Forget You (31 page)

Removing myself from Cameron’s side, I made
my way toward Sawyer without moving my eyes from his.

“You won’t win. I don’t even know why you
try,” I teased him.

“I won that first day,” he insisted. “I’m
looking at my prize right now.”

I crinkled my nose and laughed. “Corny.”

“Whatever.” He grinned. “You know you loved
it.”

“I did,” I smiled as I pressed my lips to his
to show him how much.

Please continue reading for a Coldcreek Short
Story.

A COLDCREEK SHORT STORY

By

For most, the word
forgive
doesn’t
hold any weight. It’s just a word in the English language, one that
gets tossed around as much as all the others. Sometimes though,
there are situations that arise when that one small, seemingly
simple word can mean everything. It can lighten a load you were
positive you would stay crushed beneath forever.

Cobalt eyes, the same shade as my own, stared
back at me. The second those beautiful eyes blinked, life was
poured back into me, allowing me to breathe again.

Ryker was a dad.

I was an uncle.

Veda Keeton stared into my eyes as though she
could see straight to my soul. Her tiny fist moved up to rub her
eyes, and for the briefest of moments, I felt as though time stood
still. The reality of the moment crushed me.

Here I was, sitting in the apartment of my
high school sweetheart, the girl who had broken me with her list of
generic reasons as to why we would never work out shortly after
graduation, holding her three and a half month old child. The same
child who was just as much my brother’s as hers.

My brother was a dad, but his daughter was
fatherless.

Veda squirmed in my arms, and little fussy
noises passed through her lips. She was most likely on the verge of
crying, but I didn’t care. The sight of her made me happy—happier
than I’d ever thought possible. Inside of her, there was a piece of
my brother. He lived through her.

“She’s beautiful,” Eva whispered from beside
me.

“Ryker did good.” I smiled.

As though she were protesting, Veda let out a
long-winded wail. She squirmed even more in my arms as her little
lungs bawled out cries louder than one would think possible from
something so small.

“I think she’s hungry,” Camilla said.

She stood, and walked to where I was seated
on the couch to peel Veda from my arms. Chewing the inside of my
cheek, my mind continued in its struggle to wrap around the news of
my brother’s child.

“Do you two care?” Camilla asked over Veda’s
cries as she motioned to her chest. “I breast feed.”

Eva jumped up, and handed her the thin
blanket from between us. “No, go right ahead.”

“Thanks.” Camilla smiled. She took the
blanket, and then proceeded to cover herself and Veda.

Silence soon filled the room. My mind
continued to fumble through thought after thought. I’d only learned
of Veda’s existence a week ago, Easter dinner to be exact. It had
been a dinner for the record books to say the least. Why my parents
had chosen that moment to spill the news, I couldn’t be sure. Eva
and I had talked about it later on, and she seemed to think it was
symbolic in some weird way. While Eva wasn’t religious by any
means, she still had her deep philosophical moments. Her reasoning
as to why Easter had been the perfect time to learn of my brother’s
child was because Easter stood for a time of rebirth, and what
better way to celebrate such a thing than with the news of an
actual birth. I, on the other hand, wasn’t buying it.

“She has such a beautiful name,” Eva said.
“How did you choose it?”

“Thanks.” Camilla adjusted the blanket draped
over Veda and herself. She locked eyes with me for a split second,
and I knew what her answer would be, because I knew her. Even
though so much time had passed since we’d been together, I still
remembered everything about her. You never forget your first love.
“I was always a sucker for the movie
My Girl
.” She
smiled.

The countless times I’d sat through that
movie with her flashed before my eyes, and I smiled.

“You always said if you had a girl, you’d
name her Veda. I guess you weren’t joking, huh?” I chuckled.

Camilla shook her head, and grinned.
“Nope.”

“I loved that movie,” Eva added. “I always
cried when the girl’s best friend died.”

“Me too! It was so sad!” Camilla agreed.

As the two continued in their talk about
My Girl
and its sequel, I zoned out. My brother should be
here for this moment and so many more. He should have been there
for the birth of his daughter; he should be here now, while we sit
around and discuss where her name came from.

