Forget You (28 page)

The second I laid back against the grungy
mattress, the room stopped spinning, and my stomach seemed to be on
its way to settling. What the hell had happened to me? Did I have a
concussion? In all my years of racing bikes growing up, I’d never
suffered from one, but Ryker had. The time he flew over the
handlebars when this kid with a big competitive chip on his
shoulder cut him off hardcore during a race flashed through my
mind.

I remembered him in the hospital, and the
doctors running tests to check various things. Then when he went
home, he was dizzy and confused for a while. Bright lights had hurt
his eyes, and he was slightly lethargic. The doctors had claimed
his symptoms could last for a few weeks, but in Ryker’s case, it
had only been a few days. Never did I remember seeing him throw up
from the dizziness though. That’s what scared me about being here
most; this woman wasn’t a damn doctor. Why was she keeping me here?
It was almost as though I was her fucking prisoner.

EVA

The wedding had been beautiful, freezing, but
beautiful. Blaire looked stunning in her sweeping white gown.
Tinley, her little niece, had stolen the show for a bit with how
cute she looked as she made her way down the dock dressed in a pale
yellow, frilly dress with a white furry cape wrapped around her
tiny shoulders. She set out every single flower in her basket one
at a time in a delicate manner on her way to the preacher. My
favorite part had been seeing Blaire and Jason lock eyes as she
stepped through the back door.

That moment had been priceless.

It made me grateful I had decided to pull
myself together and be here for them. This was their special day,
and I was honored to have been invited to witness it. After they
said their I-dos and kissed, the entire group, who had been given
the same privilege as I to witness their beautiful day, clapped and
cheered for them. It was an amazing moment.

The reception was inside the house,
thankfully. When Blaire first mentioned the decision to have both
the wedding and the reception at Jason’s place, I’d been opposed to
the idea. All I could think of was how cold it would be and how
tiny the house was on the inside, but Blaire had insisted it was
what Jason wanted. He got to pick the place, and she got to pick
everything else. That was the agreement they had come up with, and
it had turned out beautifully.

“Drink?” Cam asked, coming up behind me. I
spun to face him, taking note of the glass filled with something
dark and red. Red wine, my favorite. “You look like you could use
another. You’re scowling.”

I took the glass from his fingers. “I feel
hollow, like this is all a dream, and I’m not really here. I’m
trying to be happy, and I am happy for both Blaire and Jason. I’m
just so not in the mood to be here.”

Cam nodded and pulled me in for a hug. “I
know. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit
for though. Most people wouldn’t have come today. Most people would
still be locked inside their bedroom.”

“Trust me. That’s exactly where I want to be
right now.” I leaned into him, and blinked away the tears
threatening to spill over.

I spotted Sharon, Jason’s mother, staring at
me from across the living room. Her face twisted into a strange
expression, and I looked away. Pulling myself from Cameron’s arms,
I ran my fingertip under my eyes, and sniffled. Straightening my
back, I took a small sip of wine, determined not to make a scene
here. I was sure that’s exactly what Sharon thought I was on the
verge of doing.

My eyes traveled over the roomful of people,
taking in all the happy faces. Happy. I needed to focus on how
happy I was for Blaire and Jason.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Sharon was
directly behind me.

My stomach sank as I imagined all the things
she would more than likely say to me about being here today. The
first one was probably how I was ruining Blaire and Jason’s
glorious atmosphere with my sour and depressing mood. Then she
would probably mention that I should have stayed home and mourned
alone behind closed doors instead of coming to her son’s wedding
with all of my baggage.

“Sure.” I flashed a small smile.

Sharon moved through the little groups of
people crammed into the living room, sitting here and there with
plates of food balanced on their laps. She headed straight toward
the back of the house. I followed behind her through the narrow
hallway, and into Jason and Blaire’s computer room while knots the
size of my fist formed in my stomach.

