Authors: Leanne Banks
He called her name. She responded with more banging. She was mad. And she was jealous. The notion made him grin stupidly.
“Lauren, come out here and talk to me.”
“Go away.”
“Not until you let me explain.”
“I don't want to hear it,” she said, and banged some more.
Gabe expelled a heavy breath and leaned against the door. “She was just returning a book I loaned toâ”
“Yeah, I'm sure it's her reading skills that you like,” she said loudly, cutting him off.
“I don't like anything about her,” he said, and sighed. “I hardly know her. She was returning a book I loaned to her sister. Now, will you come to the door so we can stop yelling?”
Pots banged again. “I said, go away.”
Exasperated, Gabe straightened his back. “I hardly know her, like I said. You've no reason to be jealous.”
The banging stopped. Gabe waited, but she didn't come to the door. The sudden silence was almost eerie. After a few minutes, he gave up and headed down the steps. He'd been back in his own house for about ten minutes when he heard the sharp rap on his front door. Lauren stood on the other side of the screen, cheeks ablaze, chest heaving.
He pushed the screen back and watched, fascinated and suddenly wholly aroused as she glared at him, hands planted on her hips.
“I. Am. Not. Jealous.”
Oh, yeah, she was.
Gabe raised a brow. “No?”
Lauren pulled the screen out of his grasp and held it back farther. “No.”
“I think you are.”
“And I think you're an egotistical jerk,” she shot back. “I've no interest in anything you do.”
Every feeling, every ounce of desire he had for her rose up, and in that moment, Gabe was powerless to do anything other than smile broadly. “Then why are you on my doorstep?”
* * *
Lauren's resolve crumbled a little. Damn him. She shouldn't have let her temper get the better of her. Coming to his door was crazy thinking. “Because...we're arguing and Iâ”
“No, we're not,” he said, and reached out to take her hand. “I think...” He paused, looking deep into her eyes. “I think this is more like foreplay than an argument.”
Lauren flushed and pulled back. “Of all the conceitedâ”
“Let's not have this discussion on the doorstep, okay?” he said as he turned and walked down the hall.
Lauren stayed where she was for a moment.
I should turn around and go home.
I really should.
Instead, she crossed the threshold, closed the door and followed him into the living room. When she entered the room, she saw he was standing by the sofa. And he was smiling. Lauren wasn't sure if she wanted to slug him or kiss him.
“Come here,” he said softly.
She took a deep breath and stepped toward him. “You are the mostâ”
“That woman who was here earlier is Megan's sister, Cara. She returned a book I loaned to Megan,” he said, cutting her off again. “Megan is sitting a nurse's entrance exam next week,” he said quietly, cutting her off again. “And that's all. She may have had another motive, but I'm
not
interested in her...okay?”
Her heart raced.
Oh, sweet heaven.
She tried to ignore the heat that traveled across her skin as well as the seductive sound of his voice. But failed. Every sense she possessed was on high alert.
“I shouldn't care what you do...” When he grasped her hand, she crumbled some more. “Gabe...I...I just...”
He lightly shrugged his magnificent shoulders and gently urged her closer until there was barely a whisper of space between them. “I can't fight this anymore,” he admitted hoarsely. “I want to. I know I need to, for your sake, because you deserve more than the empty words of a future I simply can't promise you. And I've really tried to stop wanting you...but I can't.”
There was such raw passion in his words, and Lauren's breath was sucked from her lungs. She moved closer and they touched, chest against breast. Gabe wound his arms around her, urging her against him.
“I've tried, too,” she said through a sigh.
Gabe touched her face and kept his gaze connected with hers as he rubbed his thumb gently across her chin. Lauren tilted her head back and smiled. In all her life, she'd never experienced anything like the sensation of being near Gabe, or his soft, mesmerizing touch.
Their mouths met, and Lauren's head spun. His kiss was like nothing on earth. His hands were warm against her back, his mouth gentle as he coaxed a response. Lauren gave it willingly. She would give him anything. Everything. And the revelation rocked her through to the core.