The simple fact that he wasn’t was
unbelievable.

I thought back to the moment my parents
decided to drop the bomb on me about Ryker and Camilla’s
relationship. The entire conversation surged through my mind once
more. I remembered the sinking feeling that had penetrated my
stomach. I remembered the level of betrayal that had sliced through
me. How I’d been conflicted by my emotions. I had Eva, my beautiful
wife, who I loved dearly, sitting directly beside me, but at the
same time, learning of my brother and my ex sleeping together and
creating a kid still shattered me. My mind had been so split. The
only words that passed through my lips had been,
did he love
her?

I’d been so fearful to look at Eva after
saying such a thing. I had never intended to hurt her with those
words, but the question mattered to me. Its answer was important in
a way I couldn’t explain. If Ryker had loved Camilla, then I could
forgive him for dating the girl who had crushed my heart, but only
because I knew from personal experience what love could do to a
person, how it could change your view on the entire world, how
easily it was to get swept away by it. If that had been what my
brother had somehow found in Camilla, then I was happy for him.

The moment I’d been reliving cracked to
reveal the ugly truth hidden beneath. Ryker had kept his
relationship with Camilla, as well as the pregnancy, a secret. This
was what won out in the battle within my mind; this was the stuff
that kept me up at night lately. I hadn’t been sure I could forgive
him for thinking so little of me that he would withhold this
information from me for so long. What had he thought I would have
done? Disown him for dating my ex? Was he worried it would have
been awkward? Well, it would have been, for a while, but then
eventually things would have mellowed out. Ryker and Camilla would
have become a couple in my eyes and not my brother with my ex.

“There you go,” Camilla cooed to Veda as she
pulled her from beneath the blanket, and rested her against her
shoulder. “Are you full now?”

I watched as Camilla attempted to burp Veda,
thinking of how my brother was such a reckless ass. How could he
have done something so stupid as to drink and ride in the pouring
rain? He knew how bad that corner was. He’d fucking built it
himself. What the hell had he been thinking? How could he have
thought something so beautiful was such a bad thing?

Then it dawned on me. That wasn’t the reason
he was out there that night. The reason had been out there was
because of me. Ryker thought I would never be able to forgive him
for sleeping with Camilla, for loving her, for getting her
pregnant. He would never know that everything would have worked out
for the best, because he was gone.

My heart palpitated in my chest.

I was to blame for my niece being fatherless.
If Ryker hadn’t been so damn worried about my reaction to him and
Camilla, he would still be here today. My eyes lowered from Veda
resting peacefully against Camilla’s shoulder; she chewed on her
fist toward the floor. If I could go back and change everything,
somehow I would, as long as it meant that Ryker got to be sitting
on the arm of that recliner right now, spewing some smart-ass
remark my way while we created a happy moment with his precious
family.

Taking in a deep, pained breath, I became
lost in my guilt. It gripped me with its cold, icy hand, and
constricted my airway. Smoothing my sweaty hands against my shorts,
I risked another glance at Veda. How would I ever be able to
explain to her that her daddy was dead because he thought I would
hate him for creating her with my ex?

“Sawyer, are you okay?” Camilla asked.
“You’re looking a little pale over there.”

Eva shifted beside me. “Whoa, what’s wrong?
You’re sweating bullets.”

I wiped the sweat from my brow. “I think I
just need some air. I need a minute.”

Standing, I started across the small living
room, headed straight for the door. Eva said something, but I
couldn’t hear what. Everything was becoming distorted as my heart
continued to race in my chest. Gripping the cool metal knob of the
front door in my hand, I swung it open and stepped out into the
chilly spring air.

Pressing the palms of my hands into the rough
wood of the banister that overlooked the breezeway of Camilla’s
apartment complex, I took in greedy gulps of air in an effort to
relax my pounding heart.

All along, I’d been pointing the finger at
Ryker and thinking of the screwed up situation entirely wrong. I
was the one to blame here. Everything was my fault; it was clear to
me now.

