Forget You (23 page)

Setting my glass on the counter, I stared at
my bare feet. “But that means you’ll be leaving right before
Christmas.”

“Christmas Eve to be exact. I know.” His
voice was low, and filled with the same kind of disappointment as
mine.

“What about your family? Won’t they be
upset?” I said trying to deflect the feelings bubbling to the
surface of my mind.

I shouldn’t be the one upset over him leaving
during the holiday, his family should. They were the ones who knew
him best, and to whom he would be spending the bulk of the holiday
with, not me. I glanced at him to gauge his reaction to my
question.

“I should probably call them.” He moved to
plop down on my couch, all the excitement and light heartedness
from ten minutes ago depleted entirely from his system.

“How long will you be gone for?”

He didn’t look at me when he answered with,
“Six weeks.”

“Will it be dangerous or is this something
along the lines of the last time?” I asked. The question burned my
tongue when I said the words, because I was deathly afraid of his
answer.

Looking up at me, his lips formed into a thin
line, and I knew I wouldn’t care for his answer.

“I can’t give you any details, mainly because
I’m not allowed to, but also because I don’t have many at those
points myself. With the little bit I do know, I can say the answer
to your question is…yeah, it’s most likely going to be a little
dangerous,” he said.

Panic slipped through me. His answer was too
cryptic, leaving me wanting more, but I knew it was an honest one
if nothing else. At least as honest an answer as he could possibly
give me, a civilian.

I watched him as he began dialing the number
for his parents. How would they handle the news that he was being
deployed before the holiday? Before I could think of an answer, my
mind drifted toward the most selfish question of all: How could I
handle celebrating this holiday season while he was stationed
someplace dangerous?

SAWYER

I holed up with Eva for the next two days,
dragging her with me wherever I went, which included attending an
early Christmas dinner at my parents’ house. It had been the first
time I’d brought anyone home to meet them since high school. Eva
had been funny and smart throughout the entire dinner, and my
parents had both adored her. I’d had no doubts that they wouldn’t,
but I was still relieved with how well the dinner had gone.

Afterward, we went shopping for junk food—all
of which were my favorites—because Eva insisted on reminding me
that wherever I was going, I wouldn’t have some of the pleasures of
America, and I needed to indulge while I still could. She had
called out of work for the two days, which from the amount of
discomfort and anxiety doing so had caused her, I was positive was
something she rarely ever did unless she had to.

I couldn’t put into words the amount of
happiness spending that much uninterrupted time with her had
brought me. Telling myself it would be enough to see me through
whatever the military had in store, I’d kissed her temple and
hoisted my duffle bag over my shoulder while leaving out before the
morning sun to meet my unit, and begin the formalities of
departure.

As I stood there, listening to my commanding
officer disclose more information to my unit while we all waited to
board a plane, I thought back to last night and the final thing Eva
had said to me before she’d drifted off to sleep, her head resting
on my shoulder.

“
When I find someone to love, I don’t want
it to be forever. I want it to be for the rest of ever. It sounds
so much better
.”

My commanding officer said something about
the mission taking six weeks, and my heart dropped to my toes. It
was just the reminder I didn’t need right now. Six weeks without
Eva. Licking my lips, I prayed she wouldn’t forget me during the
length of time.

The guy beside me nudged my arm with his
elbow and whispered, “I wonder how may Dear John letters we’ll see
come through around week four?”

I blinked. Shit. The possibility of receiving
one myself spliced through me. I prayed Eva didn’t send one while I
was away. I didn’t know which would be worse—to have someone forget
you completely or send you one of those suckers. I hoped that I
would never have to find out.

EVA

I hated the fact that I had gone to bed
snuggled up beside Sawyer, and now I was waking with him gone.
Staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, I thought back over the last
two days with vivid detail, and then moved back even farther in our
relationship. We were nearing the two month marker. That’s how long
we’d been together, how long it had been since he’d first entered
my life, and how long it had taken me to start falling for him.

