Authors: Ann Marie Frohoff
Sitting in my first class seat, I took my sunglasses out of my jacket and put them on. I closed my eyes, recalling our last encounter that cold February day.
Seeing her standing curbside at Heathrow was hard for me to believe. She was bundled up in a snug fitting black wool coat. Her head was down, staring at her phone, and she didn’t notice me pulling up. She looked the same but different, taller and more beautiful than I’d imagined. She was not the tear-streaked girl I left standing in the driveway. Her face had thinned out a bit, and her hair was lighter and longer. She’d grown into herself, and the picture and video chatting images only told half the story. She was radiant. I sat there staring at her. I had to admit I was nervous. This was her idea, and I knew the inevitable was near. It had me locked in. Knowing nothing could keep us apart had my mind spinning out of control with the possibilities
“Hey, Alycat.” I got out of the car. She didn’t hear me at first. “Yo, Alycat!” I said louder.
“Oh my god, Jake,” she said, breathless. She beamed and my knees went weak. I was shaking from the excitement.
As if no time had passed, she threw herself onto me, hugging me tight. I took her face into my hands and her lips to mine. The sound of her sigh made me want to take her right then and there. We stood, making out, until the airport cop pulled us from our love-drunk haze.
She’d never been to London. She was wide-eyed with excitement as we made our way through the tight cobble stoned streets of my temporary neighborhood. She marveled at how small the cars were, saying, “They look like oversized roller-skates.” She would be with me for only a week, and rambled on about how she wanted to squeeze in every possible thing before she left.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
***
We stood waiting for the elevator to take us up to my pad. She’d moved behind me, sliding her cold, soft hands under my coat. She rubbed lightly against my skin, sending that intense, familiar current through me. She was the only one to ever have that effect on me.
“I’ve thought about you every day, a million times,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder blade. “I’ve missed the way you smell, your body.”
I’ll never forget the look on her face when we walked through the front door. Her eyes went as bright as the sun when she saw the pictures we’d taken of her all those years ago, installed on my wall. I loved seeing her happy; it fueled me. Thinking back to that moment I presented Aly with the ring I designed just for her made my palms sweat like it was yesterday. Damn, I really did ask her to marry me. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t say yes either--I had to ask her dad if I was serious. I didn’t realize girls still wanted it to go down that way. Maybe I wasn’t ready to marry her if I was too chicken to ask her dad for her hand. I still wanted to marry her. Maybe she’d say yes now, now that we’d be living together. I seriously contemplated having a talk with her dad when I got there. As the plane filled with people, my thoughts drifted to her black lace bra and panties, and her flawless, soft skin. A ripple of chills ran over me. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation and continued my daydream.
“So this is it, this is what you want?” I said, kissing and sucking the inside of her thigh. “You sure about this?”
“You’re not gonna tell me no again, are you?” she asked playfully, moaning with pleasure as I fondled her smooth wetness. She grabbed my face and pulled me up to her, holding me firm. “I’ve waited for you, and just traveled half way around the world. I could cry, I want this so bad.”
Her soft lips pressed against mine, and she gently licked my lips. Her firm body and soft skin beneath my hands, pressed against my body, had me permanently altered. Being inside of her was more than I could handle. She was wet, hot and tight…I could barely hold on. I’d waited three years for that moment, and it was as sick as I’d dreamt it would be. We didn’t leave my flat for over twenty hours, and just like the past, I didn’t go to rehearsal.
***
A pretty blond flight attendant roused me from my recollection. “Mr. Masters, did you choose your meal?”
“Ah, can you come back?” I smiled weakly. I grabbed the menu, lifting my glasses. Blurry-eyed, I tried to focus on my choices.