* * * *

“Are you seriously staying in bed again
today?” Eva pushed me in an effort to get my attention. “Sawyer, I
don’t understand what about meeting your beautiful niece has you so
damn depressed. Will you just talk to me? Please?”

Keeping my eyes closed, I inhaled the scent
of her coconut conditioner as I balled her pillow underneath my
head a little more. Seeing Veda, and realizing the deeper truth
about my brother’s death, had taken hold of me in a way I hadn’t
felt in months, not since before meeting Eva. Depression would be
an accurate label for it. My guilt had turned into a serious state
of depression over the last few days.

While I wanted to explain it to Eva, I knew
she wouldn’t get it. She’d come up with something to say that would
more than likely make me want to scream for her to shut up. Eva
wasn’t the most positive person in the world, but she would say
just about anything to make someone she cared about feel
better—just before she slapped them with a one-liner that would
have them rolling with laughter. This was one of the reasons why I
loved her, but it was also why I couldn’t explain myself to her
yet. I needed to feel this. Ryker deserved for me to feel this way,
if only for a while. I owed him that much.

Maybe my reasoning wasn’t the best, but it
was honest.

“Seriously, Sawyer, talk to me.” She nudged
me with her palm once more. “Damn it; don’t make me call your
mom.”

My eyes opened at her tone. Seriously, she
thought threatening to call my mom would snap me out of my
funk?

“Go ahead; it won’t do you any good,” I
mumbled.

“Ha!” She shoved me once more. “I got you to
talk. Now I know you’re awake, so you’d better get to talking,
Sawyer Keeton. I’m worried about you.”

Rolling over onto my back, I drew my arm up
to shield my eyes from the bright light of our bedroom. Eva had
chosen to move in with me shortly after we’d gotten married. My
apartment had been one she’d always dreamed of living in, so it had
been a no-brainer as to which place we would occupy together.

“It was my fault,” I said point blank. There
was no point in beating around the bush with this. Eva would only
find a way to jump straight to the point anyway.

“What was?”

I could hear the concern and worry quivering
through her words, but I didn’t remove my arm to look her in the
eyes. I couldn’t. Not while admitting what I was about to.

“Ryker’s death,” I said.

Silence built in the small confines of our
bedroom. The sound of my heart beating in my ears was all I could
hear while I waited for what she would say, how she would twist the
situation to make me feel better.

“Why would you think that?” she asked.

Dropping my arm from my face, I sat up in bed
a little. “Because if he hadn’t been so worried about what I would
think, then he wouldn’t have been drinking that night, he wouldn’t
have decided to go ride in the rain to clear his head, and he’d
still be here, Eva.”

A weight lifted off my chest at having said
the thoughts out loud that had haunted me for days.

“No.” She shook her head. “You’re wrong. It
wasn’t your fault. It was his.”

Her words were sharp and direct. It was clear
she wholeheartedly believed them, and she was about to sway me into
believing them as well.

“How was thinking I would hate him his
fault?” I asked. “He knew my reaction to that would have been
horrible.”

“No, he didn’t. He worried that it would be,
but he didn’t know for sure. He was scared, Sawyer. That’s why he
went out there that night, because he was scared.”

“Exactly. My brother was so worried and
scared that I would be pissed at him for sleeping with my first
love behind my back and getting her pregnant that he became
incredibly reckless and lost his life. Again, it was my fault.”

Eva pursed her lips together, and stared at
me. “So what? He hid their relationship from you. He didn’t tell
you she was pregnant when he found out. I think he was scared,
Sawyer.” She moved to sit cross-legged on the bed, her gorgeous
ocean-colored eyes never leaving mine. “You asked your parents if
they thought he loved her. I think that was part of the problem,
part of the reason why he found it hard to talk to you. He knew you
loved her at one point in your life as well. Maybe, in his eyes,
that made what he felt for her wrong to him and that was why he
decided to ride that night to clear his head. Maybe that was the
part he couldn’t get past.”