I am so in love with him. Completely, irrevocably, crazily.
She opened her mouth, tasted his tongue against her own, felt a rush of pleasure coil up her spine and across her skin. She whispered his name against his lips, and Gabe urged her closer. Lauren sighed deeply from that way-down place, which was fueled by need and longing and a powerful rush of desire.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered raggedly, moving his mouth from her lips to her cheek. “So much.”
Lauren moaned, all resistance gone.
Just for tonight. I can have this. I can have him. I can pretend it will work out.
“I want that, too.”
Gabe grasped her hand and led her down the hall and into his bedroom. He released her and flicked on the bedside lamp. The big bed was covered in a patterned blue quilt, and she swallowed hard as nerves spectacularly set in. His gaze never left her, and she felt the heat of his gaze through to her bones.
“So...here we are.”
Lauren didn't move. “Here we are.” She managed a tiny smile. “I'm a little nervous.”
“You don't need to be.”
There was desire and passion and tenderness in his eyes. He wouldn't rush her. He wouldn't coerce or manipulate her with empty words. He opened the bedside drawer, found a condom and dropped the packet on the mattress, and even that made her long for him all the more. He was sweet and considerate. He was everything she wanted.
“Lauren, come here.”
She moved toward him and stopped about a foot away. Desire and heat swept through the room with seductive force. She wished she'd had a chance to change into something sexy and filmy. The skirt and T-shirt seemed way too ordinary.
She rested her hands against his chest and then trailed down to the hem of his shirt. “Take this off,” she said boldly, and saw him smile.
Gabe pulled the shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. “Better?”
Lauren nodded. “Much,” she replied, and traced her fingertips down the middle of his bare chest and twirled her fingers through the dark hair. She noticed a faded crisscross of small scars near the curve of his armpit and instinctively reached up to outline a finger along the skin there.
He tensed instantly.
“What's this from?” she asked softly.
“It's...nothing,” he replied, equally as quiet. “Forget about it.”
“Gabe, Iâ”
“Shh,” he said, and placed two fingers gently against her lips. “Later. Right now, let's forget about the past. Let's be in
this
moment.”
Lauren's eyes widened as she slid out of her sandals. She liked the sound of that. She dropped her hands and deliberately took her time as she gripped the edge of the T-shirt and slowly lifted it up and over her shoulders. Then she tossed it onto the foot of the bed and inhaled deeply. The white lace bra she wore was modest, but beneath the smoldering brilliance of Gabe's blue eyes, she felt as though it was the sexiest piece of underwear on the entire planet.
Heat charged between them, and she pushed past any lingering insecurity. He wanted her. That kind of look couldn't be faked. He had no agenda. She sucked in a breath and spoke. “Your turn.”
He quickly flipped off his shoes and grinned in such a sexy way, her legs trembled. “Back to you.”
She sucked in more air, willed strength into her knees as she unzipped her skirt and hooked her thumbs into the waistband. She heard his breath catch, saw the hot desire in his eyes. And waited. Took a breath. Then met his gaze head-on and slowly stripped the garment over her hips. She pushed it aside with her foot and rounded out her shoulders. Her briefs were white cotton and lace high-cuts. Not nearly seductive enough. Not the kind that aroused desire. Except Gabe looked hotly aroused, and it made her want him all the more.
“So,” Lauren said, way more steadily than she felt. “You?”
Gabe's hands stilled on his belt, and his smile was pure sexual heat. He released the buckle and slid the belt from the loops. “Done,” he said, and dropped it on the carpet. “Next?”
At a distinct disadvantage, Lauren smiled and backed up toward the bed. She reached around and slowly unclipped her bra, then eased herself from the shoulder straps and pulled the garment free. The bra fell from her fingertips and landed at her feet.
He looked at her and let out a ragged groan. Her nipples peaked instantly. “Okay...enough.”