Gnawing on a bagel and cream cheese while I stared at the eggs Florentine that she placed in front of me, I contemplated my next steps. It was hard for me to maintain my current relationship, one I shouldn’t have been having. Life with the girl I’d been seeing, Sophia, was now meaningless. All I could think about was Aly. I knew I had to break it off with Sophia, and I should have done it months ago. I thought of Aly and how she told me she’d broken up with her boyfriend before coming to see me in London. It wasn’t that easy for me. I
hated
confrontation. We never really talked about our other relationships in depth, only that I’d promised I’d break it off with Sophia before she got to New York. Aly was booked to fly back with me to New York in a week, and I’d yet to tell Sophia anything.
Fucking kill me,
I thought as I wiped the cream cheese from the side of my mouth. Sophia had no idea that’d I’d gotten a new pad to live in, too, all newly furnished and ready for me to move into when Aly arrived. My only saving grace was that at least Sophia didn’t live with me – I’d been staying with her on and off. When I arrived back to New York from London, I immediately found a new pad.
I was beyond stoked to begin a new life with Aly, but dread spread over me as I thought about Sophia. I thought about pulling a dick move and telling her what was up via text, but that would be lame. I waited all this time and pushed it off since London. What was really fucked? I would be flying back with Aly and having her move in with me. I was being a complete douchebag, and I knew it. I had to tell Sophia face to face, as soon as I returned. Why did I have to do everything at the last minute? I was a loser for waiting so long, but I struggled with how to let her go. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. Sophia took me for what I was worth, and accepted my demons. To her, Aly was one of them. She’d always known about Aly and knew I was stuck on her. Our split wouldn’t come as a surprise, but nonetheless, I knew it would hurt her and I felt terrible. I was all over the place with how to handle it. I had no choice now. I was standing at the cliff.
I eventually had to come clean with Sophia that Aly had come to visit me in London. She had heard the lyrics to a new song I’d written, and to her, it was apparent. She called me out on it:
“When was she there?” Sophia’s voice cracked. “Do you think I’m an idiot, Jake? Did you think I wouldn’t read between the lines?”
My stomach sank. I knew this day would come sooner or later. I stood there, staring down at my black Chucks, listening to my voice and music flood the room.
The song ended, and we stood there silent. I searched for the right words to make her feel better, but there were none. I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her.
“I never lied to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Jake?” She moved closer to me, lifting my chin.
She made me look at her. Her green eyes were watering and her face was flushed.
“Sophia, when we met and started hanging out I confided in you, about Aly.” I reminded her. “You know what she is to me. This doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
Those words were the truth when I spoke them. I didn’t want to hurt her. I should have broken it off right then – what an idiot.
Thank God I never let Sophia stay with me. That was my rule. The only girl I ever let stay the night in my bed was Aly, and she’d be moving in with me to attend NYU for college. I feared she didn’t want to move to New York, because she kept asking me to return to Los Angeles. If it were only me? I would move back in a heartbeat. I had the band to consider. I’d dragged their asses to the east coast, and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened for us. The songs we’d cranked out after our move were the ones that really put us on the map. Creativity in the time of pain made for a true connection with people. The fact was, misery did love company.
***
Arriving at LAX, I was exhausted. I hadn’t seen my mother since she’d surprised Aly and I in London, and I hadn’t been back home since I’d moved to New York over three years prior. I was looking forward to being home.
Kyle was waiting for me at baggage claim.
“Fucking A, Bro!” I said, hugging Kyle with a back slap. “Look at you! Where’d the scholar go?” I joked, shoving his shoulder. He looked like someone I would hang out with. He wore a black faded t-shirt and holed-up denim jeans. He even had a tattoo on his forearm. “When did you get the tat?”
“Aw man, I can ask the same about you!” He laughed, pointing at the beginnings of the emblazoned sleeve I had growing on my left arm. “Shit, it’s good to see you, man!” Kyle said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “Where your bags?”
“You’re lookin’ at’em,” I said, holding up my backpack and a small duffle. “I’m only gonna be here a week.” I was anxious to know about Aly, so I wasn’t gonna fuck around with small talk. “Where’s your sister?”
