Authors: Ann Marie Frohoff
Disappointment filled me, but I understood. “It’s okay.”
“How was it with Kate? I didn’t mean to leave you sitting there for so long.”
Zing.
I hedged and shrugged. Not wanting to divulge anything. “It was actually nice.”
“What? She didn’t give you the 3
rd
degree?” He laughed cynically. “I’m sorry.” He sat up, throwing his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him.
“Don’t be sorry, geez.” I gave him a reassuring peck on the cheek.
“I guess it’s good that Notting’s arriving soon, since this Dump thing’s goin’ down.”
***
I never expected to be hanging out with Kate the day before I was to leave, but there I was, standing in the oldest church in London, at The Hallows by the Tower with Kate. It was founded in 675AD, and with all of its history the thing I found most interesting was that our sixth president of the United States, John Quincy Adams, was married there in 1797. Kate and I walked quietly through the halls and rooms, admiring the interiors. You could smell the history, musty and deep, reminding everyone who walked through the doors of all the humanity and death that rolled through there. People who were beheaded back in the day at Tower Hill were brought there for temporary burial. The thought of it made my hair stand up.
My thoughts danced between the history of London, the church where we stood, and Kate’s history. London is where it all started for her, Notting and Jake’s father. The pining inside me to know her story got the best of me.
“Kate?”
“Yes, dear.”
“Isn’t London where you met Jake’s dad?”
She didn’t look at me and remained subdued, staring up at the massive brass organ pipes above us.
Yikes! Maybe I shouldn’t have gone there. Shit.
She sighed heavily and blinked several times. “Yes…god, that was a lifetime ago.” She chuckled. “Maybe two.”
I nodded, smiling a fakely, and hurled out the next prying question. “Last night you said you’d made some mistakes. Care to elaborate?” I asked timidly.
Boom.
All I could do was stare at her with eager eyes, hoping she’d spill her guts. Why else would she have heeded those warnings last night?
She stared down at her hands and tucked her blond hair behind her ears. “Why don’t you check on Jake and see where he and Notting are at? Maybe we have time to grab a little drink.”
As I sent Jake a text, I prayed his response would be that they were still busy. “Jake didn’t want anyone to know I was here,” I admitted to her. “Baby steps, I guess.”
“The other boys don’t know you’re here?” She was surprised.
“No. Only my family knew I was coming.”
“I see.”
“We weren’t sure about us, you know. We both wanted to see if it would work.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes.” I smiled. “Other than the school thing I shared with you yesterday.”
Ping
– Jake’s reply:
-
WE’RE WITH DUMP. THEY’RE GOING BACK TO NEW YORK. I’LL CATCH YOU BACK AT HOME. I’M SORRY. LUV U.
My stomach tightened with uncertainty. What did that mean for Jake?
Kate and I made our way to a restaurant a few short blocks down. I tried to enjoy our stroll through the wintery streets, taking in the sights of the storefronts. Everything was in-the-olden-days quaint; one story, one door, with small, well-decorated windows. The ting of the bells on each door as they opened and closed played in my ears, and the happy faces, in spite of the severe cold (or so I thought was harsh), made me smile. I was at ease spending the afternoon with Kate and continued wondering what, if anything, she would share.
The warmth of the tavern encouraged us to remove our winter coats. The smell of food made my stomach growl. I was going to order a British staple, fish and chips. We sat and Kate ordered me a glass of chardonnay. I wasn’t fond of that type of wine, but I wasn’t going to argue. She was treating me like the new adult that I was, even though I still felt like I was in the 9
th
grade, hanging out with her. I shimmied my chair to a comfortable position and Kate watched me carefully, make me feel self-conscious.
I smiled awkwardly at her and played with the napkin that I’d placed in my lap.
Ok, Kate, you wanted to come here, I thought. Spit it out.
“My mistakes are great, Alyssa.” She spoke softly, nodding, and moved the bread plate to her left. She rubbed at the white cloth that covered our table. “I’m sure I felt just like you when I was your age.”
