Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (18 page)

“We’re not going to play games, Gavin. I want you. You want me. I don’t know why I have these feelings for you, why I find you attractive when no other man does this for me.
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.”

Gavin couldn’t make much sense of it either. He nipped Misha’s bottom lip instead, reveling in the spicy taste of his friend. “What do we do?”

“We do what we want,” Misha replied. Gavin wanted nothing more than to rip off all of Misha’s clothes, drag him to the floor and have his way with him. Clearly, Misha was feeling much the same way… But they were in a very public place, and the danger of anyone walking in on them at any time very real. “I do need to get back to Zoe. Will you be home later?”

“Are you seeing her? Did you fuck her?” It wasn’t jealousy he felt, surprisingly. The idea of watching Misha shove his cock into tiny Zoe turned him on like nobody’s business.

“No. She just needed a friend tonight. Seems she had a crush, and found out the guy was gay.”

“That’s rough.” Gavin chuckled. “She’s young. She’ll get over it.”

“I promised her a good night out.”

“You’re such a nice guy.” Gavin released Misha, much to his own chagrin, and backed away. His erection ached in his pants, throbbing its protest at being unfulfilled. “I have to get back to Niko anyway. I promised the kid a good night too.”

Misha’s gaze narrowed. “Are you and Niko…” His voice trailed off.

Gavin shook his head. “Kid is straight as an arrow.”

A small smile lifted the corners of Misha’s mouth. “Good. We should get back, then.”

Gavin chuckled as he rearranged himself and turned to head out of the office. His stupid grin faded the moment he turned and saw Zoe Logan standing there.

Her wide, innocent eyes, shocked beyond possibility matched the curved “O” of her mouth. There was no doubt in his mind that she had managed to witness this so very private moment.

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

“Zoe…” Misha managed to say.

She shook her head, waved her left hand wildly in front of her, as if that would make him stop. “I… Uh… “ She lowered her gaze, which just made him feel even more like shit.

He couldn’t do anything but wait. Zoe was still blocking the way out.

Finally, she lifted her eyes to him, stared him straight on. “I won’t tell Dad. Just make sure you clean up.”

And then she vanished, like a pale ghost.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Week Thirty-Three

Jo grimaced as she tasted the coffee her mother had made that morning. Decaf. Bland. She used to love this roast. At least before this pregnancy she did. Now it was bitter. She set the cup down. Nothing tasted right these days. Coffee was bitter. Eggs were tasteless. Even steak had lost its appeal. She’d had a thing for Mexican food for a while but even that had waned in recent weeks.

Her phone rang, and she grabbed it from the counter, grateful to think about something else besides bad tastes. “Hello?”

“Hey, Joey. How are you?” There was something soothing about Val’s voice when she called. And she called often, at least once a week since she’d left Fort Glasgow.

“Hi Val. I’m good. You?”

“Doing okay. I thought I’d call and see how you were doing?”

How was she doing? Jo didn’t really know. Beyond having no taste buds, and this baby laying on her lungs, she felt pretty numb.

“As a counselor?” she asked.

“As a friend.”

That answer made her tear up. She shuddered out a quiet breath, hoping Val didn’t hear it over the phone. She was miserable. That was how she was doing.

“So, what can I do for you, Val?” Jo stirred the coffee she wasn’t going to drink as she balanced her cell on her shoulder. She glanced out the kitchen window. The sky was overcast, but then it usually was for most of April in Morning. Lots of rain. Muggy weather. In a week or so, it would be hot as hell and sunny.

“Well, you’re due in under two months, right?”

“Yeah. About seven weeks. In June. Why?”

“You haven’t had a baby shower yet.”

“A baby shower?”

“Yeah, it’s that thing pregnant women’s friends do for the pregnant woman. We throw you a party and give you things for the baby.”

“I know what a baby shower is,” Jo said, half annoyed. “Why are we talking about one?”

“Because I want to give you one.”

A pause. Jo frowned, and absently stirred her coffee.

“Why?”

“Because I like you and want to do something for you.” Val’s chuckle vibrated through the phone.

“Is this some kind of pity party?” Because she was pitying herself quite well on her own, thank you.

