a majorly bad idea to be in Fort Glasgow right now. It was an even worse idea to have let Val convince her to have a baby shower. She had nothing to celebrate right now, not with being on the outs with Cody.

Her heart clenched in her chest at the thought of her husband. She’d made a mistake leaving. She knew that deep in her heart. She couldn’t live without him and his stupid video game addiction, and the way his dimples brightened up his face, even when he was angry. She closed her eyes, but all she could see was the look on Cody’s face when she said she was leaving.

She blew out a breath, sucking in courage as she inhaled. She could do this. She could get through one afternoon with her friends. It would probably be a couple of the girls, maybe a few of the wives. She’d grin, say thank you a bunch, and then she’d get in her car and leave.

Except she knew she couldn’t leave Fort Glasgow again. Not without talking to Cody. Not without making this right with him. She wasn’t a child. Her father had made her see that. Adults communicated. Adults talked about feelings, and put aside the bad ones for the better good. They did not run away to their parents’ house six hours away. She rested her head on the steering wheel.

Her stomach churned, and the little thing inside her decided then was a good time to start doing gymnastics. She put her hand over the stomach, like she was going to soothe her bouncing baby girl, but received a swift kick to her palm.

Even the baby knew she was being an idiot.

Stepping out of the car, she managed to put one foot in front of the other all the way up to the front door. She rang the doorbell, and waited. Noise from inside filtered through the door. Distinctly male voices reached her ears. Her heart skipped.

No. She didn’t. Val wouldn’t actually invite the team. Would she? Roaring laughter from inside gutted her courage. Oh, God. She did. Jo whirled around, intending to head straight back to her car. Two steps into her escape the door opened.

“Joey!”

Jo closed her eyes, took a cleansing breath at the sound of Val’s voice, and turned back around. “Hi, Val.”

The pretty brunette was wearing casual clothes, a pretty floral sundress of pinks and purples. The dark brown tresses of her hair stood out from the deep purples of Val’s dress. She had a pair of plain white ballet flats on, with little purple bows with white polka dots.

“Where ya going?” Val asked. Her knowing narrowed glance gave away that she already knew what Jo was up to.

“I-I just forgot something… in the car.”

“Was it your courage?” Val asked, dry tones in her voice.

“I didn’t realize—I mean I didn’t know you’d invited the guys.” Stumbling over her words, she couldn’t seem to make her feet move. It was as if her feet had grown roots.

“Well, Darren’s here, and the guys don’t have a game until next Friday. I thought maybe he might appreciate having them here, instead of being outnumbered by women.” Val bit her lip, but her eyes spoke her true feelings. “I can ask them to go to the loft upstairs, if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, that’s okay,” Jo said. Breathe, Jo, breathe. There’s a good girl.

“Good. They’re pretty entrenched in Call of Duty right now, so they’ll probably stay out of our way anyway,” Val replied. Smiling, she pushed the door the rest of the way open, and gestured in. “Come on. You should sit.”

“Thanks,” Jo said, walking over the threshold.

“You look great.”

“I look like a whale,” Jo said. “Gained thirty-five pounds so far, and we’re just now entering the heavy weight gain phase.”

“You thirsty?”

“I could use a glass of wine,” Jo smiled when Val’s expression turned accusing. “But if you have some iced tea, that’ll work too.”

“Sure.”

Jo followed her through the entryway, which opened out into the large living room, complete with a vaulted ceiling. A huge entertainment center was obviously the center of the room, with two beige leather couches facing it. A big screen TV blaring with Call of Duty caught her eye.

The scene before her was so familiar. Gavin and Misha were cursing each other in Italian and Russian as they killed each other on the game. Even Val’s old boss Nick and his daughter Zoe were there, talking with Darren. The only difference was that Cody wasn’t there.

He should be there
, the little voice spoke up inside her.

She really was a heel. She greeted each of them, grateful that none of them showed any animosity towards her for her strained relationship with Cody. She wasn’t sure she would have been the same way.

Gavin paused his game, much to the chagrin of Misha, and stood up. “Jo. You’re here.”

Had he figured she’d chicken out? Because she really wanted to just then. He tried to walk around the couch, but had to put his hands on Zoe’s hips to move her from his path. His eyes met Zoe’s, only for a second. His hands dropped away from her like she was on fire. Jo’s curiosity peaked, wondering if there was something between the Italian and the bartender’s daughter. But she blinked, and the moment she’d thought she’d seen was gone.

Gavin stood in front of her, and lightly kissed her cheek. “You look awesome, Joey. When’s the big day?”

The big day. The Big Day. The imagined capital letters made it seem more official… and scary.

She pasted on her diplomatic smile. “June seventeenth. Doctor thinks she may be an early bird though.”

Gavin nodded. “My mother says all of us took our sweet time. That we were too comfortable to leave her.”

She laughed. “Is that her way of calling you lazy?”

“You know it.” He took her hand and covered it with his other. “There’s no way this baby won’t be beautiful. Well, unless she takes after Cody at all.” He shuddered.

“Oh, hush, you.” Jo playfully smacked his shoulder.

“You know I’m playing, right?” He grinned.

“You better be,” she replied. She glanced at the kitchen. “I’m going to get a drink.”

Gavin nodded. He excused himself, and went back over to the couch. But instead of going back around the couch where Zoe was, he vaulted over the back and landed on the cushions on the other side, careful not to get too close to Misha either.

Interesting, that.

