Authors: Leanne Banks
“I'm sorry about before,” he said, and held her close.
He regretted their kiss? “Sure. Forget about it. I have.”
His breath sharpened. “I meant that it was hardly the place to start something like that. I hadn't planned on kissing you for the first time while two hundred people were within watching distance.”
“So you
planned
on kissing me at some point?”
“After what happened at your brother's wedding, and all the time we've spent together since, I really don't think we could have avoided it.”
Her brother's wedding? Was he referring to what he'd overheard her say to her friends? How she'd thought about him naked? Conceited jerk. “You're not irresistible, you know.”
“I'm not?” he queried, and rested a hand on her hip.
Lauren could feel him smile as her forehead shadowed his chin. “No.”
He chuckled. “So I guess that means you won't want me to kiss you again?”
Her belly fluttered. “Exactly. You have to remember that we want different things.”
“That's right. You're still looking for Mr. Reliable?”
“Yes. And not Mr. Roll-in-the-Hay.”
“Too bad for me, then,” he said, still smiling. “Incidentally, have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
“You mentioned it.”
Lauren couldn't help smiling. Their banter was flirty and harmless. Nothing more would happen unless she wanted it to. Gabe was charming and sexy, but he also oozed integrity. And she might have been tempted to sleep with him. If she didn't like him. But she did like him. A lot. Too much. And with her heart well and truly on the line, a night in his bed wouldn't be worth the risk, despite how much she wanted it.
“You're easily the most beautiful woman here tonight.”
It was a nice line, even if she did think he was being overly generous. The song ended and Lauren pulled back a little. “Thank you for the dance.”
“My pleasure.”
As he walked her back to her table, Lauren was very aware that her mother was watching them. She could almost see Irene's mind working in overdrive. Cassie wasn't at the table, and she immediately asked after her friend.
“I think she went inside to collect her bag,” her mother explained, and then patted the vacant seat, inviting Gabe to sit down.
“Be back in a minute,” Lauren said, and walked from the marquee.
She found Cassie in the clubhouse upstairs, sitting on the small couch in the corner of the same room the models had used earlier as a dressing room. There were rails filled with gowns along one wall and shoes were scattered across the floor. Her friend looked up when she came through the doorway.
“Everything all right?” Lauren asked.
Cassie had her arms wrapped around her abdomen and grimaced. “It's nothing. I'm sure it's nothing.”
Lauren's gaze moved to Cassie's thickened middle, and she walked across the room. “Are you in pain?”
“I'm fine,” Cassie replied, and then clutched at her abdomen with both hands.
Suddenly, her friend looked the furthest from fine that Lauren had ever seen.
“What is it?” she asked and dropped beside the sofa. “What can I do?”
Cassie shook her head. “I don't know...I don't know what's wrong. It might be the baby.”
There were tears in her friend's eyes, and Lauren quickly galvanized herself into action. Falling apart wouldn't help Cassie. “You need to see a doctor. I'll get Cameron to carry you into my car, and then I'll take you to the hospital.”
She turned on her heels and headed for the door. Evie, Grace and Mary-Jayne were at the top of the stairs talking. “What is it?” Evie, the original earth mother, asked, and stepped toward the room.
“Cassie's ill.”
The three women were in the room in seconds, and Evie touched Cassie's forehead with the back of her hand. “She has a temperature.”
Cassie doubled over and gripped her belly. “It hurts so much. I'm scared. I don't want to lose my baby.”
“It's okay, Cassie, you'll be fine. I'll ask Cameron toâ”
“Grace, M.J.,” Evie said quickly, and cut her off. “You'd better go and find Gabe.”
Gabe?
Both women nodded and backed out of the room. Lauren waited until they'd disappeared and turned her attention back to Evie.
“Evie, I'm sure Cassie would prefer my brother to get her to the hospital.”
Evie shook her head. “She needs a doctor. Right now.”
“I agree. But I can't see howâ”
“Lauren, Gabe
is
a doctor.”
When Gabe entered the room, he spotted Lauren standing by the narrow sofa, comforting her friend. She looked at him, and his chest instantly tightened.
She knows....
Damn. But he'd known it was bound to come out eventually.
He wavered for a second before quickly turning his attention to the woman on the sofa. He asked Cassie a series of questions, such as how severe was the pain, was it constant or intermittent, was she spotting. And as Cassie quietly answered, he felt Lauren's gaze scorching the skin on the back of his neck.
It was hard to stay focused. Memories of that terrible night in the E.R. flooded his thoughts, and panic settled in his chest.