Closing the door behind us, Sharon
immediately pulled me in for a hug. The unexpected motion nearly
made me spill my wine.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
Her hand stroked against my back in a soft, motherly way. “I know
how hard it must have been for you to come here today, but I want
you to know that Jason and Blaire are elated you did.”

“Thank you,” I said, only because I didn’t
know what else to say.

When she finally released me and pulled back,
her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. I swallowed hard, fighting
the urge to down the remainder of my wine in an effort to ease this
awkward moment.

“When Jason’s father passed, I stayed in bed
for three weeks before I decided to finally pull myself up by the
laces and move past the grief. I knew he would have wanted me to,”
she said. “I’m amazed at your strength.”

I resisted the desire to scoff and tell her
exactly how strong I wasn’t, that I was more along the lines of a
damn good actress.

“Love is difficult to find, but we never stop
to think about how difficult it is to lose.” A sad smile twisted
her lips. “I think that’s the hardest part, when you lose it.”

The tears I’d attempted to blink away while
wrapped up in Cam’s arms flooded my eyes again. I wiped them away
with the tip of my finger, and dropped my gaze to the floor.

“I didn’t know him for long. I’m not even
sure if I’d reached the point of loving him,” I admitted.

She’d been married for years to the man she
lost and had a child by him. How could she compare what I was
feeling to what she’d felt? It seemed like comparing apples to
oranges. My sadness couldn’t even be a fraction of what hers had
been.

“Love knows no time limits.” She reached out,
and wiped away a traitorous tear before pulling me back in for a
hug. “The only thing love knows is truth, and the truth of the
matter is you wouldn’t be feeling this way if you didn’t feel
something
for him, even if it was just the beginnings of
love.”

My tears flowed faster at her beautiful
words. I
had
felt something for Sawyer, something I’d never
felt with anyone else before.

“I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just
wanted to let you know how strong I think you are, and to say how
incredibly sorry for your loss I am.” She smoothed her hand across
my back, and then stepped away. “I’ll leave you to your
thoughts.”

I nodded my head, but didn’t speak. Sharon
exited the room, leaving me alone. Sniffling, I wiped at my eyes,
and let out a few deep breaths as I attempted to gather myself.
While it might be true that I had felt something for Sawyer, I was
still determined to forget.

You can’t be hurt by someone you can’t
remember
, I thought.

This wasn’t a new theory of mine. It was
actually one from my childhood. One I used to repeat to myself when
I was a little girl and missing my mother. One I used to repeat
when I grew older, and was thinking of the horrible things that had
happened to me while in the care of my previous foster parents.

I’d used those words—that thought—many times
throughout my life to get through situations. Inhaling deeply, I
was determined to apply it to this situation as well.

Gripping the doorknob, I stepped out into the
hallway, and started toward the party. Downing the rest of my wine,
I headed to the kitchen for a refill.

“Hey, there you are,” Lauren said. She was
leaning against the counter, sipping on a glass of wine. “I was
looking for you.”

“Here I am,” I said. I moved around her, and
poured myself another glass. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Lauren shook her head. “Just
wanted to see how you were doing.”

I wished everyone would stop asking me that.
I wished they’d all stop checking on me and leave me the hell alone
already. That’s all I wanted—to be left alone. How could I put my
motto to use when everyone kept bringing him up?

“I’m fine,” I insisted with a little more
sharpness to my words than was probably necessary.

Lauren nodded, and took another sip of her
wine. “Okay.”

Lauren never was one to pry. If someone said
he or she was fine, she left the person be. She didn’t dig deeper
or nag an issue to death. This was another reason why we got along
so well.

The sounds of laughter, whistling, and music
filled the house all of a sudden. Arching a brow at me, Lauren
smirked.

“Looks like this party is finally getting
started!” She headed in the direction of the commotion, already
moving her hips to the music as she walked.