What?
She wasn’t making any sense. She looked past me, as if seeing her younger self from afar. Her blue eyes dulled. “It was so long ago.” She shook her head, like she was saddened by all the lost years. I was engrossed and clutched the waded napkin that sat hidden in my lap. Her eyes roamed my face and she continued. “Don’t mind me for being vague, dear, but I’ve yet to process my reasons for coming here in the first place.”
“Don’t worry about it…”
“But I do.” She interrupted. “I do because I didn’t expect to see you here. I didn’t know that you and Jake have still been carrying on. Not that it matters anymore, I suppose.” She sighed with relief when the waitress finally delivered our wine. She took a long sip and I followed. The tart, cold liquid bit at my taste buds, making me smack my tongue against the roof of my mouth. Kate smiled, slightly amused.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to drinking chardonnay. There’s something about it that makes me do that.” I shrugged, embarrassed.
She waved off my excuse and continued. “Go with your intuition, Alyssa. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. You don’t want something to come back and bite you fifteen years….” She chuckled and her voice trailed off. “Or twenty years later.”
I stared at Kate, waiting for more. She hung her head and her lips began to tremble. She was holding back tears.
Oh my God.
I had no voice; nothing would come out. My heart began to thump harder in my chest. She took her napkin and dabbed her eyes dry.
“Kate...” She held up her hand to halt my words.
“This is not life or death, Alyssa, but it’s going to be life-changing for Jake.” She shook her head. “I just think…what have I done? I tried to make the right choices in life, and I should have gone with my gut.”
All I could do was nod like I understood, even though I was completely puzzled by her clouded revelations. “I’m sorry, Kate, but I don’t understand. You’re not giving me much.” I half-heartedly chuckled, yet reeled inside.
“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all. Jake and I have a lot of mending to do, Alyssa, you know that. I have so much to be thankful for, but I also have much more accounting to do. I don’t think I deserve all my good fortune. Let’s put it that way.”
That was it on the subject, or non-subject. We made more small talk and I refrained from prying. I figured if Kate wanted me to know more, she would offer it up. Kate hailed a cab while I thought of Jake’s father and his affair. But why would she have to be accountable for that? Then I thought of Notting.
Hmm.
I couldn’t imagine what else could be so overwhelming that she’d feel compelled to fly here to talk to Jake face-to-face. It had to be that. Jake had shared everything with me about his family. There wasn’t anything else that was so scandalous. I couldn’t think straight, and before I knew it we were at her destination, The May Fair, and she made one last request of me before sending me on my way.
“Please don’t alarm Jake by revealing our discussions. He has enough to deal with now that Dump is leaving.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t,” I lied.
16
Jake came through the door at 5:55 pm, weary-eyed. He’d been with Dump and Notting all day. I hoped he was hungry, because I’d prepared dinner. He took a whiff, closing his eyes and smiled.
“Mmm. How did you know? I’m famished.” He looked drained, but wore a happy-to-be-home grin as he removed his coat. “What did you make?”
“Emily brought over a stuffed chicken dish, and I went to the market and grabbed some green beans and bread,” I said proudly with my hands on my hips. “The meal would be
nothing
without the green beans.”
I held my head high, pleased with myself like I’d slaved all day. He eyeballed me and his lips curled upward. “Come here.” He strode over, taking me snug against his chest, and breathed me in. Goosebumps instantly sprouted over my skin. “I missed you.”
I nuzzled his chest. “Ditto.” I ran my hand over his cheek. He was stubbly from not shaving. “I love you.”
His fingers combed through my hair. “I’m still not used to you saying that. You have to tell me more often.”
“Deal. I love you, I love you, I love you!” I chirped and kissed him.