Just do it
. That night another pregnant woman had needed his help, and he'd failed her. But he couldn't fail Cassie. Not when Lauren was watching his every move. This was Lauren's closest friend. She'd be inconsolable if anything happened to her.
It was all the motivation Gabe needed to pull himself together. Instinct and experience quickly kicked in, and he asked Cassie to lie back on the sofa. He gently tilted her to her left side and asked questions about the position and intensity of the pain. He then quickly checked her abdomen. After a minute he spoke. “Okay, Cassie, I need you to relax and take a few deep breaths.”
Cassie's eyes were wide with fear. “Do you think it's the baby? I don't want to lose my baby. I can't...I just can't... Not when Doug is so farâ”
“You'll be okay. Both of you,” he assured her and patted her arm. “We'll get you to the hospital.” He turned toward Evie. “Call an ambulance. Tell them we have a patient in her second trimester with probable appendicitis.”
Cassie let out a sob. “Do I need an operation?”
He nodded and squeezed her hand. “It'll be all right. You and your baby will be fine.”
By the time the ambulance arrived, Gabe had Cassie prepared, and they were ready to go. Lauren volunteered to collect some of her friend's things from her home and meet them at the hospital. Gabe spoke to the paramedics as they carefully loaded Cassie onto the stretcher, and then he followed in his truck.
By the time he reached the hospital, Cassie was already being transferred to the surgical ward and was being prepped for an emergency appendectomy.
He'd been in the waiting room for about forty minutes when Lauren walked through the doorway. She'd changed into jeans and a blue shirt and carried a small overnight bag in one hand. She came to a halt when she spotted him.
“Is she in surgery?” she asked quietly.
Gabe got to his feet. “Yes. Is there someone we should call?”
“Only Doug, her boyfriend,” she replied and placed the bag on the floor. “He's a soldier on tour, and I don't know how to contact him. I guess I could check the numbers stored in her phone. She doesn't have any real family of her own other than her grandfather, and he's in an aged-care home and suffers dementia. Doug has a brother in South Dakota, so I could call him if anything...I mean, if something...” Her eyes shadowed over. “If something goes wrong with Cassie or the baby.”
“She'll pull through this,” he said, fighting the urge to take Lauren into his arms.
“Do you know what's happening to her?” she asked coolly.
“You mean the surgery?” He drew in a breath. “They'll probably give her an epidural or spinal anesthesia as it's safer than general anesthesia.”
“And the baby?”
“The safest time for a pregnant woman to have surgery is during the second trimester. Cassie is seventeen weeks along, so she and the baby should be fine.”
“Should?” Lauren's brows shot up. “Is that your professional opinion?”
It was an easy dig. “Yes.”
She dropped into one of the vinyl chairs and sighed heavily. “I feel like such a fool.”
“Lauren, I wanted toâ”
“It's so obvious now,” she said, and cut him off dismissively. “That first night when I picked up Jed and I got the splinter. And the old lady on the beach. And then when my dad sprained his ankle.” She made a self-derisive sound. “How stupid I would have sounded to you, prattling on about how you'd make a good paramedic. What a great laugh you must have had at my expense.”
Guilt hit him squarely between the shoulders. She had a way of making him want to tell her everything. “I wasn't laughing at you.”
She met his gaze. “No? Then why all the secrecy?”
Gabe shrugged one shoulder. “It's a little complicated.”
“Handy cop-out,” she said, clearly unimpressed. “I thought we were...friends.”
I don't know what we are.
But he didn't say it. Because he didn't want to be her friend. He wanted to be more. And less. He wanted to take her to bed and make love to her over and over. He also wanted to stop thinking about her 24/7.
“I lost a patient,” he said, and heard how the hollow words echoed around the small room. “So I took some time off.”
Her expression seemed to soften a little. “Oh...” He could see her mind ticking over, working out a way to ask the next question. “Was it because of something you did wrong?”
“Indirectly,” he replied and sat down opposite her. “It was around midnight and I'd worked ten hours straight. I left the E.R. for a while, and when I was gone, a young woman was brought in. She was pregnant and hemorrhaging, and a second-year resident treated her. Unfortunately, the patient and her baby died.”
She stared at him. “How awful.”
“Yes,” he said, remembering the event like it was yesterday. “It was a terrible tragedy. And one I will always regret.”
“You said you weren't there at the time,” she said, and frowned. “Which means it wasn't actually your fault.”
