Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (17 page)

“What, because of last night? Because I went out instead of coming home?”

“No, Cody, not because you went out. I couldn’t care less if you go out.” She rolled her eyes and went back into the closet. He tried to process what she was saying, but it just wasn’t sinking in right.

“Then why are you leaving?”

She stopped, and came out of the closet. She had a couple of blouses in hand, which she set on the suitcase before facing him. “Because you’re not ready yet.”

“Ready?”

“To be a father, Cody.” His jaw dropped. It was like she picked up one of his feet and lifted to knock him over. That was how he felt.

She took his hand, and staring down at it, she added, “I love you, and I need you, but you’re not ready to be a dad. And you don’t want to be.”

“What do you know about what I want, Joey?”

“I know that last night, you allowed yourself to get drunk like some twenty-one year old kid. That your father had to bring you home. I met your father for the first time in a robe at three in the morning.”

“I just—”

“I thought about it all night, Cody. You don’t have a clue what’s going to happen in another fifteen weeks.”

“That’s an unfair assumption.”

“Maybe. But the truth is, your dad was right. You have no frame of reference,” she replied. “You don’t know how to be a grownup, much less a father. And at the first sign of us actually doing something productive towards getting ready for this baby, you ditched, and went out to get drunk.”

Cody held back as much emotion as he could, but the pressure was building within him. His heart ached and throbbed with every beat it made. Panic rose up in his throat, tasting suspiciously like bile. She thought he was his dad.

“I’m not mad about this, Cody. I’m really not. I just did a lot of thinking last night, when I should have been sleeping, but damn it, I can’t even sleep without you next to me anymore.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

“Because I have to learn,” she said. The tears started to collect in her eyes then. “Neither of us are ready, really ready to be parents. But I talked to your dad last night, and I realized that if you don’t figure out how to grow up, you’ll end up like him. And I can’t stand by and let that happen. I am not cut out to watch you deteriorate. It hurts too much.”

“But, Jo—”

“I want us to take some time, and really examine if we’re ready for this because this baby is going to grow up with parents that are ready to be parents. And you need to figure out if you’re going to be one of them or not.”

“Wait, Jo.” Cody took her hands and sat her down on the bed as her voice cracked and tears appeared on her eyelashes. He knelt in front of her, and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “Remember what we said, before? There is nothing out there that we can’t overcome together. We’re a team.”

“That’s the thing, Cody. This… isn’t something to overcome. This is… our family. I’m just saying… I want you to make sure you’re ready to be a dad. Once you are, call me, because I do love you, and I so need you…” she paused, her voice cracking. “This is your free out. If you don’t want a child, then don’t call me. I won’t think any less of you. I’ll understand.”

“Jo, no. Don’t go.”

She stood up.

He stood up with her, cupping her face. “Please.” Desperate, he kissed her, tasting the salt of fallen tears on her lips. When they separated, she licked her lips, and covered his hands with hers. But instead of resting there, she wrapped her fingers around his hands and lowered them from her.

“You need to get dressed. You have interviews in an hour, and my dad is coming to pick me up soon.”

“You’re really serious about this?”

“Yes.”

“I thought you knew me better than this, Jo. You told me I was more than the sum of my father’s experience. And now you’re telling me that I don’t know any better than that. Which is it?”

Jo turned away from him, and shut the suitcase. The sound of the zipper sliced his heart open. She lifted it and placed it on the floor and turned back to him. “I do think you’re more than the sum of your father’s experience. But you don’t. And until you do, this baby won’t get your full attention, and it deserves more than being a part-time thought in your brain. She deserves more than that.”

“I love you.”

She nodded, but didn’t reply back. It was the first time she’d not said it back to him. And it wasn’t because she didn’t feel it, he knew that. It was because she just couldn't bear it. Tears ran down her cheek, even faster when they heard the front door close and her father’s voice from below calling her name.

“I have to go.”

And then she turned and left, dragging the suitcase behind her, shattering Cody’s heart in the process.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Week Twenty-Five

Cody stared out at the dark ice. The center was really coming together now. They were actually almost ready to open. But he couldn’t get excited about it. Because the one person he wanted to share this with wasn’t there to get excited with him.