I spun away and dimmed the lights. I placed Jake’s plate in front of him and tried not to blurt out what my day had included. As we quietly sat eating, I kept stealing glances at him, taking in every handsome, beautiful feature; his long eyelashes, his perfect jawline, his strong hands. I only had about twelve hours left with him and I felt paralyzed at the thought. While he kept stabbing at his food, one, two, three times before taking a bite, I hung on to the hope of our future. When my eyes went to him again, he was staring at me.
“Why are you so quiet?” He bumped my knee with his. “I know you’re dying to tell me about your day with my mom.”
“How do you know?” I challenged through a mouthful and swallowed.
“Seriously, how did it go?”
Stab. Stab. Bite.
My easy mood waned at his solemn tone.
I sat up taller. “Um. She came here to talk to you about something important. She didn’t tell me what it was, though, other than her admitting to making mistakes, like big, life-changing ones. That was my impression. She was dead serious, too.”
He shook his head with disgust. “Typically cryptic. I seriously think she pulls this shit for attention.”
“Jake, you haven’t seen her in over a year,” I pointed out. “Why are you so angry?”
His ridged mood stalled and he shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He placed his fork down and rubbed my back, chewing. “The food’s really good,” he said, swallowing, giving me a Cheshire cat grin.
I leered at him.
“What? It is. The green beans and bread…the best! I swear.” He held up his hand for effect, wide-eyed.
I guffawed, but wanted to be mad and I shoved him. “Shut up!”
We laughed quietly a moment longer, but the weight of Kate’s mysterious visit and Dump’s situation pushed our amusement into the floor. I played with the food on my plate, thinking of where to take the conversation, but there wasn’t really anywhere to take it; Kate didn’t tell me anything. I could feel Jake’s eyes on me.
“How’s Dump?” I croaked out as I swallowed.
Jake sighed loudly and pushed away from the counter. He’d only eaten half his food. He reached over, uncorking a bottle of wine, and filled two glasses. “He looks fine, but feels like shit. He says he’s got no energy and’s sleepin’ all the time. Sienna’s worried about him and wants to go home.” He shrugged and guzzled the entire glass of wine.
“You’re supposed to sip that,” I said, stunned.
“I should be doin’ a lot of things.” His bitter tone poked me. He was being an asshole.
I grabbed my glass of wine and my plate and walked to the sink, turning on the water.
Sip. Gulp.
I watched the sink fill because the drain was clogged with all my bean sheerings. I glanced over my shoulder, and Jake had moved to the sofa and was drinking another glass of wine. Seeing him upset made me feel bad for being mad. I tried to understand his situation, but it was tough. It was so simple to me. All he had to do was talk to his mom and find a fill-in drummer. I mean how hard is that? Bands do that shit all the time, I know this because I read about it.
As I rinsed my plate, I felt compelled to say something. “I don’t understand why you’re upset…I mean mad. I understand about being upset about Dump, but you’re like pissed off.”
The seconds ticked by.
Crickets.
– My blood started to boil. Was he ignoring me? I turned to get a look at him and grabbed his half eaten plate off the counter. Now I was angry, because he was just staring at me, disregarding my comment, wearing a peeved expression. He gulped down
another
glass of wine, just like that. I don’t think he even took a breath.
“Can you grab me a beer?”
Really?
I blinked. I didn’t think he needed anything else to drink.
“Are you sure?” I asked apprehensively.
His mouth pressed shut and his jaw clenched. He tilted his head back, covering his eyes with his hands. His arms moved swiftly from his face and thudded against the cushion, making me jump.
“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure.” He practically spat his words at me.
A bit of fear filled me. I turned and did what I was asked, wondering why I felt afraid. I certainly didn’t think he’d hurt me. As I handed the bottle to him, he grabbed my wrist and stared at the ring on my finger. He removed the bottle from my hand and laid it down next to him. His demeanor relaxed. It seemed as if time had slowed to a near stand-still. Jake leaned forward, taking my hand in the both of his, and pressed his lips to the ring, resting his forehead against the back of my hand. Instantly, my insides went to mush. I cradled his head against my hip, and he ran hands up and down the back of my thighs.