Guilt pressed down. “It was. Even though I wasn't the only doctor in the E.R. that night, I was the attending physician on duty, and I should have been there when I was needed the most. A less experienced resident was forced to handle the situation and because of that, a woman and her child died.”
It wasn't an easy truth to admit. And it sank low in his gut like a lead weight. It didn't matter how many times he replayed it over in his mind. He should have been there. His arrogance and self-importance had been the reason he'd failed the patient. The blame lay at his feet. And his alone. If he'd followed his own doctor's advice, he wouldn't have returned to work so quickly. Instead, he'd ignored everything and everyone and done it his own way. With fatal consequences.
Her eyes widened. “Were you sued?” she asked. “Was there some kind of malpractice suit? Is that why you quit being a doctor?”
Gabe's stomach tightened.
Quitter.
He'd called himself that over and over. But it had been easier leaving medicine than swallowing the guilt and regret he'd experienced every time he walked through the hospital corridors.
“There was an inquiry,” he said, and ignored how much he wanted to haul her into his arms and feel the comfort of her touch, her kiss, her very soul. “The hospital reached a settlement with the woman's family. I wasn't implicated.”
“And the other doctor?”
“She was suspended and left the hospital soon after.”
Lauren twisted her hands in her lap. “Would you have saved the patient if you were there?”
Gabe took a deep breath. “I believe so.”
“But you don't know for sure?”
He shrugged lightly. “Who can know anything for certain?”
Her gaze was unwavering. “But as a physician, wouldn't you be trained to deal with absolutes? Life or death. Saving a patient or
not
saving a patient. There are no shades of gray. It's one or the other, right?”
Her words cut deep, and he wanted to deny the truth in them. “I can'tâ”
“So tell me the truth,” she said, and raised her brows. “Why did you really quit being a doctor?”
Chapter Eight
L
auren pushed aside the nagging voice in her head telling her to mind her own business. She couldn't. He was a mystery. A fascinating and infuriating enigma. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything.
Because...because she liked him. As hard as she'd tried
not
to, she was frantically drawn toward Gabe. The kiss they'd shared earlier that evening confirmed it. She hadn't planned on having feelings for him. But now that she had them, Lauren was curious to see where it might lead. He was attracted to her.... Perhaps it might turn into more than that. Maybe he'd reconsider his no-commitment position. Just as she'd begun to rethink her own plans for wanting a relationship based on things other than desire or love.
Love?
Oh...heavens.
I'm in big trouble.
The biggest.
Desiring. Liking. Loving.
Her once broken and tightly wrapped-up heart had somehow opened up again. And she'd let him in. Even if he didn't know it.
“I told you why,” he said, and got to his feet.
Lauren watched him pace around the room. The tension in his shoulders belied the dismissive tone in his voice. “You told me you felt responsible for losing a patient that wasn't directly
your
patient. How is that your fault? How is that a reason to throw away your career?”
He stilled and stared at her for the longest time. Lauren knew she was way out of line. He would have been well within his rights to tell her to go to hell. But she knew he wouldn't. There was something in his expression that struck her deeply, a kind of uneasy vulnerability she was certain he never revealed. Not to anyone.
“Walking away from that life was one of the hardest things I've ever done,” he said quietly. “I don't expect you or anyone else to understand my reasons.”
Lauren drew in a shaky breath. “I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like I'm judging you. I'm not,” she assured him. “It's just that I...I guess I...care.”
He didn't budge. His blue-eyed gaze was unwavering. Only the pulse in his cheek indicated that he understood her meaning.
“Then, don't,” he said, and crossed his arms. “We've been through this before, Lauren. You want something else, something and someone who won't give you grief or pain or disappointment. That's not me. If you waste your heart on me, I'll break it,” he said, his voice the only sound in the small room. “I won't mean to...I won't want to...but I will. I'm not the middle road you're looking for, Lauren.”
Humiliation and pain clutched at her throat. But she wouldn't let him see it. “Sure. Whatever.” She stood and grabbed the bag at her heels. “I'm going to check on Cassie.”
She left the room as quickly as she could without looking as if she was on the run. Once she was back in the corridor, Lauren took several long gulps of air. Her nerves were rattled. Her heart felt heavy in her chest. She made her way to the cafeteria and stayed there for the next hour. She was allowed to see Cassie when she came out of surgery, but her friend was groggy and not very talkative. By the time Lauren headed home, it was past midnight.
Gabe's truck was not in the driveway, but she heard him return about twenty minutes after she did. She didn't want to think about him.
If you waste your heart on me, I'll break it....