Lauren wondered what he meant for a microsecond, wondered if he found her lacking. But then he was in front of her, reaching for her, wrapping his arms around her. His mouth hovered over her eager lips, waiting to claim, waiting for her surrender. She gave it, completely and wholly and pressed against his chest. He captured her mouth in a searing kiss and gently fisted a handful of her hair. There was no force, no reticence, only need and desire and the realization it was the perfect kiss. The perfect moment. And all other kisses were quickly forgotten.
They tumbled onto the bed, mouths still together, hands moving over skin. He cupped one breast, and Lauren moaned low in the throat. His fingers were firm yet gentle, his mouth hot against her as he trailed down her cheeks, to her neck and then lower still, to where she ached for his touch. There was magic in his hands and mouth, and Lauren experienced a surge of feeling so intense, so deep, that it warmed her through to her bones. For the first time in forever, she was exactly where she wanted to be, and she sighed heavily as she shook in his arms.
“What is it?” Gabe asked and looked up. “Are you okay?”
Lauren smiled and touched his face. “I'm fine. Don't stop,” she pleaded, and grabbed his shoulders.
“I have no intention of stopping,” he said, and kissed her hungrily.
It was what she wanted to hear. What she needed to hear. The kissing went on, soft and hard, slow and fast, mesmerizing and wholly arousing. Lauren pushed against him, felt the abrasive denim rub across her thighs. “You're still wearing too many clothes,” she whispered, and placed a hand on the band of his jeans.
He smiled against her skin. “You, too,” he said, and pushed her briefs over her hips in one smooth movement. The way Gabe looked at her was real and heady and made her spin.
Naked and without inhibitions, Lauren curved against him and popped the top button on his jeans. She tugged at the zipper and laughed delightfully when he rolled her over and kissed her again.
“Please,” she begged softly, and grabbed the waistband again.
“Relax, Lauren,” he said, and curved a hand down her back and over her hip. “There's no need to hurry.”
He was wrong. There was a need to hurry. She wanted him desperately. She wanted to feel his skin against her, taste his kiss over and over and have the weight of his strong body above her, inside her. It was a need unlike any Lauren had ever known. “I want you,” she said against his mouth. “Now.”
“Soon,” he promised, and moved his hand between them, stroking her where she longed to be touched with skillful, gentle intimacy. Tremors fluttered across her skin, and Lauren responded instantly. The heat grew as her breath quickened, and she let herself go, up and up, shaken by a white-hot, incandescent pleasure so intense, she could barely draw breath. She'd forgotten that feelingâforgotten how good it felt to experience such powerful release. Gabe kissed her again and smothered her soft groans and whispered pleas.
She laid her hands on his jeans and felt him hard against the denim. “You really are wearing too many clothes.”
He nodded and swung his legs off the mattress. As he watched her, the connection between them shimmered. Then he smiled that lovely smile she longed for more than any other. Seconds later, his remaining clothes were off, and once the condom was in place, he was beside her on the big bed. They kissed again, long, hot kisses, tongues dancing together, skin on skin. She touched him as she'd wanted to do for weeksâhis thighs, his arms, his back. His smooth skin burned beneath her fingertips, and when his mouth found her breast and he gently toyed with the nipple, she arched her spine off the bed. He moved above her and Lauren lay back, urging him closer. She wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders, opened herself for him and waited for that moment. He rested on his elbows, hovered above her and looked into her face with scorching intimacy.
The moment was achingly sweet and unbelievably erotic at the same time.
He nudged against her until finally they were together. Lauren sighed deep in her throat. She loved the feel of him. Being with Gabe felt right. He didn't move for a moment, didn't do anything other than stare deeply into her eyes.
“You're so beautiful, you take my breath away,” he said softly.
It was a lovely, romantic notion, and Lauren absorbed his words right though to her heart. No one had ever spoken to her with such quiet tenderness. She blinked back tears and shuddered, feeling every part of him against her in a way she'd never experienced before.