“Jo, the only one who is pitying you is you. I just want to throw you a party.” Val sighed into the phone. “Why don’t you come up and visit next weekend? I can get some people together for the baby shower then. Something nice and informal.”

“I just don’t think that’s a good idea right now, Val.”

“Please? We don’t even have to go near an ice rink.” Val added, “I think it would be good for you, too.”

“How is he?” She wasn’t able to stop the question from pouring out of her mouth. She could have picked up the phone and called Cody instead. It wasn’t like they were on non-speaking terms, but it was always awkward. But Cody always seemed in a good mood when they talked, and she was miserable.

“He’s good. He misses you.”

“Right. He said that?” Disbelief colored her words.

“No. But I see it. He loves you.”

“Love was never our problem,” Joey replied quietly.

“Look, come up and see me. We’ll go shopping. We’ll party and then you can go home. Everyone needs some fun time.”

Jo thought hard on it for a minute. It would be nice to see Val. To pretend that she was happy in her life. She sighed. “Fine. I’ll come up next Friday.”

“Perfect.”

Jo ended the call, and sunk onto the bar stool. Guess she was heading back to Fort Glasgow next week. Her heart was split in two, both excited by the idea of going home, and dreading it at the same time.

*~*~*

Cody shoved the door to the house open, and kicked it shut with a gentle thud of his foot against the wood. The sound echoed through the house. Two weeks straight of road games made him want to just trudge up to bed and pass out. He was so tired. Of hockey, of traveling, of this house.

No. That wasn’t right. He wasn’t tired of this house. He was tired of how empty it was. Jo brought a certain life to it. She opened the blinds in the morning, and shut them at night. That way sunlight filled the place all day long. He could close his eyes and still see the way her gorgeous curls fell over her shoulder, or the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about something she was passionate about. The house was empty without her to fill it.

This was the first road trip in which she wasn’t here when he came home. They always spent the day after a road trip together. He’d messed everything up and now she wasn’t here.

He threw his keys and his bags on the couch, not even slowing down on his way to the stairs. The stairs felt like a mountain, each step burning his tired thighs. Six games away from home. Coach Rogers had finally pulled him for the last game, because he couldn’t even concentrate anymore. No doubt Vince would probably call him into his hospital room to yell at him for it too. Hopefully, the more level-headed Ellie would talk some sense into him before that happened, because Cody wasn’t sure how he’d react to someone yelling at him. He’d been on edge for days. Finally, he made it to his room, and collapsed on the bed.

He flopped over and stared up at the ceiling. The room was dark, except for where the moonlight shone through the blinds. That made him miss Jo more, because she always shut the blinds for him. And now he was collapsed on the bed, tired as hell, and she was nowhere in sight.

He stood up, groaning as his muscles stretched uncomfortably, and made his way to the window. He glanced out, looking down into the front yard. Moonlight bathed the landscaped greenery. There were Texas day-lilies lining the house, but he couldn’t see them at night. Those were Jo’s favorite.

He sighed and walked down the hall, his footsteps echoing in the silence. Why didn’t they have a dog? They should have had a dog. At least then he wouldn’t be alone right then.

He paused, and pushed the door he stood next to open. This had been the office, but neither of them really needed an office. Instead, they’d decided to make it the baby’s room. Boxes and boxes of baby stuff had been piled onto the desk and chair left in the room. On one side, there was the crib, still in the box, leaning against the wall.

So many things. There was a box of stuffed animals. There was a box of plastic toys. Wall decals. A mobile. Bottles, and diapers. A high chair. A play pen. Boxes of baby stuff. For such a tiny thing, babies required a lot of stuff.

He ran his hand along the side of the crib box. They hadn’t even had a chance to fix the room. The baby was due in six weeks. He stiffened. Why hadn’t they done this yet? Six weeks and they’d have a baby. It didn’t feel real, like it was really going to happen.

He knew the answer. They hadn’t done it because he’d flaked on Jo. Because he hadn’t been ready for fatherhood. It was getting to be a redundant thought in his head. He’d been too busy reconnecting with his own father that he didn’t realize he needed to be one too.

Was that his problem? Had he been pretending that they weren’t so close to being parents? Where had the months gone? It seemed like yesterday that she called him and told him she was pregnant, that she was screaming he was fertile in the middle of the doctor’s office. But that had been near the beginning of the season. The Highlanders were going into playoff season now.