It was warning enough. She'd already had one broken heart when she'd lost Tim. Lauren wasn't in the market for another. He'd made his feelings, or lack thereof, abundantly clear.
* * *
After a restless night where she stared at the ceiling until 3:00 a.m., on Sunday morning, Lauren headed off to the hospital. Seeing Cassie lifted her spirits.
“You look so much better today.”
“Thanks,” Cassie replied, and sighed.
Lauren placed the flowers she brought on the small bedside table. “When are you getting out of here?”
“Tomorrow,” her friend replied. “The surgery went well, and the baby is okay.”
There was a huge look of relief on Cassie's face, and Lauren smiled. “I'm so glad to hear it. Did you manage to reach Doug?”
She shook her head. “But I left a message.”
Lauren could see her friend's despair. “I could try to call him. Or perhaps you should contact Tanner, and he could try to get in touch with his brother.”
Cassie sighed. “I haven't spoken with Tanner since the last time he came home, which was a couple of years ago. Last I heard, he was still horse whispering in South Dakota. Doug will call me,” Cassie said assuredly. “He will. I know it. I left a message and said it was important. He'll call me,” she said again.
Lauren hoped so. Doug's reaction to the baby had been lukewarm at best, and she knew Cassie hadn't heard from him since.
“So,” Cassie said, and grinned. “About Gabe. I thinkâ”
“Let's not,” Lauren pleaded.
“Indulge me. I'm the patient, remember?” she said, and patted her IV. “I'm guessing you didn't know he was really a doctor?” she asked. “And a pretty good one, by the way he reacted yesterday.”
“I didn't know,” she admitted.
“I guess he had his reasons for keeping it a secret.”
Sure he did. He was emotionally unreliable and therefore unattainable. She'd get over him soon enough. For the moment, he was just a distraction, and her fledging feelings would recover. Lauren was sure of it.
It didn't help that the object of her distraction chose that moment to enter the room.
With Mary-Jayne at his side.
Of course, she knew he was acquainted with her friend. He was Scott's cousin, and Evie was Mary-Jayne's sister. Still...a little burst of resentment flooded her veins.
She met his gaze. He looked so good in jeans and a black polo shirt, and walked with the easy swagger she'd come to recognize as uniquely his. Lauren tried to smile and failed.
“Look who I found outside,” Mary-Jayne announced with a big grin.
“Ladies,” he said easily, and stepped into the room. “Am I interrupting?”
“Not at all,” Cassie was quick to say. “I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to say thank you for yesterday.”
Gabe shrugged. “No thanks necessary. As long as you're feeling better.”
“Much,” Cassie said, and beamed a smile. “Are they for me?” she asked of the bunch of flowers in his hand. When he nodded, her friend's smile broadened. “Daffodils are my favorite. Thank you.”
Lauren fought back a surge of jealousy and drew in a deep breath. So he met Mary-Jayne in the hallway, and Cassie was a little starstruck?
It means nothing to me.
One kiss didn't amount to anything. She had no hold on him and shouldn't care that her friend might have a harmless crush on the man who'd potentially saved her and her baby. Besides, Cassie was devoted to Doug.
She hopped up from her chair and took the flowers, careful not to touch him. He said hello, and she managed to reply and then disappeared from the room in search of a vase.
“What's up with you?”
Lauren came to a halt and waited for Mary-Jayne to catch up. “Nothing.”
Her friend grabbed her arm. “We met in the hall, that's all.”
“I don't know what you mean.”
Mary-Jayne's slanted brows rose up dramatically. “Sure you do. Dr. Gorgeous in there only has eyes for you.”
“That's...that's ridiculous,” Lauren spluttered. “We're just neighbors.”
“You can deny it all you want, but I know what I see.”
If you waste your heart on me, I'll break it....
His words came back again and sat like lead in her stomach.
The nurses happily obliged her with a vase, and when they returned to the room, Gabe was sitting beside Cassie's bed, and her friend's hand rested against his forearm. The scene looked ridiculously intimate. Resentment bubbled, and Lauren pushed it away quickly.
“I was just telling Gabe how grateful I am,” Cassie said, and patted his arm one more time before she placed her hands in her lap and grinned at him. “Again.”
He shrugged in a loose-shouldered way, but Lauren wasn't fooled. “I'll get going. Good to see you all.”
Once he was gone, Cassie blew out a low whistle. “Boy, could you two be any more into each other and less inclined to admit it?”
Lauren colored wildly. “That's ridiculous.”
“Yeah, right,” Cassie said, and grinned. “I'm not the most observant person in the world, but even I can see that you have some serious feelings for him.”