He moved, and she went with him, up and over into that place where only they existed.
Chapter Ten
G
abe stirred, stretched out and took a deep breath. The soft scent of flowers played around in his memory. Lauren. He snaked an arm across the sheets, expecting to find her asleep beside him. But he was alone.
The digital clock on the bedside table read 4:00 a.m. A thin sliver of streetlight shone through a gap in the curtains, and he heard a dog barking in the distance.
Gabe swung off the bed, grabbed his briefs and jeans from the floor and pulled them on. He left the bedroom, padded down the hall and found Lauren in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a mug between her hands. Her tousled hair and T-shirt was enough to stir his blood. He could easily make love to her again. And again. And every day for the rest of his life.
Whoa.
He couldn't promise that. What if he didn't have a rest of his life? Only now. This moment. If his illness returned, he wasn't about to drag Lauren into what that would mean. She'd been through enough. She already buried the one man she'd loved. How could he do that to her again?
She looked up when he entered the room and smiled. “Hi. Tea?” she offered, and tapped the mug.
“Sure,” Gabe said, even though he didn't really care for the stuff. He watched her get up, move around the counter and flick on the kettle. “Couldn't sleep?” he asked.
She shook her head and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. “Not really. Sorry if I woke you.”
Gabe walked into the galley. “Everything all right?”
“Sure,” she said quietly, and popped a tea bag into the mug. “I'm not a sound sleeper. Comes from living alone, I guess.”
“You're not alone now, though.”
The kettle dinged, and she poured the water. “For the moment...no.”
An odd twitch caught him behind the ribs. He stepped closer and touched her arm. “Lauren, forget the tea.”
She inhaled and turned toward him. “You mean you want to have
the
talk? Before you skedaddle me back home?”
There was a familiar spark in her eyes, and it was a look he knew. She was annoyed with him. “I mean, forget the tea and come back to bed.”
She twisted back to the sink. “I thought we'd haveâ”
“A postmortem?” He reached across and touched her cheek. Unable to help himself, he smiled. “Let's not do that. You think too much.”
“I don't,” she insisted. “And it's insensitive of you to laugh at me.”
Gabe gathered her in his arms, kissed her forehead and spoke gently. “You're being a little ridiculous, you know that?”
She sagged against his chest, and he tightened his grip. “I know. I'm just not used to feeling like this. I'm not used to
doing
this. We hardly know one another. I was looking for something else, and then you move in next door with your blue eyes and nice smile and I was...I was...”
He pulled back and softly grasped her chin. “You were what?”
She let out a long breath. “Done for.”
Gabe's insides contracted. What was she saying? That it was more than a developing friendship and blinding physical attraction? That she loved him?
Sure, he had feelings for Lauren. A lot of feelings. And making love with her had been out of this world. But falling in love wasn't part of his plan. Hell, it was out of the question at the moment. Not when he didn't know if he actually
had
a future. He had a five-year plan and intended to stick to it. Lauren deserved more than empty promises. Or another casket to grieve over.
“Lauren, we're friends and I'dâ”
“Friends with benefits?” she said, and cut him off as she pulled away. “I really hate that expression. It's a convenient line to avoid commitment.”
Gabe bit back a frustrated sigh. “The only thing I'm trying to avoid is hurting you.”
She blinked hard. “Well, you're not doing so great.”
He knew that. There were tears in her eyes, and he'd put them there. “If I'd thought you wouldn't beâ”
“Forget the condescending speech, Gabe,” she said, cutting him off again. “I'm sorry I'm not able to take the emotion out of sex. Blame it on my traditional upbringing, but I've always thought that making love should mean exactly that.”
She was right. It should. “I agree. And there was nothing casual about last night for me, Lauren. But I can't promise you more than this....” He paused and took a breath. “More than now. I can't say what the future will bring, and I don't know where I'll be.”