Kyle breathed in deeply, pausing. He grabbed the top of his head with both hands. He blinked, concerned. “Dude, you shoulda told her you were coming.”
“Why? What the fuck man, spit it out.”
“She’s been hangin’ out with that guy, Nathan, again. She’s with him right now.”
I laughed. “Dude, you had me scared. I don’t care about that guy. Let’s go find her.”
Kyle’s face lit up with a crooked grin. “You guys have the most insane relationship. I don’t get it.” He shook his head. “My parents are gonna die when they see you.”
My stomach turned when his words hit my ears. “Dude, don’t remind me. Do your parents know Aly’s coming to New York with me?”
“Yep, they sure do.” He sniggered. “They’re just concerned you’re gonna ruin your lives together. That my sister’s gonna quit school, get pregnant, and you’ll fail and not be able to take care of her.”
“Don’t mince words. Wow. I’m glad they have so much faith,” I said dryly. I was pissed. They obviously had no idea of where I was in my career. I guess I couldn’t blame them, though. We were a train wreck when I left. “Well, I’m gonna go over there to break the tension, then I’ll meet your dad for coffee, you know, explain how things’ll go down.”
A stunned look flashed on Kyle’s face. “Dude, you’re not gonna ask her to marry you, are you?”
I choked. “Fuck, are you crazy?” I said flatly, trying not to look like I wasn’t lying. Aly obviously didn’t say anything to him about my
already proposal,
and if she was gonna tell someone, it would have been him.
“Well, shit, man. Sitting down with my dad? Alone? Who does that unless they’re gonna pop the question?”
I chuckled a bit jumpy and caught myself grabbing the back of my neck--my anxious reflex. Shit. I wondered if Kyle noticed the same habits as Aly did. “Naw, man,” I laughed it off. “I just wanna make sure he knows where I’m comin’ from. Dude, I want her to move to New York permanently and go to school out there.”
***
It was just after nine in the morning and the summer weather was in full motion. It was seventy-three degrees and warming up; the sun was already shining brightly. Gone was the usual cloudy marine layer. I missed it. It was hot and humid back in New York, and I hated it. You couldn’t walk outside without becoming instantly moist and sweaty. Thinking about the upcoming week, I looked forward to chilling with Notting and not having any band shit to deal with. This was the first vacation I’d sniffed, ever.
Driving down the familiar streets coming out of the airport I wondered where Aly was at again. “Aly’s with Nathan, huh? So she stayed the night with him?”
“Dude, I don’t…” he paused.
My insides turned at the thought of her sleeping with someone else. “Don’t be a pussy, Kyle. I wanna hear it.”
“I don’t know,” he stammered, shrugging his shoulders. “I went to the house on the way to get you, to see what Aly was up to, and she wasn’t home. Mom didn’t know where she was at or if she’d come home. Only that she was with him.”
“Does she say with him all the time?”
“Not that I’m aware of. They’ve been on and off since you’ve been back in the picture.”
Huh?
It sounded like she didn’t tell him anything about her trip to visit me, or that she’d supposedly broken up with Nathan.
Fuck, maybe she lied to me
, I thought.
This news made me feel better about my Sophia circumstance. Seemed like we were both playing games. Not that it really mattered, but hearing she was with someone else right now made my blood boil. I wanted to find her. Whoever this Nathan fuck was, I didn’t give a shit about hurt feelings. This was it. We agreed to be together. I laughed inside at the hypocrisy of my thoughts, seeing I’d just been with Sophia a few days before and had yet to break up with her.
I didn’t have to wait long. Kyle sent a text to Aly, asking her whereabouts. She was having breakfast at our local beach joint, The Kettle. We arrived in no time. My heart raced as we pulled into the metered parking space right out front. My mouth went dry. As if I was still in high school, I wondered whom this dude was, and if he’d be a dick and wanna fight me.