“And I think right about now is the time for me to leave,” Lauren said gently, and grabbed her bag. She loved Cassie. But now wasn't the time to have a discussion about her feelings for Gabe. Feelings he'd made perfectly clear he didn't want and couldn't return.
“You know, I'm sure he had his reasons for not telling you he was a doctor,” Cassie said, ignoring her indication to leave. “If that's what's bugging you. Some people don't like talking about themselves.”
I know...I'm one of those people.
“I'll see you tomorrow. Make sure you let me know when you're leaving so I can pick you up. My mother is insisting you stay with her and my dad for a couple of days.”
She hugged both her friends goodbye, and by the time Lauren arrived home, it was past midday. She got stuck into some cleaning and sorted through a few cupboards in the kitchen. It was menial, mind-numbing work that stopped her dwelling on other things. Or at least gave the impression. Later she did some admin work for the store and spent an hour in the backyard, weeding and repotting some herbs. Gabe wasn't home, and that suited her fine.
When she was done, it was well past five, and Lauren headed inside to clean up. She took a long bath and dried herself off before cozying into candy-pink shorts and matching tank shirt. She called Cassie and arranged to pick her friend up the following morning. With that done and the store organized for next day, Lauren ignored the idea of dinner and mooched around the cupboards for something sugary. Being a usually health-conscious woman, the pantry was bare of anything she could call junk, and she made do with a bag of organic dried apples.
She was sitting on the sofa, watching television with her knees propped up and dipping in for a third mouthful of apple when the doorbell rang. Lauren dropped the bag and headed up the hallway. When she opened the door and found Gabe standing on her porch, Lauren took a deep breath. He looked tired. As though he hadn't slept for twenty-four hours.
Well, too bad for him.
“What do you want?”
He had an envelope in his hand. “I got the estimate for the new fence. You said you wanted toâ”
“Sure,” she snapped, and held out her palm.
He placed the note in her hand. “You're under no obligation to pay half. The fence is my idea and I'd ratherâ”
“I said I'd pay for it,” she said, cutting him off.
He threaded his fingers through his hair, and she couldn't stop thinking how mussed and sexy he looked. “Okay. If you're sure. Check out the estimate and if you agree, I'll get the contractor to start work in the next week or so.”
Wonderful. A great high fence between them was exactly what she needed.
“I'll let you know,” she said through tight teeth.
He nodded, shrugged a little and managed a smile. “I'll talk to you later.”
He turned and took a few steps. Lauren wasn't even sure she'd spoken his name until he turned back to face her.
“Yes, Lauren?”
She pushed herself out of the doorway, and the light above her head flickered. He was a few feet away, but she could still make out every angle of his handsome face. A question burned on the edge of her tongue. Once she had her answer, she'd forget all about him.
“Why did you kiss me last night?”
The words seemed to echo around the garden, and the sound of insects chorused the silence that was suddenly between them. He took a couple of steps until he stood at the bottom of the stairs.
“If you think this is such a bad idea,” she went on, getting stronger with each word. “If you believe there's nothing going on here...why did you even bother?”
He let out a heavy breath. “Because I had to know.”
She shivered, even though it was warm outside. “You had to know what?”
“I had to know what your lips tasted like just one time.”
Her shiver turned into a burn so hot, so rampant, Lauren thought she might pass out. She grabbed the screen door to support her weakened knees. No man had ever spoken those kinds of words to her. Tim had been sweet and a little shy. James's flirtatious nature had been obvious and overt. But Gabe was somewhere in between. Not shy. Not obvious. He was a seductive mix of reserve and calm, masculine confidence.
“And that's all it was? Just...just a single kiss?”
“What do you want me to say to you?” he shot back. “Do you need to hear that I want to kiss you again? That I want to make love to you? Of course I do. I've told you that before. I've never denied that I'm attracted to you, Lauren. You're...lovely. You're smart and beautiful and the more time I spend with you, the more I want you. But I can't give you the kind of commitment you want. Not...not right now.”
Not right now?
What did that mean? A possibility popped into her head. “Are you married?” she asked. “Or separated? Is that why youâ”
“Of course not,” he cut her off tersely.
“I had to ask,” she said, and sighed. “You're so hot and cold, Gabe. You say one thing to me and then do another. I'm confused, and it seemed plausible.”
“Well, it's not. I've had three semiserious relationships and a few one-night hookups. But I've never been married. I thought about it when I was with my last girlfriend, but we never got around to making any firm plans. In between, I was busy with my career.”