I was falling for him.

This was something I was positive of now.
There were so many things about him I’d been wrong about in the
beginning, so many things I’d misread from the start. He wasn’t
cocky or arrogant; he was comical and cute.

My mind flashed back to the college, frat
house comedy we’d watched last night, after he cooked us homemade
tacos. I laughed as I remembered the scene with the sorority girls
running around topless and screaming. Rolling my eyes, I had said
something about that being just what this movie needed, more
topless girls. My voice had been dripping with sarcasm. Sawyer had
claimed they all looked like they were having fun. I’d gone on to
say that one of the girl’s nipples looked like peanuts, then
informed him the other girls’ nipples were hard because they were
all probably freezing, and not because they were enjoying
themselves. And Sawyer had said, “That might be true, but without
nipples, breasts would be pointless.” I’d nearly peed my pants
while dying of laughter. God, I missed him already.

Six weeks.

That’s how long I would have to go without
hearing another random one-liner. The list of other things I would
miss about him stacked up in my mind, nearly crushing me under its
weight.

Blinking back the tears pooling in my eyes, I
slipped out of bed and made my way to the living room. Flipping on
the light, I set up my Pilates DVD, and began going through the
motions, hoping it would calm my mind, and rid me of the anxiety
building inside me. After completing my full thirty minutes for the
day, I headed to the coffee maker. A large box wrapped horribly in
Santa Claus Christmas paper sat in front of my coffee machine.
There was a small note attached to it.

I can’t believe I forget about this. Sorry.
Here’s your Christmas present from me. Enjoy.

—
Sawyer

P.S. This one comes with directions, so you
should have no trouble figuring it out.

P.P.S. I’ll miss you, Eva.

The paper shook in my trembling fingers as
the tears I’d been willing away since first waking fell free. Damn
it. I’d turned into one of those sappy, blubbering girls I couldn’t
stand. Sawyer Keeton had gotten to me in the best of ways. My thumb
slipped over his final sentence, and I wished he’d woken me so I
could have kissed him goodbye.

Setting the note on the counter, I placed my
hands on my hips and stared at the box in front of me. Laughing at
his horrible wrapping job, I began tearing the paper off. When I
saw what his gift was, I laughed even harder. It was the same
coffee maker Blaire and Jason had—the one neither Cam nor I had
been able to figure out because of all the damn buttons.

Opening the box, I pulled the black and
chrome machine out, and inhaled deeply as I took in the size of the
book that came along with it. Thumbing through, I was mildly
surprised when I realized only a quarter of the manual was in
English. Scanning through the pages marked as set up, I attempted
to follow the directions so I could at least have a perfect cup of
coffee on this already shit day.

While I waited for the machine to make my
coffee, I scooped my calendar off the countertop, and flipped
forward to circle the date of Sawyer’s return. Six weeks, that
seemed like such a long time to wait.

* * * *

Sawyer’s mother sat across from me during my
lunch break, sipping a cup of coffee. The woman had a memory like
an elephant. It was the only way to explain how she remembered so
much about me, like where I had said I worked the night I’d met
her. I couldn’t remember her name, but she would most likely be
able to tell me exactly what I’d been wearing the night I’d first
met her.

“He’ll be all right,” she muttered. I got the
impression the sentence had been more of a reminder for herself
than for my benefit. “He’s smart. He’ll be able to make it through
whatever mission they’ve sent him on. He’ll come back in one piece.
I know it. God loves me enough to not take both of my sons away
from me.”

I stopped chewing. Her words cut through me
deeply. They were wrapped in so much sadness that I could barely
breathe.

I wasn’t a religious person. Not at all. Any
desire I had to believe in God, or anything else in the same
category, died when I was a little girl. If He, or anything else of
the same nature, did exist, why the hell had He put me through so
much heartache and pain when I was so young? If He was really an
all-loving deity, then why had He forgotten me when I needed Him
most?