She pulled herself from his embrace. “Are you leaving? Going somewhere? Are you going back to California? Is that why youâ”
“No,” he said quickly, and urged her close again. “Of course not.”
“Then what do you mean?”
Guilt hit him between the shoulder blades.
Tell her the truth....
But he couldn't. “Forget it. Come back to bed, Lauren.”
Her eyes glistened, and she nodded.
Back in his bedroom they made love again. This time it was quicker, hotter, as though they had a need that had to be sated. Afterward, Lauren stretched and sighed and curved against him. And he was, Gabe realized as he drifted back to sleep, happier and more content than he could ever remember being before in his life.
* * *
At seven, Lauren rolled out of bed and met Gabe in the kitchen, wearing only a navy blue bathrobe he'd offered. He'd made pancakes, and she'd agreed to try them before she returned home to shower and change and head to the store. Despite her earlier display of emotion, there was an easy companionship between them, as if they'd done it before, as if they knew one another deeply and intimately.
Which they did, she figured, coloring a little when she remembered the way they'd made love just hours ago. Being with Gabe was like nothing she'd experienced before. He was an incredibly generous lover. He was thoughtful and attentive, and they were well matched in bed.
What about out of bed?
Was there enough between them to stand up to the test outside the bedroom? She hoped so. He'd made no promises, offered no suggestions that their relationship would go beyond one night together. But there was no doubt in her mind that what they'd shared was more than simply sex.
“Are you okay?” he asked, watching her as she mulled over her second mug of tea.
Lauren looked up and smiled. “Fine. Just thinking I should get moving. I have to open the store this morning, and if I'm late, my mother will ask a thousand questions.”
He grinned. “Can I see you tonight?”
Lauren's insides jumped. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
“Yes.”
Her brows arched. “That's quite a commitment. You sure you're ready for that?”
He came around the table and gently pulled her to her feet. “I guess we'll find out as we go.”
He kissed her with a fierce intensity that had
possession
stamped all over it. And Lauren didn't mind one bit. They made out for a few minutes, and when he released her, Lauren was left breathless and wanting him all the more.
“I'll just grab the rest of my clothes,” she said with a smile as she left the kitchen.
Back in his bedroom, she gathered up her clothes and quickly changed back into her underwear, skirt and T-shirt. She found her shoes at the foot of the bed and slipped into them before she walked into the en-suite bathroom to return the robe. She hung it on a hook and turned toward the mirror. Only to be faced with her pale complexion and mussed
bed
hair.
She moaned and finger combed her bangs. There were remnants of mascara clinging to her lashes, and she looked for a tissue to wipe beneath her eyes. When she found nothing on the counter, Lauren opened the overhead cabinet. And stilled immediately.
A long row of medication bottles caught her attention. Serious medication. Very serious. She'd seen similar medication bottles before. Along the same shelf, there were vitamins and several homeopathic tonics. Lauren's blood ran cold. Why would a strong, healthy man like Gabe need so much medicine? It didn't make sense. She suppressed the urge to examine one of the bottles, but her mind continued to race. A rush of possibilities scrambled in her head. He was a doctor...perhaps it was something to do with that?
It's none of my business.
But she still longed to know.
Immediately embarrassed that she'd even noticed the bottles, she was about to shut the cabinet when she heard a sound from the doorway.
“Lauren?”
Gabe's voice. Marred with concern and query. She turned to face him and found his expression was completely closed off. Unreadable. Guarded.
Her mouth turned dry. “I was...I was looking for a tissue.” She stopped speaking and looked at him. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have opened theâ”
He stepped forward and closed the cabinet door. “You should leave if you're going to open your store on time,” he said flatly.
Lauren's stomach lurched. He looked solemn. He looked annoyed; he looked as though she'd invaded his privacy in the worst possible way.
“What's going on, Gabe?” she asked, stepping out of the en suite and into the bedroom. “Why are youâ”
“I'll see you out,” he said, and swiveled on his heels.