“When did she leave?” Jeremy asked as he laced up his skates.

“A week ago,” Cody said, the misery not even masked in his voice. God, had it only been a week? Seven days? It felt like an eternity. The house echoed when he walked through it. He barely remembered to eat most days, and that was usually because Jo had always tried to remind him. She’d done a lot of things for him, he was beginning to understand. Out of love. Love that she no longer let herself feel.

“I don’t know, son,” Jeremy said, standing from the bench. “Seems like she’s made her mind up.”

He resisted the strong urge to wrap his fingers around his father’s neck and scream that his wife will eventually come back to him. Though every muscle in his body wanted to do it.

“I don’t know that she has.” Cody said instead, standing with him. He didn’t want to skate today, not on one of the few days off he had this week. But it was the inaugural skate of the new training center his dad was building. They were just about ready to open to the public, and Jeremy wanted to be the first on the ice. “I talked to her last night, and she didn’t seem sure of herself at all.”

“Wait…” Jeremy leaned one hand on the board and faced his son. “She left you and you’re still talking to her?”

Cody’s eyebrow rose. “Yes?”

“Why?”

“Because she’s my wife, Dad,” Cody replied. “And she’s the mother of my baby. We kinda need to talk.”

“Seems a bit weird to me.”

“Why? Because you didn’t bother?”

“Let’s not drudge up the past, Cody.”

“Why not? It’s a valid question. Is it so weird that I want to be part of my family’s life?” Cody felt anger rising up, so close to the surface his skin was boiling.

“It’s not that.”

“Sure it is. You left, and never looked back. I’m not going to be that guy.”

“Hey, I took care of you.”

“You sent a check every month, or you did, until you ran out of money.” Years of frustration simmered below the surface. “By then, we didn’t need you anymore.”

Silence reigned in the huge building. The rafters suddenly seemed so far up there, leaving the space below so big and lonely. Jeremy sighed and put his hands on his hips. He looked out at the ice, a forlorn expression on his face. “I wasn’t in a good place when you were growing up, Cody.”

He stopped. He’d never heard his father ever voice that before. It sounded almost… regretful. He shook the thought away. He didn’t want to hear the regret. He wanted things to just be. Thinking about how unhappy he’d been as a child didn’t solve anything. He just wanted to forget and move on.

“And despite me, you turned out a good kid.”

God, he was still talking. Cody didn’t respond. He didn’t have the words to say anything back. His eyes slid over the fresh ice, avoiding his father. He opened the door and glanced back for the first time. “Let’s break in the place.”

Jeremy looked at the ice, his throat working, and nodded. He passed by Cody and entered the ice, gracefully gliding out to center ice and turned in a big circle. There was a faint line on the ice where he’d skated. Cody followed, breathing in the crisp new air of the facility. Beyond them, he heard the workers still working on the lobby.

In a few weeks, this place would be a living, breathing hockey training center. It was his father’s dream. Hundreds of kids would come here to learn hockey in the future. He had hoped his own kid would too, honestly.

Except Jo didn’t seem to think he wanted anything to do with the baby.

Silence reigned, broken only by the scrape of the blades on the ice. Neither of them spoke for a long time. Cody didn’t know what his dad was thinking out there. He skated with his hands in his pocket, watching the ice pass beneath him.

How many years had it been since he and his dad shared the ice? Jeremy Baker, pro hockey player, had long been retired by the time Cody started for the national league. And he hadn’t seen the man for most of his teen and adult years. His father was mostly a stranger to him, and he was on his way to being the same way to his baby girl. Maybe that was what Jo had been afraid of happening.

*~*~*

Gavin had managed to avoid Misha for days. Not too shabby for sharing the same living space. Misha had left some note about going out with Zoe Logan for a few hours, so Gavin had decided to head out for beer.

Walking into the Penalty Box with the new rookie, Nikolai Dashkovitch, Gavin couldn’t help but wonder what his stupid fascination with Russians was. He’d befriended the kid as soon as he’d shown up for practice.