She went around the room and at least said hi to everyone before going into the kitchen. It was just her and Val in the room once she made it in the kitchen. She took a deep breath, grateful for the reprieve from socializing with people that were also friends with her husband. She finally found her voice to ask the question she’d been dreading. “You planned this.”

Val looked at her, iced tea in hand, and smiled. “You think so little of me.”

“I know you.”

“Okay,” Val conceded. “But Darren really did ask if he could invite the guys to counteract the extra estrogen. His words, not mine.” She held out the tea. “Jo, we just miss having you around.”

“Is he here?” Jo choked out, suddenly understanding. That was why there was no animosity. It had to be. They knew something she didn’t. They were acting.

Val glanced down at her fingers, clicking her fingernails together in that way she did when she was nervous. Oh, God. He was.

“He’s using the bathroom.”

“Val, what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that two of my friends, who have been married for a decade, are refusing to talk to each other.”

“That’s not true. We’ve talked.”

“Over the phone about the weather doesn’t count.”

How did she know it was about the weather?

“What can I say to him? I’m the one that left.”

“The truth? How you feel? Tell him you’re scared.”

Jo ran a hand through her hair, and tightened her grip at the crown of her head, yanking slightly. “I can’t.”

“Val, you’re probably going to need more toil—”

The voice came from behind her, from the stairs. He was there. The baby chose that moment to slam her foot against Jo’s rib cage, stealing her breath and forcing a sharp pain. She hissed, and clutched her side.

Fucking shit balls.

*~*~*

Cody had known she was coming, and yet he was still unprepared to actually see her. But when she clutched her side and bent over, he raced to her, grabbing her hand and placing his on the small of her back before he realized what he’d done.

“Jo. Jo! Are you okay?”

“Mother fucker,” she muttered. “This kid.” She straightened, but he didn’t let go. She tried to take her hand back, but he tightened his hold on her. Worry bled through his body.

“Jo?”

“I’m fine.” She wrenched her hand loose as punctuation for her statement. Angry blue eyes turned on him, her smooth skin aglow with fury. “It’s just… the baby kicked my rib. It hurt.”

“But you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” She took a breath and stared at Val, anger so apparent that he could almost smell it in the air. Okay. It was obvious that Val and Darren had chosen not to tell Jo that he’d be there. He was going to punch the shit out of Darren later. Not that he wasn’t glad she was there, but he hadn’t wanted to surprise her like this. She looked way too pale now.

Val, with a knowing smile, just picked up her drink. “I’m just going to go into the living room for a few minutes.”

“Val—” Jo’s tone was almost pleading, but did no good.

Val waved her hand. “Don’t mind me!”

“Damn it, Val!”

As soon as Val left, Jo took a step backward, away from him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Why don’t you sit? You look... pale.”

“I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I figured… Hell, I thought they told you I’d be here. I mean, this is my baby too. It’s our baby shower.” He held out his hands with a half-shrug.

She was gorgeous, more so than the last time he’d seen her. But man, she had gotten bigger. The round belly was bigger than a basketball and she was walking differently, stiffly, trying to carry the weight. Even her hair had grown a few inches, with visible dirty blonde roots against the sunny blonde he’d grown accustomed to seeing on her. And yet, he did still think she was beautiful.

Jo snorted, derision so obvious she might have clunked him across the head with it. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.” Goddamnit, there were tears again. He hated seeing tears on her.

“How what was supposed to happen?”

“This. Us. The baby. Everything.”

“That’s life, sweetness. Things don’t always happen according to plan.”

She turned away from him, masking her face from him. He didn’t move, though he knew she was about to cry again. Tough Jo didn’t want his help right then. She didn’t want to cry. He’d known her long enough to recognize the signs. And he’d seen enough of her tears in the last few months to know when they were happening.

“I didn’t just come here for the baby shower. To Fort Glasgow, I mean.” Her voice was quiet, but reeked of emotion. He wished he could see her face. “We have to talk, Cody.”

Five words he hated to hear. Nothing good ever came after those words. But things couldn’t be any worse for him at this point. He wanted his wife back. Nerves made his stomach turn.

He motioned to the kitchen table, not two feet from the two of them. “Let’s sit and talk then.”

She nodded softly, and stepped to the table. She was bigger than he’d last seen her. Not in her smooth face, or anywhere else except for her stomach. Her hand rested under it, almost like she was supporting it as she sat at the table. He went to help her, but she waved him off. “I’m capable of sitting, thanks.”

“Sorry,” he muttered and took his seat next to her at the square table. “How are you doing? Feeling okay?”

“Good. Tired a lot. Achy. But good.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” She didn’t meet his eyes. Instead, she splayed her hands on the table, tapping them like on a keyboard. “This conversation is harder than trying to tell you I’m pregnant.”

“I think that cat’s out of the bag.” He glanced at her stomach. “So to speak.”

“Yeah.” She sucked in a harsh breath, and it shuddered as it left her. “This is really hard.”

“Want me to go first?”

She frowned, and then her watery eyes met his. As usual, fire swept between them. She had that way of making him feel like that all the time. Slowly, she nodded.

“Okay.” He had no clue how to start. “I want you to stay.”

“Cody—”

“You said I could go first.”

“Okay.”

“I know I’m more like a child. I know that I have no idea what a father is. Or does. But I want to work on it, for you. For her.”

It was his turn to blow out a shuddering breath. His chest ached with the emotion swirling inside him. “I was at my dad’s rink the other day. It was the first skate on the ice, and it was the first time my dad and I had shared the ice at all. Ever. How weird is that? I’ve known how to skate since I was four. But I can’t ever remember my dad and I skating together.”