I glanced at Sawyer’s mother. Her face was
drawn tight, her lips pulled into a thin line, and there was a
glassy, unfocused look shining through her eyes as she stared at
the tabletop between us.

“Losing one son was hard enough. He can’t
expect me to survive the loss of another,” she whispered. It was
more of a plea, words wrapped around a silent prayer.

Swallowing my mouthful of pie, I thought of
what I should say to her. There were words of encouragement I was
supposed to dish out here. They rested on the tip of my tongue, but
I knew they would do no good. Besides, I barely knew her.

“He was in an accident, you know,” Sawyer’s
mother said. She blinked and was back in the present with me, a
story waiting to spew from between her lips. “Both of my boys loved
motocross.”

My insides froze solid as I guessed the
direction this conversation was headed. I stabbed at the remaining
slice of pie on my plate with my fork and glanced at her, taking
the reflective look passing over her face in once more. Sawyer had
already told me this story, what had happened to Ryker, but I
wasn’t about to tell Janet—that was her name!—and stop her. I
couldn’t bring myself to deny her this moment, no matter how
awkward it was making me feel. Who knew, maybe she would offer up
another piece to the puzzle as to why Ryker had been out there all
alone that night and what had truthfully happened.

Maybe I was being selfish in thinking this,
but I hoped she would spill something new to me—something she had
yet to tell Sawyer, even if it was the smallest of detail—because
it made me feel as if there was a reason for him to come back to me
whole and well. At least then I would have something to tell him,
something that could be deemed as unfinished business. I could tell
him what I’d learned. All he needed to do was come home to me
safely.

“Ryker and Sawyer were always different about
it though. To Sawyer, motocross was a fun hobby. He raced a little
when he was younger, but I think it was only because Ryker did, and
Sawyer looked up to him so much. Sawyer wanted to be just like his
big brother.” A small, sad smile touched the corners of her lips.
Janet dropped her eyes to the tabletop again, and took a sip of her
coffee. “To Ryker, racing was like breathing. He loved it from the
first moment he ever got on a bike. It was never a hobby to him; it
was a way of life. Ryker was always our dare devil, so this sport
was natural to him. The boys even built a track for themselves. I
think it was more Ryker’s doing than Sawyer’s.”

I nodded. “Yeah, Sawyer told me about the
track.”

Janet’s eyes met mine. “That’s where it
happened. Did Sawyer tell you that too?” Her eyes, the same color
as Sawyer’s, stared into mine, and I nodded. “It was my fault Ryker
went there that night. That’s something I bet Sawyer didn’t tell
you, but only because he doesn’t know.”

My brows drew together. “What do you
mean?”

Janet sighed, and gripped her mug tighter
between her hands. “We didn’t tell Sawyer because we thought
knowing would make it worse for him. Ryker and Sawyer were close,
always so close. They were more like best friends than brothers.”
That same sad smile tugged at her lips again. “That was why Ryker
hated it when Sawyer decided to join the National Guard. He
couldn’t understand why Sawyer wanted to serve this country while
it is in the state that it is. He didn’t tell Sawyer this of
course, not in so many words, because he would support his brother
no matter his own feelings. That’s just the way they were.”

Pushing my empty plate away, I leaned back
against the booth seat. This wasn’t something I wanted to
hear—secrets about true feelings. It wasn’t something worthy of
bringing Sawyer back to me for.

“While Sawyer was gone, Ryker filled his time
with racing and more partying than he should. I worried about him,
but at the same time, I knew Sawyer would be coming back soon, and
everything Ryker was doing would die down. He was just missing his
little brother after all.” She took a sip of her coffee, and set
the mug down. “The letters don’t get to and from someone in the
military fast enough, and we weren’t allowed to call. I think we
got one phone call when Sawyer made it there, but it lasted all of
thirty seconds. It was barely long enough for him to tell us that
he had made it to where he was supposed to for basic training, and
then he was gone. Ryker was the one who took this lack of
communication with Sawyer the hardest.”