Maybe it was because he was like Misha was… except the two literally were nothing alike except for their heritage. Niko had dark hair, brilliant green eyes. He was lanky, not nearly as muscled as Misha.

“There’s a table over there,” Niko said. That was another thing different from Misha. Niko didn’t have a Russian accent. His parents were immigrants. He’d been born and raised in the States. But he still had those Russian cheekbones, and the pale complexion.

Gavin slid into the seat. The Red Wings were playing on the TV tonight. Normally, he’d watch the games, but that night, he just didn’t want anything to do with hockey. He leaned back in the seat, listening to Niko talk about his time in the minors, all six months of it. Tonight was the night where he’d be able to relax, and try not to think about Misha Kozlov.

Or so he thought. He sat up in a hurry as he saw Zoe Logan crossing the bar floor. She was dressed differently than he’d ever seen her before. She wore a red frilly blouse that dove in a deep V in front. Her black mini-skirt revealed supple thighs, and the heels made her legs look long and lean.

But the one thing that freaked him out the most was the man she was with. Misha’s hand rested on the small of her back, as the two wandered near the bar. He was dressed to the nine’s too, black pants, a loose-flowing black satin shirt. His blond hair was gelled so it stood up in a tousled mess. Gavin’s heart slammed against his chest. Coming to the Penalty Box was a stupid move. Of course, they’d show up here at some point in the night. Zoe’s dad owned the bar after all. Quickly, he excused himself from Niko, and left the table, beelining for the bathrooms.

But before he could make it, he heard Misha behind him. “Gavin.”

What was it about that man? Every time he said his name, it froze him, like his entire body was just waiting for orders. Slowly, he turned, but he wasn’t prepared for how close Misha was.

So close he could smell the aftershave.

“We need to talk.”

Gavin stared his friend straight in the eyes, unwilling to budge. “Nothing to talk about.”

“
lgun
.”

He knew that word.
Liar
. Boy was he ever.

“No. It’s okay, Misha. You were drunk. We can just forget it.”

Misha shook his head. “You just don’t get it, do you, Gav. Look, let’s talk, but not here, okay?”

“Where?”

“Nick’s office.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed—” He didn’t get to finish his statement. Misha grabbed his arm and pulled him beside him, through the double doors leading to the small kitchen, past that area and into the small office in the back.

Before he could react, Misha slammed Gavin into the wall beside the office and in the next second, a hot, male mouth covered his. It was the kind of kiss most people only ever dreamed of, that set a body on fire, that nothing short of dying would have compelled Gavin to break free.

Gavin gasped for breath as Misha pressed his pelvis against his, the length of his erection sliding along his. They were both fully clothed and yet, Gavin felt completely naked. And his entire body was tense and hard, ready to blow right then.

“I don’t suppose this leaves any question as to how I feel, does it, Gavin?”

Gavin shook his head, because he didn’t trust his voice. Misha sported an impressive erection, and his hips pressed against his in sinister ways that only strung him up tighter.

“Good.” Misha slid his arm around Gavin’s body and cupped the flesh of his ass. “I love this ass. I love how tight and round it is. Do you know what you do to me? I just want to spread these cheeks and fuck the hell out of you.”

“Oh, fuck,” Gavin groaned against Misha’s mouth, and lost his mind. He ducked and reversed their positions, slamming Misha against the wall face first. He rubbed his erection over Misha’s ass, as close to between the cheeks of his tight ass as he could get through clothes. “If you only knew how long I’ve wanted this ass. You.”

Misha chuckled. “Now you have me. What are you going to do with me?”

Gavin spun the man back around, and took quick possession of his mouth. He groaned as Misha’s tongue slid along his. He’d never felt so much passion in a kiss before, wanted so much.

They broke apart, both breathing hard, and rested their foreheads against each other’s. Misha’s blue eyes met his. “Do you know what you do to me when you look at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to devour me.”

“I should go,” Gavin said, releasing Misha.

“You afraid?”

“Fuck you. I’m not afraid. You were drunk, Mish. If we’d done anything, and you woke up the next day regretting it, it would destroy our friendship. I can’t do that. I can’t lose your friendship.”