I followed her, and spotted Blaire sitting in
a chair in the center of their beautifully decorated living room.
She was blushing like a schoolgirl as Jason worked his way down to
his knees, and gripped the edge of her dress. He muttered something
to her I couldn’t hear, and she playfully slapped him across the
chest, just before he dipped his head underneath her dress.

Blaire’s head fell back in laughter as Jason
maneuvered her garter belt free from her thigh with his teeth. The
entire place erupted into a fit of claps and whistles when he came
out with it dangling from his mouth. Blaire shifted, and arranged
her dress so you couldn’t tell Jason had been under it, her face
still flaming. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to suppress my
smile as happiness for the two of them swelled within me.

Jason stood, and flung the scrap of blue and
white into a group of guys standing to the side. Cameron caught it.
He spun it around his index finger as he flashed everyone a
shit-eating grin. When his eyes landed on Paige, he arched a brow,
and she beamed at him.

“Line up, ladies!” Blaire shouted. Her smile
was still in place, and her cheeks were still stained pink. “Time
for me to throw this thing!” She waved her bouquet in the air.

Lauren locked arms with me, and pulled me to
where the single women were congregating in the center of the room.
I laughed, and didn’t put up much of a fight. The energy and
excitement of the moment was infectious. Blaire stood with her back
facing us, and did a few practice motions, before she released the
bouquet of white and yellow roses into the air. It brushed across
the ceiling, making silken petals rain down on us, before landing
directly in my hands. For a second, everyone in the room seemed to
still. The irony of the situation was not lost on me, and for
whatever reason, I cracked. Laughter straight from my gut bellowed
out of me. Soon, everyone in the room joined in, and the mood
shifted.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was my
frazzled emotions, but all I could think was how mocking the
universe was.

SAWYER

I couldn’t be sure exactly how much time had
gone by, but I did notice the stubble on my face was now thick and
bushy. When I wove my fingers through the coarse hair, I was amazed
that it seemed to have come in less patchy than I would have
thought. My dizziness was going away gradually, and the cloths the
woman had been using to clean the area around my ear seemed to hold
less puss and dried blood when she changed them out.

I’d concluded that, during the blast, my
eardrum must have ruptured. I also thought I could have possibly
incurred a concussion when I was thrown backward from the blow.

Swallowing the final spoonfuls of the
broth-like soup I’d been offered, I skimmed my eyes over the woman
caring for me. While I was grateful beyond words that she had taken
me to her home and nursed me back to health, I still needed to
leave. I needed to let my unit know I was alive. The worry my
family and Eva had been notified days or even weeks ago that I was
dead or missing hit me like a punch to the gut every time I thought
about it. They needed to know I was okay, that I had survived.

“Home. I need to go home,” I said.

Surprisingly, she nodded in agreement this
time.

I wasn’t sure if this meant she finally
understood what I was asking, or if she was finally agreeing that
it was okay for me to go now. Either way, an unexpected release of
tension swept through me. I could have cried right there, without
her saying a single word to clarify her simple nod, I was so
happy.

After leaving the room, the woman came back
with the same bowl and cloth she’d used on me before. After dipping
the cloth in the water, she washed my face. I gripped her hand, and
took the cloth from her fingers, thinking if I did this for myself
then maybe she would understand even more I was better. Her
chocolate brown eyes watched me intently as I washed, accessing my
every move. Before I could finish, she stood and left the room.

Sighing, I wondered if she understood. Dear
God, I prayed that she did. I wanted out of here. Removing my
shirt, I began to wash my body. Once I was finished, I dressed
again and walked to the door of the room. Looking out for the first
time, I spotted the little boy flipping through the pages of a book
while lying on the floor. He glanced at me, and said something I
didn’t understand. After an awkward pause, he smiled and I returned
it. His mother entered the room then; she took my hand and led me
to a window near the front door. When I looked out, I had no idea
where I was. She said something, and then led me back to the room
I’d stayed in. I did as she wanted, but it would be the last time.
If she didn’t take me to a base camp or someplace where someone
could speak English, then I would leave on my own tomorrow
night.