And he had a week off with no games.

It was time to get ready. He gripped the crib’s box, and upended it, dumping the contents on the floor. His toolbox was already in the corner, so he grabbed a hammer, and his Allen wrenches, and sat down on the floor to put it together.

Maybe Jo thought he wasn’t ready. Maybe she was right. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t change his ways. As it was, the baby felt like some mystical object that may or may not show up at the end of the gestation period. Maybe if he sat down and fixed all the things in this room, it would feel more real. Or maybe he was really nuts.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Week Thirty-Four

Ed came into the kitchen just as Jo hung up the phone. His expression turned grim. He glanced down to her forgotten cup, and then back up to her face. “Something wrong with the coffee?”

She shook her head.

“Something wrong with you then?”

Jo smiled and shook her head. “No, I’m okay. Just… thinking.” About a baby shower. About Cody. Her marriage. Her home. Her baby currently resting on her damn lung. Damn it. She’d been just getting used to being in Morning again, and Val had to go and call her, make her remember when she’d been happy, at home with her husband.

“Are you sure that hiding here is the right thing to do?”

“Dad, I’m not—”

“Don’t get me wrong.” Ed interrupted like she hadn’t even started talking. “We enjoy having you here, especially since Michele left for Italy. The house is a little too quiet now.” Ed slid into the stool across from where she stood. “But you’re not happy here. You never have been.”

“It’s just a difficult situation, Dad. I’ll be okay.”

“Oh, I have no doubt of that. You’re your mother’s daughter, for sure.”

“Headstrong and stubborn?”

“That too. You know, I learned a lot about people when I was a sports writer. There’s all kinds in sports. There’s guys that play harder when they’re angry. There’s guys that quit when it gets tough. And there’s those that are just lost.” Ed leaned on his elbows. “Cody is none of those.”

“Can we not talk about this?” Jo took her coffee cup and dumped it down the sink.

“We need to, because you’re not understanding him.”

She slammed the cup down by the sink and turned to face her dad. “I know my husband.”

“And Cody knows the game. He’s a hockey player, through and through. He knows how to be successful there.”

“What’s your point?”

“But,” Ed ignored her interruption again, “with family, he struggles. I know a lot of that has to do with his father not being around. Hell, even his mother wasn’t around all that much. Trust me, I covered a lot of Highlander shenanigans over the years. His was one story. He had a very public introduction to the hockey world. And I know you’re scared that he’ll end up following in his father’s footsteps. But he’s not his father.”

Jo didn’t say anything, but she didn’t look at her father either. It was strange to hear her father going to bat for a man that wasn’t related. She should have felt betrayed, but she didn’t She loved Cody, but worried that love wasn’t enough.

“Cody needs more help than he’s been given. He knows hockey, but that’s about all he knows. Family? Kids? That game is less familiar to him. But you know it, very well.”

“Dad,” she said, “you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am. But I do understand hockey players a little more than you do, you know.”

“What do I do, Dad?” Jo broke down, and flopped into the bar stool. “He doesn’t want the baby.”

“Did he say that?”

“Well, no.” Jo blinked. She thought back over all their conversations. From the moment when he was mad at her for not telling him about the baby, to the first ultrasound, to shopping for baby things… He’d never once said he’d not wanted the baby.

“Then why are you making it out to be like he doesn’t?”

“I… I don’t know.” Truth rang clear through her voice, surprising her.

“You know what I think?”

“Probably nothing I want to hear.”

“You’re not ready for this baby, or rather, you think you’re not ready, and somehow you’re transferring that onto Cody. So he came home drunk. So he blew you off. So what.”

“What? Are you kidding me?” Confusion rushed through her, along with anger she’d been holding tight to for weeks. “Dad...”

“Oh, Jo, I know you. You’re scared, and it’s easier to cop out than to deal with this. You’re feeling trapped.” Ed sighed and stood up. “Look, I can’t tell you how to live your life any more than I could tell Michele not to pursue her dream in Italy. You’ve got a husband that loves you and a family that will stand behind you, no matter what. Whether you are feeling trapped or you’re just scared… we’re all here for you. But that child needs her family. Make sure you can give her that. And give her a chance to know her father.”