Lauren followed him out of the room and was halfway down the hallway when she said his name. He stopped and turned.
“What?” he asked.
“Exactly,” she said.
“What?”
They were now both in the living room doorway, neither moving. He was tense, on edge, and Lauren resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. He looked as if he wanted her gone. And the notion hurt through to her bones.
“It's nothing,” he said quietly. “We should both get ready for work.”
Lauren shook her head. “Don't do that. Don't shut me out.”
Silence stretched between them like a piece of worn, brittle elastic. Somehow, the incredible night making love with one another and the lovely relaxed morning sharing pancakes and kisses had morphed into a defining, uncomfortable moment in the hallway.
All because she'd seen medication in a bathroom cabinet.
An odd feeling silently wound its way through her blood and across her skin. And a tiny voice whispered in the back of her mind. As the seconds ticked, the whispering became louder, more insistent. Something was wrong. Had she missed signals? Had she been so wrapped up in herself she hadn't really seen him? And without knowing how or why, Lauren suspected the answer was within her grasp.
Just ask the question.... Ask him.... Ask him, and he'll tell you....
“Gabe...” Her voice trailed off for a few moments and she quickly regathered her thoughts. “Are you...sick?”
Shutters came down over his face. She'd seen the look beforeâthat day at the hospital when they'd met near the elevator. He'd been coming from the direction of the specialist offices.
The
oncology specialist.
Lauren scrambled her thoughts together. Suddenly, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear his reply.
“No,” he said finally.
“But...”
“I was,” he said when her query faded. “Eighteen months ago.”
A sharp pain tightened her chest. A terrible, familiar pain that quickly took hold of her entire body. It was hard to breathe, and she didn't want to hear any more. But she pressed on.
“What did youâ”
“Hodgkin's lymphoma,” he said impassively, cutting her off.
Cancer...
Lauren's knees weakened. He'd had cancer.
Just like Tim.
She swallowed the thick emotion in her throat. Every memory, every fear, every feeling of despair and pain she'd experienced with Tim rose up and consumed her like a wave. Tears burned the backs of her eyes, and she struggled to keep them at bay as a dozen questions buzzed on her tongue.
And then, like a jigsaw in her mind, the scattered pieces of the puzzle came together.
Gabe seemed to understand the despair she'd experienced at losing Tim. And he also seemed to understand the other man's motives better than she ever had. Gabe didn't want commitment. He wasn't interested in a relationship.
If you waste your heart on me, I'll break it....
She put her hand to her mouth and shuddered. It was too much. Too hard. Too familiar. And then she ran. Out of his bedroom. Out of his house. Out of his life.
* * *
By midday, Gabe was silently thanking Lauren for doing what he couldn't. For walking away.
For racing away...
It was better than facing what he'd expectedâthe reflection, the realization.
The pity.
Of course she'd taken off. What sane, sensible woman wouldn't? It certainly hadn't taken Mona long to find the door once he'd given his ex-girlfriend an opportunity to bail on their relationship. She hadn't wanted to waste her life on a man with a death sentence.
And neither would Lauren.
Which is what he wanted, right? No involvement, no feelings, no risk.
Now he just had to convince himself.
Last night had been incredible. The best sex he'd ever had. But it had been a mistake. And wholly unfair to Lauren. From the beginning, she'd been clear on what she wanted, and Gabe knew he'd somehow ambushed that goal by allowing himself to get involved with her. He had a five-year plan, and he still intended sticking to it.
He got a text message from Aaron around two o'clock.
You still haven't called Mom.
He replied after a few minutes and got back to work.
I'll get to it.
When?
Gabe snatched the phone up and responded.
When I do. Back off.
He turned the cell to mute, logged off the computer and sat deep in his chair. He was, he realized as he stared at the blank screen, out-of-his-mind bored with his job. Shuffling paperwork during the week and attending to jellyfish stings and sunstroke on the weekends simply didn't cut it. He wanted more. He needed more.